A family member is in the hospital. What level of involvement does your family show?

I imagine it would depend what I was in the hospital for. If it were for something major, I would hope one of my sons would come but since they each live 3,000 miles away, probably only friends would come if it were something minor.

It would depend on who was sick and on what was wrong. If it was a very close relative (husband, parent, child), and they were very sick, I’d want to be there. However, if it was a married sibling, I’d be guided by my relationship with that person and what their family need. Certainly, I’d want to visit them, but their own immediate family would guide me as to how much time I spent at the hospital. Aunts/uncles, cousins – again, it would depend on how close our relationship is and what the family want.

Let’s assume it’s an unmarried member of the family with no kids.

Again it depends on the illness. Small operation, stay a few hours during the day. No need to stay at night. That’s why the nurses are there. Something huge, perhaps a person could die, I’d stay as long as I was allowed.

I’m in the emergency room twice a year for panic attacks. I only tell my mom. If anyone.

Most hospital have visiting hours with some leeway, but no overnight expect if the patient is in ICU and then you may have to stay in the visitor’s lounge, with once an hour for 5 minutes..

This happens to us. We spend the day and night and are with her pretty much 24/7

My elderly mother had a stroke last week. I slept in her hospital room the first night, on a loveseat that extends out to become a cot.

I cancelled work for the week and stayed in town ( I live 3 hours away by car). For four days I was spending most of my time with her because we don’t know when the doctors will come by and I want to hear what they say and ask questions.

After the prognosis and treatment plan became clear, I went to 3 or 4 hours in the morning and 3 of 4 hours in the evening.

Tomorrow she moves to the rehab/physical therapy unit. I will stay to get her settled in the new digs. I’m going home and my brother will spend the next week in town.

It depends entirely on the medical situation. I have been the family member in the hospital for a number of things. Mostly I don’t want people there 24/7 as I find it exhausting. A daily visit, if it’s not extended, from a close person is appreciated.
That said, nobody in my family has had a stroke, or been in a life and death situation for very long. I always stay for the entire surgery, and wait til they wake up.

I’m one who, if it were me, I’d not want any guest there constantly.

I was in the hospital long term once, and once when I had the baby (two day stay). For the long term time, the hospital had no set visiting hours so it was totally whatever was convenient for me. My family came a few times and my mom came every other day, as it was an hour ride for her and she was caring for my one year old. I am not the type that wants someone feeling obligated to keep a vigil by my bedside. I value my privacy and liked to have time to read and rest. If I want to go to the bathroom or take a shower, I don’t want someone in my room hanging out. That’s ok, I’ll see you another day.

That said, if it were someone close to me and they were on their deathbed, I’d probably stay for long periods of time. It all depends on what they’re in the hospital for and how critical their illness is.

It depends on the person, the problem, where they live, etc.

If my dad is in the hospital, and it’s not dire, and my mom can be with him, I don’t break my return to fly up to where he lives. If he lived where I live, I’d go to see him every day if it was a short stay, but maybe only ever few days otherwise.

When my husband had surgery and wasn’t healing well afterwards I stayed almost day and night for three days because I didn’t trust the hospital to take care of him. They made all sorts of shit mistakes.

If I’m in the hospital and I can talk for myself and not very very disabled from whatever ails me, it’s nice to have a visitor once in a while, but I don’t need anyone there day and night. Especially if it’s uncomfortable fir my husband or if he needs to work, he doesn’t have to be with me constantly. I wouldn’t even bother to tell people I was in the hospital if everything was expected to be ok.

To piggyback on what @JLeslie says – which I agree with – I do think the first day or so post-surgery it is great to have a family member there for most of the day. They can be aware of your discomfort level and help get attention when needed or help with eating or getting a drink. Beyond that first crucial period, some visiting time is lovely but I wouldn’t expect or need constant company.

When I was a kid my mom would pretty much sit with me in the hospital 24/7. I appreciated that at the time because hospitals were still pretty scary to me back then.

First time I got hospitalized in college, I went in alone (didn’t really have friends yet) and was texting my mom the whole time, who was 4 hours away. After a little while she decided to stop texting me and hit the road and she arrived late in the night. Some might think this helicopter parent-ish or something but I appreciated it. I was still young enough that I was scared and wanted my mom.

Second time I got hospitalized in college, I had a boyfriend by that point who was with me there, and my mom felt safe leaving me in his care, which was fine.

The third time, I was thoughtful enough to have my crisis while home on break, so my parents didn’t have to drive :P

My most recent hospitalization, my parents I’m sure would have felt comfortable leaving me in my boyfriend’s care, except that it ended up devolving into a emergency surgery situation and they wanted to see me for their own peace of mind. Problem is they are now a 10 hour drive away. They hit the road at MIDNIGHT because that’s when this shit was going down. They arrived a few hours after I was out of surgery and didn’t stay for long. I can hardly remember seeing them. But they needed to see me in that situation. They are good parents. In case that isn’t obvious yet. My dad was the one who noticed that my pain pump was fucked up and all the medication was going onto the ground instead of into me. I appreciated THAT quite a lot.

My boyfriend was with me pretty much constantly during this, at the beginning. He took a few days off of work. When my parents arrived, he went home to “take a nap” and accidentally slept for like 16 hours because he’d been awake for so long. Once it was obvious I wasn’t about to keel over on him at any moment, he went back to work, but he still came back to the hospital every evening to see me. My best friend also visited twice, and a work buddy planned to come but then he got a cold and didn’t want to kill me so he stayed away. I had some Fluther buddies messaging me a bunch too, which helped more than I think they realized. All of the visitation was great, I’m normally much more bored and grumpy in the hospital than I was that time around.

When I was in the hospital in 2012 there was quite a bit of involvement, but I don’t remember any of it. Rick was there every day, and I know the kids, all but one, came up a few times in those two weeks.

When I was in the hospital in about 1994 for an ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me, there was virtually no involvement. My boyfriend brought the kids up to see me, but no one else came. My Mom lived in Seattle, a sister in California. I had a sister who lived just a few miles from me but she did not come up. She did not visit me or even call one time after I got out.

When my daughter had surgery recently, I was ready to do what needed to be done, including moving in with her.

I never know. It really depends on the person. I know, I don’t like to see anyone when I don’t feel my best and hospitals suck about letting you sleep at night. Always waking you up to check and see if you are ok. After I had my tubes tied, I was dying to go home and get some much needed sleep. Combine that with visitors and it just sucks. Only one I’m okay with visiting me in the hospital is close family that have seen me at my worst, so they won’t mind if I turn around and tell them to go home so I can get some sleep. I think if the sick person puts it out there that they would like visits to pass the time, than great. But if I’m in a hospital, I will be usually trying to get as much rest as I can. It is already difficult to sleep in one with all noise and people walking by and talking.Plus, I always feel unguarded because they don’t let you lock the door as you sleep.