I dream about an estranged friend every night. It's been a year since our fight. Is this normal?

And the question is?

Two observations:

1) unless (or until) she sees the need to reconnect with you – and that may never happen—then nothing is going to change.

2) dreaming and obsessing about this will do nothing positive. It will eat you alive.

Far better to put her out of your mind. If by some chance she decides to reconnect, then consider it a wonderful surprise.

You obviously still feel the loss; hence the dreams. It would be a shame if the split were permanent but it doesn’t seem like you are ready to face whatever part you may have played in the break-up. It may take more time for each of you to sort out your feelings but I hope you can resolve things.

For now, I wouldn’t try for a reconciliation. You are mourning the loss of a friendship that really is no longer there. It’s very understandable. I think you need to try to put her out of your mind and make new and lasting friends.
You know in your heart that at the end, she wasn’t really a good friend. Good friends don’t treat others the way she treated you. They are happy when their friends are happy or have good news. She sounds toxic. Maybe in a few years, when she has resolved her feelings, you can reconnect, but now is not the time.

I will understand if your friend got hurt because of the idea that she’ll become the thrid wheel of your new relationship with someone else. Sometimes, people don’t want to share their close connections with other people, she’s probably one of those people. Have the habit and the intensity of your relationship with her changed after the sudden appearance of this newfound love of yours? She too, deserve a better or equal level of importance in your relationship. Is it possible for you to help her find a boyfriend? With her having a boyfriend herself, any of her action in ridiculing your relationship with your bf will be invalidated.

At the end of the day, a dream is just a dream, it’s not a hunch nor is it a predetermined future that you’ll face. A dream is also not permanent so you’ll eventually forget about her (or your brain will get tired thinking about her).

@janbb I did offer her an apology if she felt that any of my behavior was hurtful to her, but truthfully, her main complaint was that I was too happy and talked about my relationship too much. I understand that it can very annoying when someone only wants to talk about their partner, but it was to the point that if I so much as mentioned him she would get very angry and bitter. It’s unfair and unrealistic to expect someone to never mention their partner in conversation, especially if they live together and are planning a future. She has a thing where she likes to control people and this was an aspect of my life she really couldn’t control because it didn’t involve her.

@chyna Yes, you are probably right. It’s been especially hard since our falling out seems to have negatively impacted our entire social group. We can’t all hang out anymore because we don’t get along so we no longer plan things together. It’s been really hard for me and I’ve been trying to make more friends in my current city, but these are lifelong childhood friendships. However, as you said, you can’t be friends with toxic people who aren’t happy for you.

@Unofficial_Member I think that the “third wheel” fears are how it started, but then it got more jealous and bitter over time. She desperately wanted love but tends to scare interested parties off with her bad behavior but always blamed it on her father’s death. It also got the point where she was OBSESSED with having a boyfriend and I tried to give her support and advice as best I could. My mother passed away a few years ago, but it didn’t stop me from finding love. I think that seeing that brought a lot of things to the surface for her and she couldn’t deal so she lashed out at me instead. Unfortunately, she sees herself as the victim in all situations so of course, it’s my fault that she treated me poorly.

You have lost a friendship which has been a major part of your life.
Drugs are not the only way we can suffer withdrawl.
To lose a loved pet, a long term relationship, a beloved artifact, all can cause us to feel the pain of loss.
Of COURSE your pain is deep enough to spill into your dreams. It is absolutely normal.
Suffering this hurt is no indicator that you should try further to reconcile.
It is sad when these things happen, but happen they do.
Dreams are not the same for everybody. Some people are able to will an evolution into their dreams. You might try that. Whenever you are awake and think of her, have a list of specific memories which you are particularly fond of, and go to one of those. Think through it in detail. After a while, perhaps your dreams will follow the same path.
May I offer congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals, and wish you many happy years ahead.

What I grew up realizing is, you really get to choose who you surround yourself with. You should not feel obligated to be friends with someone just because you’ve known them for a long time.

I think it might be normal that you are dreaming about your estranged friend. Perhaps it is on your mind and you feel unsettled about how things ended. I can relate. I am also in my 20’s, and as I age, I have had to drop friends as well. And similar to you, I also dropped a friend that I had been close with for over a decade. The friendship was just draining, and left me unhappy, so I decided to end it. And, I have also had dreams about this estranged friend. I suppose I miss this friend, even though I know that it was best to cut off ties, I still had random dreams about them. They were still a part of my life, and a part of my journey.

The dreams are probably normal. I try not to spend so much time analyzing dreams, but it can be rather interesting to do.

You miss her. But it’s time to let her go. Make a new circle of friends.

I had a major falling out with a friend a few years ago. I could not stop thinking about him for about a week. He was just constantly on my mind. I finally text to see how he was and turned out he had fallen into a major depression. my texting to check on him helped to lift his spirits and we ended up becoming friends again. your person may be going through something and since you were so close you feel it. contact them to see if everything is okay.

@ktaylor0525 The fight was over a year ago, not last week. Also, when we did try to talk it out over email about six months ago, she reacted very poorly and denied any wrongdoing even though she treated me very poorly. I don’t think reaching out would be healthy at this point.