How would you deal with this bizarre behavior?

@rockfan Perhaps child protective services needs to look at this. I would be concerned.

Yes, I’m definitely thinking of calling them.

Did the kid seem healthy? Any signs of abuse?

I would be weary of calling CPS. They will most likely do nothing. And then you run the risk of making things worse for the child and also they might put it together that you called.

Unless there is a ton of random screaming and obvious signs of abuse I wouldn’t call.

I know you want to help but it will probably make shit worse. I would be more attentive for disturbing behavior but screaming “Don’t bug the neighbors” isn’t it.

One of my great fears is about having crucial situations manifest themselves in front of me, when my decision either way must result in grave irreversible consequences. With the ringing of your doorbell, an 8 year old has put your conscience and your responsibility toward her future welfare squarely on the block. Another example of just how life can ambush you. Given the situation I would be watching and listening carefully while resenting every minute of it. Do your research and try to find out if these folks have relatives, and pray that they’re sound.

Write everything down each time the child comes over. Keep close watch on the child’s appearance. Look for signs of abuse. If you see none, do not call the authorities. If you do, call the police. When the police come, give them your list.

Next time the girl comes knocking, ask her “is everythink ok?” Take it from there.

Don’t get involved unless the girl shows obvious signs of abuse.
I would hold off on calling CPS.

I’m guessing that mom got a new cell phone and the kid borrows it to play games, then misplaces it. When mom needs the phone and she can’t find it the kid gets in trouble. That’s why she comes to your house and asks you to dial it. I’ve seen it happen before.

It makes me concerned but I (just having read your post and not having been there) don’t know enough to be thinking to call CPS just yet. I might consult one of the former CASA workers I know and ask their informal opinion. I would also try to get a read on the daughter to see if I can figure out more, and certainly be friendly and sane for her, as it sounds like she needs to know there are sane adults in the world. I might also try to spend more time in the neighborhood being sociable and very subtly seeing if there is any more information to be had from neighbors through casual conversations. Especially if I know any other neighbors whom I trust and who often know things about what’s going on.

You are obviously observant and caring. I think you should get kudos for that. Many people would just disregard the situation.

I think @jca, who has experience in this field, has the best answer. Ask the girl if everything is okay if she comes across again and in the meantime, be observant and as @Hawaii_Jake suggested keep a log of anything you see.

It’s impossible to say whether there is more of a problem than a disorganized mother. If her partner is in rehab for abuse issues, perhaps she isn’t coping well. Perhaps the child is seeking help in the only way she can think of.

I don’t think CPS would take this as a case. It doesn’t seem like there are any signs of abuse. The girl comes over every now and then saying her mom lost her phone. Her mom yelled at her once. Am I missing something else?

@jca

Well at first I thought she was doing this so she can have my number in order to get help from me in the future, if her mother is on drugs. But that’s just me overthinking it. @snowberry is probably right.

@rockfan: Just try to strike up a casual, gentle conversation with the girl the next time she comes over. “Hey how are you today? How’s your mom. Are you guys doing ok?” And see what she says. It doesn’t sound like an ideal home life and there may be some bad stuff going on but it doesn’t seem like there’s any evidence of it, so I’d not stress over it.

Sounds like a very insecure child who is looking for someone she can depend on.

I think anyone who yells at a child and curses them has a problem. Maybe not CPS worthy, but a shit parent none the less.

Update:

I think the neighbors are stealing checks in my mailbox to buy drugs. How lovely.

Do you get checks in the mail often?

You know how to fix that! Go for it!

The young daughter came over to my house again and asked if I could call her mom’s lost phone so they could find it. I’m convinced now that it’s actually her own phone and her mom is not letting her use it. The girl also looked healthy

Who answers when you dial the number?

No one answers, it just goes to voicemail.

Does the girl ask you to wait and call when she gets home? If so, I bet you are right. Her mom hides it and she is having you call so she can find it.

So the girl waits til the adults are gone to request a call? You don’t think the mom has the wit to turn the phone off?

Dang. What happened to being able to talk to parents? I know that isn’t always possible any more. So many of them are so defensive and crazy.