Will the women of the collective please help me?

How formal is it? Could you just wear a classy black dress with cute shoes and accesories?

I’m with TheHaight. This sounds like a job for the Little Black Dress. (“Little” is relative, naturally.)

Both sides of the family are quite wealthy, and slightly snobish(sorry WTF) but true and although I normally dress quite nicely, I don’t know what type of black dress. Dress or gown, tea length? Definitly not cocktail black dress.

Wtf would never hear the end of it. All of my suits are St. Johns. Shoot, I only know how to dress for business.

How tall are you? Could you wear one of those flowy long dresses? (I’m short so I couldn’t). I’ve seen a few of those dresses that are flowy/long/bohemian and can be casual or dressy. Or just a dress a little longer then a cocktail one, with a cardigan over it.

Edit: and if all your suits are too businessy, you can make them a bit more relaxed by pairing it with bright/cute heels Or if you want too… Purchase a different style of suit that isn’t so businessy.

Oops! I am 5’5 and about 140–145ish.

It’s not out of the realm of possibility to utilize some pieces from your suit-wardrobe and jazz them up with accessories. Such as:

Funky brooch: A jeweled piece or costume-style worn on a lapel of a blazer or on the waistband of the suit pants…Snazzy!

Silk scarf: Hermes has some gorgeous ‘themed’ scarves that look dynamite with anything.

Adding a flowing blouse, a bolero jacket, stilletos….a sweeping up-do, chandelier earrings and bangles (gold, silver or platinum….nothing busy here).....You’d look fab!

Of course the ‘black dress’ option works well with any accessorizing!
Good luck!

You probably could get away with it! But in the end-just be comfy in whatever it is. I’m sure WTF will still think you look marvelous. :)

I actually have a Hermes silk scarf but as I said my wardrobe consist of skirtsuits and pantsuits, neither of are considered formal.

Do you know if the rent women formal attire as they do for men? They rent tuxes what about dresses? Oh! I should add that I am 48 years old

Well, you’re only three years older than I. And although I can’t attest to whether women’s formal attire may be rented…(it should, if not), I can regale you with two instances wherein both weddings were very formal. One was a Jewish ceremony….the bride wore crushed blue velvet..‘stunning’. I was pregnant with #2 and incredibly ‘hippy’ so I needed something to hide the expansion. I cut, sewed, basted, hemmed and zippered a chic Norma Kamali ‘empire-waist, mid-thigh, swing dealio. Simple, stunning and it cost me all of 50 bucks. Everyone asked were I got it…I did it all hours before the ceremony!
The second wedding was one for the record books.
Wishing well, 30 person attendant line, 10 course meal with dessert/fruit buffet at midnight….it goes on.
On this occasion, I wore…..A pantsuit. It was off-white linen with a ‘tuxedo’ jacket (peplum-styled) and cuffed wide/culotte legged pants. I ‘formalized it by ‘not’ wearing a blouse under the jacket. It had a lovely, sultry (not slutty) decollatage and this is where I utilized my Hermes scarf and sling-back stilletos. I received many compliments!

@mee, as you know, I too am attending a jewish wedding and the 300+ is the groom’s family. I wish I knew how to sew. I have an awesome sewing machine but very minimal experience in using it. I’ve a question for you, are you familiar with the designer Marie St. John and her clothing line?

I’ve heard only recently of her line. It’s apparently quite sexy and contemporary. Does she have a web-site where I may view some of her product?

BTW….That dress was one of my favourites. Several years later, I ‘put-together’ a moss-green velvet ‘Audrey Hepburn’-style, boat-neck, pencil-skirted, fitted-bodice,etc…
Both of these dresses ‘miraculously’ disappeared the weekend of that particular event.
Man was I pissed!

I’m an Interpreter for the Deaf and have had to interpret for clients at several of these types of functions and always wore either a classy black suit or a very nice, long, formal looking black dress. I always stuck with black because I knew I’d wear them again to other functions instead of going out and buying something I’d wear only once. I hope this helps some!

I agree with others that you can’t go wrong with a black dress.

Im not sure how snobby his family is or what your budget is but sometimes the best way to find something not too cheap or too expensive with a look you want is to pick up a magazine. Flip through and see what kind of style you want, if you see a dress/suit that you must have then they usually have info on where to buy it in the magazine. I know this sounds lame but you can also go to a bridal store if you’re looking for a formal dress and try out some bridesmaids dresses that they might rent out. Keep in mind, you’ll want to keep it classic, nothing to loud or too trendy that looks like it’s a bridesmaids dress (even though it is). If all else fails, dress up a pantsuit in your closet. Colorful/shiny/textured accessories can really help a pantsuit become a formal outfit. Good luck!

I was going to mention a long flowing dress, but I see TheHaight has alreay mentioned it so I will second that idea. I also have to agree that when in doubt the ‘little black dress’ usually works, however, since most all of us know that is what to wear when in doubt, than all the folks there will probably realize you didn’t know for sure what to wear either…lol. The idea of checking out a fashion magazine is good too, however, my bottom line would be to find something that you like, that you are comfortable in and that reflects your style and then I’m sure you will look great. If you try to wear something that you think is what the other people want to see you in, but not something that you are comfortable wearing, then that can come across in your appearance. It reminds me of the saying about ‘You wear the clothes, don’t let the clothes wear you.’

How about something like this? I found some other suggestions on this page. Try not to worry too much about it tho. It’s only a few hours and one day of your life, and with so many other guests, people proabably won’t pay that much attention to what you are wearing. I know whatever you choose, you will be stunning. Relax, and have some fun! It will be fine, I promise! Besides, the snobbish people would be snobbish no matter what you wear.. it’s just their nature. so outclass them and have a great time!!

You pay $1000 to $1500 for suits?!?

A wedding in a Synagogue with mostly Jewish guests is exactly like any other wedding. You will see everything. Wear something that you love and that makes you feel beautiful.

If it is in the evening, people will be a little more dressed up. My sister wore a beautiful navy crepe suit with a mid-thigh length skirt when her daughter got married outside in the afternoon in Brooklyn. My sister-in-law wore a beautiful navy crepe dress (same length) with jacket for HER daughter’s wedding.also outside and in the afternoon. Scamp is on target.

Isn’t wearing black to a wedding some kind of taboo? I’d go with a tea length dress, simple but with a nice texture (silky, maybe). Then use shoes, jewelry, and hairstyle to make it simply elegant and formal.

I’m not certain if black ‘dress’ is taboo. It may be a cultural thing. I do know however, that one should not wear white, as a nod of respect to the bride.

Not at the weddings I have been to…both summer and winter. I have seen lovely and elegant black outfits. No one notices and no one really remembers.

Maybe it’s an old taboo…I don’t even remember where I got that idea. Thanks for setting me straight!

There are cultures wherein the widow of the deceased wears black every day for the remainder of her life. I know that the Portugese embrace this tradition…
As morbid as it is/sounds it’s oddly romantic. Perhaps one might say a ‘little’ to…..romanticized.

I think black used to be taboo at weddings, but I’ve been to some now with black bridesmaid dresses.

As have I BarbieM.
I’ve been to some ‘unique’ weddings and in my eyes, the bride and groom should have free reign while keeping within the boundaries of diplomacy and tact. Formal or not, they need to be mindful of the elder guests..the ones for whom tradition was the rule not the exception.

Unique is very diplomatic. :) I’ve also been to some very different weddings in my time. I was boringly traditional I guess.

Think back to some weddings you have attended recently..How much do you remember about the attire of the guests, except, perhaps, for your friends or the people with you at the table? We all think -wrongly – that others are taking notice of us, when they are too busy taking notice of themselves.

@Gail: So true. I’ve been trying to get that very point across to my 14 year old daughter…unsuccessfully, I might add!

@Augustlan: I went to Tanglewood last night for a Mozart evening. We were ten and sat on the lawn. I took more than the usual five minutes to get myself ready. As soon as the sun set, we all put on 1) our sweaters and 2) our sweatshirts and 3) sweatshirt hoods. I could have been wearing my pajamas as could have everyone else. Half the outside crowd wrapped themselves in their picnic tablecloths or blankets.

At 14, I assumed that I was the center of the universe, and suffered mightily.

As most 14 yr. olds still do….... sigh

None of them seem to believe that we were once 14, either!

Tell me about it. Mind you, I have all boys. I often wonder if I’d had a daughter and there were a mini me walking this earth…........oooohhhh, shudder

@mee I have 3 girls! Ages 10, 12 and 14! Aaagh!

augustlan….oh you poor, poor soul.
I played family mediator/moderator to two sisters and a brother. One who locked himself in his room most evenings while I stood in the direct line of fire dodging flying hairbrushes and fleeting insults.

My three boys have not been the exception to the rule by any stretch of the imagination. However, upon reflections of my adolescent years, I would have to say that raising them has been a “cake-walk” in comparison to the wrath my sisters and I inflicted on my parents.

You might want to find out what kind of synagogue it is (Reform, Conservative, or Orthodox, for example), because dress codes in Orthodox places are more strict about levels of modesty. In any case, if you wear a sleeveless or strapless dress for the party/reception, you may want to cover your shoulders with something while you are in the synagogue/chapel for the ceremony.