My mother died when I was quite small. She was a housewife but just before finding out she was carrying me she had found a job she loved. She gave it up to be at home with me. I feel pretty sad about that she had to give up something she loved doing. I hope she wasn’t too disappointed.
My stepmother worked out of the home. It was what I knew and so I was fine with that. I never felt disadvantaged.
I’ve been a stay-at-home and a working mum and I’ve worked from home.
Women today have choices. They can work or stay home and some can work from home. I think having choices is a very good thing. Your decision should be guided by what is right for your family. If you have good options for child care, and you can spend quality time with your children when you get home, you being a working mum won’t harm your kids.
If you can afford to stay home and you are an engaged, interested parent who has the patience to do things with your kids, that can be a good option too. Edit – as long as you can afford it. These days it costs so much to keep a family functioning, not many women can comfortably afford to stay home for the long-haul and be a stay-at-home mum. As I said above, money stress is a killer. I had to go back to work when my oldest was tiny. We would not have been able to pay our mortgage if I hadn’t. I didn’t want to leave her, but I preferred leaving her with a good child carer to losing our home and struggling to pay our basic bills.
I think I was a better parent when I was working. First, we could manage better financially so we weren’t under money stress trying to pay mortgages and so on. We weren’t rich because I worked, but we could afford our bills! Money stress is an awful thing for a family to go through. I loved being at home with my children when they were very little, but I know I that eventually, I needed the additional stimulation of my work life. I was a happier, and a more engaged parent when I had a work life. My perfect experience was when I could work from home much of the time. I was often there when my son (my youngest) came home, but I also had a job that kept me interested and engaged with people and things outside the home. How many days a week I needed to go in varied, but I had and have a very flexible work environment.
What works for you will depend on your own family. Whether your kids take you for granted because you are there with them, or whether they thrive if you go out to work will depend on how you manage the situation. You may find being at home full-time doesn’t work for you in the long-term. What do you WANT to do? That’s really what matters here.
I want to support @jca‘s suggestion about being a role model too. I know my own now adult daughters have told me how inspired they are by my journey. They have said they see me as one of the strongest women they know. I remember when my first marriage broke down and I was studying at the time, I questioned if I should give up and get a job or keep going. I thought about my own father and his aspirations for me and I realised I wanted to show my daughters they could have a career and a family even if they didn’t have a partner. I also knew I needed to be in a position to be able to pay all our bills myself. So I kept studying, was soon offered work with my institution that allowed me to keep studying AND pay my bills and now have a very good job. I want my daughters to have choice and examples that show them they can do it any way they want.