@Hawaii_Jake No, I didn’t. I said you can peel that last layer without someone else in your life. It sounds like you have overcome most of what happened in your childhood. You are happy, out of the closet, etc.
Everyone is fucked by their childhood in some way, to some degree, in adulthood we have perspective, and we can become who we want to be, who we were supposed to be. I was just noticing a similarity I find among gay people, and it certainly isn’t all gay people.
I see similarities in children of abuse, again not all of them, children of very very strict parents, only children, first born children. It’s a set of stereotypes. So, it isn’t any sort of hard and fast rule that seals the fate of a person. There are books written on this shit, I’m not the only one. I haven’t seen a book about gay people, but I know some of the stereotypes passed around in this part of the country, heavy drinkers, worried about outward appearance. My gay BIL was a walking stereotype, he seems to have changed significantly over the years. Partly, because of his husband, and partly I think because he is finally out in the open about who he is. I am regarding my ethnicity I think. A little too paranoid, a little neurotic at times. Too many ruminating thoughts that interrupt my ability to move forward at times. I try to do better. I think a lot of Jews are like this, maybe the Jews like that are the ones who survived, because a little paranoia might have been a good thing since throughout history “they” really were coming after us.
I think awareness about these things can help us overcome. Knowing the why, seeing the patterns, and seeing how other people handle things can teach us. People outside of the “group” can be really eye opening. How different their perspective on life is. My husband has practically zero fear, it’s very interesting for me to be around him.
When I had trouble with my SIL I read up on cultural norms in Mexican families, and she fits a lot of it to a tee. That whole family does, but my husband doesn’t. He broke free. He sometimes has bits of what I find to be negative, but all of us have a little of it. Everything falls on continuums.