General Question
How do I know my girlfriend is the right one for me?
I am not a teenager or young adult—I’m 51, but until about 10 years ago mingled well with the young adult / coffeehouse crowd. I never really accomplished much and spent my life doing things that helped people but accumulated little by way of resources.
My GF was someone I met earlier in life and she wanted almost nothing to do with me—(I now know that the things I did then to seem harmless and nonthreatening made me seem very odd to her)—- but I was extremely “lovesick” at 35—it had been 15 years since I had had a girlfriend, and I met no one of interest in the 15 years after her.
Even then, when I was in my mid thirties and she in her mid twenties, once she discovered the way I was, developed an appreciation for me but was very shy. Friends brought us together but we were very nervous in each others’ presence.
Fast forward to 2015 (its 2017 when I write this)—and I rescue her from an abusive home environment with relatives but have little resources (I am on disability due to injuries from a robbery but probably need to be working again). I am struggling immensely to support her in a nice apartment which she is the main resident.
I have no doubt that she loves me—but I am not sure she is the right one for me. Don’t get me wrong—I haven’t had many chances during the middle 25 years of my life. I was not attracted to any person that was available in the ensuing years. THough the roles may seem reversed, she seems far more physical and I am looking for some tenderness and even reticience.
I am also a very creative, artistic, poetic type. I have been a minister, a guidance counselor, and worked in book stores and have published a few things. Though she has a strong sense of balance and proportion she lives in what she calls reality and sees a lot of my things as superfluous. In short, she is not really the artsy, boutique / 2nd hand store shopping woman I once thought she was (she just lived in that environment by default all those years ago)—and sometimes I wake up wondering if there is not someone out there who IS that person.
It is possible that I am just feeling burn-out from the whirlwind our lives together has been these past couple of years—especially the last two months— or having my decorating ideas (I must surround myself with things that inspire me—she and I both have reasonably good taste but are picky) flatly rejected—but I cannot relate to her my own deepest dreams, inspiration, and aspirations. She is more hung up in the events of the past 10–12 years where she was horribly mistreated and taken advantage of and stolen from.
Some of this may sound very shallow to many of you—I am mainly talking about taste in decorating. But not really. I am needing someone who will allow me the things that inspire me, and whom I can work with as a team if my career in ministry or nonprofit work requires it. I can’t shake the feeling that someone else might be out there.
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