Is it weird to keep pictures of my ex and I on my phone?

This may sound weird, but it kind of depends on how old you are. I mean I was married for 7 years to my first husband (together for 12) and I still have tons of pictures of us. But they are real pictures, in a box.

It might be that younger people keep them on their phone instead.

How long have you been divorced?

I don’t think I’d offer photos of exes to current dating partners if I were you. It seems like a boundary issue. For what reason do the current dating partners need to see the ex? They’re just curious? They can deal with their curiosity on their own.

It isn’t weird, but it is unproductive and it will keep you from moving on in your life.

Potential dating partners don’t want to hear about your ex and don’t want to see pictures of her. Keeping photos of her readily available is a signal to any woman you go out with that you are not ready for anything more than a single date.

And why do you like those pictures? That was the past, and you will never reclaim what ever feeling you had at the time they were taken.

What’s weird is reading “keep pictures of my ex and I” when what you really mean is my ex and me.

I think you can keep them if you like them but maybe put them in a separate folder or on your hard drive and don’t show them to new dates.

I can’t even imagine why a woman you are dating would ask to see photos of your ex, unless you are talking abou the ex excessively. With the people I’ve dated, asking to see photos of their ex is not something that ever crosses my mind nor is it something I’d have the nerve to ask for.

@anniereborn we were together 15 years and separated for one year, but not getting back together.

@zenvelo why do I like them?
Umm… she was my life since I was 21.
I loved her, I still think she’s beautiful and even though she betrayed me and is no longer the same person I married I still look back and I liked our life it was all I knew.
I even send her pictures sometimes.
I just see my marriage as having been a success even though it ended horribly.
I’m kinda proud of how long we were together and of the child we made.

@CWOTUS Is my ex and I wrong in this question or do you just prefer ex and me?
I’m not the best at grammar because I was looking at a girl in my class for 12 years instead of the blackboard.
I kinda have an issue with liking women too much maybe?
I don’t know?

Not at all. Keep em delete em. Whatever works.

I’d remove them from your phone and store them on a thumb-drive or USB stick or even print the 5 you like and put them in a memories box.
It is a simple fact that she was part of your life for a long time and therefore made some impact on you. There is nothing wrong with that acknowledgment.
If the new, potential partner asks to see a picture you can honestly say they are not on your phone and you will have to dig them out from somewhere. That will be an indication that you are ready to move on or have already.

Since you asked:
It would be “pictures of my girlfriend and me.”

In general, “I” is used when it is the subject doing the verb. “Me” is used when it is the object or receiver of the verb. Examples:
“My girlfriend and I took pictures.” “I have pictures of my girlfriend and me stored on a thumb-drive.” ;-)

Yes. Transfer the photo to print and keep it in your photo album if you must, but not on your phone.

Take those pictures off your phone. Store them somewhere.

There is no good reason to show them to new women you might be meeting/dating.

It’s time to move on.

I don’t think so. Surely you have understandable reason to keep them. Personally, I have a rule that my phone is mine, it’s a private thing and my partner isn’t allowed to check it nor would I check his phone. It’s a matter of trust.

Since you asked – and thanks for that, @Cooper_Saldana – as the object of the sentence, “my ex and I” is incorrect. It’s all about the “case” of the pronoun.

There are two primary cases to be considered here*:
subjective (the subject of the sentence): My ex and I appear in photos.
objective (the object of the sentence): The photos belong to my ex and me.

*There are more cases, including “possessive”, but we won’t get into those in this response.

The quick way to tell if your sentence is using the pronouns’ case correctly is to leave off the other person, so in your example: ”...to keep pictures of I on the phone” is clearly incorrect, and “me” is called for instead, which is the correct usage here.

Likewise, if you were unsure about whether to say “My ex and I are in the photos,” or “My ex and me are in the photos,” try leaving out the other person: “me am [are] in the photos” is way more incorrect than “I am [are] in the photos”, so “I” would be the choice there. The same rules apply to we / us and they / them. And as I said, thanks for asking. Few people seem to care about this any more.

Too many. Either store them on your computer or have them printed and put them away in a box of memories.

If someone that you are dating asks to see a picture of your ex, I would show her one that did not have you draped all over said ex. Just one of her alone.

Are you sure that you are over her?

I would guess it depended upon the circumstances surrounding how or why you parted, Amicable parting due to differences or different directions; why not? Would the world be a better place if you pretended she had not been part of your life?
Time could also be a factor. Did it happen last week? Last Year? A decade ago?

@CWOTUS and @LuckyGuy Thanks for clarifying my grammarical error.
I’ve learned more from people on these sites than I ever did in school.
As long as their not mean about it I’m always willing to learn.

@marinelife Am I over her?
I don’t think I ever will be.
Our marriage completely broke down, she cheated a lot, wanted to come back, I tried to work on it with her, but I couldn’t handle it and she gave up and it ended.
I don’t trust her anymore, we fight over absolutely anything, but I spent so many years with her and I am still so attracted to her that I have trouble just flicking a switch and not loving her anymore.
We were together since we were 21, I taught her how to drive a car, we moved in together right away, marriage, bills, life, raising a child we’ve been through so much together.
She thanked me for making her a better person, she said if she hadn’t met me she probably would have ended up on the streets on drugs.
I was reckless and partying a lot and meeting her made me not want to drink anymore, I just wanted to be with her.
We needed each other back then.
She’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and even though she treated me like garbage sometimes I still kinda feel like I got away with something by getting to make love to this beautiful woman for 15 years.
I don’t have a lot of regrets about it, I held on to her as long as I could.

There’s nothing wrong with keeping pictures of your exes, but as others have said, it’s the accessibility of the pictures that seems weird. Even at that, it only seems weird because phones are a relatively new storage method for photos. The way we keep, store, and review photos has changed a lot over the years, and is still changing rapidly. In ten years, maybe everyone will keep all of these kinds of records on their person at all times. Or in the cloud, accessible at all times.

So, it’s relative. If you keep all your photos on your phone, it’s not weird to have five pictures of an ex there. But if you keep all of your photos on a separate hard drive, or if you delete all photos within a month or two, and these five photos are still on your phone, it looks like these five are really important to you, and you need to look at them a lot. That won’t be appreciated by a person you date in the future.

If you want the pics then you did the right thing by being forthright about them. By doing so you can at least discuss and hopefully head off any long term problems they might bring. If you had not shown them and then they were later discovered the problem would probably have been worse.

This is one of those things that jumps up and bites you in the butt no matter what you do..

Take the pictures off of your phone and store them on a hard drive elsewhere. If you have the pictures on your phone, you will keep looking at them and continue to obsess about her. Also, no new potential mate is going to be comfortable with you being obsessed by you ex wife.

Have you considered joining a support group for divorced men? It seems like you are having a hard time getting past this. I would think it would be easier, considering that she cheated on you and made you feel like crap. I don’t care if she’s the most beautiful woman on the planet, or if you spent 100 years with her. She didn’t respect you, but you are remembering her as though she was a delicate princess.

The only way you should treat her, is with detached kindness and courtesy. She is the mother of your child and that is important, but she is not your wife, and she is not your friend. You need to be a decent person and treat her decently, but you should not seek her out, nor should you keep her up on that pedestal that you’ve build for her. Get her out of your phone and try to move forward.

Thanks guys.
You make a strong point @Kardamom.
I do need support and I do need to get away from her.
I think I like the fantasy of being in love with her.
The fact that our marriage is completely fucked and I still feel something for her is almost exciting and romantic in my mind.
It’s like a movie and I still think of kissing her.
I know it’s all sick and she doesn’t care enough about me for us to be together, but I think the truth of it all is hard for me to swallow and sometimes I feel more comfortable remembering her years ago when we had a bond.
I guess that’s why I keep certain pictures from our wedding and when she was pregnant etc.
I’m delusional and holding on to those pictures so I can live in the past because it hurts less.

It takes a long time to get over a divorce. Don’t beat yourself up. You might not be ready to date yet.

@Cooper_Saldana Wow! I understand better now. 15 years is a long time. Also, you gave your youth to her. I understand about still having feelings for her, but you need to make room for new things in your life. To move on.

When loving or fond thoughts of her come into your head, replace them with images of her cheating on you or of the two of you fighting. You even gave her a second (or third? or fourth?) chance and she still gave up on your marriage. Just make sure that you do not gild your memories, but that you remember everything, the whole enchilada.

Take care of yourself as you learn to live alone again.

I actually don’t think it’s terrible to have pictures of your ex on your phone. As @dappled_leaves said, these days people may not have any printed photos. When a relationship ended historically, most sane people didn’t go through and burn all photos of their past lover. I still have photos of my first husband. He’s part of my life, my history. So, if you want to keep those images on your phone, do so.

I would be concerned if you regularly looked at those photos or offered to show people you meet the photos. That would suggest you really do have a long way to go to get over this woman. So my problem would be with how you interact with the images. I can’t imagine why a woman you were dating would ask to see your ex. I don’t think I have ever done that. Are you talking about your ex on dates?

As @janbb said, it takes a long time to get over such a long relationship. It can take years not months. It’s obvious from your comments here that you loved (still love) your ex and you are still healing. If you feel you are stuck in that grieving process, and it is a grieving process, seek some help from a professional. It really can help you move on. In the meantime, it’s good to have you here @Cooper_Saldana.

Keep them if you want to

@sone Would it bother you, if you were a new person dating this fellow, knowing that he is divorced and “supposedly” moving on if he had a bunch of pictures of his ex wife in his phone? I would be worried that he was not ready for a new relationship, even though he says he is. I would see that as a big red flag.