Why would a man who abandoned his newborn go out and have another child?

Because he can’t keep his penis in his pants. It’s not about having babies, it’s about having sex. The unwanted result, for him, was babies.

I mean they’re in a relationship, I’m just curious why abandon the child you already had to have another with someone new..

Lots of variables. Not enough information. @chyna . Unless the mother was raped, the woman played a part too…

Because he can.
On what grounds is the man obligated to take care of his kid? If he didn’t want the kid, it’s none of his problem what will happen to it. If a woman can abandon and abort a kid she doesn’t want, the man can do the same.

Doing it twice may indicate he doesn’t pay attention to safety, which has much more serious consequences than having a kid.

he was married, filed for divorce while the mother was pregnant, saw his child on and off, on and off with his ex wife. Now after not speaking to his ex wife or 2 year old for about 5 months he is living with another woman and has her pregnant

@Roadtodebt Is this your ex husband?

@Roadtodebt So? How is that important?
He can do whatever he wants.

@chyna yes

@Sneki2 it’s a question, this is fluther. If you don’t want to answer, don’t. Im just asking opinions

It’s not about abandoning the child, it’s about abandoning the wife.

^In most cases.

I suppose you’re right. @cheebdragon

^You could still have other children, without him. Same thing…

I hope this doesn’t destroy your life. You have a baby and yourself to take care of and if your ex-husband can’t help, it is totally his loss. Be strong.

I’m sorry that you are going through this. It is hard I know.

Thank you @chyna
Thank you too @janbb
It’s very hard to process.

He likes to have sex and is irresponsible.

Ideally you could all come together at some point and let the children know their half brother or half sister. Your ex sounds reckless in hooking up with and impregnating another women he has only known for a few months but…that is not your business. Divorce rebounds rarely have staying power and are hardly ever the next great love of someones life. Sad part is this new child is nothing more than the byproduct of a fling that is most likely to fail.

Your most important function is being a good mother to your child and attempting to encourage your childs father to be a part of their lives if at all possible. If not, and you are divorced, I hope he is paying you child support. Does your child see her/his paternal grandparents? Children should not be kept from grandparents no matter how nasty a divorce.

@Coloma my ex husband actually moved across the county last year, his mother and sister (whom I was very close to during our marriage) still live maybe 5 minutes away, they have not once contacted me to see the baby since the divorce, the divorce was hard on me, there’s always two sides to a story but I was 4 months pregnant when he filed divorce, and I went crazy, I went though his voicemail, email, found out he had been seeing someone else a few months before he filed, I couldn’t deal with the divorce, after I had the baby we got back together, same thing happened he found someone else.. last time I saw him was December of 2016 (7 months ago) and last time we were together intimately .. he was talking about moving back and getting his old job back.. and then out of nowhere one day I text him and he responds with “leave me alone, move on” I don’t think I’m crazy I’m just being misled and it hurt because I still have/had feelings for him. He would call everyday to speak to the baby, and since the day he sent me that text he hasn’t asked once, this was February 13th of this year.

@Roadtodebt I’m sorry but yep, you have no choice but to move on and if he isn’t paying any child support I’d get a move on with that right away. I know it really hurts but don’t let this guy control you emotionally any longer. Easier said than done I know but, if he is going to have nothing to do with his child then he has a legal obligation to at least help support the child.
This guy is an irresponsible jerk and you should be happy he is no longer in your life, you deserve better but…first you need to believe that yourself.

Yes @Coloma thankfully the one thing he does do is pay his child support. Thank you very much.

Thank you to everyone who gave me positive, yet a harsh reality of a response, I hope this helps me (:

So many men like this. Sorry you got entangled with one.

I suppose for the same reason a man with 8 kids is anti-abortion. And/or he can only think with his penis.

Thank you

My son abandoned his three sons because he was not ready to have children, but his wife “accidentally” became pregnant three times.. He eventually want on to have one when he was ready,

@YARNLADY Well…with all due respect but..he was the leading man in that production.

@Roadtodebt Did you and he plan the baby? You both decided to have a child before you became pregnant?

My guess is that he doesn’t see the children as “people”, just as extensions of whatever family he is with in the moment. Sometimes, people figure this out as they get older; sometimes, they never figure it out. Maybe he’ll try to reconnect with his first child some time in the future. Maybe not.

@JLeslie yes we were ttc.

@Coloma Yes, but “forgetting” to take her birth control pills was a very big factor. However, there is a lot more to that story that has never been shared with me.

Yes, thank you @dappled_leaves the last time I saw my “father” I was 4 years old, he abandoned me and my brother and went on to have 10 more kids, it’s sad, I have a lot of siblings who I connect with on Facebook but but never him. I just didn’t want my daughter to ever feel the same way I did growing up you know but I’ll have to find a way to make both of us feel whole, and fill the void.

What is ttc?

Edit: oh, trying to conceive.

@JLeslie yes exactly (:

Because it doesn’t matter to him since, ultimately, he never has to take any real responsibility for either.

Honestly he has to give us a good chunk of change every month, For that reason alone I never thought he’d have another, or at least be married for a long time when he did but I’ll never know his reasoning, to me it doesn’t make much sense.

Eh, money is just material. Some folks have little regard for it. Even with paying child support he still never has to take any real responsibility in ether child’s life. He can merrily fuck off and do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, for the rest of his life while doing none of the heavy lifting in his children’s lives. Then in a few years he’ll get to sit around with his buddies and boast about the accomplishments of a child he had no real hand in raising.

@Darth_Algar you’re absolutely right, he definetely took the easy way out, to say the least. What a guy.

So many reasons. I’ve seen different ones. I know one guy who married a woman with 2 kids and had one together with his wife. Went over seas, found wife number 2, left her and all 3 kids. Abandon them all. Then stayed and had kids with number 2. I think, for some guys they feel the only way to have the family of their dreams is to ditch the whole family and start over clean.
I know another guy who just simply wasn’t ready for the family life and ditched his child. Then he met someone he wanted to settle down with and have a family with.

I’ve said it before . People sometimes are in love with the idea of being in love. They rush into marriage and before they know it someone is on the way. And this wasn’t in their plans.This immature love (lust really) blew up like the belly and they want a do-over. They aren’t ready to be a parent and they certainly didn’t want to be with this person for all their lives.

Some learn the second time, and some don’t.

Hey, at least these kind of do-overs is better than the ones who kill their whole family to start over.

Maybe he usually used protection, and the one time (or one of the few) he didn’t with this other chick she turns up preggers. It happens. I have two friends who are extremely responsible who got pregnant that way. I have one who got pregnant when a condom broke.

I’m not making excuses for him, he’s obviously a cheater and liar, but he may not be as terribly reckless as we make him to be. Hopefully, he doesn’t go on to have ten children with 7 women.

If he pays child support you’re way ahead of a lot of women in the same position.

^ if they’re divorced, it’s not cheating. Just sayin’.

and why do you even care, op? You’re divorced, he pays the support.. It’s none of your business what he does. Move on.

@Sneki2 why are you even commenting? I’ve already told you why I care.

@Sneki2 it’s in her face all the time. She can’t not think about it. And it’s nice to have a reason to explain an impossible situation.

You’re better off without him. I hope, even though he pays child support, you are financially set with work or a means to support yourself in a decent manner.

@Sneki2: Feelings are not always based on logic, and if she liked someone at one time, it’s probably very hard to just shut it off the way we shut off a light switch or a radio.

I don’t know you and I don’t know him. But it’s more than possible that he abandoned YOU (for whatever reason) and the kid was collateral damage. You see it from the standpoint of him walking away from the kid which is legit.

But it may be more of an escape from the marriage (or the partner) than from the kid. That would explain why he impregnated Woman #2…

I’m really glad I asked this question because I am realizing I am better off without him though it doesn’t make me forget, Rejection is really hard, being replaced is really hard, having a daily 2ft tall reminder running around every day is hard.. I dont know why I can’t just move on @Sneki2 though “just moving on” would be ideal obviously, I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy.

Thank you @jca

@Sneki2 For some reason I assume he was a cheater. He left the marriage while the OP was pregnant. That’s pretty shitty. Most men who plan having a baby with their wife don’t wind up leaving during the pregnancy.

My exboyfriend’s brothers used to cheat while their wives were pregnant, well they cheated all the time. I might be way off with assuming that about the OP’s situation.

A lot of guys cheat during their wives pregnancies, behavior of the immature and narcissistic types. A lot of wolves in sheeps clothing out there and sadly, a lot of women don’t see them in their true form for a long time.

Guys are into sex for sex and only sex. Having babies doesn’t figure into their sex drive.

It would have been much more damaging for the child if he had decided to leave later in her life, silver lining I guess.

Yes @cheebdragon that’s a good way to look at it, Thank you

I sent him a video today (his birthday) of our 2 year old saying “hi daddy” “I miss you daddy” and then “I love you daddy” but he never responded ): I thought he’d like it because he’s never actually heard her say full sentences but I think this is just a sign that I need to stop trying.

@Roadtodebt Yes, or…he feels you are trying to guilt trip him into seeing his child by coaching her to say things to tug at his heart strings. I wouldn’t involve your child in this at all. She is too young to be involved in adult drama. No more video messages from your daughter. No phone calls from her to him under your guidance.

If he wants to see her he knows how to find you. If not, that’s on him. Even if he never sees your daughter for years to come, if, someday, he wants to see her and she wants to see him you have to stay out of it. No putting her in the middle, no grilling her for information, no negative talk about her dad. Once she is an older teenager and adult it is completely up to her whether or not she seeks out his company.

You’re right, I’ll stop doing that, and he absolutely knows where to find me, I just need to stop trying on my part. Thank you @Coloma

@Roadtodebt Hang in their Roadie. Maybe it’s time you start looking for a nice, new guy to date. Lots more fish in the sea that aren’t sharks.

Hopefully one day. @Coloma

Sadists abandon children because they don’t love them, they don’t want them and they know that if you have a kid, your life is screwed. It’s fun to screw your life over, so they do it again and again and again. To you to her to them

Narsacists abandon children because their own happiness is more important than the children’s needs. They move on to their next victim because nobody else matters.

He definitely sounds like a narcissist @Foniasaphobiess thank you! hopefully he stays in the new ones life at least, still can’t understand why he’d get another woman pregnant but I know I shouldn’t be worried about what he does anymore.

Well, while narcissism can be a serious pathology it also is reflective of the very immature so nobody can really know for sure just what they are dealing with. Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole.
A narcissist is really like a 6 yr. old in an adult body. Self centered, only interested in what benefits themselves, no interest in responsibility, hard work, will do anything to avoid taking responsibility and just wants to have unshackled fun.

In other words, what can you really expect from a 6 year old? Just because their body has arrived at the head of the table doesn’t change the fact that their mind is still in the playpen.

@Coloma you are so right! thank you for your continued words of encouragement (: