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Aubs427's avatar

How to prevent estranged parents/family from constantly stalking and knocking on my door?

Asked by Aubs427 (421points) April 17th, 2017

I have written about my situation on here in the past. To make a long story short, I went NC with my parents as they were highly abusive and I have remained estranged from them for almost an entire year. I’ve ignored e-mails they’ve sent and stayed strong when they tried sending my sister as a mediator.

However, at the time I originally had moved out, my husband had provided our current address as at the time, we tried to do the “right thing”. After a year of trying to get them to understand the damage they’ve done to me and ‘fixing’ the relationship, I realized that there was no point because they could never admit their wrongs and just blamed me so I decided to move forward with complete NC.

My situation now is that they’ve all of a sudden, out of nowhere, decided to show up pounding on my door. Mind you, they REFUSED to visit me when I was on speaking terms with them. They also never attempted any visits when they first received my NC letter. The first time they showed was this past Friday. I wasn’t even home and happened to see them standing in front of my door and even watched my mom trying to wiggle at our door knob… Now, last night they showed up yet again; this time I was home. My husband and I immediately muted our TV (It wasn’t that loud to begin with but windows were open) and we ignored every pound and knock.

They literally camped in my complex’s parking lot for over an hour, moving their car into different spots, i’m guessing, to remain un-suspicious. My husband watched them looking into people’s cars because we assumed they were looking for our old car my husband used to have as they don’t know we have since purchased a new car and they don’t know that our assigned parking slots don’t match our actual apartment number.

My mom came up by herself a second time knocking, again, at least 8 times on our door. We ignored every knock and remained quiet as mice. Our security complex has varying hours and while I wish they could also camp and keep a look out for them; no one can predict when they’re going to show up.

This means that now I’m at a point while I know a restraining order is an option…It takes time to get one. Does anyone here have any advice on what I can do in the mean time to keep them from harassing/stalking me like this?! I can’t continue to live in paranoia like this.

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5 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

1. Get a restraining order to keep them away from you. You can get a temporary one from the sheriff that will be in place until a court issues a permanent one.

2. Next time they show up, call the police.

Patty_Melt's avatar

EACH time they show up, call the police.

Seek's avatar

It may depend on your local area.

Where I live, there has to be some legitimate fear in order to file a restraining order. Having a police report helps.

Next time they swing by for a little recon mission, call the cops. Get it in writing from the local PD/Sheriff’s deputy that you’ve reported them stalking you, that you’ve repeatedly asked them to not contact you, and that you’re afraid of what they’ll do if they find you.

THEN file a restraining order. Remember that the no contact order goes both ways – you cannot contact them either, or you will be in violation.

Source: Broke contact with my family 9 years ago.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I think harassment and stalking is is a valid reason. A complete stranger isn’t allowed to bang on your door, refusing to go away, and lurk in your parking lot. Neither should family members. (Note to your family: Moving the car every so often is more likely to draw attention than just sitting!)

canidmajor's avatar

There are excellent resources and a lot of good advice from people who have experienced these issues at this site, outofthefog.net. The site gives advice on legal issues and options and will likely have more specific and pertinent advice on your issue than you will find here or elsewhere that is more general. The site is anonymous, and deals with various concerns dealing with families that have members with Cluster B disorders.
Good luck with this, going NC is, in itself, difficult enough, dealing with the hoovering and flying monkeys and other methods of harrassment can be beyond awful.
Please, check them out over there, they are very comprehensive, and understand the emotional component of dealing with families in these circumstances.

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