How should I answer this question about sex partners?

Don’t have the conversation. At least not in terms of numbers. That is nobody’s business except for you and your doctor.

Comparing numbers of sex partners leads to one person (either male or female) being more experienced, and the other thinking they are with a skank (male or female).

A better way to discuss it (not in bed, not on the couch, but away from an intimate moment) is to ask about preferences and choices.

And don’t ever talk about past partners and what they did or did not do.

I suppose it would depend on your comfort level with the answer. If a certain number is going to be a deal breaker, then you might miss out on being with a good person…

Your number might be a lot for another person. I would bet you wouldn’t care to be judged by that…

I wouldn’t lie about it, or omit it from conversation. Just don’t focus on the number, more than the person.

I think for guys it’s just sort of embarrassing to have a lesser number than your girlfriend?
We want them to think we’re studs that are in high demand, LoL!
It’s all a misconception anyway because people who think they’re more experienced because they’ve had many different partners in their 20s don’t realize how much sex a couple in a long term relationship actually has.
I was with only my wife from 2001 – 2016, but we had sex regularly sometimes like 4 time’s a day in our early 20s and did every position we could think of in just about every location we could get away with.
My point is 15 years of regular sex adds up to a lot of experience compared to a single person.
I just didn’t do it with lots of different people, but my ex (as much as I hate her) is really hot so I didn’t feel like I was missing out physically.
I just worry that I’ll have to explain all this in the future unless I date a single mom that was in a relationship for 10 years or more that can relate.

Why would you answer? If someone asked, I would say “It’s my business, not yours”. If it were a potential spouse, I’d be honest.

I feel that is something you don’t need to answer. Your history before someone else is not their concern. If they attempt to aggressively make it their concern, you may want to think twice about being with them.

ALSO: “the kind you have at highschool parties.”

Clearly we went to very different high school parties. :^)

Tell her it’s none of her fucking business. If she needs to keep score, tell her to date an umpire. Why would you ask somebody that question? What’s the point?

@cookieman LoL, I didn’t have a lot of sexual interactions compared to my friends in highschool, but we did drink a lot back in the 90s and went to a lot of parties.
I had some “questionable” experiences. One happened when I did a beer funnel that someone poured hard liquor into instead of beer and l could barely stand after that.
Someone started kissing me while I was leaning against a vehicle, then her friend kissed me and we ended up on a picnic table in the dark naked doing things that I barely remember and there were at least 3 more similar experiences that occured between the time I was 16 – 19 years old. I also worked a lot and dropped out at 17 to work in the oilfields.
Then I met my ex and she was the first woman that I was ever with sober, in a bed in our own place that I was in a relationship with, but yeah my highschool was pretty trashy really, LoL.

She might not be looking for the number of partners so much as trying to gauge how feel about her and how you view your relationship. That is probably more important than the number.

Thanks @Flutherother that’s what I hope.
I want to find someone that doesn’t care about money, status, sexual history etc.
I hope she just wants me for who I am right now and wants to start a new life together.
Let go of my highschool days, Stop talking about my ex and my strange marriage and just move forward having new experiences together kinda like starting over.
I don’t care how many guys she’s been with just that she’s with me now and I’m with her.
Happily ever after, LoL.

As others have suggested, don’t have that conversation unless/until you are with someone it makes sense to have it with. Then be honest. Your story is not a problem. If it were for someone, it would just indicate that they have issues they need to deal with.

Thanks @Zaku
I feel a little more confident about things now.
Nobody’s past is perfectly impressive I guess?
I gotta learn to live in the present. : )

I would not go there with anyone. I would say “What happened in the past is the past. I“m with you now, and you’re the one I love.”

Thanks @Marinelife
I guess I could just add to that I haven’t been with tons of people, I’m healthy and don’t have any STDs or anything.
Hopefully that would be enough info without having to compare sexual historys.
I don’t want her to think I’m inexperienced and she probably doesn’t want me to think she gets around?
Whatever, I’ll just avoid the subject unless the woman I’m with seems very mature and nonjudgmental and open about her life.

I can’t imagine every having such a conversation! It’s such a trap for women, especially. If they’ve been with more men than their S/O has, his ego is bruised AND she’s a tramp.
Men having been with a lot of partners, WOW!!! What a stud!!
Women having been with a lot of partners, wow what a slut.

I don’t think a truly mature woman would even ask the question.

@Dutchess_III thanks, I hope whatever woman I’m with wouldn’t ask.
I’d hope we’d be too busy kissing each other to worry about old crap.
I don’t really think a woman is a slut for having many partners.
As long as she’s healthy and doesn’t talk about other guys all the time and doesn’t cheat I don’t care.

What an odd conversation to consider having. I don’t think I’ve ever talked to a partner about previous sexual encounters/habits/partners.

It’s a conversation insecure or immature people tend to start, I think.

Whether or not you choose to divulge the number, do not make excuses. To say well, I was drunk for most of them, or not many, but that’s because I was with one woman for a long time.
First of all, making excuses, whether about lots of partners, or about not having lots of partners, either way, makes it sound like you feel ashamed of your sexual history. Also, it shares more information than you really want to put out there.

You could get off the topic with humor.
“Only three, but they were quality. I was an orphan on the streets, and when I was twelve, a madam took me in. She gave me meals and a room, and in return, I let the prossies practice on me. But, that was only until I turned eighteen.”
That should end the conversation.

You don’t really need to answer but you don’t want it to become a big thing or point of contention. You can just say “fewer than 10” and leave it at that.

The question deserves no answer at all. If you were to ask most women the same question, they would tell to fuck off. That is the appropriate response. I suggest men do the same. It is a rude attempt at invasion of privacy and a huge red flag as to the type of person you are dealing with and the kind of trouble you will have with them in the future. Never leave your phone unlocked around this person. This person does not respect personal boundaries.

Thanks guys, I didn’t realize that it was a strange topic to discuss.
I guess it’s because I’ve been asked that by a few women, but I guess we were around 20 years old at the time.
I imagine a woman in her 30s would have more respect and manners than to ask that unless we were a couple discussing intimate things.
I really have to learn to keep my mouth shut anyway I guess?
That’s my real problem, if anyone asks me anything I spill and I don’t lie so there’s been many occasions when I’ve left a conversation feeling upset because I just told some gossipy person way too much information.
I appreciate all of the helpful responses.
Thanks. : )

Are you stressing about a conversation that hasn’t happened? And will never happen unless you allow it to?