Why are women sexually idolized and sexually shamed at the same time?

We are not logical beings.

Got that right!

Because I want her all to myself, to have sex with her and no one else to share her with. That makes her my special someone. Not an idol. And shame on her if she’s having sex with someone else and being THEIR someone special instead of me!!!

Kritiper said the same thing I was going to. Everyone loves the ladies until they find out they can’t get a piece.

But then when they do get a piece they call them a slut or whatever.

It’s a combination of moralizing (in Western culture, the medieval church had a lot to do with amplifying that tradition to extremes, and later in carrying it on), corporate power strategy (corporations like to use people, profit off them, but own them and deny them independent power as much as possible), and also related male-female power patterns that date back to religious wars in the Middle East where people of a male deity were enslaved by people of a female deity, and a counter-strategy was to vilify the female deity and by association, things feminine. Then there are various motives of wanting to control/limit/undermine female authority, autonomy, sexuality, independence, rights related to their children, etc. It all gets mixed around and combined. See feminist literature for all sorts of detailed analysis and deconstruction.

Both are different sides of the same coin. Both are meant to demean women to keep them subservient.
And women do it to each other as well. But usually for slightly different reason. Women who use their sexuality to get ahead are seen as women who by their action demean all women. So they are shamed by them.
It’s all about a matter of your own perspective. Some women feel that they pay the price for women who are free with their sexuality because so many men think deep down all women are just sluts waiting to use their sexuality to get what they want.

It’s like the way I explained it to a guy who I once knew who I couldn’t stand. He asked me why and I told him. I told him that his foul manner does not soley affect him. It effects all Puerto Ricans because people who have never met a Puerto Rican who may meet him first begin to believe that we are all like that. Uneducated and vulgar. It is not a crime to learn to use words that are not curses, nor is it a crime to treat people with respect. We each pave the way for each other. We each are responsible for setting a good example of our abilities and intellect and humanity.
So are women. But it can apply for every race and gender. We all owe it to the human race to be the best of ourselves. If everyone did that, the world would be fantastic.
However, demeaning has no positive outcome. It usually just makes the person angry and determined to do the opposite.

Nobody is going to believe me, but I meant to say jist about what @Zaku said, except I’m sure I could not havr put it together nearly so well.
Feeling shame for wanting is what you have after boiling down all those ingredients.
Actually it probably predates even religon. When humans first stepped away from the ape branch of the primate tree, there was a tremendous bigotry born. Humans placed themselves superior, and even now that affects our daily behaviors.
Lust is a nature induced condition. We feel it, we want to satiate it, but it is primal, so we are ashamed of our own internal drive.
All religons I know of are spiteful of primal urges and behaviors. They have tried for centuries to purge the animal instincts from our race. Some of that is progressive, and some leaves us with bad side effects.
We feel, then we hate that we felt, and the hate tends to include also the object of the urge.

The same reason people hate prostitutes. Hypocrisy, jealousy, and insecurity from people that believe they’re affected by such things. I can easily think about women that prefer to badmouth other women that feel secure enough to expose their own body and put on public exhibition, same goes for religious people that abhor certain behavior just because it is against the teaching of their religion.

In the end, it’s all about how the recipient think about the terms used on them. If people call you “slut” you can think of it as flattery as it proves that you have the capability to enjoy a lot of sexual experiences or having a lot of partners. The funny thing is that most men aren’t affected by slut-shaming even if they themselves are the victims, so why women should even care about or think of slut-shaming as a negative behavior. As the saying goes, It all happen in your own mind.

You can only be shamed if you let yourself be shamed.

I think that @Unofficial_Member ‘s second paragraph says it well. Take pride in who you are and the decisions you have made, and the hell with anyone who wants to shame you.

@elbanditoroso that sounds a lot like victim blaming.

“Oh, you didn’t like the way it felt when your mom called you a dirty slut after you told her your stepfather raped you? Well, you can only be shamed if you let yourself be shamed.”

@Patty_Melt You wrote:

“Actually it probably predates even religon. When humans first stepped away from the ape branch of the primate tree, there was a tremendous bigotry born. Humans placed themselves superior, and even now that affects our daily behaviors.”
– There are degrees, though. There are humans who see themselves more as just one type of inhabitant of the earth. I wouldn’t mark so much the step from the ape branch (I think all larger predators have some notions of superiority – baboons, gorillas, lions, eagles…), but more to lords and kings of agricultural people. Pre-agricultural/kingly type human societies suvived far longer than agricultural humans have. Agriculture leads to dominating, controlling and owning the land, and wanting more and more, as opposed to living mainly off of what nature provides.

“Lust is a nature induced condition. We feel it, we want to satiate it, but it is primal, so we are ashamed of our own internal drive.”
“All religons I know of are spiteful of primal urges and behaviors. They have tried for centuries to purge the animal instincts from our race. Some of that is progressive, and some leaves us with bad side effects.”
– The lords/kings of agricultural people seem also to be more where you get more serious wars, though there are specific gods and goddesses whose people’s history speak of divides towards patriarchy and rejection of the divine feminine (see the goddess Inanna / Ishtar, goddess of war and sexual love) and our primal urges and behaviors (see the goddess (maybe NSFW) Lilith) and the Sumerian tale of Inanna and the Huluppu Tree, where the divine masculine (Gilgamesh) eradicates a serpent and Lilith from the Tree supposedly to rescue Innana, but this leads to the themes we’re talking about, with men using violence and suppressing our primal selves.

There are religions that aren’t so suppressive. Certainly the Hindu Kama Sutra is a well-known counter-example, and even though the ancient Greeks and Romans had patriarchal heads of their pantheons which edited the goddesses’ stories to revolve around the Zeus and so on, they were not very prudish, though later Christians went around censoring their art later. I even know modern priestesses of Innana, Lilith, Aphrodite, etc…

“We feel, then we hate that we felt, and the hate tends to include also the object of the urge.”
– This certainly describes a pattern that plagues much modern Western culture, and extends to our parental and workplace, economic and government relationships and so on, but I think it’s a shame spiral rising out of Judeo-Christian-Muslim moralizing & control patterns, rather than a necessary natural thing for everyone.

@AnonymousAccount8 I wasn’t referring to rape or other violent sexual acts perpetuated on someone against their will. @elbanditoroso answered that with those perimeters in mind so it wasn’t “victim blaming.”

I think it still applies. Shaming people is a bullying behavior. Telling people that “you can only be shamed if you allow yourself to be shamed” amounts to guilting them for feeling bad about being bullied. It’s victim blaming.

I’m not talking about victims. I’m talking about women with free will.

It shifts the focus of our censure from the person who is being abusive to the person who is being abused.

Yes, I know. I mean victims as in people who are slut-shamed ie bullied