Can you help me decide on the best approach to take to talk to my mother again?
Asked by
Ktorres (
14
)
March 24th, 2017
I havent spoke to my mother in 2yrs now due to her choice. It starts like this growing up my mother has 8 kids, 5 are hers and 3 are my step dads. My mother beat on me my whole life and only me. She has never told me she loved me nor have i ever recieved a hug from her or ever any compliments.As i hit my teen years she married me off to a man i was 14 at the time. I am now 41yrs old and i have 10 children. I recently buried my 23yr old son who was murdered and i buried my 3yr old 5 yrs ago he died from a bleed in his brain. After my first child died i lost it i felt like i didnt want to live anymore. During all this im on my second marriage and he is the father to the last 4 kids. My husband very very abusive to me beat me everyday. I did everything i could to prevent my kids from ever seeing it, i went to my mother for help and her great words of advice.” If you learned how to be a wife you wouldnt get beat”! Then i became pregnant with my 9th child, she told me if i was to keep this child she would do everything she could to make sure i lost all my kids and that she did. She got csd involved and lied to everyone as well as got my older children to turn on me and lie, she even gave my baby away to her friend when she was suppose to have them in her care cuz the state was paying her too. So this child spent all his time with my moms friend whom is now my sons parents. My mother tricked me into signing adoption papers by having my oldest child bring me her college papers that i had to sign well she snuck in the adoption papers and 2wks later i recieved a letter telling me thank you i did a great thing for my child. I freaked and went after my mom and she then had my youngest baby taken away from me as a if you tell you will never see your son aga8n type thing. I havent seen any of my kids in 2 yrs, i miss them so much and im going thru so much pain without them. I dont know what to do. Please help me figure this out. Thank you
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
5 Answers
You are in a bad spot. You started in a bad spot. It looks like you are used to occupying the bad spot. My heart goes out to you.
There is darn little you can hope for on this. You should have cut all ties to your mother a looooOOOoooOong time ago.
The only chance I can see, and I suffered some of that stuff myself, is if you can afford to hire a crew.
Before anything else, find a super good parenting class, something with a reputation.
Next, you need a lawyer.
You might be able to reassemble some of your family, but adoption is hell to try to reverse, no matter what the circumstances.
The parenting class will add documentation to your proof of the kind of mother you are. It could also help you with some of your long term pain from your mother.
Find yourself a good solid source of strength in a friendship you can really trust.
I know your pain is deep. You will have to find a way past the pain, the memories, the blaming, and confront this with a new strength, a new plan, a fresh beginning.
I wish you good results, and the power to heal.
I’m having a hard time believing this story. Sorry.
But if it’s true it’s time to start taking responsibility. Why would you sign papers without looking at them? Why would you choose to have 10 children when you are in an abusive relationship?
You are a big girl now. Quit blaming all your problems on your mother. Get a job, and establish yourself independently. Get some counseling while you still can since Obamacare wasn’t repealed yesterday. You may have PTSD from your horrific childhood and there is help available for that.
There are plenty of programs to help you get on your feet but none of them matter until you take responsibility for your own life. I realize your mom is a total bitch but you need to stop blaming her for your poor adult decisions. You can’t change the past but you can change the future. You have an opportunity now since your kids are gone to focus on taking care of yourself. Take advantage of all the opportunities available to you and get your head on straight.
@Judi This sounds like someone from another culture and country to me.
I don’t think you can gain anything from talking to your mother any more. She is no good for you. Maybe there is social services or a child welfare agency to whom you can appeal for visitation rights.
What country are you in?
Wow, I feel for you.
I too think the best thing is to take care of yourself, get away from the abusive people in your life and try to make some money and stay healthy and eventually reach out to your children and try to help them in any way possible or at least make sure they always know where you are and that you love them and they can come to you.
Your abusive mother could pass away or become unable to take care of those kids so just make sure you’ve got your life together so you can always be there for them.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had to endure so much abuse and that you had to suffer so much loss.
I really hope life gets better for you and your children.
You have had a terrible life. You are not ready to have your children back. You need to end your abusive marriage, establish yourself away from your mother. I would never contact her again if she had even tried to do those things to me that she has done to you.
If you can get yourself established alone in a home with an income, you could then try to reach out to your children, but right now is not the time. You need to do a lot of work on yourself so you can have strong, healthy relationships with them. You definitely need counseling. If I were you, I would reach out to an organization that helps abused women.
Answer this question 
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.
Composing members:
0
