When is it ok to lie?

It isn’t ever okay to tell a falsehood.

It is diplomatic to not always tell the boldfaced truth; rather, a tactful way of avoiding a direct response is often best.

One does not answer the question “does this make me look fat?” with a direct “yes”. It is better to say “your other outfit flatters you more.”

In my opinion, the perfect answer. And that’s no lie.

There are permissible lies such as tales of Santa to a 5 year old, or when the SS questions you on the whereabouts of your Jewish neighbors.

When you are babysitting and a homicidal pedophile comes to the door and says “Are there any children here?

I have never believed that this is an all-or-nothing/black-and-white issue.
From this
“As much damage can be done by compulsive fact-telling as by compulsive lying. The concept of “honesty is the best policy” is far too simplistic.
Example: When I was a bartender and cocktail waitress I wore a wedding ring to work a lot, therefore lying by implication. The level of harassment I dealt with dropped to near zero, compared to the ringless shifts I worked. I had tried the whole thing where I would firmly reject advances, not engage with rude customers etc, all of that taking away from an efficient and pleasant working environment. I was there to work, not to educate cretins. I owed my employer my best job, pretending I was attached achieved that.

Another example: My mother is 90 years old and has a personality disorder. When I talk to her on the phone, after a reasonable conversation, I lie to her (“I have to go now, Mom” “Why?” “I have an appointment” “Oh, OK”). If I tell her the truth (“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” “Why” “Because you’re getting mean and I hate that and if I let you go on it will escalate”) she will then have a full-blown somewhat psychotic episode. The truth is not ultimately kinder in this case.

Sometimes people ask “why?” and it is inappropriate to be honest or to not answer.

I am well able to tell the difference between when a fib is appropriate and when it is merely convenient to me. I am well able to tell the difference between a “lie of omission” and simply having an unexpressed thought. I know when someone’s confidence needs to be bolstered and my “honest” opinion would do them no good at all.
There is very little in this world that is “all or nothing”. When dealing with humans, there are almost always shades of gray.”

When you’re Donald Trump’s wife & are asked the following 2 questions…

1) Are you aroused by the sight of your husband naked?
2) How proud are you of your husband’s attitude to women in general?

When you have a biopsy taken of a questionable area on your face and you ask a coworker if they think it’s probably nothing. The answer should be “it’s probably nothing” so you won’t worry. My co-worker tells me it’s probably melanoma, the worst skin cancer possible.

@chyna The better and honest answer is: “you should have that checked out.”

It depends on how injurious the lie is. If it harms someone IN ANY WAY it should not be said. (Unless it’s the enemy!) If I tell you the sky is green, it does no harm.

If you don’t mind being found out it’s usually OK.

Well, if you lie all the time your reputation will be shot. Then it won’t even matter if you’re telling the truth. Noone will believe you.

Having said that, it’s OK to lie to protect someone from some danger, as @josie pointed out.
Or to get yourself out of a dangerous situation, like telling a guy who wants to rape you that you’re on your period. I pulled that once….although I actually was on my period. But I would have lied about it in a heart beat.

There are no absolute rules. You must make a judgment as to which is worse, lying or the damage that can occur from telling the truth. In my opinion, the circumstances where lying is acceptable are comparatively rare.

From what I know of the OP from Fluther, I would guess that he has either recently told a fib and is feeling guilty about it, or feels a strong urge to do so in the near future. Even if we knew the circumstances, it would be difficult to make a judgment, but without knowing them, it is impossible to render a verdict.

In reference to what @josie said, if someone is asking a question and the honest answer could put someone in danger, I would lie. If it could put me in danger, I would also lie. Any other situation lying could screw you over if you get caught. And in general, lying isn’t a good habit to form.

When your lies have no consequence toward people that deserve to know the truth and are affected by it. In the end, they’re only words and it takes two to tango, which mean that you can say/lie about whatever you want and it’s still not completely your fault as the recipient of your lies are the ones who decide whether or not your words will be taken at their face value.

I think the more apt question, given the prevalence of lying in our society, is perhaps a more concise listing, if it can be made, of When is it not okay to lie?

We lie all the time, even with the best will in the world:
– I will love you forever.
– I will pay off this loan according to the terms I’m agreeing to.
– No sir, I wasn’t speeding.
– Santa Claus is going to give presents to the good girls and boys.
– I know that God is good.

And so on.

I’m not saying that the fact that we say things that “become” untrue makes us liars. I’m not even contending that saying things that we know to be impossible, improbable or unlikely even makes us bad people. And “absolute truth” and honesty doesn’t depend on the good intentions that you had when you made the promise to your spouse, to your banker, to the cop, the kids or the congregation. When you make a promise that – for whatever reason, whether it’s illness, death, a crashed economy or an alienated spouse – “becomes” impossible to keep, then the promise was, technically speaking, a lie.

We all lie. We do it in greater or lesser degree and consistency. Some people lie deliberately and often, and they are generally disapproved of (unless they win the popular vote). Some people lie to get the big job, in which case they are proven to be frauds (but maybe we can hold off that current judgement until after the inauguration, in the case of the current campaign promises lies). Some people lie for personal gain, and again, they do it deliberately, knowing what they say is untrue or impossible: Your teeth will be whiter after just one tube! And some people really, truly and honestly believe in the truth of the falsehoods they utter.

And we accept all of it.

So when is that not okay?

I never lie. Ever.
Just in terms of @CWOTUS examples.

I’ve never said, “I’ll love you forever”. That’s just stupid. Everybody knows relationships go bad.
I pay off all debts
I always admit to speeding and apologize
We’re not Christian so Santa Claus was never an issue, but I never told my daughter that the tooth fairy was going to give her money. (We gave her money, but she knew we did it)
I’ve always said there is no evidence for a God. (My daughter went forward with her Bat Mitzvah anyway even though she’s an atheist. She wanted the party)

I always tell the truth, at least the truth as I see it at the time. If evidence turns up that what I said was incorrect that makes me “incorrect”. It does not make me a liar.

Honesty is always the best policy but some things are better left unsaid.

You told me you were going to post pictures of her Bat Mizvah, but you never did, @Rarebear.

Yeah, good thing that wasn’t a lie…

He wasn’t lying at the time!

When did I say I would post her Bat Mitzvah pictures? I never post pictures of my family, not even on Facebook.

I didn’t think you did, but you said you’d send me some picture.

Oh, I can do that, no problem. I just don’t post any family pictures in public.

Well, it’s been…5 years now? I do still want to see them.

Only 2 years. So if I said 5 years, then I have a 3 year window.

Has it only been 2 years? Wow. BTW, I got in a little trouble on FB for making a comment in a Q JLeslie started, asking if Jews were OCD! Someone got “offended.” J told them I was joking. Then I said I insulted you, too, but you you hadn’t had the courtesy to show up!

Guys, can you maybe take this to PMs?

^ Yep, like I said, ignorance as an art form

Sorry, guys, @Dutchess_III and I are just screwing around.

This thread was about over any way.

Not your thread, not your call. There might have been more on topic answers had it not been so derailed.