OK, here is what prompted the question. I had a friend in Jr. High. I’ll call her “Deb.” We lost track of each other after graduation. Then we reconnected on FB just a few years ago. We don’t know that much about each other. However, after I accepted her friend request we started talking. She is very, very forthright, very direct. That’s probably why we were friends. She’s things that I’m not.
Almost immediately she sent me a link to her cancer page. It’s a page where she is detailing her cancer and her treatments for the world to see. She told me early on that she was probably terminal. I, personally, would not start such a page if I was sick. I don’t think I’d post anything about it at all, but it is obviously something she wanted to do and if it makes her feel better, so be it.
At our 40th reunion we hung out for a bit, and I still really like her.
Recently another classmate of ours, I’ll call him “John,” sent her a friend request. She called me and asked what he was like today, and should she accept his friend request ”...or is he just going to be another ringside spectator to my dying,” she said. I thought that was odd, since she updates her cancer page everyday.
I said, “Oh, John is really sweet. He’s really religious. Really harmless. He’ll just make comments like, ‘God’s loving grace will guide you and comfort you.’ ” I know I had a bit of “SMH” tone in my voice, but I think she missed it, thank goodness.
Then she told me they told her she wouldn’t see another Christmas. What does one say at that point? I just got quiet.
Then she started talking about heaven, and all the people she would see there. That’s when it hit me she is religious and believes all of that.
I instantly changed gears in my head, and just listened. She said, among other things, “I think Lisa (another old classmate that I never really knew, who died) is sitting up there saying, “Come on Deb! Hurry up and get up here! We have some partying to do!”
She didn’t come out and ask what my personal beliefs were….I’m sure she just took it for granted that I was a Christian too, because everyone from our generation is.
But as my mind turned I wondered what I would have done if she had flat out asked. I think would have lied.
I was immersed in Christianity most of my life, believed (with reservations) all of my life. It would have been easy enough to rekindle all of that and have a believable, make-believe conversation.
And I can tell you, that just because I’ve known someone my whole life does not mean they know of my religious beliefs. My sisters do not know, my family does not know. The people I stayed close with after high school do not know. My kids, who I raised in the church, have started figuring it out, but that’s cool because they came to the same conclusion themselves. Pretty sure they were afraid to tell me! I’m sure they thought the same as I did, that it would really hurt me. So it’s come out gradually to the people I’m closest to. My husband for one. But it’s been a gradual awareness for him too.
There are a ton of people who don’t know. My hairdresser, for example, who talks about God every time I get my hair done (and I don’t care. We talk about other things too.) I have NO need to discuss my beliefs with anyone, or to dismiss anyone elses beliefs. I feel no need to “convert.” No need whatsoever.
So, since I’m an atheist I have no moral compass, of course, so I have no problem lying my ass off if it makes someone feel better! I suppose if I had a moral compass I would tell the truth, no matter what, no matter how it might shatter someone. I would argue with a dying person for the sake of not lying.