Does this count as belittling?
Let’s say hypothetically you were in a relationship with someone who lied constantly and did many bad things to you and one day you lose it, get into an argument and call that person on all the things that he or she has done and tell him or her that they’re an asshole and a compulsive liar and an immature person for doing all these things to you.
Fast forward you break up and this person tells you and everyone it’s because you belittled them.
Does it count as belittling if that person purposely does hurtful and dishonest things and all the stuff you said to this person is true?
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7 Answers
You never stated how did you treat your boyfriend, only how he treated you. Therefore, it’s impossible to know if he is right or not.
It really doesn’t matter. It’s over. All that’s left is to pick up the pieces and don’t look back. And before you get into a new relationship you need to find out why it is that you were attracted to people who are abusive, and why did you think it was OK to stay as long as you did?
Personally I have a no tolerance policy regarding abuse. So if I were in your hypothetical situation it never would have gone as far as it did in yours. That guy would’ve been history a long time ago.
The best way to get through a break up is to not comment on the ex. Your real friends will listen to what he says, but also realize your lack of criticism of him demonstrates his falsehood.
It is over, move on, don’t live in the past. There is no competition to show to anyone, just the internal confidence that you did the right thing.
And it is certainly not something to drink over.
As I see it, you are not asking for any advice. You are asking for clarification on your understanding of some behavior, true?
In that set of circumstances, I would not call it belittling, I would say you were pointing out your reasons for being angry.
If this person did something wrong to you, then stopped, and you kept harping on it, it would be nagging. If you were pointing out things about this person that they could not control, and called them flaws, that would be belittling.
From what you say above, you only pointed out ways this person wronged you to make your point.
Well…were you belittling? If so, own it and don’t repeat your mistakes. Belittling is an abusive behavior make no mistake about it.
Be aware of YOUR crappy traits and try to observe them before you act on them. Two wrongs never make a right, they just make a double wrong. Fix yourself first.
Belittling doesn’t seem like the accurate word to describe what you wrote about.
Calling someone out isn’t belittling. How’s their vocabulary accuracy? I can’t tell for certain if they are just using the wrong word and has some other complaint, or if you left something out, but it seems most likely that they’re lying again.
They’re an ex so I’d try to just process the feelings and not care.
Sounds like an argument to me. People often belittle others in arguments.
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