Would you be insulted by this message?

Didn’t get a thing, just tinypics.

I just fixed it

Still just tinypics

did you refresh the page? It works for me now, I changed image hosts.

Insulted by what? His offer to fill up your gas tank? I don’t get it, sounds like a plan to me. haha

Well… no. I mean, I don’t know your relationship with your dad, so I can’t imagine what’s going through your mind as you read it. (I mean, obviously, the invitation is to your son, so there’s an implied assumption that either your dad recognizes / acknowledges / assumes that you wouldn’t be interested in the invitation for yourself, so he’s given up on that, or an assumption that you’d be too busy to make yourself available for a period of days – since the invitation is extended to him to spend up to a week.)

Are you interested in seeing your dad, too? You could probably mention that, without sounding needy or resentful. Maybe add that “I’d like to see you, too, Dad! I’ve got the weekend available if you’ve got room.” Or something along those lines.

It doesn’t sound insulting to me, just curt, but without any other knowledge of the situation, I’d assume that’s because it’s a text conversation. If having this sort of conversation by text is problematic, maybe suggest they phone you with that sort of request in future?

It sounds like they’re trying to do something nice, but the tone is getting in the way of their offer. But, like I said, I don’t know the prior history, if there is any.

Yeah, putting your dad in your phone as “SATAN” could be insulting I guess…

My dad and I never had a great relationship, his idea of spending time with me was making me watch him golf with my older brother or watch them play basketball, but up until I was 17 we would always go on a family vacation with my grandparents.
When he married his 3rd wife I stopped existing as anything other than a chauffeur for my son. I wasn’t invited to the wedding, no one even told me about it until 7 months later.
I haven’t been invited on any of their vacations in over 11 years.
1x a year I get a message asking if they can see my son while they are in CA.
I have tried to spend time with him, I’ve spent over $800 on rental cars to go visit them and each time he’s only had around 10–20min of his time to see me and I end up spending the entire trip at my grandparents house waiting around while my son stays over at my dads house.

I wouldn’t be offended by that message, but the context of your history with him seems to be something to work on, which the message is probably re-kindling.

It was nice of him to offer to give me gas money, especially considering I had to drive 180 miles to get my son to San Diego, would have been even better if he had actually given me money for gas or filled up the tank since gas is almost $4 a gallon, but whatever I didn’t make a big deal of it and it’s fine.
Until today when I needed to pick up my son and our car started having problems so I asked if he could drop my son off at my moms house which is ¼ the distance between my house and San Diego…..his response was “Can she meet me somewhere closer we really aren’t headed anywhere that direction”. It made me so mad because I certainly wasn’t headed anywhere near San Diego but I still fucking dropped him off and he can’t muster up the will to drive 40 miles out of his way?

No. He’s obviously a man of few words. We’re you offended by his message?

If your relationship with this man is that bad, why agree to lend him your son in the first place?

I agree with @ragingloli.

My daughter, wife, and I are a package deal (for example). If I’m making a genuine effort to fix/improve our relationship, but you could give a shit about me — then you don’t get to see my kid.

I did not see any insult in the message. I don’t know the backstory.

Is there anything he could do to mend fences? Is this a good way to start?

@LuckyGuy If you read her other posts, you get the back story.

It doesn’t seem likely that you and your Dad will ever have a great relationship so the question for me would be, is it worth it to you to have your son have a relationship with his grandfather? If so, than take it for what it is and try not to let him upset you much.

My first thought when I read the texts was that I was wondering if the insult is that you don’t seem to be invited or is the insult that he’s offering you gas money (implying you need money). Now I understand better now that you explained.

If your son enjoys spending time with his grandfather, then I think it’s a good thing. Good for your son to have as many positive relationships in his life as possible.

If I were you and I wanted to be included, I’d say (not ask but that’s me), that I’ll be there in the afternoon (or whatever is convenient for you to spend some time). Another idea is I’d make a suggestion, for example, “how about if I bring some salad stuff and we can do dinner” or something like that. If I were you and I didn’t want to be included, or decided I don’t care about this relationship, then I’d try not to let the texts bother me as it’s not something I want, anyway.

As for the money, if he is offering it and you need it, then take him up on it.

Knowing the back story as I do now – at least to the extent that I do – I guess I wouldn’t be “insulted”, but “resigned”: This is how he is.

You seem to have made your peace with the reality of the situation, and you appear to be dealing with “him as he is” perhaps better than could be expected. So kudos to you for that.

I suppose I’d be happy that he wants to spend some time with his grandson. How does his grandson feel about things? Does he have a better time than you used to? Do his grandfather and new “grandmother” have a good relationship, one that helps the child?

there is nothing at all insulting in the message when it stands alone. However the truly peculiar regard your dad has for you is disturbing, and “insulting” is not a stretch based on the information given. It’s terrible to have the kid in the middle, but were I in your shoes, I would gauge my willingness to drive the distance solely on the boy’s level of enthusiasm.

Well, on the face of it, no. But then I read your post where he didn’t give you the money to fill up, and gave you some static about dropping your son off.
Since you know the attitude of the people involved, if you felt it was offensive then it probably was.
On the face of it it was cool. Wish my folks would have gone to those lengths to spend time with my kids.

My dad was such a horrible father if I had kids I would probably never let them see him; especially, without me being there.

You must be used to this by now.

I don’t see an insult. It reads like he wants a better relationship with your son than he had with you.

No. I would love free gas. If I had a car.

But he never kept his promise.

No.

No

Sounds AOK to me.

Are the activities planned something your son is interested in, but your dad knows you aren’t? You said you used to feel kind of “dragged” to the activities your dad wanted to do when you were a kid.

Your dad might genuinely want grandfather grandson time, but I don’t see why you wouldn’t be included for at least a day or two after that long drive.

Next time, if you’re not going to stay, I’d only drive half way or so and meet up, have lunch maybe, your dad pays hopefully, and not put yourself out quite so much. Maybe eat near a gas station. Lol.

When I was young I used to spend three weeks in the summer with my grandparents and I loved it. I think my parents liked the break too.

Where I live now tons of grandparents take in their grandkids for a few weeks over the summer. I live in a retirement community. There are fun activities all day long for grandparents and grandkids to do together. It’s very normal here for the parents of the children not to be here the whole time, or at all, it’s also normal for the parents to be here. It just depends on the particular family.

I would try to talk to your dad a little about doing something together with him, it can also include your son/whole family, that you would all enjoy. That you would like to spend more time with him.