Need some insight?

You can propose to him. Or move on.

I wouldn’t recommend trying to be friends if you obviously want more.

Only you can decide that. I was in a relationship like that a few years ago and it was very hard but I did get a lot out of the friendship. Eventually, the guy broke off the friendship very cruelly and I was in pain for at least a year.

I definitely want more, but the thought of leaving one of the greatest people I’ve ever met really hurts and keeps me confused of what to do

What happens if in six months he shares with you that he got engaged to someone he met after you?

I assume that would be gutting.

You need some sort of risk/reward assessment and unfortunately you are the only person that can do that.

I vote for taking space, a LOT of space, keep the contact very casual, just a friendly text here and there and give him up on a romantic level. Maybe, after some time goes by you will feel more comfortable just keeping in touch as a friend but right now your romantic notions are too strong to continue spending any amount of face time together, and…...whatever you do, preserve your dignity and do not attempt to seduce or otherwise manipulate him into changing his feelings. He has made it clear he is not interested in a relationship nor does he see you as a serious relationship partner.

Being needy is the biggest turn off there is. Needy puts off a revolting vibe in general and even more so for a person who is not interested in a serious relationship.

I like the idea of taking space, that’s what I wanted but he’s already asking me to hangout. Do I make it clear that I don’t want to be a part of his life anymore because we want different things?

I’m confused by what exactly you and he mean about all this. You both like spending time together but you’re ready for a committed romantic relationship, while he isn’t. But you also wrote he wants to keep going out with you… that could mean several things to me.

* I’m not clear if the relationship isn’t even sexual yet, or if it is, but he just wants to feel free to also date other people.

* I’m not clear if he’s never going to be “positive they want to be with [you]”, or if he just isn’t there yet.

* I’m also not clear how ok you would be with anything of the possible states other than what you want, and for how long.

He’s told you he doesn’t want a relationship with you. If that’s what you really want, listen to him. Accept that he’s not interested in you in that way. If you aren’t looking for another friend, move on, at least for now. While I don’t think he will change his mind about being in a relationship, in the future, when your infatuation with him has receded a little, you might be open to being a friend. Don’t carry on with the relationship in the hope he will change his mind. That’s a recipe for heartbreak.

He’s been honest with you, a true sign of character and integrity. Of course, this makes him all the more appealing…

@Earthbound_Misfit posted an excellent answer. Please don’t befriend him hoping that he’ll change his mind.

I respect that he was able to tell me the truth because he could of lied to keep getting what he wanted. I know I want to be with him beyond friendship. but I’m worried I’m de-friending him in the hope of changing his mind.

I believe him when he says he doesn’t want this. but how do i move on without telling him we want different things and that I can’t be his friend. I’m afraid I will regret cutting him out of my life later on, even though now I know it won’t work because I was to be his girlfriend and he can’t give me that.

Why don’t you tell him the truth. Tell him you were hoping for more from the relationship and at least for now, you don’t feel it would be fair to either of you to carry on a friendship when in reality, you’d be hoping he would change his mind. Thank him for his honesty. It IS really good and shows great maturity that he was so honest with you. Many guys would not have been so candid. Let him know you would like to have him as a friend in the future. You really like the person he is, but for your heart’s sake, you need to back away for now. But let him know you hope in the future, he’ll be open to you inviting him to the movies or for a coffee because you do love his company as a friend.

I was thinking about another friendship I have. I really clicked with this guy and like every thing about him. After we had talked for quite some time at his gigs, I gave him my phone number and asked if he had a partner. He told me he has a girlfriend but did it in such a nice way that I didn’t feel humiliated. Since that time, I have become good friends with him and gotten to know his girlfriend as well. Do I wish it could be different? Did it take a lot of self-talk and maturity for me to stop longing for what couldn’t be? Yes. But it’s in a good place now and I am glad for the friendship. It took a lot of work though.

You probably do have to be upfront with this guy and not see him for at least a while in your case though unless you are really willing to accept a friendship only.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I will never want to see him as just a friend, I have no intention of it. Thank you all for helping me think through this. I will be honest with him, and end it, there’s no point in prolonging a situation of pain for myself by not allowing myself to heal and get over him.

I’m glad we could all help. Welcome to Fluther by the way. We’re a pretty lovely community and there are some very wise souls here, so stick around if you feel you’d like to.

It sounds like he is in a mode of dating to see what is out there and you are looking for something more. His appeal to you sounds like it is stronger than your appeal to him. He is looking for something that you aren’t. Don’t try to force it or try changing to meet something that he wants. I believe you have to accept that he isn’t interested in a long term relationship with you. Friends might be okay if you can take intimacy out of the picture.

I think you should just be honest and tell him how you feel because you never know what he wants unless you tell him what you want.