Is it important to talk about yourself?

You just described me. I was raised to ask questions in conversations. I guess there is sort of a weird balance.

I have run a chatroom for about 8 years. A small place with people that I consider good friends I have gathered over the internet. Here is the thing.

Nobody gives a single shit about me. And this is totally fine.

Last week when I woke up in blinding pain while I frantically tried to find a dentist that could see me ASAP. You wanted to talk about your lunch.

Barely a shit given.

So fuck twitter and facebook. Narcissism is the new normal.

There is a balance in conversation, although I would urge you to stick with being inquisitive of others and not expository about yourself.

To “talk about yourself” more, especially when talking to your dad’s GF, react to her statements and express how you feel about her answers. If she mentions a band, don;t criticize it, but say of you like it or not, an then mention bands you prefer and why.

“I like Imagine Dragons better than 21 Pilots because think they are better to dance to.”

“Guardians of the Galaxy is, in my opinion, better than Avengers because it has funny parts in it.”

It’s important to be who you are and comfortable in your own skin. When you find the things you love, you will be able to engage with others on those topics.

Check what are the common interests you share with your dad’s gf. It would be easier to talk about them rather than small talk which you aren’t comfortable with. You are inquisitive about others so it shouldn’t be hard for you to figure what they are.

It may be important.
In my case there just isn’t much to say.

I’m not that interesting.

It is completely understandable how you feel. I feel the same way. It surprises me when friends describe me as mysterious, as I am willing to share details if they were to ask. Most just seem to care about sharing what is going on in their life.

In the case with your dad, it may be a bit different of a scenario. It sounds as if he just wants you to accept the current lady in his life and bond with her. While it is important to him, what is being overlooked is your personality.

My advice is to either talk to your father or the gf or both about how you feel most comfortable communicating and why. I had to do this with an older brother and his Wife #2, and it seems to be working.

No, it’s not important. To be “engaged” is to pay attention and ask questions. It doesn’t have to be about you.

With your dad’s girlfriend, were you being quiet and not talking at all? It seems from what you wrote that maybe that was the case. Was she trying to talk to you and you gave curt responses?

You said you’re not good at small talk. I think the thing with small talk is the more you do it, the easier it becomes. People tell me I’m great with small talk. I don’t always want to do it, because it takes energy, but when I start and the other person responds, then the conversation will just flow. Sometimes the conversation can start with the weather, sometimes with something about what someone is wearing (“I love your handbag! Where did you get it? Oh, I was just at Macys’ this weekend and they had 30% off. I’m looking for a nice handbag for spring.). Sometimes it can be about what you did this weekend or your drive over to this event (“there was so much traffic on the Taconic so I took a back road. It was beautiful and I saw a lot of nice old houses next to the river”). Sometimes if there’s a pet, you can talk about the pet as a conversation opener. “I love dogs but I can’t have one because I’m not home all day. My mom has a basset hound. I have cats.” Other topics can include “do you live around here,” “do you work around here,” all sorts of little bullshit things that are good ways to get to know someone.

It understandable that your father wants you to get along with his girlfriend but I dont think he should put pressure on you to talk with her. Not hating her is good enough for starters and talking about anything would be good. The situation with dads, girlfriends and daughters is always fraught and this situation is not of your making. I think your dad should more aware of that and cut you some slack but I would try to be pleasant with the woman if possible.

I am also highly introverted and can relate to what you say, but I know there must be a balance in conversations. Too much talk about self is annoying, but some is needed. If you just keep asking questions about the other person, they can feel that they are just being pumped to provide information without getting anything back.

That seems like a pretty immature thing for your Dad to say.
No, I don’t think you should talk about yourself. From what you described, you’re doing it right.

No, unless someone actually asks you.
Most of the time, it’s gets annoying real fast to talk about your life.