What if this weren't satire? (Borowitz's column)

What if?

Meh.

I wish!!!

“For starters, I know how the light switches work,” he said.” Lol! I love Borowitz and The Onion too.

During the Clinton years I was going to tons of parties and trying to touch as many boobs as possible. Got my cock between enough of those tits to call it a success.

Then 911. I was starting college. I was a Republican at the time. Then I actually learned what a Republican was and became a Socialist.

So 9/11, Iraq and Bush. I thought that was fucking horrible and organized protests.

Then Obama and I felt a wave of “grown-up is covering this shit swoosh through me”

Now I just wake up wishing I had a colostomy bag.