What would you do if you had plans with someone and they cancelled due to being sick but then you saw posts they put on FB, showing they went out anyway?

Why “do” anything ?? The liar-person was just revealing who they are. You pull the plug and move on.

I’m not on Facebook, but…..isn’t that the purpose of the ‘Unfriend’ thing ??

I agree with @PullMyFinger – the person has now shown herself to be a liar. In living color.

She isn’t a friend.

If I was indifferent toward her, then I would take the advice above. If I really cared about her, I would confront her. What would hurt me most was the fact that she felt the need to lie to me. I might or might not (depending on what she said) give her a second chance.

On the other hand, anyone who is so dumb as to post stuff on Facebook that contradicts what they told me is too dumb to be my friend.

What @marinelife said. There is the possibility (although unlikely) that the original plans had relied on a fixed time, and maybe the person felt well-enough to go out after the fixed time. Kind of lame, but possible.

I wonder if it was absolutely certain that the pics posted were of that particular night?

What I would have done is, I would have commented on the FB photos and said “glad you had a good time!” because I’d honestly be glad she had a good time. Hopefully it would alert her to the fact that I saw them. If I ever did see her in the future, I’d let her bring it up.

@chyna: I am not sure. If you are on FB, the group is called “Social Q’s,” if you want to take a look. I am going to take another look at it and see what the girl said alerted her to the date.

This is what the girl wrote:

We made plans with a number of friends to get together for bowling and dinner this weekend. One of the group of friends canceled because she said she was very sick. This is a new friend I have known only online for a year through a rather specialized common interest that is an uncommon trait. So I’ve been eager to meet her in person (we live in the same town).
When she messaged me to say she was too sick to join us, of course, I totally understood and wished her good health and told her to get some rest.
The next day, I saw on her Facebook status that she and her boyfriend went out for dinner the same night as we had plans, but with other friends! And she posted extensively about how much fun it was, how much they drank, and how late they stayed out. I was quite offended. We had made our plans 6 weeks in advance. And she bailed the day of… for other friends.
This person is not a close friend, so should I just not invite her again anywhere? Just give up? I don’t plan to confront her, but my feelings are hurt. But because of a special common interest, I do actually have genuine interest in meeting her. It seems though that she does not have interest in meeting me.
What should I do? Again, I do not plan to mention that I saw her post about standing us up for others. I do not believe that would achieve anything.

I would let it pass without comment and move on. You’re asking for nothing but trouble when you try to hold people accountable for their behavior under Cupid’s influence.

You’re not going to believe it, but I would do the same thing @jca. The dummy put it on Facebook so I’d respond. Then I’d wait, and if nothing more happened I’d remove her from my friend’s list.

I would be like “Well, it’s her loss. It’s not like she’s the only person I can go out with”. I hate to say this but I would try to understand the reason why she prioritize this other person over me, if it makes sense then I’ll ignore her behavior this time, but if this is becoming of her habit then I’ll ignore her forever. Nothing really consequential, really.

I would probably have contacted her privately, then asked her why she had said she was sick, and mentioned that I saw her Facebook post of her going out that same night. I wouldn’t necessarily be angry, or not too angry anyway. Sometimes people try to get out of things politely, and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. The “sick” woman probably didn’t realize that if a post is “Public” on FB, or if the person has mutual FB friends, then anyone, including the person that was lied to, could see it.

I see all sorts of stuff on FB that are not any of my business, including family pictures or people I don’t know, and deathbed photos of people I don’t know, because the first person made the post “Public.” That’s why I try to remind people not to make their FB posts public.

My policy is to trust sick people’s own assessments of what they can and can’t do. I understand that in this case they suspect that the person lied about being sick, but I wish more benefit of the doubt were given in these situations. There are different levels of stress and effort involved in different invitations, and it’s entirely possible that this person felt capable of going to a restaurant or whatever with their S/O but not capable of bowling. I’d find it pretty upsetting if people expected me to stay home all day every day in order to find my sickness credible.

I would give you 10 GAs if I could, @Mariah!

@Mariah No one asked her to prove that she was sick. They took her at her word. She lied.

I think if I were the OP, I’d feel better if the “sick” person told me “I’m not up to bowling tonight so I think I’ll bow out. I’d love to join you another day for something else.”

We don’t really know the other side of the story. Maybe she was earlier in the day, maybe she doesn’t like to say no, maybe it’s too stressful to meet new people.

She had 6 months to make that decision @chyna. She should have never made a commitment to go in the first place if any of that is true.

For once, @Dutchess_III and I agree with each other LOL.

OMG, the world must be ending!

@Dutchess_III Plans were made 6 months ago? No way would I remember that and show up.

Why would you assume there were no reminders throughout that time? We don’t know if the person in question called on that date to cancel.

We don’t know both sides at all!

But we do know that the two people had a discussion on the day of, and the “sick” person said she was sick. No matter how far in advance the plans were made, if one person forgot, they should have said “I forgot and now I’m busy with someone else.”

Maybe she double-booked and didn’t realize it. Maybe she didn’t realize that it was an absolute and said she’d maybe “drop by” and when pressed came up with a quick excuse. Maybe she got overwhelmed with anxiety at the thought of “performing” in front of strangers. Playing any kind of sport sets one up to be judged. The fact that the offended one wrote in to a column about a stranger not showing up seems a bit over the top.
Did they post a follow up? Did the offended one try to arrange a one-on-one meet up?

I can see being very mildly annoyed, but certainly not to the point of needing to get feedback from strangers on how to handle it!

@Dutchess_III “No one asked her to prove that she was sick. They took her at her word. She lied.”

You’re assuming she lied about being sick because she did something else social that night. I’m asserting that she could have felt well enough to do one social thing but not well enough for another.

There are cases of people losing their disability payouts because people report them as seeming too well based on pictures they see on Facebook of them being out and about doing things. It’s fucked up. Sick people shouldn’t have to be confined to their houses to prove they’re sick.

I feel like if she wanted to do something else, she could have been honest, as we’d like our friends to be. “I’m not up to bowling but I’d love to go out another night.” “I’m not up to bowling but my boyfriend is taking me out for coffee. Let’s get together another time.”

Well, since your Q asked what we would do, I guess I simply would assume that I didn’t have all the facts, especially if it was someone I had never met. I would ask to meet up somehow at another time. I certainly wouldn’t assume she had lied, I might ask her about it at a later time, after I felt more comfortable with her. I wouldn’t judge her harshly based off n this.

I’m with @jca. She didn’t have to lie.

I agree with @jca. She could’ve simply let the oher person know she had other plans.

I think she should have sucked it up and kept the first commitment she made 6 months ago. Cancelling the day of is ruder yet.
And to lie about the reason too boot?