Should I tell people that I'm a stripper? Why or why not?

No. Secrets destroy intimacy with all you keep them from.
If you really feel okay about your choice to strip then you have nothing to hide. Lying is never good, especially right out of the gate in a new relationship.
You can’t blame your new boyfriend if he wasn’t comfortable with what you do and he has every right to know and make his own choices.

Lies always come back to bite you in the ass and once you start lying you need to keep lying, building more lies on top of lies.
Why are you stripping anyway? For the money, the attention, to help pay for educational needs? Is this a temporary thing or are you planning on stripping for the next number of years?

I’d suggest you get an education or find a different job that doesn’t involve sexually exploiting yourself for a few bucks. You’re better than that right?

I’m doing this right now so I can take care of my aging mother and save some money for school. But the stigma attached to strippers is really bad, this I know…. So I don’t know what to say or do….

I really like this guy.

I am afraid once I tell him I’m a stripper he’ll think “Oh, she’s a nasty whore who sleeps around”. Which I don’t sleep around, at all.

I’m loyal to him and only want to be with him.

But I know it’s a touchy subject.

@Coloma

I don’t have a problem with what I do.

I’m a sexual and sensual person and I see sexuality as something beautiful.

I’m doing it to take care of my aging mother, and to pay for school.

For a few bucks? I make about $1800 per night.

What does he think you do? You can’t base a relationship on lies. He will probably be more pissed that you lied about what you do than what you do.

@Coloma

I know I can’t blame my boyfriend for what I do. His friends sell drugs and do real estate so I think he’d be open minded.

@chyna

He just thinks I’m a student, which I am as well, and that my family helps me out.

@IG99 Okay..well then what you’re really asking is should you tell your boyfriend and the answer is yes. If he chooses to not understand or support you that is the risk you take but you were honest, which is the foundation for any relationship, trust and honesty.

He was the boyfriend and friends I was with partying and doing coke the other night with. They all do real estate and are rich as well. I don’t think they’d go “Ewwww she’s a stripper!” Because we all love money here, but then again it’s a negative stigma with strippers as well.

@Coloma @Coloma

Well the thing is I’ve only been with my boyfriend for about 3 weeks now, so the relationship is till new and going strong.

So I’m not sure if I should wait more time….to tell him you know? I’ve barely known him for less than a month…...... Do you understand where I’m coming from?

I’ve been with my boyfriend less than a month. I’ve already met his best friends. He told me he loved me in front of his cousin and his best friend, so that’s a good sign right?

But me and him have only been together less than a month…..

Should I tell him so early…? I mean, I’m sure he hasn’t told me everything about him?

I don’t know what to do…..... Help

@IG99 Yes, I do, but if you think things are going well and you hope for a long ( er ) relationship you need to tell him asap. I can tell you are young, stripping, doing coke, love of money, but honey…you need to get your priorities in order. Sex, drugs and rock-n-roll and the party lifestyle doesn’t last forever but being of good character does.
And nobody can love someone in only 3 weeks, infatuation yes, true love, no.

@Coloma

Yes I do hope me and him can have a good, healthy, and possibly long term relationship.

Do you think he lied when he said he loves me in front of his cousin and best friend? He said it like 20 times, and so did I. I feel like we do love each other, but you’re right it might just be infatuation. I do like saying that I love him. But you’re right it’s way soon to tell.

What priorities should I have in order? Money is the most important thing. Money buys foods. Money buys shelter. Money buys health insurance. Money buys security and rent and properties.

@Coloma

How do you think I should tell him or the perfect timing?

I’m scared to tell him.

I want to introduce him to my mom and have him introduce me to his mom.

I’ve already met his best friends, cousin and family, except for his parents of course.

I’m scared shitless.

I told my mother but obviously she loves me unconditionally because she’s my mom.

@IG99 I understand your fears but you just have to do it. There is no perfect moment but certainly the sooner the better. It’s not like you’re breaking up with the guy so you could tell him over the phone to get a feel for how he will react but , obviously, no texting.
Just call him and see what happens, always best to get something over with as fast as possible, like ripping off a bandaid. haha

Good luck. Let us know how it turns out.

If it makes you happy and it helps you pay the bills, by all means go for it. Being a stripper is not the best profession in my own honest opinion, you might have the body for it, but they are a ton of negatives/problems you’ll face. A lot of strippers get harassed, they are treated like objects instead of human beings, they experiment with different drugs, and they are a lot of creeps that want to have sex with you. Since you are a grown woman, you have to audacity to make our own choices. I hope your career works out for you, if not.. take the next step.

@kobefan24

I’m happy doing it for now. I make good money and I’m saving so I can take care of my mom and pay for classes. It’s something obviously I don’t want to do forever.

I know it isn’t the best profession :(

I totally understand that much…

Thank you, you are really sweet and understanding. You’re right about the different issues….

Anyway I’ll figure this out….

And thank you for your response.

Be honest with your partner and yes do try to look for another profession as soon as you can even if it fetches less $.

I agree with the others. Tell the truth. A lie is just going to hurt you in the long run.

However, I sense a more serious issue in you from your response. You seem to have a strong desire that everyone will not only accept that you’re a stripper, but also pay attention and encourage you, as if you are doing the best thing in the world.

I know you are seeking acceptance from others, but that isn’t the way to go. You’re asking for equality, not special privilege. Be honest about yourself, but not too self-centered about it.

@Coloma

I’m a very sexual person and see nothing wrong with sex or prostitution.

I have nothing but love for all my fellow female sex workers.

@Mimishu1995

I think you’re looking too into it. I’m not seeking encouragement.

All I was asking is if I should tell my boyfriend and when.

I’m a nymphomaniac and enjoy sex. I love using my sexuality and looks. Some people use their brains in life. Some people use their hands. Some people use their musical talents. And some people use their sexuality.

Sex is the strongest force in the world.

It is the ONLY reason why any of us are here.

Unlike @Coloma I do not have a bad view of sex workers or sex in general.

@IG99 It’s not about having a bad view, it is about a woman being so much more than her tits and ass. It may be the oldest profession but it is still not a respectable one in most circles. I think women have come so far in other areas to diminish themselves by peddling their sexuality instead of their brains.

@IG99 No one is saying anything about you being bad for liking sex and wanting to become a stripper (and I already answered your question. Go tell your boyfriend.)

It’s how you identify with your desire that I’m addressing.

The fact that you can’t take @cookieman‘s joke kindly gives me the impression that you put too much identity onto your liking. Deep down, you want people to think of you like this: “Wow! She’s a stripper and so open about it! She’s so brave and free! Let’s give her as much attention as we can! She needs some special treatment from us too! No one must talk shit about her, even a joke, ever!”

Know about extremist feminists? They have the same mindset as this. They think they are fighting for equality but in reality they are just stepping on people’s heads.

I would tell them. It has only been three weeks. Might as well get it out of the way. He might care or he might not. Might as well do it before there is any real attachment.

@Mimishu1995, well said.

If you’re afraid of what may others think about your job, you may as well either change the job and do something more comfortable, or face the consequences of doing the job you do.

If you like what you do, why do others’ opinions matter?
If you’re afraid other will judge you for what you do, why you do it?

Ok, so your boyfriend and his friends are monied, in real estate and doing drugs. Chances are they visit strip clubs. So consider this scenario – you choose to not tell your boyfriend. You’re working one night and in the middle of your routine….he walks in and sees you up on stage. Or if not him then his friends walk in, and of course they tell him.

Point is – the truth comes out eventually, one way or the other. Would you rather your boyfriend find out honestly, from your lips, or by accident or from his friends?

Trust is absolutely vital to a healthy relationship. Without trust there is no solid foundation and the relationship dies or becomes toxic. And honestly is absolutely vital to building and maintaining trust. Tell him. If he chooses to leave you then he cannot accept you as you are and you’ll be better off for it in the long run.

Welcome to Fluther.

Interesting question. If you’re really not ashamed or embarrassed about what you do, then what’s the harm in telling a boyfriend that you’re growing close to? I can certainly understand that he might have a negative reaction to the news, and depending on your feelings toward him you may not want to put him off. But, again, coming back to your view of things, why should your truth be a problem or something that you need to hide from him?

Certainly if you progressed beyond stage dancing to a point of greater intimacy with customers (or “johns”, if it goes that far) it’s also clear that you may want to soft-pedal your level of involvement to cover up things that you might have to be embarrassed or ashamed of – or risk prosecution.

I suggest that you really need to self-evaluate more deeply and determine whether your attitude is real, or one that you have adopted as a justification to make you more willing to do what you do to earn $1800 per night.

Let me put this question to you – which I certainly don’t expect you to answer here, but your answer to yourself might be revealing: Would you do what you’re doing now if it didn’t pay so well? That is, if you could get a 40-hour-a-week office job that pays, say, $50 per hour ($2000 per week for the math-challenged), and which had a level of variety and novelty that you considered acceptable OR your dancing earned you no more than that, which would you choose?

The kind of money that you’re talking about on a daily basis can lead nearly anyone to “justify” what they do.

I’m not making a moral judgement against you, but I’m asking if you have thoroughly examined your own reasoning.

$1,800 a night??!!

@CWOTUS, it isn’t a question whether she is ashamed herself, it’s the shame others may heap on her as a result. In a small comparison, I am not ashamed about the fact that I shop at Goodwill a LOT. The responses of some others, the disgust and contempt, make me really uncomfortable so I just don’t really talk about it much.

You have to tell him, though.

Let me hear you make…decisions
Without your…televisions

If he asks you could tell him you work as an ecdysiast.

And if he asks, “What’s that?”, you could say it’s like a phlebotomist except there’s no loss of blood in circulation.

But you could just tell the truth.

It would explain the pole in the lounge room.

When I tell people I’m a stripper my popularity soars and I’ve never been near paint in my entire life.

Brilliant answer, @Pinguidchance. I hope you’ll stick around.

Risibly ripping riposte @CWOTUS,

Shirley Bassey: If You Go Away

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwGUqx6vngY

I take it you are young. As a pretty old woman that has done a lot of sex type work, my answer is no. You are under no obligation to tell anyone your job that your are just dating. If things get more serious, maybe you would have to have a conversation. Don’t tell people, you when always be judged. Make bank when you can and tell no one.

But you don’t want to lie, either.

I have to wonder, if your new guy asked what you did and you told him you were a stripper, what would you think if he just shrugged his shoulders and said, “OK.”? I think that has the makings of a good question….

I dunno…waiting until the relationship becomes serious and then telling is, most likely, to result in the other person being angry for not being told sooner. It’s a loaded gun no matter how you look at it but I am a firm believer in total transparency. If you have nothing to hide you hide nothing.

@Coloma “total transparency” “nothing to hide” lol

@janbb What am I missing here? My last line is an actual quote I once read.

I thought you’d get my wit. The OP is about a stripper.

@janbb Ooooh, I get it now, forgive me, I just got in from the dentist and I think my brain is numb along with my jaw. Good one Penguin! LOL

It’s not a question of being ashamed of what she does though. In this society others very well treat her as though she should BE ashamed.

@Dutchess_III Thing is there just ARE certain professions that others may not want to deal with in a partner. If I was dating a guy that was a sports hunter and traveled around killing exotic animals or a vivisectionist that performed cruel experiments on lab animals I’d want to know before I, potentially, fell in love with him as his hobbies and or profession would not be a blend for me on a personal, moral or ethical level. I also would not want to date a cop or a prison guard. Preferences and freedom of choice as well as honesty is what it comes down to IMO.

I agree she has to tell him.

@Coloma, I’m with you. Would you be discouraged to find out that your boyfriend was a stripper or a male prostitute or a porno movie actor? I would be. Afraid those would be deal breakers for me, along with a few other things including, but not limited to Trump supporter.

I would want to know what the person does for a living (or if it’s their hobby).

If you’re beginning to use drugs as you say, you’re not going to be caring for your mother very long. Other people and your new drug habit will control you. Mom will need to fend for herself, poor thing!

@Kardamom Exactly, and no, I too would not want to date a male porn star or stripper.
@snowberry Good point.

Who’s using drugs?

Above, she wrote “He was the boyfriend and friends I was with partying and doing coke the other night with. They all do real estate and are rich as well. I don’t think they’d go “Ewwww she’s a stripper!” Because we all love money here, but then again it’s a negative stigma with strippers as well.” @Dutchess_III

Oh, I read that. I forgot.

I also don’t believe that the OP herself doesn’t think her current profession is kind of sketchy. If she, herself, didn’t think being a stripper, was less than admirable, I don’t think she would even question whether she should tell her boyfriend.

I don’t think the OP would have any problem, or even question her choice of profession, if she was a grocery store clerk, or a dental assistant, or a dog walker, or a bank teller, or a cupcake baker, or most of the millions of other professions. Why? Because most other professions don’t involve selling one’s body, or seducing people for money.

I don’t believe that most people think they would be happy for, or encourage their children to grow up to be strippers, pole dancers, porno actors, or prostitutes.

She may be fine with it @Kardamom, but you’d be an idiot not to know how others may react.
It’s just a job. I’m pretty sure there isn’t much “seducing” involved. That implies trickery.

@Dutchess_III I think wiggling one’s titties at men would be considered seducing, even if it’s not very subtle. I don’t think seduction involves trickery, it just involves getting people hot and bothered, and knowing what is likely to get them hot and bothered in
the first place. Jiggling naked lady parts usually does that to a certain population.

I think the OP has left the building.

Her account is still here.

@Kardamom OK, so those men went to a strip club to…. play poker?
They GO to be “seduced.” They GO to get all hot and bothered. It’s not the woman’s fault. It’s what they pay for. She doesn’t care. She just makes good money.

@Dutchess_III

Sometimes they go simply because they want to have a few drinks and it’s a more fun atmosphere then the local townie bar that’s full of the same depressed alcoholics who have been glued to their barstools for years.

Well, they know what they’re in for, whatever the reason they go. If they don’t get turned on, they don’t. If they do, they do. You can’t blame it on the women.