Why is love less thrilling when we get older?

It can be. I know when my husband (second husband) and I got together the infatuation phase we both went through was as strong as anything I felt in my youth. We couldn’t wait to see each other. We were like two teenagers. We’d often sneak off to his place (around the corner) for some alone time in the middle of the day. It was wonderful and fun.

However, love changes as it matures. I’m still thrilled to see him when he comes home, but it’s not as frenzied as it was when we were first together. I actually prefer it now. We’re still in love with each other, but the lovesick feeling has passed, and I’m not sorry about that. We’re still demonstrative about how we feel, but I feel very safe and secure about how his feelings and my trust in him. We still go out on dates. We still try to do special things for each other. I do think you have to invest in your relationship.

If you’re not feeling it, and you want to get that loving feeling back, do something about it. Even taking the time to go for a walk with each other each day can make a huge difference. You perhaps need to reconnect and to invest time in your relationship. Don’t let it be about all the serious responsibilities you both have, and get back into having fun together.

Thanks—- I will see what I can think of

Love for me has changed as I have got older but it hasn’t died. It is not so supercharged and testosterone driven as it once was but at my age I prefer it that way. Love has become quieter, more respectful, more dependable more deeply rooted. We have each other in lots of ways and together we have the world.

Perhaps you can ask a question about how older couples keep the magic happening? I know money is tight for you right now, so ask for ideas that don’t cost anything. We might all learn something!

Truth is, as you know, I’m doing an awful lot already. Trying to provide a home and lifestyle. Flowers would still do magic—but they eat the budget quickly. She says my presence is all she wants. But I want to share something more—just don’t know what.

Picking wildflowers together is more romantic than buying them in a florists.

You know, I don’t want flowers. That sort of stuff doesn’t really impress me. I know you do a great deal for your partner. More than you perhaps should! But you want to reignite the passion, so perhaps you can find things to do together.

I mentioned going for a walk. I know when my first marriage was in trouble, we started going for a half-hour walk with the kids each night. They’d be off in front with their bikes or scooters and we walked and talked. It really helped us turn things around and the feelings we switched on helped us have a much better relationship for a long time.

Things my husband and I do is to have a bath together. We light some candles and sit in the bath together listening to music. We might have a glass of wine, but often, I’m happy with a glass of water.

Have a date night at home. Decide on a film you both want to watch and cook a meal together! Something you’ve never cooked before. We made paella and a jug of sangria the other day. It was fun and we had a delicious meal too. Doesn’t have to be fancy. Just do it together.

Write each other a letter saying what you mean to each other.

Go to the library, choose a book and read it to each other each night.

Do you have a car? Cook some food you can keep hot wrapped in foil and go to the drive-in together. Snuggle up and watch a film and eat the food you’ve prepared.

Go and sit by the ocean (or in the park) and eat some fish and chips together (or whatever is the equivalent where you are).

I really believe good relationships don’t just happen. You have to work at them. It doesn’t have to cost a lot. I’m sure other people have lots of other ideas.

Fewer hormones, more sense! The roller coaster is never quite the ride you remember from the first few times. And of course “familiarity breeds contempt.”

@Yellowdog: I think hormones may have a lot to do with it. Also if you’ve been in the relationship for a while it may be in another stage. Also, if you are on any type of medication it might affect your mood and emotions.

You’ve also talked in the past on this site about relationship issues you have. Maybe that has an effect, too.

More weight problems, more sagging flesh, more wrinkles, and thus, less sex and sex drive.

Don’t forget the steady reduction of testosterone level as you age.

I think it’s maturity and yes, maybe hormones to a degree but really, if you are in your in your 40’s, 50’s, 60’s or over and still desperate for a romantic relationship you need to take a look at your insecurities and self esteem. There is a saying that young love is hot and mature love is warm. Not that enjoying the fun of a new relationship still isn’t a pleasurable thing but it’s more tempered with maturity, wisdom and knowing that you are whole and complete and don’t need anyone or anything to fill up those e places that are already abundantly filled, by your own sense of self. I am one that really finds middle aged people that are still desperate for relationship to be off putting.

If you happen across a nice person and want to share part of yourself and your world, great, but neediness is so unattractive, at any age.
I don’t trust anybody that is incapable of living alone and still finding reward and happiness without a relationship. Far too many needy men and woman still clicking down the same track of their youth, completely in the duh zone and terrified of spending any, extended amount of time with themselves. I have had a rule for years now that I will not date anyone less than 2 years, minimum, out of a long term relationship or marriage.

At 50 something I have zero tolerance for needy men that can’t be alone with themselves are are desperate to find a woman. Even more so for mature woman, nothing and I mean NOTHING screams “desperate” more so than mature people who can’t be happy on their own. Gag!

Well, it’s those first few months of being “in love,” that are the headiest. I don’t care how old you are! But as we age and have experience we realize what a tricky, misleading path it can be, so we’re more reserved.

You’re putting me on a guilt trip, I really never had all those emotions you wax so lyrical about. I was always a self centered, fickle prick in my younger days, had some wonderful girls in my life, but didn’t keep them and wasn’t trying. I’ve changed in my older years, but I still try not to get too introspective. All I can say, in the words of a song, is: To all the girls I’ve loved before, who wandered in and out my door, I’m glad you came along, I dedicate this song, to all the girls I’ve loved before. Dang it, I still feel like a jerk, that didn’t work. Conscience is such an annoying thing.