What's the best way to kill someone with a cucumber?
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Shove it down their throat.
You want to weaponizing a cucumber? OK. I don’t want to give anyone any ideas. but…
Freeze it and use it like a club.
Freeze it and shape it into a spear point.
Insert something into it.
Fire it from a potato cannon
....
So many possibilities.
Soak slices in poison then serve it in a salad.
Bash them so hard in the throat with it that their esauphogus collapses.
Cut cuke in half. Shove the cut end of one half into the mouth of a corpse, and the cut end of the other half in the ass of the same corpse. Let intended victim see this corpse, and tell them they have eaten one of the same kind of seed this guy had. They will have an anxiety overload and possibly a heart attack.
Thinly sliced it and put it on a stair, hopefully someone step on it and fall down the stair. It’ll be as slippery as banana peel.
Steal a cucumber and get caught in traditional market. You’ll most likely get beaten to a pulp (and hopefully to death) by the locals. Oops, forgot to mention that that ‘someone’ would be yourself.
Fluther certainly has its deviants.~
Take the knife that you were about to use to slice the cucumber.
Use the knife to do the actual stabbing and hold the cuke in your right hand and say “Heeeyah”
Slice it and put it on a salad with their very favorite salad dressing. Maybe with a glass of their favorite wine, beer or cocktail.
Seat them in a comfy bungee cord chair.
Except it isn’t bungee cord, it’s det cord.
Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.
Detonate.
1. Have the person stand on a very high mountain cliff
2. Put an orange wig on the cucumber, and keep calling it ‘Mr. President’
3. Call 9–1-1, so everything looks like…..you know…..an accident….
Again @LuckyGuy beat me to it, fire it out of a potato cannon
Just feed it to me, I am allergic to raw cukes and ragweed. It wont kill me but I wish I was dead. It cause terrible gastric cramps, I can’t drive a car or concentrate.
Point out something unusual in the cucumber. While the victim bends down for a closer look shoot him in the back of the head.
…..why is @MrGrimm888 asking?
Should we be looking for headlines in the Charleston, South Carolina newspaper:
“police looking for suspects in horrifying vegetable slaying”
“Cucumber is suspected cause of death. Film at 11:00.”
@MrGrimm888 Whatever means you use, wash it off and use in a salad immediately.
Roald Dahl would be proud of you.
Strap it to a randy gorilla & have the beast intrude the victim’s anus…repeatedly.
Have to be a pretty cumbersome cucumber.
Toss it over the person’s head in an easy, soft toss, so they can wait to catch for it as it comes down from that high arc. And then shoot them while they watch the cucumber.
Oil the cucumber and place it on the stairs or in the shower for the best tripping and slipping action or…scare them to death with it, like this.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsysNml153M
Make that a resilient cu – cum – ber
@ragingloli Feel like I’ve seen that somewhere. It didn’t kill her.
@ARE_you_kidding_me Mine will fire a corn cob at 180 fps. That is the same energy as a 20 ga shotgun. A frozen cucumber could do a lot of damage at that velocity.
^I meant to give you credit @LuckyGuy . You hit it right on the head. I was thinking it could be sliced into knife-like portions, and frozen. Using it as a projectile is good too. I doubt you would have to freeze it if you can get it moving like that though. Maybe you could carve it into a evenly air dynamic projectile, to improve accuracy….
Maybe you could put rat poison in it,before you freeze it. Or silver, if you’re hunting werewolves with cucumbers…. Garlic stuffed for vampires…
@Dutchess_III No kidding, right? I mean contemplating murder by cucumber IS pretty sick. Why not just grab an ax, or load a shotgun? @chyna Whats deviant about doing things the easy way?
^Well. Everyone who responded to this thread ‘contemplated” it…
I have yet to contemplate it!
@LuckyGuy I have a design in my head for a multistage potato canon. Just waiting for when I feel like building it.
@ARE_you_kidding_me I have a single stage that I’ve optimized. We should talk. :-)
@MrGrimm888 I’ve used ice frozen in juice cans. They fit perfectly and slide as smooth as poop through a goose. And shatter in a spectacular explosion when they hit.
What is the best way to kill someone with a giant double dildo?
Wait for winter and stick the cucumber up their exhaust pipe and let them expire from carbon monoxide poisoning.
What is the 5he best way to kill some one with a Tbone steak?
^ Let it sit out for a couple days until it’s really ripe then cook it up chock full of botulism. LOL
Lock them in a room for 10 months with only cucumbers to eat.
^ Great idea..that would do it considering Cucumbers have little nutritional value and are super low calorie. The cucumber diet is guaranteed to help you lose a ton of weight, fast, and then you die. LOL
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