Is there a letter that you should have written to someone but didn't?

Many times I have wished I’d sent a letter but it was too late because they had died or I forgot their name or address. Ah well.

Yes, one just in the past year. An old friend and I kept in touch off and on over a period of more than 40 years. Some months ago when I asked how he was, he wrote me a long, complicated, suffocatingly detailed reply. I was undergoing some severe turbulence in my own life and put off answering him. He died in April without a word from me. I feel pretty bad about that.

@Jeruba Oh dear. I’m so sorry. You did what you could. Sometimes the timing is just wrong and there is nothing you can do. We know what kind of person you are, nice. Sometimes the timing is just off.

When my father was dying, my emotionally unstable mother went off the deep end. She threw my father out because his cancer was causing her too much stress, alienated half the family, and lashed out at me.

My aunt (her sister) suggested I write a letter to her setting some ground rules for our relationship after my father’s inevitable death. I’m glad I wrote it, but it only alienated her further.

Conversely, I wish I had written one to my dad clarifying how I felt about him. I told him in person sure, but I think doing it in detail, in writing, would have better served to cut though the drama.

Thank you for this question. I realized there are things I needed to sort out on paper. I didn’t send the letter, but I did write it, and it was very therapeutic. Thank you for that.

Great question.

I think there are more letters I shouldn’t have written to someone, that I did…

…I write too much.

Maybe. I’ve been thinking about that.