What should I do about my fiancee?

Don’t be hasty and throw away 8 years of love and friendship.
Talk to him and find out what exactly he was curious about. Maybe he is trying to figure out his sexuality and you should give him encouragement to do so. It would be worse to marry him and then he finds out that he is gay.

Yes. You need to have a long, honest “sit down” talk about this, and put all your cards on the table.
Ask every question that’s bothering you. Make sure you get clear answers that put your concerns to rest.

Be honest with him about what your goals are for your relationship, and how this affects them. Be honest. If you’ve known him that long,that shouldn’t be a problem.

IMO. Relationships are founded/built on a two way trust. Without trust, you don’t have much.

I would address this somewhere private. Somewhere to make him feel safe,so that he can open up, if necessary.

Sounds potentially complicated.

Good luck.

Peace n love.

First, don’t rush to judgement as is could be little more than curiosity which is not all that unusual. Did you just find the app on his phone or did you find out another way? If he was really active on it then I don’t think you need us to justify your concerns.

Time for some pre-marital couple’s counseling.

The thing is, this may be something that the two of you can work through and maybe even accommodate in a marriage. But it requires a lot of clear, open, and honest discussion by both parties.

And if you can’t get to a point of understanding and accommodation, time to end the engagement.

Sometimes people have private fantasies that they have no intention of acting on. We all have things in our heads that we don’t want to make public. Perhaps he is secretly gay. But you won’t know until you talk to him. I’m with @chyna – don’t give up on an 8 year relationship until you’ve got more clarity.

And – welcome to Fluther! Most of us here are good listeners who try to be helpful.

Did he tell you he was curious about himself, or gay life in general?
Could it be a friend is gay, and he wanted to know more just so he could be an understanding friend?
If he is questioning his own sexuality, you will need to set anger and/or disappointment aside, and be his friend. You have been together for years, so evidently he cares a great deal about you.
Talk with him, and reassure him. While it is true you would not want to be married, and then find out he is gay, it is likely also true you would not want to wreck a beautiful relationship over a misunderstanding.

He might just be bi-curious, or worst-case scenario, get a strap-on but have him pay for it.

Good counsel here. Put the brakes on planning the wedding. Ask him what exactly he was curious about. Sexuality is a continuum not an either/or.

Perhaps you will find he is a better best friend than a lover.

Perhaps you will find some new areas of sexuality for the two of you to explore, but you need to have some long, honest talks.

I am a gay man who was married to a woman.

Your situation is delicate. Grindr is used by men who want to have sex with men. That is its only use. That doesn’t mean your fiancé is gay. He may be bisexual.

@zenvelo is correct to suggest couples counseling now. Do not wait until after the wedding to get counseling. You want to know his sexuality before the wedding. He may not fully know his own sexuality.

My wife and I are no longer married, and we are now very good friends. My children all love their gay dad. It is completely a non-issue. It’s never even mentioned.

When my sexuality surfaced in our marriage, my then wife was very supportive. It is because of her decision to be open-minded that created an atmosphere that allowed me to come to terms with the reality of my situation. It also spared the children much grief. I mention this, because you have an important decision to make. If your fiancé is gay, he needs to know who his true friends are. If he’s bi, he needs to know what you expect from a marriage. Only you can decide what you want.

You can private message me, if you want further details.

^^I think your ex wife is a fine woman based on what you just said.

^^You are correct.

@Cate Welcome to Fluther! Please keep us updated if you would like to and let us know if we can help. We are generally a helpful bunch of people.

@Cate I think @Hawaii_Jake has knowledge and good advice for you two. Good counselors will help you both find your ways through this. Bless you both.

I used to give people the benefit of the doubt but now I watch for red flags and keep track of them because they mean something.

Expecially watch how your fiance is about his phone.
Is he nervous if you ask to use it?
Does he hover over you and grab it back as quick as possible.
Does he never leave it laying around you?
I’m telling you love is blind so keep your eyes open.

This does not look good at all. As your fiancee he should not be showing interest on any dating site…particularly that one. I would be very skeptical of this and would try to have a conversation with him as soon as possible about it.

Just for the record a male is a fiance; a female is a fiancee.