How to get over social anxiety?

Look at what causes you anxiety. Is it that you are afraid of making a fool of yourself and suffering embarrassment? Are you afraid of meeting new people and if so, why? Are you afraid of rejection? Once you understand what really bothers you, you can start dealing with it. But overall, here’s a piece of advice: Everyone is the same. Everyone makes fools of themselves at some time. We all get rejected. We all suffer embarrassment. It happens…it’s part of life. Time to just recognize that these sort of things aren’t the end of the world. Like getting yelled at. Have you ever been yelled at by someone? Did you survive? What really happened? They got mad at you and vented. If you truly care about that person, you might take it as a learning opportunity. If you don’t know that person, then I would suggest their opinion really doesn’t make any difference in your life.

Figure out what you’re really interested in and then look for a group on meetup.com or elsewhere that is doing that, for example a photography group, a hiking group or kayakers. If you can make yourself go to a meeting there will be other people there with the same interest as you and that will make it easier for you to talk and get to know them. I did this at a very low point in my life – joined a walking group on meetup – and it really helped me build a new life.

Most people that struggle with social anxiety are more introverted by nature. You are young and with youth comes a lot of insecurities and fears of how others may see you. Time, maturity and forcing yourself to step out of your comfort zones are your best bets. Remember, others are not thinking of you as much as you think they are.

We tend to be our own worst critics.
What does your therapist suggest? Have you actually been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or are you just more naturally introverted, reserved and shy in social situations?
Learning to accept our natural temperament while striving for growth is a good balance to look towards.

You may never be the life of the party type but you can certainly work your way towards feeling more a tease. Every little victory will build your confidence. :-)

@Coloma
I have not been officially diagnosed, so I cannot say that I actually have social anxiety disorder. I am very introverted by nature. My whole life it has been a struggle because while I enjoy taking a hike in the mountains with one or two other people, most others enjoy going to huge parties.

@janbb
I’ve had a meet up account for probably 2 years now. I have never used it. I get nervous when going into a group of people I don’t know. How did you get yourself to go? I’m sure I’d be really fun after awhile, I’m just too nervous…

@Sunshinegirl11 I would not start by going to a bar or other purely social meet-up. What do you like to do and feel comfortable doing? Find a group that is doing that activity, hold your nose (not really, take some deep breaths) and force yourself to just get there. If it is something you love, just say, “Hi, I’m ____” and conversation should start. Or figure out ahead of time some questions you can ask others who are doing the activity about the group or what they are doing. Having a common interest and subject will make it much easier for you to feel less anxious and make friends.

@Sunshinegirl11 You are totally “normal” for your temperament. Introverts are always most comfortable one on one or one on two, in small groups and are exhausted by large gatherings and need time to recharge. I am an extrovert, but, have shifted in my middle age to an ambivert. While I am energized by stimulating social interactions and have no problem approaching others and starting a conversation I now, in my maturity, prefer lots of alone time.
Not everybody is a party animal but at your age many are so I get where you’re coming from.

It will get easier for you as you age and mature and your friends outgrow their party animal phase.
In the meanwhile just be yourself, do what feels good to you and forget what others think.
To thine own self be true. :-)

@Sunshinegirl11: Not everyone likes large parties and not everyone is comfortable in large parties. People think I like parties, but even at a large one I’ll tend to sit with one person or a few people and chat. Even though I’ll be at a large party, it’s kind of like I’m at a small gathering in that way. I hate to circulate and make small talk with people. I seem to be good at it, and I may make it appear effortless, but I detest it.

If you want to become more comfortable attending a meet up, invite one of your friends to join you. That way, it’s not you alone joining a group, it’s you and your friend joining the group.

Some great advice above @Sunshinegirl11. Even the most extroverted can feel anxious when having to meet new people. I think the Meetup idea is really good and if you can’t get a friend to go with you the first time, see if one of your sisters, brother or a cousin will go with you. It might just help to break the ice for next time.

I totally agree with @jca. I’m an extrovert, but I don’t like having to attend large gatherings and to socialize. I have to go to conferences, and I find that very difficult. I don’t enjoy it at all.

I’m 26 and I’ve always had social anxiety, but a few years ago it got even worse when I decided to work for my dad’s small business, it required me to work at home, and being an introvert, I relied on social media to communicate with people. A times I didn’t have a genuine conversation face to face with a stranger for days at a time, befriending someone almost seemed completely foreign to me.

I discovered the meet-up website one day and decided to force myself to go to a walking group every Saturday. I had a panic attack before every meeting for a few weeks, but that slowly improved. I decided to join other groups as well. Long story short, meet-up saved my life.

^ That’s a wonderful and positive story @rockfan. Well done you for persevering.

Do your best on your own

I have been in your shoes. It’ll some take time. I’ve come to a realization that my opinion toward myself and personal life is far more important than others’ opinion toward the same things. Lets just face it, we’re not everyone’s cup of tea, and we certainly aren’t obligated to try to be one. We can be just as happy the way we are, as a socially independent person. Just because others have 100 friends and you have 10 or none will does not decrease your value as a person, you’re just as valuable as you are, in your own way.

Just be a nice person. One of these days people who’ve received and seen your kindness will make more efforts to know you more, understand and accept who you are, and be your true friends.

I was told to join toastmasters and practice public speaking. Your local library. Might have more information.

I used to be extremely shy. I had a hard time talking to new people and trying to talk to a girl? Hah! But what I realized was that I was missing a lot of life. I realized that my opinions and my interactions meant every bit as much as anyone else. I started “faking” it, I guess. I started forcing myself to talk to strangers I interacted with in my life. I started making eye contact with others. I started “acting” like I wasn’t shy. Eventually I realized that I wasn’t melting and wasn’t really making a fool of myself and the act started becoming the reality. Now, decades later, my personality is one of “never met a stranger”. I can talk to anyone at any time and am comfortable with it.

@seawulf575 Great story, I am the same way, though I have always been at ease with others. I strike up conversations with strangers every day in my travels. :-)

In his excellent book – which I highly and heartily recommend to you – Scott Adams addresses this topic directly. In fact, one of the most profound anecdotes in the book, an ordinary event he witnessed which he says he will remember forever, is exactly on point. I won’t spoil it here by attempting to recapitulate it. The book is not expensive and it may very well change your life – for the better.

Another technique that he mentions, and which I have also seen elsewhere, and which seems to make sense on its face, is to take up amateur acting. Apparently, the process of taking on roles and “pretending to be someone whom one is not” can help you in your personal life, too, to “fake it ‘til you make it” in some regards. That is, to adopt a role when you go out into the world and … just pretend to be happy and comfortable, until you really are that way.

The book is How to Fail at Nearly Everything and Still Win Big.

Look over this list of the best books on dealing with anxiety and pick one or two that appeal to you and then read them. Use any tricks and tips they give you.

Another option is a very good herbal remedy for anxiety called Calms Forte which help tone down anxiety and stress a little. Try it. (Note; it does not make you sleepy.)

I’m unfortunate to go through moments of Social Anxiety myself. Whether it was for a test, or meeting new people, Anxiety can hit you hard. What helped me was, music. Close your eyes and listen to your favorite album. Drawing/Painting is an excellent way to relieve stress and anxiety attacks. If you like to play sports, then you should do that, exercise is one of the most helpful ways to relieve tension. Start going to the gym, or go for a nice jog. It’s never a good idea to be desperate for friends. Join clubs, and find activities you are passionate about. Always be yourself, no matter what. Be friendly, smile, and don’t be afraid to initiate conversations. I know it’s not easy as it seems, but trust me you will get the hang of it, with a little practice and dedication. I hope this helps.