In your experience are charismatic people less sensitive to others?

Sociopaths can be very charming. at first.

@RedDeerGuy1 Thanks but I don’t think these two are that extreme.

It can happen if they think too highly about themselves and don’t care much for others feelings. It’s a general tendency for popular figures amongst a group to do so. It may vary person by person though.

Interesting. I haven’t thought of that before. But it kind of rings bells
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Actually I was going to echo @RedDeerGuy. Not all charismatic people are psychopaths tho. It’s the first thing I thought of.

We just went through something similar on another Q. My first thought was exactly what @RedDeerGuy1 wrote. Personalities fall on a continuum. Your friends might not be sociopaths, but as I said on the recent Q, sociopaths often are the life of the party. Men and women who use people often are very outgoing and the center of attention. It’s not that all charismatic people are bad people, it’s just not unusual to see some of these traits hand in hand. It probably is not even the case the majority of the time, but happens enough it’s noticeable.

Not necessarily. I’d say it’s only those two people you met.

I don’t think so. I don’t think their lack of sensitivity is connected to their charisma. These two people are just insensitive. I’ve met plenty of introverted, shy people who are insensitive to other’s needs.

I agree with @Earthbound_Misfit certain temperaments and personality types may appear less sensitive based on their cognitive functions. Thinking types are going to appear less sensitive to feeling types. I can be quite charismatic and while I am also diplomatic, as a rational thinking female, I am not prone to being easily offended or hurt. There is a big difference between natural temperament style and cognitive preferences and being a full blown sociopath that lacks empathy.

Also..extroverts are more socially at ease, gregarious and charming, again, not be confused with sociopathology.

It’s kind of hard to answer this without making generalizations. I think many charismatic people are actually quite self centered. They want the spot light. I mean, think of all the TV evangelists, for example. Or pretty much all evangelists. Good sales people. Many movie stars. Not all of them turn out to be psycho, of course.
And, to touch back on @RedDeerGuy1‘s comment, how many times do we hear, over and over, that the guy was so romantic, so thoughtful, so charming for the first year of the relationship before he killed her.
It’s just hard to answer.

I think personal charisma is a trait separate from, but can co-exist with, empathy, narcissism, compassion, and a whole host of other traits.

JFK was generally agreed to be one of the most charismatic people that was prominent in American history, yet there are countless reports of him being extremely empathetic due to debilitating physical pain, and compassionate because of family issues (pressure to be the “star” after the loss of his older brother, Joe).

Another shining American example of charisma, Ted Bundy. Not actually known for empathy or compassion.

Again, my point is that I believe it’s a trait, whether developed or inherent, like eye-color or height, but not something that defines the personality.

So actually, @janbb, no, I doubt it’s because your friends are charismatic, but more because they are somewhat thoughtless.

Or….the other person is overly sensitive and easily feels hurt and slighted at the drop of a hat. It’s a 2 way street as always. Extremely thoughtless vs. extremely over-sensitive.
I had a friend a few years ago a little older than me by a few years, that flipped out when I cracked a joke, while we were moving furniture about ” not too bad for a couple of old broads.”

She took great offense as she was extremely insecure about her aging process and was constantly going for Botox and other cosmetic procedures. Seriously..talk about hyper-sensitive.

Well, Obama is a good example of a great, charismatic guy! Michelle too. And they were full of empathy.

The point is, one mans hurt feelings are another mans no big deal. Everyone processes interactions in their own way based on their own, unique set of personality traits, levels of self esteem, neuroticism and the thinking vs. feeling preferences. Another case in point here. My good friends cat died the other day.

As an animal lover I was very empathetic, called her the next day sent her a condolence e-card. All the caring and appropriate gestures to show support, however, she was so distraught she had to stay home for 3 days unable to stop crying.
While I too, feel very sad when I lose a beloved pet I am also accepting that death happens and while I mourn and miss them I am not incapacitated by grief to the point I am unable to function. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love my pet dearly just because I didn’t spend 3 days at home crying.

@coloma if you knew she was sensitive about aging, why make the joke?

I actually rarely ask questions on here about things I’m “hyper-sensitive” about. I tend to process them myself or with trusted friends. But I was thinking about these two people who have hurt me and thought it might be an interesting question for discussion. I don’t risk many dogs in Fluther fights any more – so not worth it.

@chyna I didn’t know just HOW sensitive, I sure found out with one silly little quip, but she was highly neurotic about a lot of things, so I wasn’t really surprised. Besides, that’s her problem.

Wait, @Coloma, you’re criticizing your friend because you believe she reacted “wrong” to her grief even though you did all the “caring and appropriate gestures to show support”? And she still didn’t do what you thought she should? How insensitive of her to disregard your need for her to behave a different way!

I think @Coloma is just trying to point out that everybody has a different personality. Everybody experiences things differently. Sometimes we don’t know how a person is going to react, until we’ve said something.

In @janbb‘s situation, I think the 2 people that weren’t very nice to her, were probably just insensitive people, but I don’t really think that the charisma is the thing that makes people insensitive. I’ve known charismatic people that are the nicest people around and are very helpful and kind. I’ve also known charismatic people that are big douche bags. I’ve also known people that have practically zero charisma that are really awful people (a couple of supervisors come to mind). And I also know some low charisma folks that are very kind and sweet, just very low key.

@canidmajor No. Not at all. Where did you come up with criticism in my sharing?
I am simply pointing out that just because someone doesn’t fall to pieces over a perceived slight, operative word ” perceived” or, doesn’t take to their bed for days when they experience a loss does not make them thoughtless or insensitive. Everyone handles things in their own way. I am talking about the real fact of personality style that can often lend itself to difficulties between those disposed or a more sensitive makeup and those that are not.

@Kardamom yes, thanks for clarifying better than I perhaps.

@Coloma didn’t realize just how sensitive the person was. She did apologize.
However, I think staying home for 3 days crying is a bit over the top. How the hell would she deal with a stubbed toe?

I’ve made a few “jokes” that other people took offense to. I also apologized, and made a note to myself to be a bit more thoughtful, even though I didn’t really understand what the big deal was.

Well unless you tell us exactly what the behavior was @janbb we can’t attempt to deduce if it seemed intentional and insensitive or if you might be reading more into it than is there.

And then there’s this: some people just suck : (

I am very diplomatic and thoughtful in real life but I also don’t walk on eggshells around anybody. @Kardamom Haha, exactly right!

That might be a little thoughtless @Coloma. It just depends on the situation and who we’re talking about.

@Dutchess_III Of course. What I mean by that is that while I am good mannered and polite I am not going to be emotionally controlled by neurotic people and their chronic upsets, watch every word that comes out of my mouth, cater to their fragility.

It’s a bummer when you have to live with someone like that! Like your ex. And my Mom.

Yeah, I don’t do emotionally high maintenance people, at all.
If you’re moody, bitchy, run hot and cold, always upset over every little thing, constantly feeling hurt and slighted, well, so sorry, but we’re not gonna be a blend. Go torment somebody else. LOL

@Coloma Your standards for other people are so high and you are so judgmental, I seriously question whether you have any friends at all. LOL

@janbb You’re damn right. Not wanting to be around emotionally high maintenance people is a healthy choice and not in the least “judgmental.” FYI my best friend of the last 14 years and I have never had, not even one, tiny little conflict. I expect people to behave like adults, not moody children and I don’t do manipulative, passive aggressive or other unsavory behaviors. Life is too short to waste your time on difficult people, so good for me.

I got no dog in this fight, but we need to understand that some folks, let’s face reality, are just assholes. I mean, you don’t need to possess a Behavioral Science PhD from Yale, to be just a bit considerate and thoughtful of other people. Some people think I’m a jerk because they don’t get my sense of humor, which I will admit is a bit over the top. But that being said, I do try hard not to offend other people, and I always make an effort to keep my wisecracks self deprecating. I believe that’s it’s a tad easier to have empathy for the other guy, if you don’t take your own self too seriously.

@NomoreY_A Agreed, and that is a problem for a lot of people, taking themselves and others too seriously and creating their own upset a lot of the time.

@Coloma Yes indeed. Great minds think alike : )