Would it be hard for a prosperous, handsome man to fall in love with a woman with Downs' Syndrome?

Maybe she has a sweet, loving nature, which he could value and cherish.

The things that connect people aren’t always obvious to the rest of us, but they can be very powerful.

Who knows what one person finds in another to cause them to fall in love?

I know a few people with Down’s, and overall they are among the sweetest, happiest people I have ever met.

Perhaps instead of thinking of her as “peculiar” you could try thinking of her as “unique”. And admit to her your limitations in understanding her and that you need help when she speaks to you. It might help both of you to a great degree.

Golfers aren’t actually great people.. just saying..

Maybe he wanted to have full control over a woman and fulfill some slave/master, daddy/child fetish.
What better way than to marry someone that is completely dependent on you in every way, mentally compromised, easily manipulated and easily controlled.
Pretty strange and creepy if you ask me, and you did. LOL

People with Down (not “Downs’”, or “Down’s”) Syndrome have just as much right to happiness as anyone else, and in many cases deserve it more.

And who am I to judge some “handsome, prosperous man” regarding what might bring him happiness ?

And who is anyone else….??

As a general rule, people with Down’s are protected by their parents and also by the courts. Identified as disabled from birth, agencies keep a close eye on their guardians and on their living situations.

@PullMyFinger here we go with that worn out “judging” word. Judging him would go like this: “that handsome guy actually married a woman who can’t speak legibly. He must be a gold digger.” Or, “this cute guy up the street is providing an impossible to understand person with a great looking house. He must have ulterior motives.” That is judging! But to ask how he could fall in love with a nice woman with Down syndrome who loves trick or treating and raking other peoples’ leaves but you can’t understand what she says is not judging. It’s called wondering. I’m curious.
Don’t judge me now that you think I’m judging him.

@Aster You are indeed judging. It is obvious that you believe the woman is somehow a lesser human being due to her condition, and the man is somehow superior because he’s nice looking and plays golf.

Also, one does not speak “legibly” as you put it. One may write legibly or illegibly, or one may speak clearly or unclearly.

Has nothing to do with judging anyone and everything to do with motives. Most people that were possessed of a normal IQ would not want to marry a developmentally disabled person. There is something fishy here. It’s not like the Q. is why would a man marry a women who was missing a leg? It sounds exploitive to me at best and creepy at worst.

I think “prosperous” and “handsome” and “Down Syndrome”, (or golf) have nothing to do with love.
Do we ever fall in love with money, with looks, with health?
We fall in love with people, no matter what.

Has everything to do with judging; judging by (most of) society.
A ‘normal’ person could never,should never, engage with a person that is ‘not normal, or has different (than most of the’ normal’ ones) looks?
What utter BS.
Way to shut out a whole group of people.
“Please don’t fall in love with that guy, he’s out of your league; he’s normal…”

@rebbel. “A ‘normal’ person could never,should never, engage with a person that is ‘not normal, or has different (than most of the’ normal’ ones) looks?”
Yeah. That’s just what I said. You sure catch on fast.

@Coloma. you know, it just came to me. It’s possible she’s his sister. Our next door neighbor is living with her brother who has some mental health issue that’s hard to explain. He’s very sweet.

@Aster For your information, I don’t agree with that statement (or rather, question) that I wrote.

@rebbel I would disagree. It isn’t about judging, it is about the very real potential for sexual and other abuse and exploitation which is high amongst the developmentally disabled. Two Down syndrome people falling in love and marrying is one thing but I would, and rightly and healthily so, question the motives of an adult man that wanted to marry a mentally disabled woman. Most people want a partner of equal or higher intelligence than themselves and to marry someone with the mental capacities of a child renders said relationship one of inequity and more of a caretaking, parent/child situation than an equal partnership.

Of course we would need to know a lot more here. What, exactly is the functioning of this woman, at what level is she able to cope with daily life tasks, etc. What is her mental and emotional age? To marry someone with the developmental abilities of a 6 year old is perverse .

@Aster Haha really? After saying she is his wife you now say she might just be his sister? That would make a lot more sense.

@rebbel To what question are you referring? The one you don’t agree with for my information.

@Aster “A ‘normal’ person could never,should never, engage with a person that is ‘not normal, or has different (than most of the’ normal’ ones) looks?”
That sentence ends with a question mark.

I think it is perfectly acceptable and nice to engage with (whatever that means) a person with Down’s syndrome . Did I say her looks were abnormal? If I did say such a thing I’d expect to hear another original remark, “so what’s normal?” Nobody can answer such a question @rebbel .

I disagree, @Coloma.
There are plenty people that I question the mental and emotional age of, after I see or hear their actions/behavior.
However, I never do that where it is concerning their choices of partners/love interests.
Because who are we, who am I to judge?
What level of IQ should one have to be allowed to be with someone (that has higher IQ)?

My point is this is a case of possibility vs. probability.
It is possible a “normal” person of normal intelligence could fall in love with a mentally disabled person but, it is far more probable that there is some unhealthy or unsavory element involved.

Engagement: a formal agreement to get married.
“she’d broken off her engagement to Paul”

@rebbel. “What level of IQ should one have to be allowed to be with someone (that has higher IQ)?
This is starting to sound ridiculous. lol. Well, you evidently have a lot of time on your hands today but I’m not JUDGING YOU on how you should spend that time. lol. I could , however , offer some suggestions but I might get in trouble.

@rebbel There is a big difference between splitting a few IQ points in a partnership between two, mentally healthy adults vs. marrying someone that is clinically developmentally disabled. Also a huge chasm between an emotionally immature person and a clinically diagnosed, mentally disabled person. Apples and Oranges.
My concerns lend themselves to exploitation by the more intelligent and powerful partner.

A valid concern.
There are lots of males out there that exploit others sexually, think of all the men that travel and partake of the sex trades in poorer countries like Thailand and Vietnam and others. Sexually exploiting underage children and the weakest and poorest segments f the population. My concerns in a case such as a “normal” adult man marrying a developmentally disabled person. Sexual abuse of institutionalized developmentally disabled is a problem too. Just the facts.

@Aster I’m trying to discuss, is all.
I don’t want you to get in trouble, so better keep your suggestions for yourself.

@Coloma Difference between the Thailand goers and this handsome golf player being that this, apparent, relationship between him and the woman is that it is all in the open.
Would seem strange to act like he does in the open were he a predator.
So yeah, everything is possible, but the same goes for my neighbors, my brother, your milkman.

@rebbel Just because it’s in the open doesn’t mean he didn’t/doesn’t have unsavory motives.
Lots of nice guys are secret wife beaters, child molesters and have boys buried in their basement all the while being out in the open as nice guys. haha
Bottom line, most healthy adult men would not find themselves attracted to a developmentally disabled woman for many reasons, and I’m pretty sure the psychological community would agree.

@Coloma Okay, most men (and women?) wouldn’t, but my point was just to state that sometimes you just fall in love, and that that can be with anybody.
And that I am not to judge.

If they are indeed married I was just wondering how they got to know each other since she is almost impossible to understand. Imagine the phone calls: “what was that? Excuse me? Could you repeat that?” Which is actually pretty identical to the very few times we’ve spoken. I honestly tried to communicate with her but to little avail . I honestly hope she’s living with her brother. It would reinforce my belief in the goodness of people. I’ll find out at Halloween if not sooner.

Only now I read @Love_my_doggie ‘s answer.
That’s how I feel about it exactly.

@rebbel Agreed, it could happen but is unlikely IMO, in the truest sense of falling in “love” and again, the potential for exploitation is very high.

@Coloma I feel that we both stated our positions, more or less clearly (if I speak for my submission, maybe less so), and I don’t foresee that we will come closer to each other than we already are.
Which I think is okay.
Thank you for the talk!

To add coal to the fire, I would say there is nothing normal about this. The man cerrainly has issues!!!

@rebbel Yes, interesting topic indeed.

These days, everybody seems to want to get into everybody else’s business. How they raise their kids, how they treat their spouse, whom they date etc.
Pretty curious in my opinion.

@josie Well…when to comes to possible exploitation or abuse of anyone we should get in their business.

@Coloma
Why?

Sounds like an awful lot of “what-ifs” and “possibles” here to me, with no legitimate reason for anyone else to nose-in and investigate someone else’s love life.

And it might be a good idea for you ladies to at least learn the correct name for this syndrome before trying to “rescue” someone who has it….

@josie Why? Because if you witness or strongly suspect child abuse, animal abuse, sexual abuse it is the morally correct thing to do.
I am talking serious reasonable cause not neighborhood gossip, obviously.

@PullMyFinger Don’t include me in this “ladies” deal, thanks.

Have you ever fallen in love? Was it hard? If this man is in love with this woman, you would have to ask him and her how they met and what attracted them. Looks are what generally attracts us, but for lasting love, you need a lot more. Looks fade….always.
I am a little amused by all the concern about him taking advantage of her, or using her for some dark, creepy purpose. Those with this thought process might want to take a moment to reflect on what that says about them. It says that they believe that people could only be interested in someone with Down Syndrome for nefarious purposes. It says they believe that someone with Down Syndrome are helpless idiots that cannot make rational choices. It says that they can’t fathom that a “normal” person could possibly be interested in an “abnormal” person without wanting something for it. There isn’t enough information in the question to delve into motive. The original statement was that they were married which would imply that her family probably was aware of it and has probably been involved with the couple. Here’s an easy answer: If you have these concerns, then talk to the people. Get to know them.

@seawulf575 I agree, there is not enough information but come on, seriously, the fact is 99% of people would not be interested in marrying a developmentally disabled person except another DD person.
Depending on the severity of the Down syndrome persons condition absolutely, many are not capable of making rational choices and given their childlike innocence and lack of cognitive ability they are at high risk of exploitation. This is reality not bias.

@Aster “Just wondering” and “curious” can be translated here into nosing into someone else’s private business (aka judging).

Unless there is some solid evidence, or provable history that this “good-looking” gentleman has harmed or exploited anyone under similar circumstances in the past, you are just sitting on the the sidelines, speculating on a public forum about the private lives of two people who have in not harmed you in any way, or ever snooped-around in your personal business.

To me, that has a far worse aroma than any smell you think you might be detecting regarding the private lives of other people, human beings who I’m sure don’t want their love life turned into a soap opera, just to entertain the masses on the internet.

P.S. If you consider “that judging word” to be “worn out”, you apparently hear it a lot.

Gee…..I wonder why that is…..

@Aster Your assumption about them being married is presented by you as a known fact, when it is actually just speculation about someone you do not know, and have not tried to get to know.

People with Trisomy 21have to fight assumptions by people like you all the time. Instead of your JUDGMENTAL speculation, why don’t you try to get to know the young lady. It might thaw that heart of yours to see her smile in appreciation of your treating her like an equal.

I’m late to this one. I think there are many valid points here. I don’t consider @Aster ‘s motivation for the q to be judgemental. I took it as curiousity about human behavior, choices, (I guess I’ll bring up what may be elephant in the room) sexuality…

Maybe she gives him great, or as much as he wants sex… That can overcome a LOT for some men…

Really, I only have human nature to go on here. Not really information….

Maybe she was “normal, ” then suffered a stroke, injury, or something. He stayed with her because he loved her…

If he had a dog named syndrome would he command “down syndrome” if it lay on the bed?
This could prove awkward with any relationship going forward…just sayin.

@Coloma You are correct that many “normal” people would not be drawn to developmentally challenged people when looking for a mate. However, when it happens it doesn’t mean there is something evil going on. And Down Syndrome is one of those odd ones. People with Down learn a little more slowly usually, but aren’t necessarily dumb. They can, in fact, develop into interesting people. I did a little search (took about 2 minutes) and found many lists of famous people with Down. They are actors, actresses, models, one is a sculptor, another is a city councillor in Spain…they can live very normal lives. And as I stated, in this case, if this couple is married, the families probably had some input into it which would tend to push the idea of exploitation aside.

@seawulf575 Okay… if somebody is in the 1% realm without evil intentions towards a developmentally disabled/challenged person and can find lasting happiness, no matter how sweet or talented, with a person that has the IQ of a 7 yr. old…more power to them.

@Coloma I think you need to research Down Syndrome a little. There are varying degrees of impact on their learning abilities, but many have no problem (as adults) understanding life’s many intricacies and can lead very productive, interactive lives. The real impact seems to be on their rate of learning. It just takes a little longer than a “normal” person to learn things, but once learned, they retain like most people…remembering some, forgetting other. To feel they have the IQ of a 7 year old is not only erroneous, but shows a bias on your part.

@seawulf575: What you are saying about some people with Down’s Syndrome may be true, but the way the OP describes the woman is more in line with someone with a more significant deficit.

@jca – Yet by the OP’s own words, she doesn’t know anything about the couple. She was even assuming they were married and never considered that it might be a sibling relationship. That only makes my point more valid…we assume a lot. The girl has a hard time talking and enjoys trick or treat. I have known many people that had a hard time talking for a variety of reasons and they didn’t have Downs and weren’t DD. As for trick or treat, I LOVE trick or treat myself, though to be fair, I’m on the other side of the coin these days. I decorate my house, dress up, interact with all the trick or treaters. The point is that everyone has idiosyncrasies that could qualify us as weird. I will say that carrying a rake around seems odd to me and indeed this woman might be odd. But we assume a lot when, given the sketchy information from the original question, that the girl has the IQ of a 7 year old and that there is something nefarious going on between her and the gentleman she is living with.

@seawulf575 We’ve beaten this disabled horse to death. I am well aware there is a continuum involved in developmental disabilities but going off of the OPs description this person seems to be quite compromised. My answer was based on what @jca mentions above. A significant deficit and the potential for relationship with someone afflicted with severe Down Syndrome. Not that hard to understand.

Down Syndrome is described as an ” intellectual disability”, and hence the discussion of the probability of someone finding satisfaction in relationship with a severely, intellectually challenged person.

@seawulf575: Yes, all we’re doing is speculating. All we’re able to do is speculate. Yes, the information is sketchy and yes the lady in the OP’s description could be a sister or a niece of the affluent man.