Is Fluther transgender friendly?

I know there are a few of you and I love you for it.

I don’t care who you are, whether you are straight, gay, lesbian, trans, asexual… I judge you with the same standard as every human being. As long as you act sensibly and don’t get in my way and other people’s way, we are even.

I don’t think Fluther as an entity takes a position on personal matters like this. And no one of us is authorized to speak for the rest. Are you looking for a poll among individual members?

Fluther leans left. I was hoping to hear from trans advocates. Apparently there aren’t many. What a sad thing to witness.

Personal? Why is being transgender a secret? It obviously makes you uncomfortable.

Is Fluther LGBT friendly? I think I would have received a better response. What is so taboo about being transgender?

@jonsblond Look like you don’t understand my response…

I don’t know about everyone else, but I have no problem with any sexual orientation. What I find harder to tolerate is a person with bad personality. And I don’t favor anyone simply because they have different sexual orientation. I treat everyone equally.

Transgender and sexual orientation are two separate things.

I am not asking about personalities.

I honestly, wholeheartedly, sincerely, almost aggressivly

don’t give a crap. I don’t care even about my own gender and sexuality, much less yours.

I’m even mildly annoyed when someone flaunts it like it’s the sole trait of their personality. The same goes for anything else.

Wow, the ignorance. I am so disappointed. I have information to help you understand so you won’t hurt those who are transgender. I want to help educate you.

“Personal” as in “about people.” I would be pretty upset with Fluther if it were to make a policy statement about which people it favors or disapproves of. That’s not relevant to the operation of this website, any more than a person’s religion or ethnicity. Your question asks if Fluther is friendly to a certain group of people, and I just said I don’t believe Fluther classifies people for friendly or unfriendly treatment. Secrets and taboos have nothing to do with it.

Ok, no more information because you only want to know about transgender. I say I don’t care, is it enough?

Thank you all for proving my 13 year old transgender child is a freak in your mind. High five for you.

Tell me one good thing about transgender people.

You’re misunderstanding.
Just because we don’t care does not mean we hate your kid. It means we don’t consider one’s gender and sexuality a trait worthy of judgement.
If I said I don’t care, I mean that I don’t use that information to value someone’s worth as a person.
Quite the opposite from what you wrote.

I said we because I think both Mimi and Jeruba have the same opinon.

edit: Mimi only. Jeruba didn’t say she didn’t care. Sorry I put words in your mouth, Jeruba.

Sneki just said it for me. That’s the point of the personality thing. I don’t hold special attention to your son being a trans. I want to know who he is as a human being first.

@Sneki2 I understand. What you don’t understand is the fact that i have little support for my child. My child is a beautiful human being with much artistic talent. I have people close to me telling me Satan has taken over my child because he is transgender. I am only looking for hugs and guidance. It’s hard to find.

@jonsblond what kind of help do you want, specifically?

We only want acceptance. Unfortunately we aren’t getting this from our community. We only get it from friends and family.

Well, we’re here to support you.

But maybe you should look for some transgender support group too. They’ll know how to help you and your kid even better. I don’t know if anyone here is an expert on the subject.

Thank you, Sneki2. I do have the support I need from a few groups, but I’m disheartened by what I have seen on Fluther. I thought Fluther would be more supportive of transgender people. I have been here since 2008 and the things I’ve read recently hurt. It is not the supportive Fluther I once knew. I do appreciate your kindness.

@Jeruba Do you accept Fluther members who are transgender? Do you have a negative opinion about transgender people?

The term “transgender friendly” has a specific meaning, and it has nothing to do with favoring one group of people over another. To say that a place is transgender friendly is to say that it is open and welcoming to trans people and has policies that reflect that. To be transgender friendly is to be respectful and non-judgmental towards trans people and to treat them as equals.

For someone to say that they are not transgender friendly and/or to express the hope that Fluther is not transgender friendly is to say—whether accidentally or on purpose—that they do not plan to be respectful and non-judgmental towards trans people and/or that they do not expect the site to be open and welcoming to trans people nor its policies to treat trans people as equals.

Individual jellies may or may not be transgender friendly, but Ben and Andrew are socially conscious people. Explicit and egregious hate speech is prohibited on Fluther, and jellies have been banned for using offensive slurs to attack marginalized groups. So I think it is safe to say that the site itself is supposed to be as transgender friendly as it can be while still allowing honest discussions of trans issues.

@jonsblond don’t lose heart. If you only want acceptance, there are still people on this site who have no problem with transgenders. There are intolerant people, sure, but I don’t think the whole community is unfriendly. On this thread you have @Sneki2, @SavoirFaire and me. I can think of several more people, including our resident turtle.

But you have to accept that there are judgemental people who just won’t learn. They will never change no matter how long you wait. Fluther is having fewer members now so it’s easier to notice those intolerant people and it makes you think that the community is getting unfriendly. Yeah, it’s easier to focus on the negative. Just ignore them and look toward for those who care, and you’ll see there are more people who support you than you think.

I, personally, am so transgender friendly that it is not an issue for me. People are who they are and I am not going to think any more of them or any less based on their gender. I already hardly know the gender of half the people on this site anyway and if any have changed gender good luck to them. Putting undue stress on this particular aspect of a person’s nature is not doing anyone any favours.

People are intelligent and kind, talented and thoughtful, loveable and irreplaceable. What does it matter what gender they are?

Let me preface this by saying that you, @jonsblond, know personally that I am very supportive of your circumstance and your child, both here and in real life.
I don’t think that fluther is transgender un friendly. A very few (in my observation) have been somewhat negative, and show that they honestly don’t understand the issue, or have a religious prejudice. But the majority here have no negative feelings for, or negative impressions of trans people.

I think fluther is @jonsblond-is-being-angry-and-vitriolic-because-we-don’t-say-exactly-what-she-wants-us-to-say unfriendly. Your concern and anguish about what your child and family are going through has compromised your objectivity and you are not reading carefully, nor interpreting accurately, the posts on most of your Qs on this subject.
You are the only person here to use the word “freak”. You so wildly (and it could be said “willfully”) misinterpreted @Jeruba’s post about how she specifically sees the collective, then she asked (not unreasonably) if this was a poll question.

You have taken issue with people who answer your Qs as worded because you claim they are giving you parenting advice, when they are simply answering your Q.
This is your major focus right now, we understand that. Most of us are sympathetic to your feelings about this, but right now, this is not my big issue. There are so many issues that heavily impact so many of us.

We all have something; some of us experience pain and anguish as profound as yours that are not about concern for a transgender child, but are as important to us.
Please don’t be so angry here. You (used to, anyway) like it here, you’ve made friends here, look again at your gofundme Q, people want you to do the best for your child.
Take a step back, read the posts when you’re logged out so you can’t knee-jerk respond, (I do that, it helps a lot) and try to re-ignite your faith in us.

I am unfollowing this because I have put a lot of thought and time and effort into this (rather lond, sorry) post to make it as coherent and reasonable as I can, yet I expect parts of it will offend you and you’ll lash out and I don’t want to see that.

Yes, I think fluther, for the most part, is trans friendly.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. A persons sexual preference, or gender preference, is that persons business and no one else’s. The world would be a site belter off if we would all mind our own business. But the issue a good distraction for a certain political party, to distract attention from real issues.

I am trans friendly. But I am not sure what you are looking for. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder if people don’t respond exactly as you think they should. You ae receiving a lot of support on this thread. Accept it.

This is what I said on your other question:

“I would tell him that my child’s transgender situation is not up for discussion.
If he kept it up, I would tell him to fuck off! Seriously. It’s none of his business.
It’s too bad you’re not in California (the liberal parts) because being transgendered, although still interesting and a “curiosity” to most people, is a bit more common.
I worked with a transgender woman about 15 years ago. Those of us who worked directly with her, got to know her pretty quickly and accepted her right away. Those who only knew her in passing gossiped about her in the hall.
A different friend of mine, who I also worked with until a few years ago, who had a daughter that grew up around me, until the age of about 8, until I changed jobs, is now a 14 year old boy. The boy’s father is 100
% supportive of his son. Unfortunately, he and his wife are now divorced, partly because of this situation. The mother does not accept that her son (the child that was born her daughter) identifies as a boy.
We had a lovely transgender Jelly here, some years back. I miss him. Maybe he still checks in, without us knowing : )”

So I actually know 3 people who are transgender, and have interacted with the 3 of them in big and little capacities, for the last 15 years. I don’t recall you ever bringing up any transgender issues or being involved in other Jellies discussions about transgender people, until now, now that your child has told you that he is transgender.

Before that, it was a non-issue to you. I live in an area that has one of the biggest populations of LGBT people in the whole country, so this is something I see, pretty much every day. If I am not trans-friendly, then I don’t know who is.

I talked extensively behind the scenes, and directly on his Q’s with one of our trans Jellies about his situation. He and I became very good friends. Unfortunately, I lost track of him when he moved. What I do know, is that he told me that he had to be very discreet, because his life was always in danger, because there are so many people in this world who would happily do him harm.

Am I trans friendly? I’ve already mentioned that I worked with, and became friends with a trans woman. She also told us she had to be discreet, for the same reason, safety. I think she was glad to work with our small group, within our organization, because about a third of the folks that worked there, at the time were gay, so that was just a common, everyday thing for all of us. We embraced her, and protected her.

Am I trans friendly? I already told you that another friend’s son came out at age 9, as being transgender. This little girl grew up around me, and was loved and respected. Now she’s a boy. Her dad is doing everything he can to support him. The boy’s mother does not accept the situation (as it is). We are lucky to live where we do, but everyone knows that you still have to be protective and careful, even when the transgender person is “out.”

So yeah, I’m trans friendly. I’m not sure what else you want to know.

I’m bothered by the idea of the site’s being [specified group]-friendly. Suppose it were billed as “Hispanic-friendly” or “socialist-friendly” or “Mormon-friendly”? It’s people-friendly, and all kinds of people are welcome as long as they respect the rules and conduct themselves with ordinary social decency. As soon as we start singling out any group, labeling it, and declaring it to be within a protected sphere of friendliness, I think we’re heading for trouble.

For all I know, half the people on here are trans. I don’t go around looking in people’s underwear to see what I should think of them. They don’t have to discuss their sexuality with me. I hope we would be able to talk about other things. I respond to them as they strike me, individually, personally, and our interactions can cross lines of just about every kind—religious, political, ethnic, national, and more—as long as they remain civil and respectful.

I don’t know what it would mean for the site itself to be avowedly hospitable to any group without the members of that group sharing and expressing that hospitality.

I suppose you could ask the trans people I know whether I am friendly toward them or not, but until now I haven’t been asked to present my social credentials at Fluther’s door. I can tell you that this kind of grilling and accusation-flinging is not friendly. No one in this thread is attacking your son or you. You are “hoping to hear from trans advocates,” but that was not your question.

@Jeruba Fluther is Hispanic friendly, socialist friendly, and Mormon friendly. It’s also Asian friendly, capitalist friendly, and Buddhist friendly. Being all of those things is part of being people friendly because all of those groups are composed of—guess what?—people. Unfortunately, not everyone recognizes trans people as people. So it sometimes needs to be made explicit that they will be treated as equals here and that open bigotry against them will not be allowed.

Objecting to the site’s rules being transgender friendly on the grounds that the rules should be friendly to everyone is like objecting to the site banning people who post medical spam because we should be banning people who post any kind of spam. The two are not mutually exclusive, and the former falls under the scope of the latter. Similarly, the site can be friendly to both trans people and cis people. The two are not mutually exclusive, and regarding people as equals is not preferential treatment.

@SavoirFaire, I don’t object to any of the site’s rules. I do object to being asked to prove that I don’t have a vile prejudice against people of any named category. You won’t find a single word of that kind of judgmentalism and mudslinging in any post I have ever made.

How can consciously labeling people and then stating “I think this person is equal to others” not be prejudicial? It’s only in not thinking about labels and just seeing people as people that we truly treat them equally.

That word friendly is probably the reason the answers aren’t gushing at you. The thing is that the majority of us here probably have no idea what you mean by transgender friendly. If your question is about obstacles to participation here of gay or transgender folks, my annswer is that fluther is far and away as welcoming a place such as you’re likely to see.

I think @stanleybmanly is probably right: people don’t know what you mean by LGBTQ friendly. I tend to assume it means I don’t have any problem with such people or subjects, and am opposed to discrimination against them. It seems to be a muddy subject due, it seems to me, to all the hostility and miscommunication and new word use around LGBTQ persecution and advocacy.

I have in-person friends for whom all those letters apply, and I know people who are good referrals for related subjects.

Fluther is open to all adults, so I imagine some members may not be as LGBTQ friendly, but I’d be surprised if there were hostility and if any hostility doesn’t get moderated. (In fact, if any group is liable to get an unfriendly reception here, I’d expect it to be arch-conservatives and Bible-thumpers.) The pushback above seems to be about misunderstanding about what the question is asking.

@jonsblond “I am only looking for hugs and guidance. It’s hard to find.”

You don’t need it, you’re a good mom. You know your child and love unconditionally. What more need there be. I’m sorry you are surrounded by narrow minded christians. I am too, completely… so I’m a closeted athiest. Why don’t you feel support here because you obviously have it. If you’re looking for drama or a pity party this is not the place.

I think, for the most part, most of the inhabitants of the tidepool are of the live-and-let-live variety. Sure we may not always agree and there are those darned family spats but we are pretty open minded overall.

I guess I should throw in a comment or two since I am a member of the community.
If someone says “I’m gay!” I’ll give them a hug when we meet, just like I would if someone says “I’m straight.” same as if they were to say they were Christian, Atheist, Trans, White, Old, or whatever. So I guess that means I’m transgender friendly, or maybe just friendly.
-There is one group i will exclude from that hug: young females. Nope! No way! – I don’t want anyone to think I’m a dirty old man pervert.

@LuckyGuy LOL I am the same way. That’s why I get uptight when women pull that huggy touchy crap on me regardless of their age. Don’t want folks thinking I’m a perv. Unless they’re a relative, they can keep their distance.

I’m in! Lucky guy can hug me!

That’s the ticket. We might not be out raising hell in the streets. But JB you can’t expect levels of rage from us to approach your own. You know good and well where our sympathies lie and whose side we are on. We understand your frustration and need to vent. In calmer times I think you must appreciate this. By the way, if you’re looking for proof that “we care”, you’ll find no greater proof than the goose woman’s forebearance under that hailstorm of invectives. It’s time to convert the rage to productive scheming.

As for me I am a live and let live individual, I accept and mind my own business. @jonsblond you are obviously under pressure and highly sensitive and I admire you for the way you are handling your child’s needs. Just move on and do your best to soothe your child’s soul and to hell with what all of us here think. The majority here are open-minded and progressive people with good and positive feelings. Don’t stress about public opinion, just carry your load in life as best as you can.

Personally I wish you all strength and a smooth path ahead. Society on the whole has a tough shell to crack but thank goodness people are more accepting than they once were.

In contradistinction to @LuckyGuy I fly my Dirty Old Man flag with pride. And friendliness.

I’ll hug nearly anyone, as long as they’re not too sweaty or smelly, and I don’t see anything from the insect kingdom crawling on them, or any kind of fungal growth…

I may have to revisit my policies on hugging folks. I just sort of creeped myself out.

And for the record, I’ve met transgendered folks (MTF), and been more than a little impressed at how attracted I was to them sexually, and I have a pretty wide acquaintance with older and younger gay folk, too… and a lot who haven’t made any announcements, but I’m cool whether they do or not, or even while I wonder. I’m not sleeping with a wide range of folks, so that’s just not an issue.

As a bisexual person and I know it has nothing at all to do with transgender, I always just worked on being ‘Okay’ with myself. What other people thought was a none issue. I found that when I accepted myself, people just accepted me anyway.

I don’t think Fluther judges people on their color, race or orientation, including sexuality, self-image, self-concept, gender identity, gender preference or other. They are judgemental against Christians I feel. I can’t really speak for the collective, that is just my opinion.

I am trans-friendly.

Can’t speak for anyone but myself, but yeah. All the best to your kid. I bet he’s awesome.

I apologize for taking my frustration out on some of you. It has been an extremely difficult year for my immediate family and I did not know how to handle it. I was shocked and surprised by the backlash Jon and I received by several people for supporting our child (not all from Fluther) and it made the situation worse. I appreciate the affirming support I have received by many of you.

I don’t know if anyone looked at the link I shared in my details but the responses were not supportive of parents who accept their transgender children. The answers to that question shocked me. Some accused these parents of terrible things and at least one person said they would call child protective services. I hope you can understand where my frustration comes from. Jon and I have been accused of terrible things and we don’t deserve this, but Fluther does not deserve my angst.

Thank you for that, @jonsblond.

@jonsblond Thanks for saying that. I’m sure we’ve all snapped at our friends after going through stressful times.

Got no bone to pick with trans gender, gay, lesbian or anyone else, nor with their concerned parents. Once again, a persons choice of sex or gender is no damn bodies business. And I’m tired of these things being used as political fodder. “I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it any more” – Network