Was this a jerk move? Please read details.

I have unfriended best friends that constantly post stupid shit. Maybe you just constantly posted dumb stuff they no longer wanted to see.

Babies are cute and you are really proud of successfully having sex. But I don’t want to see 1 million picks of the kid figuring out what a spoon is. I will unfriend you until it stops.

I have no clue what their motive was. My point is that you might annoy them so they took the fastest path to remove you. I have done the same.

I called them out in a passive aggressive way for being hypocriticaI jerks. I’m usually a cool gal.

I get that.

But you also have to see that they probably didn’t enjoy your response. It is the internet. You don’t really have to hang out with people that make you feel bad. There are tons of places where you can have positive interactions.

Perhaps they didn’t even think about your spouse. Perhaps you did something that made them decide they didn’t want to see what you have to say, but they didn’t even consider your partner. Are they still communicating with your partner, or is your partner just in their friend list?

I don’t think because someone finds me irritating, they should unfriend my husband. I’m the person they have an issue with. As @johnpowell said, it’s the internet. It’s just not that important.

On Facebook who knows, maybe they pressed a button by accident. It happened to me once.

“I think talking to someone online can be very intense.” Weren’t these your words Misfit on another thread about falling for someone online? It appears you understand how very real Internet relationships can become.

This woman was a very close friend to both of us for nearly a decade. We were supportive of each other emotionally and financially during good and bad times. She became fed up with me over something and deleted me in a huff, then messaged my husband to let him know and remained his friend.

It really hurt me because we were close and it hurt to see her still interacting with my husband.

If they didn’t want to see your stuff or don’t agree with your stuff, they don’t have to unfriend you, they can just unfollow your posts.

I think it’s a jerk move to unfriend anyone except someone who does something awful or unless someone suspects an account was hacked. Someone told me the other day she keeps seeing my posts and likes on a page and if she continues to see it, she’s going to unfriend me (not that she disagrees with it but it’s filling up her feed). To me, that’s just someone who doesn’t know how to use Facebook.

I see people unfriending each other all over FB because of politics – people bickering like children about who likes Trump, who liked Hillary, who liked Stein. It’s so stupid.

In this case with your friend unfriending you but not your spouse, totally unnecessary and childish in my opinion.

Perhaps you were spouting political bullshit.
Perhaps you were playing your life out on Facebook. Were you posting all your family fights, illnesses, slights from others on Facebook?
Perhaps your crazy was showing, and your husband’s wasn’t?
I don’t understand why you want her to unfriend your husband. If you were such good friends, wouldn’t that be the bridge to possibly making up in the future? It sounds like the huffiness wasn’t just on her part.

How does your husband feel about this? If he is outraged, he can unfriend her.
Otherwise, I think it’s a little too much to expect people to treat you both as a unit, instead of separate and distinct individuals.
It’s Facebook. You have the opportunity to discuss this via message, unless she has blocked you altogether.

Did she say that she had deleted you “in a huff”? Maybe she had become disenchanted with your posts over a period of time and finally didn’t want to do it anymore.
I have had people unfriend me because of differing ideologies and attitudes, and I have unfriended people for the same things.
I would be glad that she was not punishing my husband as well.

I think the real life friendship issues are more important than the FB ones. If she has been that important to you in real life, why not pick up the phone and talk it over with her?

Your spouse is another individual. If she dislike you then why must it be mandatory for her to dislike your husband as well? If my SO dislike someone I wouldn’t automatically hate that person, I mean, seriously, that is the relationship problem between my SO and the other person and there’s no way I want to be involved nor would I want it to force me to make judgement toward other people.

I also don’t understand why it bothers you. Is this person and her activities have any significance to your life? If no, you can easily ignore her. She simply doesn’t worth your time.

I’ve unfriended several folks on Facebook, some of whom I’ve known since childhood, who have become people I don’t really care to associate with. But I do not delete their spouses/partners automatically because of it. That’s just petty.

In my mind, there is a point where this morphed from run-of-the-mill social media stuff to being a jerk.

That is when she messaged your spouse to let him know she had de-friended you.

De-friending can be done quietly and unobtrusively; And there are a host of reasons why someone might do that. But bringing attention to it makes it beyond the pale, and shuts the door on reconciliation.

I’m not asking for reasons why she unfriended me. I know why. My question was about her keeping my spouse as a friend when she knew it would bother me. These are things I know. Please read the details of my question. My husband has friends with many women I’m not friends with. I’m not the jealous type. We’ve been together a very long time.

Thank you zenvelo and jca for being understanding and reading the details.

A number of us addressed the circumstance as you described it in the details. It’s a shame that you only appreciate the posts that you think are sympathetic to you. There is some value even in the others.

Just because you are married doesn’t mean you are joined at the hip and if someone doesn’t like you personally it has nothing to do with your relationship status. You are not one, joint entity, with your spouse, you are separate individuals.
This is similar to a friend expecting you to blacklist another friend because THEY have an issue with the person. Why would anyone unfriend both people if they only have a problem with one?

This is why I don’t do social media, the stupid, childish drama of “unfriending” people. Gah,

@puddintane, yes I did say relationships could be intense online but I’ve never found Facebook induces that sort of connection. I feel it’s more about connections made elsewhere that are then continued through Facebook. I have made some wonderful friends through Fluther than I now continue to talk to in a more relaxed way through Facebook. I consider them to be real friends, but the friendship was formed here, not there.

Actually, your post reminds me of a situation I’ve just experienced through Facebook. One person (person A) is very upset about everything that is happening politically in the US, but they find the constant flow of stories about Trump and resistance to Trump stressful. I don’t think that’s unusual at the moment. Many people are suffering from stress about that situation, but people are dealing with it in very different ways. Person A complained fairly stridently about their friends (who also happen to be some of my friends) posting political content and comments. I saw Person B and C write they understood and it was okay for Person A to unfriend them if their posts were too stressful.

Now I like all of these people, including Person A, very much. I care about them and consider them all to be very good people. However, person A went on to participate in a conversation with another person (person D) that I saw as attacking Person B and C. For me that attack (or what I viewed as an attack was a line too far). I’m fine with people not liking the political discourse that’s taking place through FB, but they can unfollow that content or those people. Attacking others for the way they use FB was too much for me so I unfriended person A.

While I care for Person A, attacking those other people in collaboration with someone else, went far beyond what I was prepared to turn a blind eye to. I was very sad to take that action, but I don’t want to support that kind of behaviour. As your question is about husbands, this story also resonates because I know Person A’s husband is on Facebook. I don’t think we are friends, but if we had been, I wouldn’t have thought about unfriending him. It wouldn’t have crossed my mind. My problem was with what his wife posted. It had nothing to do with him. If I was his friend on FB and did feel I should contact him, it would have been to say how sorry I was that I felt I had to unfriend his wife and to stress that while I cared about his wife but felt I needed to step away from that friendship for now. In the situation I described, I could absolutely imagine Person B or C feeling they needed to unfriend Person A if they felt attacked, but I could also see them reaching out to her husband to say how sorry they were to take that action and why they did it. I am pretty certain neither of them would have done it as a ‘jerk’ move, but rather as a compassionate and sad place. They are both kind and compassionate people who would try very hard not to hurt another person. I have no idea if either Person B or C did unfriend Person A and I haven’t checked.

Long post I know and I’m sorry for that @puddintane, but I think the situation I’ve experienced recently does have parallels to your situation and I hope you don’t mind me sharing this story. I hope you can resolve things with your friends. Just as I hope when things calm down the friendships I’ve discussed here can get back on an even keel.

@puddintane has left the building.

Oh. Thanks @chyna. Well that was a waste of energy hey? Hmmm. Never mind.

@Earthbound_Misfit Yes and I felt it was a well written heartfelt post. I’m sorry she didn’t get to see it.

Thank you @chyna. Perhaps she’ll come back one day.

Nicely done, @Earthbound_Misfit, I appreciate your insight.

Could have edited it better – but I’m working and it was a bit rushed. C’est la vie.

I guess we’ve been unfriended. haha