My Aging parents do not even want to meet my girlfriend -- how do I tell them I intend to go on with my plans anyhow?

What parent wouldn’t take in their child (no matter how old) if they had been shot! I don’t feel like you “owe” them, but maybe I use the word owe differently. I do think you should appreciate them and also want to help them as they have helped you. Meaning, ideally, there is a mutual agreement we all have in relationships, especially among family.

I don’t think you need to continue to stay in their home. I say go live with your girlfriend. It sounds like you are helping to pay for the new apartment, you should enjoy it.

If you and your parents have iPhones, maybe let them see where you are on find friends. I can see where my dad and husband are at all times (except when there is a glitch now and then). I did it because my dad is older and his health is less than perfect. If he doesn’t get home on time I can look up where he is for my mom. My husband drives all over town, and sometimes I want to know how far away he is. I don’t use it often, because I usually know approx where he is anyway.

If you don’t have an iPhone maybe you can text them so they don’t worry.

Point out that your girlfriend would call your parents if you didn’t show up. They can rely on her. When I was little my mom didn’t make me call when I got to a destination if she knew the other parent was expecting me. She trusted them to call her if something was wrong.

I guess I’m saying demonstrate you do care about their comfort level and want to help make it ok for everyone.

I don’t think I knew you live in Memphis. We miss living there. I was out in Lakeland. My husband worked downtown.

I think their worry is that you will eventually stop helping them as you get more settled with your girlfriend. Thus your mom’s dislike of your girlfriend. She would probably dislike anyone taking your time away from them.
You need to explain exactly what your intentions are to your parents. Something along the lines of:
I have someone in my life now that I want to Perdue a long time relationship with. I’m 52 and deserve a life of my own. But that in no way will diminish my feelings for you nor will I stop helping you.

Too late to edit, but I meant persue not Perdue. Damn autocorrect.

That’s okay, I instantly recognized that as a typical autocorrect change. If I scoff at all, its at the technology that has a mind of its own.

I think you have to be firm with your ageing parents. Make it clear she is your life-partner and while you care about them, and will continue to ensure they’re taken care of, you will be moving in with your fiance, and you will be spending time in the future staying with her. You’re an adult. Despite your history, you have to take control of your own life. I’m sure you can make this clear to your parents in a sensitive, caring way.

Just tell them. They should be pleased your life is on an upswing and if they are not then so be it. It is unreasonable of them to expect you to live with them forever, no parent should ask that of their children. It is understandable that they are concerned about your safety but you can phone them every day or call round to see how they are doing. Perhaps they could visit you. Introduce them to Karen, most probably they will come to like her or perhaps they won’t. It doesn’t matter, your parents have each other and they shouldn’t resent you having someone too. Life can’t dilly dally in the past it has to move on.