How To Get Back At My Ex-Best Friend?

Trying to get revenge is not a way to get closure; working on what happened and why with a counselor or therapist is. You have to figure out who and what you want to become.

I’mma tell you a story.

Once upon a time, when @Seek was a teenager, the Interwebs was a fairly new thing for the general public to be involved with. This was back in the dark ages when you had to use a phone line to connect to the internet at the speed your phone runs on when you’re out of high speed data. It took hours to download a single song from Napster. Google it – it was scary.

Anyway, @Seek was a nerd. (Seek still is a nerd, but that’s beside the point). Being a nerd wasn’t “cool” yet, so Seek was picked on quite a lot. When Seek was in Freshman year of high school, the Columbine shooting happened (Google it). Seek fit the general description of the kids who did that – dorky, no friends, long trenchcoat, etc.

Seek was voted Person Most Likely to Blow Up the School in the Slam-books (Google it) that went around.

Once, word got out that Seek had a website that she maintained. Now, this website was just a fandom website, but again – the interwebs was a new thing and it was a dark and scary place for non-nerds to think about. The rumour was that it was a website where Seek plotted her attack on her enemies at the school!

People demanded the URL of Seek’s website. Oh no! Seek thought, I can’t let them see my fandom website because it will only make the teasing worse!

So, Seek made a new website. And instead of getting revenge on the people who made her life a living hell, Seek spent a good deal of time (and Internet minutes) thinking of every person who had said a mean thing to her, and wrote something positive about them. Then she gave a paper with the URL to one person in her English class.

And the teasing stopped for like two friggin’ weeks. It was glorious.

And ten years after high school graduation, most of the worst bullies had already killed themselves with accidental drug overdoses, so Seek won in the long run without having to pull off any actual revenge.

The end.

First, I’m very sorry this happened to you. It sounds like it has been difficult.

Second, I agree with @janbb. Revenge will not give you closure. No amount of revenge will undo the painful experiences… and you don’t want to reduce yourself to inflicting emotional abuse back on the person who did that to you (even if it seems like she “deserves” it). I think jan’s suggestion of finding a counselor or therapist is a good one—they’re trained and practiced in helping people deal work through emotionally difficult situations, in helping people figure things out.

Third, good story @Seek!

Although it may not feel this way right now, I can promise you your life isn’t ruined. It may not be where you expected it to be at this point, but as someone who has had my plans fall apart on me several times, I know (because I’ve learned) that there’s always another route out there—even if it’s not immediately apparent. Talking with a counselor, or even with people in your life who you trust, can help you begin to find your footing again.

Welcome to Fluther.

Thinking of revenge only entangles you psychologically with this toxic ‘friend’. Don’t think of getting back at her it would be better to get away from her and keep away from her. She hasn’t ruined your chance of happiness and you shouldn’t give her that power. Your life is just beginning,.

It’s been said that holding a grudge damages you more than the person that you are resentful against. I believe that this is true in the long run if you persist.

Living well is the best revenge.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else—you are the one who gets burned.”

“Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent-free in your head.”

“Living well is the best revenge.”

These are all popular adages for a reason. In fact, living well is the only revenge. Everything else is just making your entire life worse in exchange for the slight possibility of making someone else’s life worse for a brief moment. It’s a losing proposition all around.

Don’t spend the time and energy on this person that you are considering. Move on. If you need a therapist in order to do so, then go to therapy. Life is too short to be tangled up in anger or revenge. Do something positive for yourself and your life.

I wake up having nightmares and thinking about getting revenge on my ex wife regularly.
Then the sun shines through the window and a new day begins and I’m nowhere near her and I’m glad I never did anything to get back at her for cheating.
I would just be hurt and have gotten myself in trouble.
Getting space from that person really is the absolute best thing you can do until enough time passes that you can recover and focus on other things.
Good luck.

Adopt and maintain appropriate boundaries with yourself as well as with others.

Your best revenge is living well.