Do you wish you had picked an easier road in life?

The only thing I wish, is that I took better care of myself and my weight when I was younger now in my mid fifties 100lbs over weight and bad arthritis in my knees, hard to get that back.
Other than that everything is great, I have a super wife, we have worked hard to get totally out of debt.
Never regretted once about choosing not to have children.
So I really don’t see any easier road we could have chosen, work or family life.

Not at all

No. In one, very big respect, I took an easier road, but I didn’t know it at the time. I didn’t have children. I now sometimes envy those that did, but I wasn’t interested in that during the years when I could have given a child my best. And I was not a good role model in those days. I think I did the right thing.

I do a much better uncle. I’m the uncle who shows up out of nowhere at Christmas loaded with presents for the nieces and nephews. The one who hitch-hiked across the States, then bicycled back, who lived in Europe for a decade, who was a merchant marine and a nurse, who lived on a sailboat somewhere in the Caribbean and now on a fruit and nut plantation. The one with all the stories.

The one who is never around long enough to become a bore, or a boor.

No, I wish an easier road had picked me. haha
Nah, no point in wasting time and energy mulling over past roads taken or not taken. I’ve taken a few of the less traveled path and while I miss my days of abundance on the peaceful trail of prosperity I’m more concerned with the future road I am traveling now than any past roads.

I have to face with that choice at the moment, leading a dull but more secure life or a life full of risk and uncertainty but exactly the same as my fantasy. There is only one choice and once a road is chosen there is no turning back. It’s a difficult decision.

But so far I have learned that it’s better that the brain and the heart come to a compromise. People always say “follow your heart”, but it isn’t 100% a good advice. We need the brain to guide the heart to the most practical way and keep the entire body out of trouble. It takes more than just a heart to be successfull.

No. I wouldn’t change anything. I feel all the events of my life have shaped me into who I am, and I’m fine with who I am. I wouldn’t want to be in a different place to where I am now – emotionally or physically.

I’m not sure that was ever one of my choices.

Well firing housestaff & purchasing quality polo ponies can get quite stressful at times, but hey…I soldier on.

No major regrets. Looking back things have worked out very well for me despite a few missteps.

@Mimishu1995 Very well said.

I wish I was more of an achiever in high school. I was an underachiever. I have a very decent life now but I didn’t strive in high school, and maybe I could have done more with myself if I did.

Nope. Funny this question came up. On a web site one of their security questions asked, “What is your most defining moment?” I found that interesting. I didn’t chose that as my question because the answer would be too long, but it got me thinking. There were many defining moments in my life. But the one that was most defining (because I chose it) was the day I met my husband. On that day we set the whole course for our lives together. The good and the bad. We would’ve been on totally different paths in life.I would’ve gone to law school, and maybe done well, or maybe not. He would’ve maybe been in jail. He was very sweet but also vindictive when people took advantage of him. He was definitely the, I will burn the whole house down with me in it, if I have too.

I was a skeptic, times 50 of what I am now. He changed me and I changed him.all for the better. No. I would not change a thing. Together we rose and in the bad times we held onto each other. I wonder what I might’ve been as a lawyer, but then there was no guarantee that i would’ve been a successful one. But as a mom and a wife, and I think as a human being. I did pretty good.I never defined success by things. Only by happiness.

Well… I wish that I had chosen different paths, but whether they were harder or easier seems subjective, complicated, and different in the long run, and in hindsight.

I wish I had “chosen a harder path” in the sense of a young love I was afraid to pursue, that I like to think (and suffer to regret) could have turned out much easier.

I wish I had “chosen the easier path” in the sense of running from another relationship that instead I got stuck in, but that both seemed hard bust I think was being subconsciously chosen because it seemed easier in some ways.

What seems more accurate is I wish I had been more authentic and courageous and honest and wise in my early romantic commitments. Those paths seemed terrifying at times, but in hindsight I think would have turned out much happier and easier.

Yes. Wish I’d used my looks to parlay that into getting a rich man to marry me.

^ Well…you could always go find some rich 97 year old guy now and show some middle aged chick cleavage, feed him soup while his dentures soak. LOL

Gross.

I should have transferred to the university of Alberta In my second year of my bachelor’s degree. Instead of fighting a losing battle in my old campus.

What difference would it have made?

@stanleybmanly I wouldn’t have been In the toxic environment from my old campus. I would have had a clean slate and been able to take a short commute to classes from my fathers house. I would have had more food and free rent. and a direct bus to the university from my dads house. I could have gotten help sooner and not started time traveling.

@Dutchess III That rich man thing is one of those “grass is greener” situations that I suppose we’re all prone to find intruding into our thoughts. To me it’s a sure sign that I have too much free time. But if I catch myself at it while the wife is around, I run over struggling to suppress a grin, and ask her something like “Honey, would we be better off if I’d married you for your money?”

There have been a number of “crossroad” decisions I’ve made, and I always seemed to opt for the risk/reward (more difficult, if you will) option, and haven’t regretted it. But about 20 years ago I made a decision, for the harder road, that benefited a number of people a fair amount, but not me. I didn’t really expect it to, and back then I was more adaptable. Now, though, I sometimes regret that decision. There were too many variables I couldn’t have anticipated, and I am infinitely more tired, and certainly more broken than if I had taken the easier road.

stanleybmanly I disagree. It’s not necessarily a grass is greener thing. Money struggles suck. Our fricking society makes money very important. You know, for things like shelter and medical care and education.

Studies show people with more money are happier.

No one should marry for money, but money matters enough that I would advise don’t marry someone irresponsible with money, or who is broke all of the time, unless you have plenty of money yourself.

When I used to say I want to marry someone rich my dad would say, “no, you should want to make lots of money yourself, not rely on a man for it.” I appreciate that he tried to reinforce in his daughters to pursue their own career, money, and financial independence, but he never said the “grass looks greener” when looking at people with money. I agree with him. Money is freedom and independence in our country, and that also means power. Power over our own lives.

If society, income, and covering our basic needs was different, then I would feel differently. I live in a place where most people have socialized medicine (Medicare) reasonable housing costs, many many benefits included in the very reasonable maintenance fee, and a tremendous amount of volunteering that provides free learning and services. Money matters much less here in so many ways and it’s great. It’s just a small bubble in the vastness of our out of control, runaway, capitalistic society.

I can’t answer for @Dutchess_III but I do know she has lived in a very comfortable middle class way, and been in very hard economic times. She knows very well both ways of life.

I don’t recall an easier path ever being offered or available. I’d be happy to entertain one now though. Any offers?

@JLeslie there’s the problem. Marrying rich is an immortal ambition older than civilization itself. And there isn’t a single one of us who hasn’t witnessed up close and personal the principle applied.

In 1962 I had the chance to buy some of that Beatles stock at two cents a share. Instead, I stupidly invested $10,000 in Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme’ futures.

So here I sit, looking out the window at my 1964 Nash Rambler, still up on blocks…..

A good friend of mine freely admits that when she married her husband more than 30 years ago, she was hoping he’d be her knight in shining armor. He turned out to be a good provider and they are doing well, but he was far from what I think her ideal knight in shining armor would have been. I think it’s not uncommon and it’s a big mistake to have the attitude she had.

I’m much too independent to want to marry a meal ticket. Meal tickets always come with strings and in effect, you’re saying you’re for sale if the price is right.

I’d much rather be self-reliant, even if I’m not so wealthy. I can look myself in the mirror, I won’t have a man dictating to me how I should look or what I should do (or what I should not do). And if I want to leave, I can support myself.

I hope the days when women seriously think their best option in life is to marry a man who can provide for them are on the way out.

@Earthbound_Misfit Well said!

My aunt’s goal was to marry a rich man and she did. She becamse the rich man’s wife, his third wife. They built a big, beautiful mansion on the outskirts of a major American city, and he is world renowned for his craft. They have their fancy cars and they take luxurious vacations and eat in fancy restaurants with fancy people. As the rich man’s wife, she has to look the part. Hair and nails done, she works out in the gym still and she is in great shape, her clothing is expensive and she’s usually in suit and heels. She is lovely and poised when in public. She is now in her late 60’s and he’s in his late 70’s. He’s a great guy with an easy going personality, but when he used to get mad at her, he might not talk to her for weeks. She would get the serious cold shoulder. That was the price she paid. One could say “I’d never put up with that” but you have to pay some price, and for her, that was the price.

Melania has paid a high price too.

Yes good point @Dutchess_III. A higher price than my aunt, because my aunt’s husband is at least good looking! LOL

I wasn’t talking really about going after a super rich guy, but more acknowledging that some financial stability, reasonable financial ambition, and financial responsibility, are ok to look for in a spouse. No matter what I don’t think that should be a person’s only financial goal. Trying to have money through marriage, and not working at it yourself, usually doesn’t work well. Sometimes the work is helping your spouse succeed in his career, that’s ok if it’s an agreed upon team effort, but it can be a little scary for the spouse who is fairly dependent for multiple reasons.

@jca That’s the thing, I don’t think I ever could play the part of the rich man’s wife. The constant primping and concern about outward appearance, and appearances in general, it’s exhausting when I think about it. I would fail miserably.

@JLeslie. Me too. I’m too casual for that.

@JLeslie, I know your original question wasn’t about marrying someone rich. My post was a response to @Dutchess_III ‘s suggestion that she should have married a rich man.

And I too would not cope well with having to conform to someone else’s demands regarding how I look. I like clothes, but I’d much rather buy my own.

@jca When I was younger I was more able to do it. I dated an Ecuadorian-American guy for years, and the women in that family were always put together. High heals, trendy fashion, make-up, fabulous hair. It’s also easier when you have darker skin. I practically look pale and sick without make-up. Not that all the women were olive skinned, there were people with my coloring who had married (or dating) into the family, but almost all of us kept up with the polished nails, hair, etc.

My husband’s sister (Mexican-American) generally always is looking pretty fabulous, and now I can’t be bothered most of the time. I’m kind of in the middle, I can pull it together when I want, I just don’t bother daily.

@Earthbound_Misfit Yes, I knew what you were responding too. I was just saying to @stanleybmanly that I think the grass is greener is an overstatement. Life generally is harder when you don’t have enough money. It’s a horrible stress.

What @anniereborn said.

Yeah, I’ve been there. I’ve had times where I owned two dresses and couldn’t afford a cheap lipstick. I would still rather not sell my soul to a man so he will provide for me. I understand that not all wealthy men treat their partners like chattel, but I think if you go into a relationship with the understanding that they are going to ‘provide for you’, there’s a trade-off. You’d have to be very sure you want to pay the price. Personally, I would not want my life controlled by any man. I don’t want to feel obligated to my husband. I also don’t want to be vulnerable when my looks fade and my meal ticket goes looking for a younger model.

And I really don’t want my daughters thinking that’s a real option for them. I want them to be independent, self-assured women who can support themselves.

You can just as easily be rich, sad and depressed. If the person you’re with doesn’t value you beyond how you look, that’s not a recipe for a happy life.

Yeah, @JLeslie. I agree. I remember when I first started doing child protective work. I had someone’s file and read about how she was depressed, etc. I went to her apartment to meet her. She lived in a shit hole apartment, doors coming off the hinges, shitty slum lord landlord, etc. She had two kids, very active, acting up, special needs. She had no money, no car. I thought to myself “no wonder she’s depressed. I’d be depressed, too, if I lived in this shit hole with these kids, and couldn’t even take them to the movies or the park because of the lack of money.”

Who is talking about selling their soul? I’m just talking about you can love someone with money as easily as you can love someone without. You still have to have the love, respect, and all the other things that make a good relation. I’m not endorsing marrying only for money. I also would tell young girls to pursue their interests and asssume they will have a career. I’ve never been in favor of just going for an MRS degree.

When I was dating my husband I never imagined he would make as much money as he did, a lot of money wasn’t a priority, I just thought he had a strong work ethic, and I saw he had ambition. We were only 23 years old when we met. We did discuss money to the extent that we neither of us had any debt, except a car he was paying off. No credit card debt, no college debt. We both made around the same amount of money at the time.

@JLeslie, so you didn’t marry him ‘for his money’. You married him for who he was. If you had ended up quite poor, do you think you’d have regretted marrying him and would you wish you’d marry someone richer?

I agree it’s not fun to be poor. Of course, it’s not. However, I don’t agree people will necessarily be happier if they married someone because they are rich. Again, in terms of selling your soul, I was referring to @Dutchess_III‘s point about marrying a rich man. I think we are talking about different points. If you marry someone purely because they’re wealthy, you have sold yourself.

I also feel you can be just as miserable married to a rich man. A girlfriend of mine married a man who was quite wealthy. I should say she didn’t marry him for his money. She loved him and he was very attractive physically (as is she). However, ultimately, he was also very controlling, he was abusive, and while she had beautiful clothes, a gorgeous house, and fancy cars to drive, she was anything but happy. She was unhappy enough to give it all up and walk away from him. She had custody of the children, but she had to fight for them and she got very little by way of a financial settlement, but she was happy. She was really quite poor but happy.

In contrast, my parents started off and stayed financially quite poor. They didn’t have much at all, but they were in love and from what I have been told, they were happy. I’m sure they’d prefer to have had greater financial security, but I doubt they had have chosen to marry someone else to achieve a better financial situation.

It’s not about whether you can be just as miserable with a rich man. There are shitty marriages and shitty people at all income levels.

My husband and I are back at the income we were at almost 20 years ago. It’s driving my husband a little crazy. I don’t care. I don’t care because the things I enjoy aren’t very expensive, but his hobbies are, and his tastes are. I also feel good about our savings, so as long as we don’t have to touch our savings I feel fairly calm, I don’t care if we aren’t able to save right now.

If we had made much less money for all of these years I think we would have been just as happy. We probably wouldn’t have moved as much, who knows we might even have had less stress.

I think if we had had trouble paying our bills for months and years it would have been horrible, and maybe we wouldn’t be together? I don’t know. I can’t know that sort of what if, but certainly we all know money troubles are in the top three for divorce.

I think at 49 I would be very reluctant to date or marry a guy who has no assets or savings, unless there was some sort of tragedy in his life that explained it very well. Illness, or some sort of reason for a major loss or an inability to save. At age 25 I don’t expect anyone to have accumulated any wealth.

Doing a PhD may not have been the best use of my time. Right now, I am trying hard to find a job; maybe I will feel differently if I find a good one.

Yeah, getting my bachelors hasn’t done me much good, either. I’d have been better off starting as an admin assistant in some company, and used those 2 years I used to finish my degree working my way up, maybe taking classes relevant to my position.

As Willie Nelson says, “I know just what I’d change if I went back in time somehow, but there’s nothing I can do about it now”. My philosophy to a T.