Do you have people in your life who check in on you?

Interesting question and had to think about for a few. I do have 2 people in my life that do occasionally call me just to see how I am doing. One is my step father in law. He has taken a deep interest in my business since we first met and he has a wealth of business experience and been a mentor of sorts.

I also have an 82 yr old man who has used the lab here at work for the last 20 years and is now a very close dear friend of mine and he regularly will just call to see how things are going. He too is a mentor to me.

They both share one thing in common and that is they are not on social media. I say this because I am under the impression that all my other acquaintances/friends seem to think a like on Facebook or and endorsement on LinkedIn constitutes “checking in” on me these days. Sadly social media has replaced interpersonal interactions.

I don’t get any of that either. Sometimes my parents would call if it’s very late and I’m not home yet, ir they need something. Otherwise very seldom.
There isn’t anyone to check in on me anyways; I have only one friend, and were not in much contact.
I can’t say I adore it; sometimes it really sucks. But I’m used to it; honestly, I’d get annoyed if someone called me every five minutes just to say “hi” and see how I’m doing. No one ever did that, and I’m not used to receive such attention. Some occasional “how are you” is fine, but not much more than that. I’m not used to be called and be bothered with for no reason.
I give similar treatment to other people as well, which I’ve been criticized for a few times.

Not really and I’m fine with that.

The SWAT team every few weeks.

My best friend of the last 45 years and I check in on each other regularly. We did before social media, and continue by way of social media.

Nobody in person. I’m sure the mailman world be concerned if his workload of Amazon packages suddenly stopped…

That’s a great question. And I think your grandma’s right. It’s been my experience that people who appear to“need” it get checked on. Our house is like a metro station much of the time anyway, so there is no shortage of people passing through here checking up on us and our liquor, but my own checking up is mostly about trips to hospitals, nursing or rest homes these days. And there are extended phone calls to the single people, almost exclusively women who’ve moved from the city. I think that since so much of my time is spent interacting with people, I can fall into patterns of failing to focus on those not in front of me. I get complaints from folks who ask “why don’t you ever call?”, but nearly all of the complainants realize that the neglect is neither planned nor deliberate.

@cookieman I have had the same problem for decades, long before there were computers and social media. I begin to weigh how much “juice” (meaning quality time, helpful information, genuine caring etc.) I got out of the relationship compared to how much effort I was putting into contacting them. One friend whom I have known since my kids were small never ever called me but when I called them it was such a delightful conversation that I didn’t mind doing all the calling.

Since then our children have grown up and I just don’t get the same “juice” out of the relationship that I used to. We don’t talk to each other anymore it seems.

Other people have said,“Hey, I’d like to get to know you better. May I have your phone number.” and so on. Early on in the relationship I realize that I would be doing all the calling and so I tell them upfront that unless they call me and make an effort too contact me also, it’s not going to work.

When I say that sort of thing, I often get a sad look, which always perplexes me. Maybe we need to start holding remedial classes in basic communication in friendships.

I have a few friends at church who do this from time to time, and without being solicited either. It always touches me deeply that they think well enough of me to do so. Otherwise, it seems like family mainly contacts me when they need something…never just to see how I’m doing. Or, to be completely accurate, they might ask if I’ve happened to contact them first to see how they’re doing, but they usually don’t do it independently of my actions.

Yes yes i have people that check on my, ya know yo!.
03–03-2017

Checking in and keeping in contact I assume are two different things for this Q.

My aunt does both. She always remembers difficulties I’m dealing with, and I always feel unconditional love and concern from her. I think she is the most empathetic person in my life.

My sister and I used to be in touch constantly, 3 times a week and talk at length, and it was both checking in and staying in touch, but then we a rift and that went away for several years. Now, we are in better touch now, and in contact more regularly. It’s not as pure as it used to be though. A horrible loss really.

I have some fluther friends who check in actually. If they know I’m going through something they might message me and see how I’m doing

I have two girlfriends who keep in touch regularly. They shoot out a text with something funny to tell, or ask how I’m doing. I wish I heard from them more, but they have very busy lives.

I have a few other girlfriends who I talk to on occasion.

My parents check in if I haven’t called.

I think since I’m married people don’t check in much. I know for me, if I know someone is alone I check on them more, invite them to things, etc.

I see lots of friends and acquaintances on Facebook almost daily.

One thing I always try to do is when a friend or relative calls, or contact me in any way, is be very obviously happy to hear from them. It’s genuine, I am happy to hear from them, but it’s easy to sound rushed, indifferent, or overwhelmed with how life is these days.

No. There are people who come over, once in a while, but I don’t have them do it.

Hey, Cookie – how ya doin’?

I do have friends and cousins who check in on my from time to time. I will say that, in general, I am mainly the person who initiates getting together with friends, though.

@cookieman, I have children and a husband, but beyond that – probably not. I can’t imagine people reaching out to check if I’m okay and that’s probably because I am quite self-sufficient and together. I reach out to others occasionally to see if they’re okay, but that isn’t reciprocated often. When it is, it’s a lovely feeling. I have other friends who because they seem more fragile do attract that sort of attention. I know in my own family, out of all the females, on a number of occasions I have been told I should act in a way that isn’t in my best interest but is in one of my sister’s interest because my sisters are more needy and emotionally than me.

@Earthbound_Misfit Whaddaya mean – I just checked in on you last week!

Did you see when I said “When it is, it’s a lovely feeling”. It was you I was thinking of. True story! Thank you for checking in on me. It was nice to be missed.

I’m kind of selfish. I get too wrapped up in my own shit, and unless someone has something specific going on in their life, I won’t usually even think to reach out to the people who aren’t already built into my day-to-day. You’re a good friend for reaching out; I’m sorry people don’t repay the kindness.

People check in on my body but I sometimes feel like people don’t check in on me. If that makes sense.

My mom checks in, but I’m not always honest with her because she gets so upset if things aren’t great. But recently I had a friend put together a big surprise for me, which was really sweet. I think she had been kind of stalking my blog and she got worried when she saw the quasi suicidal stuff I was writing while in pain, which I didn’t realize anyone was reading. So now I am more aware of my support system, which is nice.

Hey Jellies,

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I feel better knowing I’m not in this boat alone.

I do. I feel blessed.

Yes, I have 3 friends that text me, or I text them pretty much every single day, for that reason. We text and talk and see each other too, not every day, but we specifically check in with each other every day, usually in the evening. I just did so, before I got on Fluther tonight.

Yes, I do, but not that frequently. I think if my facebook page when dark for more than 2 weeks and I stopped answering the phone for two weeks there would be questions, but my long distance people… I don’t know if they would know who to phone here to actually physically check. I think there is only one person who might be concerned enough to call over here to someone to come and check on my in person, and I’m doing a fucking great job at pushing that person away.

Some thoughts:

I agree that social media, while maybe not the cause, exasperates the problem.

It may be true that appearing to need help invites help, while appearing to have your ducks in a row does not. Outwardly, I’m pretty together and can handle a lot. Of course, inwardly, I can be a mess, but only my wife gets to see that (lucky her ~).

I think it also bothers me because my wife, like some of you, has a good network of folks whom she chats with regularly. What’s more, they seem to be genuinely interested in her well being to some degree.

Could be because I was a pretty independent only child who spent a lot of time alone. Maybe I don’t project the kind of personality that needs caring for.

@cookieman FWIW and this may not be true, but in my experience it is much more common for women to build networks of supportive friends than for men. I think it is generally easier for women to be intimate with one another although this may not be universally true.

@janbb: Sure, I can see that.

I do have a that comfort of people checking in on me, it puts me at ease just knowing that there are those who show concern by reaching out somehow. Especially during difficult times when im alone and my phone rings or my email alert goes off, I don’t feel so alone anymore.

I try to encourage certain Family members, but if they don’t, then life’s too short to hold grudges, if they call I will always answer to talk to them.

But I understand how you feel. Just keep in mind that maybe you have family and friends that’s waiting to get a call or a text…email…from you as well. Things of this matter can go both ways, so when you reach out it can encourage them to be mindful and return that communication back to you. I hope this helps out.