Sticky wedding etiquette question (details beneath)?

First, it’s good news you’re less hurt by your ex’s remarriage. Our pains are real, and when we overcome them, it’s a good accomplishment.

I wonder if it’s possible to simply mention you’re at peace with your ex’s remarriage now. Could that make it clear you’re open to attending, or is it too subtle?

Might be too subtle.

I like the idea of letting another family member know and pass it along.

^^Yes, what @chyna said.

@chyna Yeah, that’s what I was gravitating to.

Either ask another family member, or maybe ask where they are registered as an indication that you want to celebrate their wedding. The latter might be too subtle.

It’s tricky, because you don’t want it to be that they feel obligated to invite you, but you want them to know you would be very happy to come if you were invited.

Do they understand why you didn’t attend the second wedding?

Yes, I believe so.

So your nephew knows you didn’t miss the wedding because it was him getting married. It wasn’t him.
Yep touch base with a family member.

Oh yes. I wrote to that couple with regrets and they understood why I couldn’t come.

Well maybe you could touch base with them?

That’s the other couple and only cousins to this nephew. It’s either write to the parents of this nephew or have another SIL or niece pass the word along. Everyone knows why I didn’t come to the other; what they may not know is that I would be willing to be there now.

I hate etiquette! I mean I appreciate manners and politeness but when it twists you all up it sucks!
Please let us know.

I think you should say something. Since they know the honest reason why you didn’t attend the last wedding, they might, unfortunately, assume you still feel the same. I could see my husband’s family not inviting you in that sort of situation to not put you on the spot to have to decline again. They often overthink that sort of thing. I overthink other things. Lol

@JLeslie I’m planning to; just going to decide how to.

Let us know Pengy.

@Dutchess_III Oh – nothing will happen imminently; they haven’t set a date yet.

Is this a topic that can be discussed with the ex-husband? The reason for asking is that it is his family, and now that he has a new wife, their comfort level with having you there is something I would want to take into consideration if I were the bride/groom. If he and the new wife are okay with it, why not let him be the one to alert the appropriate party?

@Pied_Pfeffer The OP was invited to two other weddings, the ex didn’t seem to have a problem with it before, why would he now?

@Pied_Pfeffer I wouldn’t ask him to tell the others it was ok to invite me, but it might be considerate to ask him if he and his wife were comfortable. We will all be at my son’s wedding this Fall so I don’t think that is a big issue but it might be nice to ask him. He had asked me if I was coming to the last one but I don’t think he felt I shouldn’t go. (However, feelings are not usually part of our communications.) It is likely that my Paris son would come which would be another reason why I would want to go.

Thanks @janbb. That’s really it…being considerate to the ex and the new wife.

@JLeslie My suggestion comes from having to deal with an overly-sensitive, attention-seeking SIL #2 (my brother’s wife) that no one in the family likes. The ex-SIL is still considered as the beloved aunt/mother by all of my nieces and nephews. Our family gatherings used to be fun. Now, not so much.

If I were janbb’s ex, I’d want a heads up if she was planning to attend the event, if only to prep the new wife.

^^I agree with the heads up if attending. No question in my mind that’s a good idea. I think that’s up to the host/bride/groom to let the parties know, although, I think it’s fine for @janbb to let her ex know if she still talks to him now and then.

It will be in England so it will be a traveling to wedding.

Update: I had to speak to Ex today about some things and mentioned the wedding. He and his wife have no problem with me being there. I will have my SIL pass on the info at some point.

Great. Glad it’s working out. Still hurts tho doesn’t it?