What was the feeling when you became father for the first time?

I am unable to answer that question as I have no children. Just answering in case someone wanted to know…

Exhaustion.

I cried. I remember and still feel the great love.

I was walking on air telling random strangers in the street & felt like a superhero must when they first find out their powers are extraordinary.

As a mother, I am curious to know also how you each felt about this woman who just gave birth to your child.
Love? Pity? Worry? Appreciation? Jealousy that she did and you can’t?

Incredible feeling, with both kids, even more so with birth of grand kids. @Patty_Melt All the above, except pity and jealousy. An incredible woman. Any female that put up with me for 36 years would have to be!

Guys, I’m curious when your wife or SO had the baby, did you feel any jealousy toward the baby? I have heard that when the woman’s attention goes from the man to so much attention to the baby, men sometimes feel a bit of resentment and put out.

When we were first handed our daughter in this dingy hotel hall in nowhere China, I thought, “Wow! A baby.” And she just immediately ‘fit’ — was part of the team, as it were. Instantly, I started telling her stories about our life and family and how much I loved her even though I just met her. It was instantaneous.

That night, she couldn’t sleep naturally. To us it’s an adoption. To her, it’s a kidnapping. I played Stan Getz on my laptop and she stopped crying, mesmerized by the kaleidoscope screensaver. Later, I walked the hotel halls with her for hours. I must have sang Blue Skies over a hundred times. The whole time I felt that this was as it was meant to be.

Blue skies, smiling at me
Ain’t nothing but blue skies do I see

I could cry.

I dunno. I don’t remember back that far.

How was it when you became father for the first time?

Hard to explain. It was like some parts of me were finally called into service. Like there was a new purpose for so much of what we do in a day. Like @cookie it seemed there were so many stories to tell her and I just wanted her to know them all. It was by far the biggest change in my life to this point.

We also spent most of the first week in the NICU, so I was constantly bouncing back and forth between my wife and my daughter, I didn’t sleep much but didn’t feel tired, just calm and purposeful.

@Patty_Melt – I think the closest word I can think of is companionship for how I felt with my wife right after. I was thrilled for her, she had been through a lot and I knew she was so happy to be there. There was a bit of acknowledging she’d done her part (high five!) and I’d take the next part so she could rest. I don’t know anyone that’s felt jealousy right after, it doesn’t seem like a fun time.

@jca – no jealousy toward the baby either. There was definitely some differences in our expectations of life together after kids and things we just didn’t anticipate, but it was never about focus on me vs. focus on my daughter. She was #1 for both of us, we just had to rethink everything further down the list, and that took time and discussion.

Apparently, my father lit a cigar. He never told me how he felt. I was my Mothers 3rd child and my Fathers 1st so he probably was happy. 16 years later, not so much

@SergeantQueen – I’m not making excuses for your dad, and know absolutely nothing about him, but the idea that you’re not sure really hits home. Being a parent is hard partially because you want everything to be better for your children, you want to fix all your flaws in them while giving them your best. It doesn’t work like that, and it’s not always obvious. Sometimes we have trouble getting out of our own way.

Two things I can say with very close to certainty though

1) I’m sure you’ve given your dad joy, even if it’s not expressed
2) His problems and shortcomings are never your fault or responsibility

I’m not sure about that either, but as the father and grandpa of both girls and boys, I can express that it’s a different thing with girls than with boys. You always have to be careful what kind of turds your daughter or grand daughter are attracted to after they reach a certain age, whereas with boys, while there is still a concern about their activities, a word of caution is hopefully all that’s necessary. As my dad told me when I reached a certain age, “If you want to dip your wick, be sure and use an umbrella.”