Who cares to play TJBM game, The Jelly Below Me, #82?

Thanks, Mimi.

TJBM will be traveling soon.

Actually we’re hunkering down and waiting out Harvey. We are inland, but depending on the computer simulation, we might get 20 inches of rain.

TJBM has never waited out a hurricane before.

Au contraire, whilst in the Navy, my job included protecting our division facilities and equipment. This included taping windows, stowing anything we could to prevent things blowing away. We then had to man all the facility craft, and travel inland up the Severn River, to a location deemed safest to wait out the storm. We achored overnight. It was a bit like a camping trip, except intead of a scatter of tents, it was boats. We signalled ead other, sometimes morse code on lamps, sometimes flag messages.
The mess cooks put together sandwiches and stuff. All was loaded aboard the last boat out.Once everyone was securely anchored in safe distances from each other, the food was lowered with a lifeboat and crew. They rowed from one craft to the next, dropping off food.
It was a quiet night, playing poker with the crew, signalling other crews, and waiting to see if disaster would hit. Water slapped hulls, and wind shushed through leaves, and the night remained calm.
Mid morning we were given the order to return to base. Uck! All those stinky anchor chains would need to be washed.
When we came into view of our home pier, we could see the base had a different sort of night from us.
It was chaotic, how things had been rearrainged.
The night of waiting had been pretty cool, but the work to follow was going to keep us all busy for quite a while.
Snow, I sure hope you and yours remain unscathed.
TJBM will tell me What’s The Matter With Helen.

I just read the plot synopsis. Ugh. I’m glad I never bothered to watch it. I’ve been through enough bad times in my life I try to major on the positive.

TJBM still gets nervous about the thing under their bed.

Haha…no thing under my bed but my cat on occasion.

TJBM does not store stuff under their bed.

Not intentionally. Under my bed are small stuff falling down from the bed that can’t be retrieved, lots of dust, and probably a monster.
TJBM used to believe in fairy tales.

@Mimishu1995 jalapeño poppers. We don’t use canned jalapeño peppers. We use fresh ones from the market. Split them length wise and clear out ALL the seeds and rinse them really well. Wash your hands too, because the seeds are hot. Fill with creme cheese then wrap with bacon. We always grill them, but you can bake them too. We’ve found that you almost have to burn the bacon to get the best results. I’ve seen “poppers” advertised elsewhere, but they have other kinds of cheese…not the same at all. These you can’t buy at a store, or any restaurant that I know of. One of the very, very few “new foods” that I absolutely went nuts for.

I don’t think I ever actually believed in fairy tales, but I sure lived them in my mind as a child.

TJBM doesn’t like trying new foods.

I do. It’s a big part of the traveling experience. Food. Music. History. Folk lore. It’s all part of the immersion into a culture. It’s also about getting your travel money’s worth. But I’m certainly not as adventurous as I used to be. I always trusted that humans were so much alike that there wouldn’t be anything out there too awful or dangerous to eat. I believed that right up to the moment I tasted Surströmming which immediately produced an additional first-time experience: projectile vomiting.

So, I’m just a bit more discriminating nowadays, especially when it comes to certain wild foods here and elsewhere. I’ll ask more questions now at the risk of insulting the locals, which I didn’t do before. If I sense that they are feeling offended, or that they think I’m just another touristy snowflake, I tell them about my Surströmming experience. They usually understand after that.

TJBM WANTS A REPORT FROM OUR TEXAN CONTINGENCY.

I’m interested in any members here caught in the crossfire. I was reading up on the storm a bit this morning. My ex husband lives outside of Houston, maybe a tree will fall on his house. LOL

TJBM is waiting on someone to go out to lunch.

I’m here! Where to? My Saturday activities have been cancelled due to a hangover. Not mine!

TJBM will join TJAM with me for a Fluther lunch.

Definitely. Where to? Shall we go down to the cove and pick some shellfish off the bottom then cook them up on the beach? Open a nice bottle of dry, white wine, sit and watch the waves roll in? Or shall we go somewhere and get served?

TJBM will join TJAM with me for a Fluther lunch.

Hey, Strauss, you feel like bringing your old twelve string along? Or the dobro. I’d love to see that dobro.

I’ll bring my Uke, maybe @Strauss will let me play the Dobro. I had a friend in the 1960’s that would rent a 1936 Dobro all metal to musicians. I can remember driving him over to a venue to pick it up. We got to see the set.

TJBM will join us and bring instrument.

I can bring my old, beat up six-string. LOL. It’s seen a lot of weather. If someone could bring a mandolin, that would be really nice on top of all these gits.

TJBM plays the mandolin.

No I never learned Mandolin tried Banjo though (I’ve got extra clip-on tuners I’ll bring them)

TJBM has a musical instrument in their house.

I have an electronic keyboard and an old acoustic git. I don’t think electronics would fit much into this. But it would be really cool to have one of those big, fat, Mexican guitarrons along to pick up the base. And a flute and a couple of djembes, too. We can serenade the sun as it goes down, then do a big bonfire on the beach. Maybe some tiki torches, more ice cold pinot grigio, music and a shellfish stew simmering in a big pot.

TJBM can handle the djembe.

I have to look that up. I never heard the word. I have a flute, but it needs key pads, and maybe some adjusting. I have long wished to play on deck some quiet night on the sea. I always imagined the sound would be lonely, and emotional, like a very good poem.
TJBM is relieved today wasn’t bad news.

No bad news so far, but no good news either.
TJBM has just started the day.

No. Winding down here on this side of the earth.

TJBM does not like boxing.

I have no strong opinions of it either way. Nobody is holding a gun to these guys’ heads. And there is art to it. It is an athletic sport.

I was hunting for people with fresh ankle injuries to enter them into an ankle injury study once and was told I would find them in a boxer’s gym. We had a couple of good ones in town. The one I chose produced the IBF world super middleweight champion Jeff Lacy and had become very popular among boxers far and wide.

These guys were good. So good, as a matter of fact, I couldn’t find any ankle injuries in the short time I had to find them. But I learned a lot about what these guys do and how hard they train—and how incredibly dedicated they must be to reach a competitive level—in the time I spent with them. I left my number and checked with them every Monday and Wednesday afternoons.

One Friday afternoon I got a call from a manager. They were short a cut man for a fight in the basement of the Hilton in Tampa that night. I explained that I knew nothing about being cutman and he said if I wanted to make a quick $500 cash, I’d get my ass over there and learn what to do. Always up for a new experience, off I went. My wife was appalled. It was one of the most interesting experiences in my life and I learned what aficionados mean when hey talk about the “heart” of a boxer.

I’m still not much of a fan, but I respect these guy’s choice to become fighters. And sometimes, if things work out, it can lead to a life much better than where they came from, like a tour in the Armed Services can.

TJBM sees boxing as a legitimate sport.

Sure. I can appreciate it too. I just hate watching it.

TJBM doesn’t like violent sports.

Not much. I played football and loved it, but I really can’t get into watching it. Once you’ve actually played the game, and can no longer suit up and hit the field, it doesn’t hold much excitement. There are a few of us who feel this way. And rugby is ridiculous. I can’t imagine taking those potentially crippling hits with no real protective equipment for less money than we pay our guys. I can’t watch that. I feel the same way about boxing.

But, if I came from a thoroughly disadvantaged background, had some experience and was in good shape, and somebody offered me a life changing $100 mil to lose a fight, I would give it some serious thought on how I could do that and come out in one piece. And, as a regular mensch, it makes me want to watch. I don’t want to see the Irishman get hurt, I just want to see him put on a decent show and win a hundred million bucks. I sincerely hope he retires after this and I hope to be reading about him doing something good in the future.

TJBM would go for it, under those circumstances.

But I might die.

TJBM can relate to the athleticism required for pro sports, especially ones they have played (volleyball for me. And pool. )

Absolutely, but i have never liked organized sports, I’m more of the solo type, riding hoses, swimming, rafting, bicycling and hiking. I don’t catch, throw, hit or serve balls well. haha

TJBM had a fun afternoon.

@Espiritus_Corvus I have a djembe.

I had an afternoon better than I’d expected.
I would take a big wad of cash to lose a match. I am in pain every day, and sometimes on the floor crying. I would LOVE to get paid for it.
TJBM is thinking maybe they were too inhibited during their early adult life.

Oh no. I wasn’t stupid but I had a lot of fun.

TJBM wished they had the energy they used to have.

Yes. I had a dream the other night that I was running and skipping and twirling around. I must have had my 20 year old body in the dream because I sure am not running, skipping and twirling much these days. LOL

TJBM can do a back flip.

Never had the nerve to do one without spotters. I could only do fronts on a trampoline.

Oompa!!!

I can’t do a backflip either.

TJBM will provide another uplifting video for @Patty_Melt.

Ooooops! Can’t believe I forgot.
UPLIFTING???!!!
I AM SO GLAD TO SEE SNOW HERE I AM GIGGLING MY BUTT OFF and that is a great amount of giggling
TJBM will tell us their hurricane story.

Snow? You have SNOW? it is flipping 100+ degrees here. I hate you. LOL
No, no Hurricane story, but maybe headlines ” Middle aged woman goes on killing spree blames it on relentless heat wave.” LOL

TJBM will still be my friend when I am incarcerated.

Cowgirl, I’ll always be your friend.

TJBM agrees that TJAM will even have friends when she’s fluthering from an 8×10.

I hope so and someone please bring me my cats. LOL

TJBM will smuggle my cats in in a giant cake.

Ew, no. Maybe in a big purse.
I meant our jelly, Snow. I was terribly worried about her.
However, nights have been chilly here for over a week. Gonna have some cocoa.
TJBM is a survivor.

To some degree. I survived many things, from toxic relationship to loss of hope, without losing my moral code.
TJBM thinks some suffering is necessary.

I am certain of it. Without having experienced certain pains, we would never understand the urgency of warnings.
TJBM has had damage to their home which required extensive repairs.

We had some tornado damage to our home when I was a kid. Our Volkswagen van got tossed about 30 feet and rolled a couple of times with my mother and little sister in it during the same tornado. The van was totalled, but mom and sib came out fine with only a few scratches and little pieces of glass embedded in their arms and hands. I’ve experienced a few direct hurricane hits and a lot of powerful hurricane bands over the past 50 years, but only minor damage and no injuries. I attribute that to luck and good prep.

TJBM has been directly hit by a tornado.

No tornadoes for me. I hope I don’t get to find out either! ;)

We’re doing fine here in NW Austin. We have received a lot of rain and wind and it’s getting stronger as I type this, but no flooding. I don’t live near any creeks, and our house is snug, but the Austin area has some large (for Texas) rivers running through it, and I’m sure there are areas that have been devastated due to flooding.

TJBM has bottle raised an orphan baby animal before.

Yeah. Lambs mostly. A kitten once.

@snowberry Don’t you have a really nice river walk through Austin with nice boutiques and all?

TJBM has been flooded out before.

I’m not a downtown type of gal, @Espiritus_Corvus. I don’t go through Austin any more than is necessary because the traffic is so bad. I once got stuck there at 4:00 pm with a bad gps and didn’t get home until well after suppertime!

The maps show it does (did?) have some nice areas next to the river. A lot of parkland and all. There’s a dog park right on the water that sounds like a delightful place, and I keep talking about taking my dog there for swimming lessons.

After spending two hot summers with a desert bred dog that is terrified of water, i said never again! I fitted her with a doggy life vest and started teaching her to swim. She is slowly coming along, but still keeps trying to climb on top of the water to escape being drowned. We use up lots of droolworthy treats, and in spite of her fear, she absolutely goes nuts when I ask her if she wants “to go swimmin’!”

TJBM thinks it’s pretty funny that I have to teach my dog to swim.

Oops, forgot the answer to your TJBM. I haven’t been flooded out but I have helped clean up someone’s home after a flood. Here’s a good trick when you have a lot of wet mildewy fabric. Run it through the washer with detergent and a good dollop of white vinegar, and set it to extra rinse.

The white vinegar kills the sour mold smell, and if you rinse it all out before you dry it, you’re good to go.

No. I think it’s cute :) You wil have a good time bonding with him. Sometimes flaws make things more beautiful.
TJBM knows that some kids aren’t as innocent as adults think.

Absolutely. But it’s always sad that they lost their innocence so early.

TJBM will tell us a story (or post a video).

Here’s both
It might buffer for a few minutes before starting.
TJBM has seen the movie.

What movie?
TJBM doesn’t go to the cinema.

You have to click the link.

I clicked. And I thought it was only an audio book. So there is a movie named Sphere?

I go now and then. I have only gone once or twice now in the last 6 mnths, nothing that has really interested me but sometimes I will go several times i a couple weeks if there are some good new releases out at the same time.

TJBM is out of coffee creamer. Grrr.

@Mimishu1995 yes there was a movie made. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120184/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

1000 feet below the ocean, navy divers discover an object half-a-mile long. A crack team of scientists are deployed to the site in Deepsea Habitats. What they find boggles the mind as they discover a perfect metal sphere. What is the secret behind the sphere? Will they survive the mysterious ‘manifestations’? Who or what is creating these? They may never live to find out.

It’s a dark sci-fi.

I use soymilk instead of coffee creamer.

TJBM drinks their coffee black.

Haha..no, I like cream and a little sugar but funny you mention this because, I ran out of creamer this morning and had to drink 2 cups black. Going out right now to get more creamer.

TJBM is going out now.

We have our rain gear on but we are waiting for someone to eat.

The Jelly Below Me likes to lie in the bathtub until they are wrinkled!

If I attempted to lie in my bathtub, I would be stuck there until I DECOMPOSED.
TJBM has an impressive…

Had….an impressive wall of Morning Glory vines until this morning, some of which were my own hybridized strain I have cultivated for years. The property owner made me tear them all out because she heard they are poisonous.Refused t listen to the facts that only the seeds are toxic in large quantities and the fact I have grown them for over 20 years and none of my animals have ever died from eating them. My beautiful vines and flowers are now wilting into oblivion in a garbage bag all because of paranoia and stubborn refuting of facts.

TJBM hates paranoid types that refuse to listen to logic.

True, true, true.
Have you any pics of your hybrid? I love morning glories.
TJBM needs to replace their…

um…nothing I can think of.
@Patty_Melt Yes, but no seeds this year because of the great morning glory massacre of 2017. haha
They were a X between a purple strain and a pure white strain and were big white blooms with purple dots on the petals and a purple central star.

TJBM is starving right nw.

Well, yeah. I ate a half a sausage McMuffin for breakfast, and it’s almost 6. I was hoping Rick would make jalapeno poppers, but he said no. So I’m eating a cheese burrito, because we’re out of refriend beans.

TJBM has lost some weight recently.

Nope, high metabolism, no need to worry about weight. I don’t buy groceries, I just rent them. TJBM is fleeing from the Texas Coast.

No. Galveston is about 2,000 miles north of me. But I saw this afternoon that Harvey expected to go back out into the Gulf to pick up more energy and moisture, then will come back dump on Houston again, then head into the northeast. Man, you guys are having no luck at all. It’s a bit late to flee when the roads are flooded and possibly jammed with other refugees.

I probably would have left a few days ago, but I don’t have a family, home, cars and all he other encumbrances that need to be watched and protected. I would have set sail for Brownsville, rode the coast to Tampico until the Gulf coast hurricane season is over on Nov. 1st.

TJBM is weathering Harvey well.

I am, but I am worried for friends, and everyone, actually, who is or may be harmed by rotten ol’ Harvey.
TJBM would like to attend a masquerade ball.

They are interesting. I went to one last Halloween at a hotel on Martinique and didn’t know many people at the party. Nobody did. And everyone spoke French. It was thrown by the hotel for their guests. I was standing in as house skipper while my friend went on vacation, so I pretty much had to go. I went as Admiral Lord Nelson. It was interesting, a little intimidating and kind of romantic, but I think I’ve got partying out of my system for the most part.

TJBM would like to attend a masquerade ball.

Depends on who it was for.

TJBM wonders WTH happened to the U.S. recently.

LOL True.
TJBM is Canadian.

No. Kansas here. How embarrassing .

TJBM let their kids raid the fridge when ever they wanted.

I’m the kid and I raid the fridge everyday!
TJBM wants their kids to be independent thinkers rather than order obeyers.

I don’t see it as a choice between one and the other. I want my daughter to have respect for rules, and the observation of preferences. However, there is no reason why that should restrict her growth of creativity, individuality, personal pursuits.
TJBM feels personally stifled.

In some ways.

TJBM is not fond of antiques.

Not anymore. I used to have a few antique pieces, an old piano, desk/secretary/buffet but got rid of them some years ago. I prefer more eclectic/modern these days.

TJBM will tell us their decorating style.

LOL. I’m not in control of my home decorations, but I did do a living room in 1940’s FLorida style with heavy antique rattan furniture, appropriate patterns on the curtains and upholstery, big ass Zenith radio with a million frequencies, old telephone that I re-built for digital, etc. etc. It was a cool room with fireplace and no modern devices.

Today, in the few parts of this property that I have modified for my own use, I would term my decorating style as “Functional Masculine 2017”. Need a place to hang something? Drive a nail into the wall. That kind of thing. But I only control the decorating in the barn, coop, garden shed and honey extraction room.

TJBM will tell us their decorating style.

My wife handles all of that – she tells me what she wants, where, and how to place it . hand it, and I execute it. My style would be to chuck it down where I am, and I can catch it all later. TJBM is having somewhat cooler weather.

and…you forgot TJBM so I shall take charge. haha

TJBM has a crazy day on the horizon. @Espiritus_Corvus Your 1940’s room sounds great, I love rattan furniture.

On edit from above: TJBM is experiencing some cooler weather.

Oops…sorry…missed that…hell no, infact it is ramping up to like 104 today, I am at the end of my rope, literally. Have a full day a lot of it outside, it’s going to be a bitch and a half.

TJBM is enjoying cooler weather.

LOL @Coloma Well, in that heat you have a right to be a bitch. We are having cooler weather, thanks to Mr. Hurricane. My area of Central TX hasn’t been affected to badly, just much cooler temps and a lot of rain, which we badly needed to get lake levels back up anyway. Can’t really complain. TJBM is stepping out tonight. Dinner, movie, or just taking a drive.

Haven’t gone out since the afternoon. No invitation. I only have Fluther :)
TJBM spends too much time on the internet.

I spend time on the net when I can. I’m not in a situation where I can spend too much time here. I have responsibilities to some living creatures and a love for certain aspects of IRL that often keep me pretty busy. I will be able to spend all the time on the net that I want when I’m in the old people’s home.

TJBM is going to do something interesting today or tomorrow.

Major ranch sitting at the old property plus my obligations here and then trying to clean the nail polish off the fiberglass on my shower that broke last night when I tripped getting out of the shower. Grabbed for the shelf unit, knocked everything on my head, fell over in the shower and then the bottle of nail polish exploded everywhere. On the tile floors, splashed up behind the toilet, on the edge of the shower. Cut my ankle on the glass, spent 40 minutes getting most of it up with acetone but a big splash that wouldn’t come off. So special. LOL

TJBM has had a major mishap recently.

@Coloma Damn girl, are you ok? Might wanna have that ankle looked at. But anyway,yeah, I clipped a dang deer coming home from work the other night. Buck. Luckily. I just clipped him and did no damage to my car, other than a little paint getting chipped off on the front bumper. The deer seemed to be ok as well, I saw him in my rear view mirror running off down the edge of highway, so evidently it wasn’t hurt. TJBM has it a dump ass crttier on the highway at one time or another.

No. Close, but no cigar. I was trapped in a buffalo herd on a desolate highway in Wyoming once. I saw a bunch of buffalo walking across the road, so I stopped to wait them out and the damn herd just kept getting bigger and bigger and enveloped the whole car. They bumped up against it, rocked the hell out of it and just kept moving. It lasted for about 30 minutes. I had time to call a friend back in Florida and give her a blow-by-blow live broadcast.

TJBM lives in a nice old house.

I live in the pool apartment off of a nice older house. Needs some work but has a really nice interior, huge rooms, library room, beautiful bay windows overlooking sprawling lawns and a pond.

TJBM is savoring the last of their time before phase 2 of their day unfolds.

@NomoreY_A Yes, I’m okay just ticked off. haha

I got through phase one in a light rain, saw the future on the horizon, brought the sheep back to the barn and tossed them some fodder. Now it is a heavy, vertical, tropical downpour. Not even the dogs will work in this, so Phase 2 is cancelled due to rain.

TJBM likes big old houses more than they do the newer tract houses.

My god, you bloody Californians. You live in heaven. If I ever hear a Californian complain about anything ever again, I’m just gonna slap them.

Absolutely, tract homes are ugly and too close to each other unless they were built pre-70’s when the lots were large and the landscaping lush and mature.

@Espiritus_Corvus It is only heaven between Nov. and May. The rest of the year it’s hell. haha

TJBM will wave farewell to me now and send cool thoughts my way as I brave the unfolding inferno.

OK. Keep cool, cowgirl. Bring some water with you and jump in the pool later.

TJBM can describe the ideal pool they could jump into at the end of a hot summer’s day. Include deck area, tiki bar and landscaping. Let’s escape the weather for a moment.

A pool by any other name is still a pool, just show me the water. TJBM has access to a private pool area.

I have an elderly neighbor down the road with a pool. He and his wife love fresh shellfish and I know where there is a ton of it for the taking. So, it’s there when I want to take a dip.

TJBM likes the idea of having a pool, but knows nothing about the expense and work it takes to maintain one.

That is true. That’s why my pools are about 18 inches deep and can be emptied by standing on the side then propping the empty pool up by the deck so it doesn’t fill up with rainwater and bird poop.

TJBM wishes they lived near the ocean so they could catch their own sea food.

I wish I lived near the ocean and owned my own boat, but it is just a pipe dream. Of course, when the hurricanes blow thru, I’d have a make another plan. TJBM loves sea food restaurants.

I do. There is a big, old, wooden 1920’s ice house south of here on the island of Mustique, built on stilts over the water. It is a very relaxed eating establishment now. Basil’s Bar. It’s a popular hangout for distance sailors from all over because its in deep enough water to handle a 6 foot keel and they can tie up to Basil’s and spend the night for free. If you sail these waters, you will eventually hear about Basil’s. They have the best seafood, seafood stews, bouillabaisse, steamed shellfish, etc., that I have ever tasted and can’t replicate in my kitchen for the life of me.

The best is when a storm blows in and the place literally rocks on those old stilts. One night, a storm came in and a lot of us stayed, the lights went out, out came the lanterns and candles, some guy went out to his boat and brought in a twelve string, then other stringed instruments, drum and a flute appeared (kind of like the beach party that I described above) and we all sat there drinking beer and listening to all these strangers making great music together while the storm rocked us and raged outside.

LOL. And the electric cash registers were down, so the waitresses and baristas had to figure change in their heads and weren’t too good at it because they had become too dependent on those calculating cash registers. But it didn’t matter, the beer and good will continued to flow, twenties began to fly and nobody was asking for their change anyway. It was a great night for everybody. It was one of those poignant, very human experiences amongst strangers that you never forget.

TJBM has had an experience like that.

I have. I signed up for a photo shoot that was advertised in town. It was a modeling thing. Well, I found myself in a hotel room with 5 other women, all waiting our turn. They began to run late and as a result we were there for 4 or 5 hours, and the bonding that started happening between us was kind of amazing.
At one point I was lying on my side on the bed and one of the women behind me started playing with my hair, brushing it and just doing things to it. It was comforting, even though I didn’t need comforting.
Another woman found her self on the phone to her suspicious, abusive husband trying to desperately explain why she was so late. We could all hear her end of the conversation and we just flocked to her after she got off, telling her she needed to get out. We all gave her our names and numbers to call. But she never did.
We told stories…it was just an amazing experience. I’d never been in a room full of women with no men before.
Doesn’t match your story @Espiritus_Corvus, and it was so long ago that much of it has faded, but I’ll never forget it.

TJBM loves watching Documentaries more than anything else on TV.

It depends on the doc, but some are really very good. I watched an interesting one today about Voyager, pretty much from beginning to escaping the solar bubble. There were some lively comments and cool footage.
I am not limited to docs though. I am looking forward to that new show coming up about an autistic surgeon.

TJBM has thought about having cosmetic surgery to remove their belly button.

Uhh… no. Who looks at a man’s midriff, anyway? TJBM is going to the land of Nod.

Nope, haven’t done any winkin’ or blinkin’ yet.

TJBM likes driving faster than the speed limit.

Sometimes, but I usually cruise along with the flow. I used to be more of a speed demon when I was younger but these days I just want to glide along in my own little space.

TJBM is having the week from hell, so busy they can hardly keep up.

Yeah, a week from hell, but not because I’m busy. It’s because I’m going to deal with forms, procedures and people from hell.
TJBM hates forms.

I must have filled out a million of them today. First at the airport to pick up foreign agricultural products and then at the courthouse to re-apply for various licenses and registrations for the boat and the farm. What a day. Now it’s time to do the monthly reports. Bureaucracies all over the world are the same.

TJBM hates dealing with bureaucracies.

I do, and I avoid them like the plague. Unfortunately, I have recently had to deal with a couple business licenses, DBA’s and tax registrations. But I love entrepeneurship!

TJBM considers themselves something of an entrepeneur.

Absolutely. I am and yes, I loathe bureaucracy. Paperwork is one of my most hated must do’s in life. I always procrastinate until the bitter end. haha

TJBM hates paperwork with a passion.

Truuuuuuuuue. I have to do an ungodly amount of paperwork for work each day.
TJBM also has to do a lot of paperwork for their job.

Not much, compared to when I was a nurse. I only have to do two monthly reports once per month now. It’s a breeze in comparison. The amount of paperwork I do now per month is equaled to or less than what I used to do every day. Depending on the case, you could spend twice as much time doing documentation, progress and nursing notes as you actually spent with the patient. A lot of it was CYA due to the hospital or institution or org’s fear of rising fallacious legal suits in the US and it got worse every year, so every little thing had to be documented—sometimes multiple times in different files, or in reports to different colleagues. Paperwork has become the bane of medicine. At $45 per hour, in my case, it has helped to drive up the costs of healthcare in the US. You can thank our legal system for that.

TJBM often wonders why healthcare in the US is so much more expensive than other first world countries with the same level of technology, the same drugs and higher paid nurses and technicians.

Nope. I am convinced it is simple greed. No mystery there.
TJBM feels greedy… sometimes.

Not at all. I have food to eat, a place to sleep and not a lot of responsibilities = Happy guy.

TJBM knows about the missile North Korea fired over Japan.

I didn’t do it! I was nowhere near Korea.
Japan was advising people to go under ground or find sturdy buildings.

TJBM would rather get blown up than buried alive.

For sure. That has to be the absolute worst way to go. But humans have a mechanism that saves them from a lot of suffering in a burn situation. Going into shock helps, but when the burns get to be third degree, the nerves are all gone, so you don’t feel anything anymore. Still, I never want to test that.

TJBM likes to fall asleep watching old, black and white movies.

If you know me well enough, you can see I live with black-and-white movies. What is so wrong with black-and-white movies as long as they’re good? I know some people who refuse to watch old movies because the graphics look… bad.
TJBM will tell me about the missile fuss and their prediction.
Or
TJBM doesn’t like talking about politics, and will tell me about someone who appreciate old movies.
Or
TJBM will do both.

North Korea Shoots Missile Over Japan

The US has deployed two more Carrier Strike Groups (CSGs) into the North Korean arena since May 2017 to join CSG 5, Flagship USS Ronald Reagan (CVN 76), permanently deployed with the US 7th Fleet, based at Tokyo, Japan

CSG Composition:

CSGs are not restricted to a specific composition and can be modified depending on expected threats, roles, or missions expected during a deployment, and one may be different from another. The Navy states that “there really is no real definition of a strike group. Strike groups are formed and disestablished on an as needed basis, and one may be different from another. However, they all are comprised of similar types of ships.”[7] A U.S. Navy carrier strike group typically includes:

• A supercarrier, which is the centerpiece of the strike group and also serves as the flagship for the CSG Commander and respective staff. The carrier is commanded by an aviation community captain.

• A carrier air wing (CVW) typically consisting of up to nine squadrons. Carrier air wings are commanded by an aviation community captain (or occasionally a Marine colonel).

• One or two Aegis guided missile cruisers (CG) of the Ticonderoga class—a multi-mission surface combatant, equipped with BGM-109 Tomahawk missiles for long-range strike capability, each commanded by a surface community captain.

• A destroyer squadron (DESRON) commanded by a surface community captain (O-6) who commands the escort destroyers, with two to three guided missile destroyers (DDG), of the Arleigh Burke class—a multi-mission surface combatant, used primarily for anti-aircraft (AAW) and anti-submarine (ASW) warfare, but which also carries Tomahawk missiles for long-range strike capability. A destroyer is commanded by a surface community commander.

• Up to two attack submarines, used to screen the strike group against hostile surface ships and submarines, but which also carry Tomahawk missiles for long-range strike capability.

• A combined ammunition, oiler and supply ship (AOE/AOR), usually Supply-class (T-AOE); provides logistic support.

Deployed:

CSG 5, Flagship USS Ronald Reagan (CVN 76), permanently deployed with the US 7th Fleet, based at Tokyo, Japan

CSG 11, Flagship USS Nimitz (CVN 68), temporarily assigned to the 7th Fleet in the Western Pacific.

CSG 1, Flagship, USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70), temporarily assigned to the 7th Fleet in the Western Pacific.

In late May 2017, the US Navy announced that CSG-11 would be deployed to the western Pacific Ocean, joining Carrier Strike Group 1 (USS Carl Vinson (CVN-70)) and Carrier Strike Group 5 (USS Ronald Reagan (CVN-76)), amidst Trump administration concerns over North Korea. Following the collision that damaged the destroyer USS Fitzgerald, its place within the strike group was taken up by the Royal New Zealand Navy frigate HMNZS Te Kaha which was on deployment in the western Pacific after a request by US authorities.

TJBM has had about enough of that.

Haha..yes. Way too intense for only being on my 2nd cup of coffee here.

TJBM is not waking up easily this morning.

Whaaa morning? Whassat?
TJBM is over trying to fit other people’s time expectations.

Not me, I’m always trying to meet a schedule, either at my own job, or my grand kids school. TJBM will kick back and relax this evening, and sleep late in the AM. Can’t beat that with a stick.

I’ll kick back this evening, but be up by 0500 as usual. Old habits are hard to break and naps are gold.

TJBM loves naps.

Never met a nap I didn’t like. Refreshes me, and recharges my batteries. TJBM likes to cat nap, as well.

No, never come out of the groggy phase, I just feel out of it for the rest of the day. I will nap, on rare occasion, on a stormy day, or when I’m sick, but it’s rare. I just go until I drop. LOL

TJBM keeps going and going and going and going…..

Nope, I’m not the Energizer Bunny, more like, going, goooing, gone. Snore… TJBM is easily mesmerized.

Not easily. Well except by one of my little granddaughters. She’ll just stand there gazing into my eyes with her amazing grey eyes. It’s like she’d looking into my soul. She does it to Rick too. He’s ready to give her full access to all his bank accounts and investments !

TJBM wonders why strange men would hit on them on FB and does that weirdness really work for them EVER?

Guess it’s the ol’ can’t hurt to try. Since I only have like 10 friends on FB no strange men to hit on me. LOL

TJBM is glad they don’t live on a flood plain.

I have no clue who he is. I have no friends on my list that I don’t know.

I don’t live on a flood plane but the town has flooded. I didn’t because I made a point of buying a house up the hill.

TJBM has been in floods, tornadoes, and earthquakes without ever leaving the comfort of their home.

Flood, yeah, though never serious. Storm too. Lose count of how many times.
TJBM is strategic when it comes to dealing with natural disaster.

Sure! I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t be!

TJBM has rich relatives.

Not anymore they are all dead. I was a beneficiary. LOL

TJBM is worried that the Crow is stuck in a time warp.

Maybe he’s looking for me last week…

HEY, CROW! I’M ALRIGHT! C’MON BACK, MAN

TJBM is also concerned about @Espiritus_Corvus

Hope he isn’t stuck in some kind of storm at sea…

LOL. I have a couple. My favorite was Uncle Les. This guy was amazing. He was just a big, strong, slow-talking kid, an Okie, of about sixteen when he came into the family. He always reminded me of Lenny in Of Mice and Men. Dirt poor, uneducated son of an Oklahoma sharecropper who liked motorcycles and came by my grandfather’s Childress, Texas ranch to do an odd job one day and after he was finished, he started serenading my mother’s big sister with the help of his old, dented, dobro guitar. Stole that poor girl’s heart.

My grandfather was an old cattle rancher, born in Texas in 1876, into a family who’d migrated from Kentucky right after the Civil War. During WWI, he made enough on cotton and beef to triple the size of his land and speculate for oil and came up dry. The late 1920’s were bad years for beef and cotton and he went into debt. By the time Les came along, the land started to dry up and my grandfather was fighting to keep it and had to let the help go. So, Les moved into an outbuilding and went to work on the ranch for room and found. He was an incredibly hard worker, did the work of five men, according to my mom who was just a kid at the time.

And he was a great man with wood and cement construction. But he ate a horse. LOL. So, on top of his duties at the ranch, he brought in a little cash as a delivery boy for a local pharmacy. They gave him an old Army Indian motorcycle to do his deliveries and he was in heaven. But the land just blew away from under them, what cattle didn’t die of thirst were sold off, the pharmacy closed and they handed Les the motorcycle in lieu six month’s pay, and the old man sold what land he could, then handed the rest to the bank.

The family packed up what furniture and personal items they could on their old ford pickup and headed for the Willamette Valley in Oregon where some neighbors had gone earlier. The land of milk and honey. Les rode point on the motorcycle, scouted out front and they camped in Hoovervilles along the side of the road. But there wasn’t any work in the Valley when they got there, so they headed south to finally find work picking fruit just north of Sacramento. When they got settled in a nice, new Roosevelt camp community, Les married my aunt and there was a big hoedown. (Later in life, my mom said that Steinbeck’s The Gapes of Wrath was her all-time favorite book and movie, because it told the story exactly like it was when no one else would and now it’s become one of mine.)

About this time, 1935, my grandfather got to know this guy in Sacramento who owned an old roadside motel that consisted of a bunch of run down cabins and he offered my grandfather one for his family if he would fix them all up. So, they all moved into this one room cabin and Les and grandpa went to work and fixed them all up. But the owner couldn’t make a go at it as a motel, and the bank threatened to take the operation. So, the my grandfather and Les opened a kind of real estate office and started selling the cabins one at a time to other dustbowl migrants they knew. The ones who couldn’t pay all at once, my grandfather held the mortgages on at reasonable rates.

Les and my grandfather paid the owner of the property off with their profits and Les started a construction business. Then they started buying up lots around the motel and built houses on spec. By WWII, they had built a subdivision on the site that they named Garden Land. During WWII, they made a mint selling homes to GIs based all around Sacramento. At war’s end, they started build more substantial homes out in what became the suburb of Rancho Cordova.

By 1955, both Les and my grandfather owned their own savings and loan, the old man retired to a ranch in the foothills in the Sierras around Oroville and Les took my aunt and there family to live on the ocean at Moro Bay, and Les just kept on building. For better or for worse, that man was responsible for building most of that town after 1955 and financing the purchases of most of the homes he built. We used to visit them in the ‘60s. They lived in the huge, beautiful, multilevel house with one side a wall of glass overlooking the beach and Moro Rock. And when old Les wasn’t out pouring concrete or putting up bearing walls, he was either sitting uncomfortably behind his desk at the bank or in his living room next the fireplace telling us kids stories of the old west and strumming on his guitar.

I don’t think that man ever made it through the sixth grade, but he read.and could do math on a framing square. And he could ride a horse. And he got richer than god himself. LOL. Eventually, his two sons got through the University of California and took over the construction business and the bank, and the daughter took over the real estate office and they are really nice people who are well aware of who they came from. Great people.

And those are the nicest, richest people I know.

Sorry, guys. I’ve wanting to tell that story for a few months now, ever since Les’s oldest son, one of my favorite cousins, passed away. Thanks.

TJBM has some cousins they absolutely love.

@Espiritus_Corvus Great bedtime story, I really enjoyed that.

I’m so glad you are surrounded by lovely acquaintances. A proof that rich people aren’t always bad.
I have no good cousin myself, sadly. Most of my paternal ones are narcissists who only care about false self-image. I tried to get their approval when I was young but I stop caring now. I used to get on well with my maternal ones but as they grow up they become distant.
Is it strange that some of the greatest people I know come from the internet?
TJBM will answer my question.

Not strange at all, my dear. Very few people are as fortunate as EC with terrific family. Mine are all weird. I loved my grandmother (dad’s mom) very much, and I truely miss her. We used to watch Wheel Of Fortune together. My gosh she was good. Mimi, if you never heard of it, Wheel is a tv game show where people pick letters to guess what words are the puzzle. It is a lot like hangman, but for big money. Most people who watch the show try to figure out the puzzle before the contestants do.
I was in a drawing once to be picked as a contestant, but my name wasn’t drawn. There was a huge crowd.
Anyway, besides Grandma, my whole family is nutjobs.
I am happy you are online, so I can keep in touch with someone who is clever, ambitious, and fun.
TJBM has a relative so weird it is worth telling about them.

I don’t want to dwell on negativity, so I’m going to make it fun.
Most of my maternal relatives live very close together. Everyone knows everyone’s business. They even share their kids. It isn’t unusual to see someone taking care of others’ kids. From a distance it’s hard to tell which kid belongs to which family. It really feels like an ant colony.
Unfortunately, being in close proximity also causes conflict sometimes :p
TJBM can turn negativity into positivity.

Not sure about that, but I try my best. I don’t like negativity, it is fruitless and pointless. At least it has always been my experience, that things generally work out for the best. On the topic of goofy relatives, I had a favorite uncle who was far from being any one else’s favorite. He was a good man, but loud and boisterous (my dads brother) and when he came to visit, he would always get on my parents nerves. Dad would call me, and offer me money to take Uncle out to shoot pool, to get him out of the house for awhile. LOL Always worked out great for all parties. Did my dad a favor, he did me a favor, plus I got to spend time with a relative I got along great with. Dad would tell me jokingly, no wonder you guys get along so well, you’re exactly alike. TJBM will tell us an upbeat family tale. No doom/ gloom /woe is me/ my relatives suck.

When my sister was young she kinda sucked. She had a bad attitude.
Mom called us to breakfast. My sister took a bite of her English muffin then launched into an angry tirade over something. Mom sent her back to her room for an attitude check.
She came back down, sat at the table and said “Somebody took a bite of my English muffin!”

TJBM will tell a funny family story.

Liver and Onions…

Liver and onions was one of my dad’s favorite meals. One day Mom fixed it for dinner. It was a good, relatively cheap meal for a working class family with six, (count ‘em, 6) kids. My youngest sister at the time, was a finicky eater. (And still is, some 60 years later!)

We had a rule at table that you ate what was served, even if you didn’t like it. Well, Li’l Sis didn’t like liver…or so she thought! After a long period of complaining, Mom finally negotiated with her that if she took one bite of the liver, she could be excused. I had cut her food into bite size pieces, so she stabbed a piece with her fork, and begrudgingly put it in her mouth, and started chewing.

Suddenly, her eyes little up and a smile spread across her face as she exclaimed, “Hey! There’s meat in liver!”

TJBM has another story to tell.

I do but I am too worn out to type it. haha

TJBM is worn out today.

Big time. I’m completely drained or I would take Strauss up on the offer, but I can’t even think straight tonight. I’m so damn tired that I’m in that zone where I’m beat, but I can’t fall asleep. So, I guess it’s time to start reading the phone book.

TJBM has been that beat before.

I’m right there with you Crow. I went to my bed thinking I would get all comfy with a bunch of pillows but am so tired I can’t even find a comfortable position to be tired in. Bed wasn’t doing it, couch wasn’t doing it, so I am now sitting at my breakfast bar. Just propping myself up with pillows is too exerting, easier to sit in a chair. LOL

TJBM has made their own deodorant with Vodka.

LOL? Vodka? uh uh. It’s not that I mind the smell of vodka, it’s that if I went around smelling like vodka all the time, people might not trust me with their boats or me as the skipper of mine. And what if a cop stops me while driving? Nah. I’ll go with something else. How do you make deodorant, anyway?

TJBM will tell us how to make their own deodorant.

haha, yes, it’s easy and works, You mix a high quality Vodka or Witch Hazel with essential oils and put it in a spray bottle for easy application. The oils mask the Vodka smell and the Vodka, ( high grade, high proof ) kills bacteria. Sounds weird I know but it really works. You can add whatever scent you like, rose, sage, citrus.

TJBM likes to make potions.

Like witches and wizards in fantasy stories?
TJBM will tell us which character they would be in a fairy tale.

Probably the Big Bad Wolf. My Mimi, what beautiful eyes you have! Aroooooo! Uh, I mean, baa. Baa? TJBM will continue in that vien.

and I will huff and puff and bloooow your house down….whoosh

TJBM has a red riding hood and a little picnic basket and skips around their neighborhood.

Oh, my god! You saw that? I have to remember to keep tape over my laptop camera lens, Damn!

TBJM will be counting Mary’s little lambs soon.

Nah, I’m better off if I try to nod off naturally. Counting sheep keeps me up all night, must be thousands of them damn critters. Jumping over that damn bridge, forever with the freakin’ jumping. TJBM will tell us a good night story.

I’ve been sitting here and staring at the screen and I’m just too beat to think of one. Good night, Big Y.

TJBM will tell us a good night story.

I’m too tired for a story, but I’ll sing you a lullabye…in German, accompanied by my 12-string:

Guten Abend, gute Nacht, mit Rosen bedacht,
mit Näglein besteckt, schlupf′ unter die Deck!
Morgen früh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt.
Morgen früh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt.

(YAWN!)
TJBM is sleeping.

Uufjfkgjvjxjvjdkfhfkfjfjsjcjxkdycjxjchxjdydjsjajfudkdyxjckvuldjdydkfjckvjvksyqtquflgjckbjx

RJBM us not sleepink.

Man, I hope to be soon. Pain kept me up all night. So tired now, feel like I maybe could sleep through having a limb sawed off.
TJBM makes their own Christmas candy.

No, but it might be a fun new tradition! My mom in law always covered the top of the washer and dryer with homemade Christmas cookies. There were more than a dozen kinds. Mmmmm!

TJBM will have a hurricane story to tell us.

No, just heat wave stories from the great western inferno of 2017. Going for an invigorating 106–107-104 the next 3 days. New wildfire going from some jackass and his illegal campfire. Up in smoke.

TJBM has a crick in their neck.

I do, had it off and on awhile now. Just got up, nothing a cup of coffee and morning constitutional cant fix. TJBM has a busy day planned.

As almost always yes. House sitting, just got back from round one there, rushing out to water the plants in the heat wave, then off to market, then back to the house t check animals then in and out and out and out and in again. LOL

TJBM thinks a tall cold beer might be in order at the end of their day today.

Hey @NomoreY_A did you get flooding in your neck o’ the Lone Star state?

@Coloma No Ma’aam, it got pretty bad down to the south of the Austin / Central Texas area. Horrible in Houston, but my neck o’ the woods got off pretty lite. Actually, I enjoyed it. Got much cooler for about 4 days. rainy and overcast, that’s about all. It was beneficial for my area, got badly needed rain (been hot and dry as a desert for weeks) so our lake levels got back to close to normal,and I didn’t have to water my lawn for almost week. My water bill was getting astronomical. All in all, I got no complaints. I feel like a heel in a way, because of the misfortune a lot of people have had. So don’t beat me up, just sayin’. TJBM would welcome a little rain and some cooler temps.

Well, we’ve had nothing but downpour for a couple of weeks now with temps in the mid nineties. But that is normal for this time of year. Hurricane season, you know. ‘Tis the season. But I would appreciate lower temps. Something nice and crisp and autumny. But that never happens at 13 degrees above the equator. I have to take a 10 hour flight to get that.

TJBM has seen a horse look up at the sky and track a far-away airplane or some other moving object.

No, but my geese do that all the time, very funny. They tilt their heads to one side and get a bead on the plane. Big birds overhead. LOL

TJBM will suggest a great dinner for me that doesn’t involve cooking in this heat wave. I am burned out on sandwiches.

Go to a store if there is one near you, and grab you a couple of TV dinners. Nuke ‘em in the microwave and you’re good to go. Ready made meal, no cooking other than pushing a timer button. As my old pappy used to say, good fer what ails ya! TJBM will eat a lite meal this evening, as well,

Yes. I’ll be having a risotto made from leftovers. It’s pretty good, especially with what is leftover from that steak I had the other night. Great Nebraska grain-fed beef. I received a couple of boxes of big, thick, tender porterhouses in dry ice a couple of days ago from Nebraska. Man, I missed beef steak. Now I have to stretch them out for six months or more.

TJBM is in the mood to tell us a story.

I’ll let Steve tell us a story.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtmi4Nc-3dE

TJBM has rhythm.

Yes, but not musical rhythm, and not so much anymore. I have that kind of rhythm with the universe, like Chevy Chase talks about in Caddy Shack ehen he is knocking in puts and saying, “na na na naaaaa.”
TJBM has done a magic act.

Well, when I was a kid my friend and I saved and saved and saved box tops to send off for a magic kit. When it came we created an audience of all the other neighborhood kids. They had chairs, we had a podium. Pretty sure the act sucked! I think we got laughed off the stage.
My son does cool magic stuff though.

TJBM had a LOT of interaction with all the kids in the neighborhood when they were growing up.

Well, does it count that I sometimes rode my pony a mile up the road to visit the next nearest kid?
When we moved to town I spentlots of time with the girl next door, and the little girls who were refugees from Vietnam, Minh Ngyuen, and I forget the sister’s name.
TJBM has a pet they can carry in a pocket.

No. Not unless I had REALLY big pockets.

TJBM has won the lottery before.

No. My biggest win was five hundred dollars on a scratch ticket.
TJBM has a deep secret wish for… (something very special, not just a yummy dessert.)

To have a hot tub again. best purchase I ever made, used it daily, especially liked it on cold, stormy nights and in the summer when I would sit in the cold water and water my plants on the patio while having a beer. haha

TJBM knows the joy of water therapy.

Yes. On the surface, in the water and under the water. It’s all therapeutic for me on different levels. Sailing brings me peace and new adventure, as does spending time below. Swimming and bathing are relaxing, cooling and excellent for sore muscles. I love the water. And I love jacuzzis.

Has TJBM got a hot tub story?

Oh yes, many, but one of the standout ones was the night I had a few friends over and we were all in the tubby drinking wine. Stellar spring night, perfect temps, beautiful starry Sierra skies.

I had lit a Citronella torch that had bamboo casing and stuck it in a large pot with a weeping blue spruce tree on my deck. I thought it was perfectly safe. Awhile later one of my friends exclaims ” Wow..that candle really lights up the deck.” Um…no…it was Citronella torch that had burned down sideways, melted the resin pot and caught a couple planks of the deck on fire.

My friend, ever so helpful, started pouring wine glasses of water from the hot tub on the small fire while I ran for the hose. Got lucky there, and there was small spot burning under the deck from the melted resin pot. Who’s have think? Thank god we caught it in time or I would have had to hang myself out of shame and grief for starting a forest fire and burning down my little mountain. Fucking scary!

TJBM has had a fire starting incident.

Not me, but my cousin had. It was a very very long time ago, when we were both in kindergarten. I didn’t know the full story. I heard it from dad, and I only knew the general story. Apparently the cousin played with matches and started the fire for some reason.
Apparently there is a superstitious belief that fire often brings good luck in the long run. It applies to my cousin’s family and some other people so people around me get to use their confirmation bias. I don’t belief in that shit of course.
TJBM will share a ridiculous superstitious belief.

It was supposed to be great wealth, specifically.

LOL. We have a couple of spirits that haunt the forests of St. Lucia, a male to protect the wildlife and a female to protect the herbal life. The legends go back to the aboriginal times.

Coloma, no, no fires here. It’s too humid. But I have a fire update for you. The Oroville fire, the one caused by that asshole with the campfire in 100 degree heat, and 70 miles NW of you, now is designated the Ponderosa Fire, has burned 3,500 acres of beautiful mountain land so far, with winds coming from the northwest all day, but now are 5 mph from the northeast. All day tomorrow the winds will be 5mph and coming from the NW again. It’s only 30% contained.

You have another NE of you, about twenty miles southeast of the Ponderosa fire and 50 miles north of you called the Pleasant Valley Fire, about 300 acres so far and 40% contained.

Aaaaaand you have another about 100 miles SE of you at Topaz Lake on the Cal-Nev border, 4 mph winds blowing it to the South, uncontained, Owens Valley District FD responding, no other data.

LOL. Nice story, cowgirl.

CHAT ALERT: Brian finally made it into the chat when someone was there. We’re there now, if you’re interested. http://us23.chatzy.com/46942307102143

TJBM digs tracking Coloma’s fires with the interactive CAL FIRE Tracking map

@Espiritus_Corvus Thanks for being the fire tracker for me. haha
I saw the updates last night but didn’t know the Ponderosa fire was up to 3.500 acres. Fuck, sad and yeah, the Topaz… plus one near Mono lake too. Ugh, the hellfires are burning.

TJBM likes EC’s map tracking and thinks he would be incredibly handy to ride scout for the Calvary.

Never had the pleasure, but I’m better with a map than a horse.
TJBM was once thrown from a horse.

Only once. It was back when I was on that wagon train back in seventy-eight…Ninteen seventy-eight, that is…

We were riding along a barren stretch of trail road, across some relatively flat land in southern New Mexico. The road was paved, so I was going along about 8–10 feet off the pavement, for the horse’s comfort. I noticed a hole in the ground, maybe from a jackalope jackrabbit. As I reined Champ to maneuver around the hole, he got spooked by a diamondback rattlesnake. Champ reared up, caught me by surprise, and the next thing I knew, I was sliding off his rump, and landing on mine!

TJBM has another animal story.

Oh my, so many. Lets see, there was the time my dog, a little shepherd/queensland heeler X jumped up on the back of a plastic lawn chair I was sitting in that had a slatted back and her paw went down between the slats and turned sideways trapping her foot. She was freaking out, yelping and shrieking and I ran to get a bottle of dish soap to try and lubricate her paw to get it out. No go.

I was home alone at the time and thank god my neighbor was home and he had to come over and cut the chair off her paw with a hacksaw. Crazy, off the wall accident.

TJBM will tell us an unusual or freak accident that have encountered.

Not unusual or freak, just ill advised and ill tempered. When I was a kid, maybe 9 or 10 or so, me and some friends were chucking dirt clods at easy other after a rainy day. One guy hit me square in the face, and in those days, I didn’t get mad, I got even. My bb gun was handy, so I picked it up, took aim at the kid, but my aim was off and I caught him just above the eye. Luckily, no harm was done, just stung the shit out of him. My ill luck, my dad was pulling into the driveway at just that minute, and saw the whole thing. I got my butt whipped right in front of my friends, who tried to justify my stupidity by pleading with my pap that I did it in self defense. No banana, my buds were sent home, I was grounded for 2 weeks, and he threatened to break my bb gun over the swing set. (He didn’t), chalk it up to a lesson learned. TJBM has done something equally as stupid.

LOL! We lived on a dirt road at the end of a cul de sac. I had had my driver’s license for about 6 months. I drove my Moms car, which was a little green Vega with a black racing stripe. Well, duh. I was an expert driver and it WAS a race car so what I did this day was perfectly logical. I started at the top of our our road and just bonziied down! The first thing I had to do was navigate a small curve….which was a blind curve! Then I punched it all the way to the cul de sac then slammed on the brakes so it SLIIIIIIID around the cul de sace, dirt flying. I probably did it 8 times.
The last time I did it I saw Mom standing in the yard, jumping up and down, waving her arms. She was SOOOO mad. I truly didn’t understand her anger, truly didn’t understand what I had done wrong.
Well, I found out. She took the keys and hollered, then sent me to my room until Dad came home, which was hours.
And then Dad came home and I understood even more.
It was still fun, though!

TJBM has gotten in trouble for things and they didn’t know why.

No, I always knew why. LOL
Like the time my friends and I handed out chocolate covered Milk Bones to the kiddies on Halloween well..t is trick or treat right? Fresh breath and clean teeth for all. LOL

TJBM enjoy a good prank.

I do, as long as it doesn’t make any one cry. My son is a master of pranks.

TJBM has a good sense of humor.

I do. I especially like observational humor, just watching people and situations happen and the unfolding commentary I can come up with.

TJBM is having a nice afternoon today with nothing to do.

Yup, just chilling out, surfing Flurther, and taking it easy. TJBM has a busy Friday afternoon on the agenda. Better thee than me.

No! This is the first day all week after being crazy busy that I am chilling out and was done with work at 1 p.m.

TJBM has a relative named Fred.

Perhaps. Does Friedrich count? Count Friedrich?

TJBM has been swimming a lot in the past weeks.

No. I wish.

TJBM doesn’t do a lot of stuff they used to do.

True, Things change, we change.

TJBM loves yellow crookneck squash,

Yes I do! Sauteed in butter with pecans or onions.

TJBM had a nice dinner tonight

I did! I had leftover T-bone steak sliced up and sauteed with yellow squash and a baked potato. I needed some rib sticking food after my week.

TJBM has been to Germany.

Yeah, I biked through it from north to south a couple of times when I lived in Sweden. Love them five-week paid vacations.

TJBM jumped in the pool today.

Someone pays for a pool for me please ~
TJBM will list some of the luxuries they can’t afford.

That’s a tough question because I can’t think of anything that I want that I can;t afford right now. I suppose, for the future, I should want a home on land like the one I;m living in. But if I sell the boat, I can probably afford something small in some economically depressed place like Alabama or something. LOL. I don’t want to think about it. Things are just fine as they are.

TJBM thinks things are just fine as they are.

Actually, I could use a roommate. Especially one who can work a garden.
TJBM will tell us a story about the embarrassing place they once fell asleep.

No stories about falling asleep in embarrassing places/circumstances.

TJBM is getting blasted by a heat wave right now.

Nope. Chilly morning. The sun is efforting to part the clouds. So far the clouds are winning.
TJBM has made believe clouds taste like…

Yeah, right now the clouds here taste like forest fire smoke, becasue they ARE made of forest fire smoke.

TJBM is having a late breakfast/brunch.

Already ate.

The Jelly Below Me hates hot cereal, and will tell us why. Or you loooove hot cereal and will tell us why. You have no choice. Tell us!

I like Steel Cut Oatmeal but that’s about it. Could never get into cream of Wheat, ick, but I did like Malto-meal as a kid. Haven’t had it for about 50 years now.

TJBM will be hiding in the AC all day today.

It’s too chilly for AC today. I’m wearing a sweatshirt.
TJBM wishes clowns were illegal.

Haha…yes, creepy they are, and all the real life clowns, like the raging clown drivers too. I JUST had a jackass clown tailgating me as I tried to execute a turn on a semi-blind curve onto my little road here. He almost rear ended me, totally ignored my ample turn signal warning and I flung my arm out of my window and gave him an angry hand motion. He then flipped ME off!

Really!? Bad move asshole, it is over 100 degrees, I am grouchy and that ass is lucky as I almost turned around and chased his clownish ass down. Very rare for me to become road ragey but I swear, I could have punched this reckless dick in the face this morning. I hope he crashes and burns alive. LOL

TJBM hates asshole drivers.

Oh, man, I am sooooo glad that I don’t have to put up with that anymore. I lived and worked for twenty years in a county with the highest population density in Florida. We were all trapped on a peninsula with chaotic six-lane boulevards and freeways constantly under construction and maintenance. By the time they finished a renovation, the population had grown, so they began widening all over again. What a nightmare it was to drive there. People get shot in road rage incidents a few times a year there. I had a carry permit and a nice. snub-nosed stainless steel, hammerless .357 magnum heater that I packed in a shoulder holster for some currier work I did at one time. I never carried that gun on me when not working. I would be in prison today if I had.

TJBM carries.

LOL. If I did, there would be little concern for overpopulation.
TJBM has served on a jury.

No, infact I just had a jury summons again but my duty was cancelled. Lots of summons never actually called on to show up.

TJBM has a pet that is highly skilled in the “ignore” command.
Fuck, I just spent 10 minutes walking all over the property here in the heat calling my cat who was lying under the water truck in the dirt just watching me walk around calling him. LOL

LOL. Cats. Real little pricks sometimes, but you gotta love ‘em. They are great to have on a sailboat.

My two dogs know the “Lie Down” command. When they get the flock of sheep where I want them, I can yell “Ho!” (for “Hold”), but it is more effective to use the whistle command, especially at long distances. When they hear this, they both immediately lay down and guard the sheep from that position.

That’s the closest thing to ignore a sheepdog can do. With intelligence comes curiosity, and these dogs have their radar ramped up high at all times, even when they are sleeping. They only ignore the complaints of the animals they herd. LOL. All I do is sit on a horse all day.

I was given a sheep whistle when I first got this job. I think I lost it in the first week. I whistle the commands without the whistle now like they did in Scotland before sheep whistles.

TJBM can whistle really loud without using their fingers.

Nope. I wish, though.

TJBM can’t whistle at all.

My whistle is loud, but I whistle inhaling better than exhaling.
TJBM can hold their breath an impressively long time. (Shelley Winters did her own swim stunt in The Poseidon Adventure.)

Yep. That lady had some lungs. LOL. I’ve been swimming since I was five. I was a competitive swimmer in Jr. High and Highschool. On our own, my teammates and I used have underwater competitions, like how long we could hold our breath underwater, how many laps we could swim underwater in a 75 meter pool. I never won any of these contests, but I was able to swim about 1½ laps under water and hold my breath for a little more than two minutes. Those experiences have served me well since. I’m probably good for only a minute underwater nowadays. A pearl diver, I am not.

TJBM can hold their breath for an impressively long time.

I used to be able to for a long time as well, I was a strong swimmer for years but yeah, these days, probably a minute, I will have to see next time I go for a swim.

TJBM has a near drowning story. I once was rafting with an inexperienced friend who was no help in steering us out of a vortex of white water and our raft slammed backwards into a cement pillar under a bridge. I took the full hit in the back and had the wind knocked out of me, toppled overboard and I barely made it out. Some other rafters snagged my raft with my petrified friend and towed them to shore.

Man, that was a close one, C. Glad your friends were there to save your cowgurl ass. Yes, I was warned about those eddies that are often found in the front side of small river dams and concrete emplacements. YouTube has a bunch of videos depicting rafters and such trapped in them. Not good. And they can drag you down.

No. I must’ve spent half my life on or in the water and fished a few people out, but never have I had a close call myself, that I can remember. The one time it could have come to disaster, was when my regulator jammed on me at about 80 feet. My training kicked in and I followed my bubbles to the surface while slowly exhaling to avoid the effects of the alleviation of atmospheric pressure which expand and burst the lungs of many newbee divers—because the natural, knee-jerk reaction is to hold your breath no matter what.

I was told by my first dive master, a former Navy diver, that a lung burst can happen very quickly if you don’t exhale while surfacing. I would think the air would be forced out of your lungs before that happens, but far from me to test that and the info came from a very knowledgeable and experienced source. He also said to always follow your bubbles so you don’t surface too fast, which quickly will cause the terminal burst.

TJBM is finished for the day and enjoying the evening.

Almost…just have some watering to do for a few minutes around 7ish when the sun star recedes a bit.

@Espiritus_Corvus eeee..lung burst..sounds horrible!

TJBM has evaded death on more than a few occasions.

@Coloma Yeah. Thank god none of my divers have had that happen. I don’t think there’s much anyone can do for them outside of an operating room. And I don’t think they’ve got a chopper in the world that could pick them up offshore and get them to a hospital on time. I guess you just fish them out and watch them die on deck. Because of this, I instruct anyone who dives with me of this danger. No matter how much medical training a person has, I don’t think there is a damn thing they can do.

Evading Death. LOL. Now you’re talking.

My mom once accidentally dropped me out of an open window right on my head onto the pavement outside when I was a baby, which probably explains a lot.

I had a fever that hit 105F when I was a about five and they had to pack me in ice. I was delirious for a few days, raving. They said I was lucky, it was touch and go for awhile. They never figured out what caused it.

Later that same year, I got a superman cape for Christmas, promptly went out and jumped from the top of the barn and knocked myself out. My mom and dad rushed me to the hospital. No real damage, just a mild concussion. But I think I may have fucked up Christmas dinner for my family. I had to spend that dinner in bed.

When I was about eight, I took my eyes off the trail while bicycling once and went off a cliff into a ditch which knock unconscious for a few minutes, resulting in amnesia that lasted a few hours.

I rode rode my Norton over a switchback, over the high side as they say, on the way to Mt. St. Helena (not St. Helens) and was dusted off and taken home by a very delightful young lady, which turned out OK.

I was barrelling down a country road in Sonoma County toward the Pacific, again on the Norton, came around a blind curve at fairly high speed only to see a stop sign at a highway, the other side of which was empty space and the Pacific Ocean in the distance. I laid that bitch down and slid across Hwy 1 to stop right on the very edge of the cliff. That was Coleman Valley Rd. I’ll never forget that road. It’s a beautiful road. But that was one that really scared the shit out me.

I was dismasted at sea for a week with just a small tin of goose liver and water until the Coasties picked me up. I figured I’d pretty much had it as I had no radio or electronics onboard.

When I was eleven, I broke away from the other horseback riders touring Knott’s Berry Farm, ended up on a trail cut into the side of a mountain, then like an idiot rode my horse over a metal, corrugated pipe to where the trail began again. It was so narrow, that I could turn the horse around, but I should have led her across. But I was so stupid, I didn’t think of that. That one still gives me chills.

I was on a big ferry in a freezing Baltic hurricane with 40–50 foot seas more than once, but one time there was a huge weight shift below on one of the semi truck decks, and we damn-near capsized. We came into Helsinki at a 15 degree list.

There were more close calls, I’m sure, mostly my own stupidity, but this is a pretty good accounting, I think.

TJBM has evaded death on more than a few occasions.

I never evaded death, never even came close. I’d be kissing Grim Reaper butt, Big Time. What, me cheat? Wouldn’t think of it I pal. Mind if call you Grim, or is it Mr. Reaper to me? Heh, just kidding pal. Hey, nice shroud, know where I can get one? Got to run, got a dental appointment. It’s half past Midnight? The guy keeps late hours, what can I say? TJBM will regale us with more tales of high adventure and close calls.

*couldn’t turn the horse around.

LOL. No thanks. It’s somebody else’s turn.

Lets see….I was about 18, my boyfriend at the time and I were driving to LA to see friends when his older pickup truck broke down and we were about a mile from the nearest exit to call for help. It was around 10 o’ clock at night so decided to throw out our camping gear down the hill off the side of the freeway in a fairly secluded ravine and spend the night to seek help in the morning. No cell phones back then, about 1977. We were just getting our tent and sleeping bags out of the truck when a couple stopped and asked us if we needed help.

We had them drive us to the next exit and called a tow truck. When we returned to the spot where the truck was parked there were CHPs everywhere and an ambulance. Turns out a car had flipped off the road, overturned and landed in the EXACT spot where we almost camped for the night! There were several fatalities and one of the occupants was ejected from the vehicle.

Had we been laying there in our sleeping bags we would have been rolled over and crushed no doubt. Talk about evading death.

TJBM will tell us a story about a wacky neighbor.

I have an old neighbor who likes to keep weird pets. He started by keeping a dog who gradually turned aggressive and crazy and haunted the whole neighborhood. Then he got a chicken who had no perception of time. He usually woke the whole neighborhood up at 3 a.m! Somehow it became a trend and people started keeping chickens. And I lived in constant torture. Not to mention turtles and strange birds. Sometimes I wonder how he is able to care for them all.
TJBM will tell me if we can post fictional stories.

This has become your thread, baby. Any story you want to tell here is fine with everyone, I’m sure.

TJBM will tell Mimi if it’s OK to post fictional stories.

Only true fiction, Mimi!

LOL Hey, it’s your story to tell, so tell it the way you want to!

TJBM is ready and waiting for Mimi’s first “true” fiction story.

I am. I’m ready for a bedtime story.

TJBM likes to fall asleep with soothing instrumental music playing.

Yes

TJBM has pierced ears.

I do.

TJBM likes the Hemp brand body lotion products.

Ummm. Wut?

TJBM is just having fun while having fun here tonight.

I’m having fun here after a long day of work.
Well, seems like people have already fallen asleep. Who am I going to tell my story for now?
TJBM is still awake.

For a bit longer yes. @Espiritus_Corvus They are a line of body lotions and other products made with hemp oil.

TJBM loves the smell of Tangerines.

Yeah, and I eat it sometimes too.
TJBM will listen to a story.

Yes. I’m definitely up for a story tonight.

TJBMs will be patient while Mimi tells her story.

My, look like I can finish it right now. I need to take my rest for the afternoon’s work. I’ll finish it when I wake up.

Darn Mimi..well, no bedtime story for us tonight. :-p

TJBM is disappointed there will be no bedtime story from Mimi. Nite Mimi, nite Crow, nite anybody else lurking.

Yeah, but I understand the need for naps. I’ll be looking forward to seeing that story tomorrow night, Mimisquito. Good night all!

^^^What about TJBY?

TJBM is Mimi telling a story!!!! Hooray!

TJBM will be Mimi and her story.

Good morning everyone! Sorry for not being able to write you my bedtime story. How about turning it into a morning story? It’s better that way though, because the story isn’t so good to read at night anyway :P

I’m going to tell a “true” fictional story about @Coloma‘s previous question: a near not really drowning experience. Time to see if my research is right too.

Warning: dark subject and bad words ahead.

I am lying in agony. This excruciating pain in my mouth is there with me, increasing with every heartbeat. I wish I could put my hand down there and hold onto that painful spot and somehow sooth the pain like people always do with every wound. But there is no way, for that spot is too deep inside my mouth – the spot that was once my tongue. And that spot, that damn spot of my missing tongue, the pain is not the only thing it uses to torture me. Like a broken fire hydrant, it shoots out an unstoppable stream of salty water, which all finds its way to the giant manhole which is my throat.

I have to drain all the salty water out of the manhole. I know it is in no way designed to hold leaking water. But there is also another problem: I cannot move my body. The only way to throw the water out is to sit up and cough it out, and it requires moving my legs. My legs, now I just realized, they have gone numb. I have lost control of them completely. I do not remember when and how, maybe it was that punch in the gut I took from the infuriated cuckold, maybe it was that nasty fall down the stairs. I do not know, and I do not care at this moment. I only know right now that the cuckold slit my tongue while I was lying defenseless and confused after the fall (the fucking bastard!), and I have to do something, now!

I do not know what to focus, the pain in the mouth or the salty water flowing non-stop into my throat. Both of them are calling for my attention like two annoying children whining for one mother. I try using my hands to lift myself up, but without my lower body I only end up tilting my head upward and allowing more salty water to flow into my throat. Turning around is also useless without the lower body. Never before has I been in a more fucked-up situation like this. I have received death threat from betrayed women, faced sudden encountered with enraged boyfriends, but this, this has been the only situation when I cannot use words to escape. Words… I cannot expect any word right now. My tongue has been cut off, and the water has blocked my throat to the point that no air can enter. And no human here either, there is only me alone with my thought.

There has to be a way! There has to be a way! I keep telling myself for how long I do not remember. I do not have any concept of time anyway. Only the pain and the fear hold my attention. I notice that I am facing a very funny dilemma: I need to try to hold my breath until I find a way to lift myself up in order not to suffocate myself. But at the same time I can feel my body entering panic mode, and it is screaming for more breathing and air. My body is trying to pull more air in my uncontrollable shallow breath, but of course it can get no air back. And when it cannot get air, it becomes even more panicked, demanding for more air. The only way to calm it down is the “one, two” technique with every count means one deep breath. Air, air, there has to be air! If I could walk, I would be running around like a madman right now.

I suddenly notice that something in my throat is closed off. That is right! From a little air to no air at all. The whole time I was struggling with getting up, I was able to draw some very little air into my lung by trying to breathe deeply with my mouth wide open, though I had to drink some salty water in the process. And now, for some fucking reason from nowhere, my throat has refused to open up! The feeling of having your mouth and nose wide open but unable to draw any air in is just weird, and depressing. I was hoping for a little air to hold out while trying to pull myself out of this mess. I was praying so hard for a little time left until someone come to this abandoned place and just lift me up. Now my throat is like a manhole being clotted by trash and cannot drain water after a heavy rain. I do not have much time left now. I have been screaming “I can’t die here” for an eternity (like I always did when stuck in some mess), but this is the first time I hear my voice the loudest. It sounds more like an urge, a begging, a desperate sob. I try to tell myself everything will be fine, I will be up and walking like usual, but I can no longer silence the voice. Both my mind and I have tried everything in the book and none has worked.

I am getting weaker. My vision starts to blur. It starts to take enomous strength just to move my arms. And the leaking spot keeps flowing salty water, and my legs keep disobeying. No one cares for me anymore.

“No one cares for you anymore?” I suddenly hear a cruel laugh somewhere. No, it can’t be! Not that thing again! No! I don’t need you here! I am fucked up enough already! I can see it approaching. It always comes as a shadow. It emerges from a shadow. It connects all the shadows in the room until everything is a big shadow embrasing the room.

I helplessly watch the mass of shadow approach me. Get away from me! I just want to scream as loudly as possible in its face, but my tongue is no longer with me and my throat is clotted by the salty water. I hear its evil laugh of triumph. It knows I am now more defenseless than ever to it and it can do anything it wants to me. It can feel my fear and shame. Even though it is only a shadow, I can now suddenly feel it. Each touch it makes on my body bring a cold chill down my spine. Shame on me, I cannot draw any part of my body back from it.

“You are so obedient today”, it finally speaks, after filling everything in a mass of darkness. I am now floating inside an empty void of nothingness. There is no gravity. It feels like the deep dark bottom of the sea (so ironic for someone who is already being drown like me). I am drifting in an endless dark fluid space, unable to control anything.

“Somehow”, the abominable monster speaks again, “I have had a feeling for a long time that this day will come. Only you and me, alone together, talking about things.

“What? You don’t like to talk with me? I’m not so surprised. You have been hiding from me after all. You do everything to keep me away from your life. You know I only come when you are alone, so you try to fill your life with as many people as possible. A second without someone to talk to brings you panic attack, and I will come to you. You have women surrounding you because you need to be a man and you can’t bear letting anyone know you still have a monster in the closet at this age. You live off anyone you can get a hold of.

“Where are your friends now anyway? They should have been here already, dragging you out of this void. Instead, we are here, talking together face-to-face. It’s so ironic that you work so hard to earn friends only for them to leave you all like this.

“What? You are crying now? Come on! Be a man! You are so macho around women. You talk them into believing you are the real man. You get them into bed to show them how strong you are. You know I see everything. You disappoint me so much! I always thought you are so brave, so strong.”

I cannot hear anything. Words have become fluid to my ears. There are only three things I know exist in this void: a hideous red pair of eyes staring at me, the ghastly voice from nowhere, and tears running down my eyes uncontrollably. I want this story to end happily, like the fairy tales I heard: the hero encounters a monster, slays it and leaves happily with a princess. This story only has the hero and the monster. The hero does not have any strength nor courage to slay the monster, nor is there any princess here. The princess is gone, she committed suicide days after I seduced and raped her. That was the thing that started everything, the cuckold, the fight, the cuckold’s fit of rage, and now this encounter.

“You always think I don’t have a heart”, says the monster. “But actually I do. I feel so sorry for you, lying alone with no friend to comfort you. So I guess I have come in time. Let’s be friend for real, shall we? So now that we are friends, let’s do something every friend should: getting to know each other. We have lived together for so long, but you have never got to see my face. How about I do you a favor and let you see it just for once?”

Suddenly I am able to hear the monster’s last word. No! I have never wanted to be your friend! I don’t need your face! I don’t need your face!

I fought the monster, keep it out from my life, stop it from emerging, only to avoid that very thing!

A mouth appears, then a nose, then an ear…

Before I know it, I lose my mind and everything goes dark.

TJBM will critique my story and tell me if my research in drowning experience is correct.

Don’t know, I never drowned. Too dark a story for me. well written though. But I prefer stories more light and humorous. Something similar to, well – the time I was shipwrecked on Cannibal Island. I was the sole survivor. Actually, I was the only person on the board, so obviously I was the sole survivor. After clambering up a nearby cliff and strolling into a jungle, I was confronted by local natives, and invited to dinner. And I was going to be the main course. But they bit off more than they could chew (No pun intended) when they tangled with Jungle Joe, terror of the Seven Seas. Or is it Seventeen Seas? Never mind that, these fierce natives attacked me, but I bagged 6 of them. I bagged them to go away, but they were persistent. To be continued… TJBM is about to go to bed.

Yeah. I’m very well aware that this story isn’t for everyone, so I put a warning right at the beginning. Hope I didn’t depress you :(
And it’s my morning. My timetable doesn’t permit going to bed in the morning :p
TJBM will start the day or evening with a joke.

Parallel lines have a lot in common.
It’s a shame they never meet.

TJBM has another one.

@Mimishu1995 wow…intense descriptive story there Mimi, I can’t get over losing your tongue. Eeee…quite the nightmare you have crafted there. :-)

What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.

TJBM likes corny jokes.

Yes! My granddaughter collects “dad jokes”, whatever they are. I guess they’re just corny jokes? But this joke would qualify! She’ll be thrilled.

Oops! TJBM never forgets the TJBM

Wrong! Over the years, I’ve forgotten how many times I’ve forgotten.

OOPS! I forgot!

TJBM has a mess to clean up.

Not in the moment but a mess could happen at any time. haha

TJBM is ignoring a last minute favor request from someone. Sorry, not available today. LOL

No.
TJBM likes to keep it short, sometimes.

Yes, sometimes short is best.

TJBM likes Lizards. My favorite monster Alligator Lizard buddy was just sitting with me out on the patio. We have a thing goin’ on. haha

Lizards can’t beat rats :D
TJBM likes an animal people don’t like.

Spiders!

TJBM will tell us what critters they’re afraid of.

Spiders!
TJBM would like to see what kind of critter if it was as big as a cow?

The Scorpion That Ate Cincinnati? TJBM will tell us what rare and exotic critters they are fond of.

Gambian Pouched rats, love Tigers, Leopards and Jaguars and these guys.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5DcOEzW1wA

TJBM likes Naked Mole rats too.

How did you know? But not to cuddle with.

TJBM will tell us an unusual fact about a critter they’re fond of.

Have to get back to you on that one, maybe I’ll sleep on it. All I can think of now, is that rhino horns are considered an aphrodisiac in Asia, and high prices are paid for them. Which troubles me, because I have always thought rhinos are cool, and I hate seeing them needlessly slaughtered. I’m off to bed for now, TJBM will burn the midnight oil.

No, I am watching the end of a movie and have barely recovered from my crazy busy last week and the heat wave that has sucked the life force out of me. I will be going to bed in about an hour or so.

TJBM is in awe of great White Sharks.

I’m glad they can’t walk on land.
TJBM is scared of sharks.

I find them fascinting but yes, i would be scared if some mega shark was coming at me. Gulp, splash, paddle, panic, die. LOL You need to write a shark story Mimi.

TJBM will tell us what their 3 wishes would be if they found a lamp with a magic Genie in it.

More wishes, more wishes, more wishes :D
Yeah, I’ll think about that Coloma :D
TJBM takes joy in writing.

I do, in many ways. I have written poetry, songs, and prose. Partly because of Fluther, I have begun to write some personal memoirs and stories, and to store them, maybe some day I will publish, or at least hand them down to my kids, if they’re interested.

TJBM has a collection of first-hand stories they think others might find interesting.

No first-hand stories, sorry. I wrote a lot of fictional stories, but no real stories. You can find bit-and-piece of my first-hand experience scattered on Fluther though.
TJBM prefer fictional stories.

I like many kinds of stories.

The mention of sharks walking gave me quit a visual. If sharks could be terrestrial, it would have been so for a long time.
Sometime along the way men would have decided shark ranching would be good business. Seeing THAT would be amazing. Instead of cowboys, sharkboys, rounding them up to take to slaughter, wary of those teeth. Now that would require some tough, brave men!
TJBM would like to see a western with a shark roundup. (I bet there wouldn’t be many to try rustling!)

That would be interesting but I think cat roundups beat shark roundups.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_MaJDK3VNE

TJBM would like to be a cat herder.

I think cats are amazing. I don’t think I could be a cat herder. I sympathize too much with their incredible independence, indifference and superiority over other animals. They make good friends, are quiet, observant, are really well equipped, but just want to be left alone. I can relate to that. I wouldn’t want to mess it.

That was a great story, Mimi. I really enjoyed it. LOL. I think I know who that monster is.

TJBM would like to be a iguana herder

Yes, of course! Lizards are cool- in a way iguanas are only 1 step away from herding dinosaurs!
TJBM would like to be a dinosaur herder.

I would, lets see, I’ll saddle up a T-Rex, he’ll be a great mount for herding all those slow moving herbivores.

TJBM would like to herd Squirrels and will tell us their methodology of wrangling up the little bushy tails.

You pick the worst jobs for me. Squirrels. You know that’s what they call crazy people, right? The first thing that comes to my mind is, if I could ever get them into one group, I suppose the only way I could keep them together is build a ring of fire around them. Then we can have mountain oysters or whatever they call squirrel meat in the boondocks. Maybe open a little cafe. Instead of fried green tomatoes, we could get famous for our fried gray squirrel. I wonder who will play me in the movie?

TJBM wonders who will play them in the movie.

I know who would play me, Helena Bonham Carter.
TJBM just thought of something funny, and we want to know what it is.

Well, I think it’s kind of funny, but I’m sleep deprived at the moment, so… You know all that spam we’ve been getting from Hyderabad? I posted a tongue twister for them goddamned furriners:

How many spare parts can a spare parts repair store spare,
in spare Hyderabad?

OK. I know. This is a tough house. But I’m told it went over good in Hyderabad.

Here’s my old standby:

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a duck on his head.
The psychiatrist asks, “Can I help you?”
And the duck says, “Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?”

TJBM has another.

(Chuckling)
Just hours ago I saw a facebook post claimimg the following was the earliest recorded joke in English.

What hangs by a man’s thigh, and wants to revisit the same hole it has been in before?
The answer is buried under my next question to create a moment of suspense. Supposedly, this joke is several hundred years old.
TJBM knows what Helping Hands is. I want one that hums.
(Answer to my joke – a key.

Yeah. The helping hand is the one that will accompany that thing until it finds the hole.
TJBM is too innocent for that.

I am not.
Did nobody notice I posted the answer to my joke?
Ha ha! Funny, men still have all the same things dangling around their thighs as they did hundreds of years ago.
TJBM knows what Helping Hands really is.

Allstate?

TJBM knows what Helping Hands really is.

Valium? Oh wait, that’s mothers little helper. LOL

TJBM needs a helper.

Wait… is that a key?
TJBM has been oblivious until now.

No, just busy until now. Missed the joke telling part. Here’s one, and it is a true antidote, about an old Army Dentist my dad once knew. He told dad one time that an annoying lady had come to his office, whining that she can’t take pain. Told the Doc that, “I think I would almost rather have a baby than endure a root canal”. The Doc replies, “Well make up your mind so’s I can adjust the chair”. TJBM just got back from a vacation.

LOL no, but..only 25 more days until a friend and I go for 3 days to the beach in Pacifica here, between San Francisco and Half Moon bay. Can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait. Cushy hotel on the beach, good food, and plenty of cocktails and beach walks.

TJBM is counting the days until something fun happens.

Counting the days till I get my damn IRS refund. You owe them, you best pay it yesterday. They owe you, it takes forever. TJBM is also planning a trip to the beach. And not a washed out Texas Gulf Coast one.

Yep, as per above.

TJBM likes Louie CK

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQUr2RkjykU&pbjreload=10

He is funny.

TJBM is still looking for work.

No, I am looking for a break from my work, it’s coming. haha

TJBM likes cool area rugs.

I do. Especially large ones.

TJBM has wrestled with large area rugs in the past.

I have, but it was worth it.
So, this explains Helping Hands.
I read up on them, and they retain ownership for life. Maybe I will see about getting a license and train my own.
TJBM understands the value of good training.

Yeah, I do. I thought I could learn just about anything alone from a book up until I was about 30, then I took a cooking class while waiting for a paramedic course to open up. Man, in about six weeks I knew more than I’d learned in all the time I was in the restaurant business with my family. It was amazing.

I’d been scuba diving without a lic or formal training for years, then I had to take a course in Merchant Marine officer candidate school. Holy shit, I should have been dead at twenty. I tried to learn photoshop for a couple of years. A two week night course taught me everything I wanted to know. I learned DOS in a class after trying to figure it out on my own to no avail. Sailing lessons since I was eleven. Navigation. Celestial Nav. I would have never figured that out on my own. There’s been a lot of classes since.

Yeah, and OCS, nursing, DMAT training, an army course in Houston in field expedient medicine (LOL they called it Sheep School. Don’t ask), guitar lessons, sketching, wine making, butchery, Courses with the USCG for a Captain’s licensure, more sailing lessons for an international license to captain under sail, carpentry… what was the question? Oh. Yeah. It would have taken me two more lifetimes to figure all that out by myself.

TJBM knows that seven people died from the Black Plague last year.

I did not know.

TJBM hates most reality shows.

Yes, though I did like watching a few episodes of “Naked and Afraid” where a man and woman are dropped in various remote locations and have to fend for themselves, build shelter, find water and food for 3 weeks. Of course they had a camera crew and medic following them but they did really have to make a go of it in the wilderness in some really harsh conditions.

TJBM wouldn’t last a day naked in the wilderness.

Well it would depend on the time of year. If the climate was warm I guess I could survive naked as well as I could with clothes on. Which wouldn’t be long!

TJBM likes to camp with their clothes on.

These days yes but I used to enjoy nude sunbathing by the river in my golden youth. haha

TJBM likes to go skinny dipping.

You mean this?
TJBM likes to revisit their childhood.

^^^^ LOL LOL
Revisit? I am doing my best to replace it.
TJBM doesn’t care about age, toys and whims are good ANY time.

Absolutely!

TJBM thinks skinny dipping in Cheez Whiz would be interesting.

I always fancied green jello. I would not want to be smellin’ like sour milk. Went through that enough with leakage when nursing babes. (TMI)
TJBM will join me and @Coloma at the river walk to watch for bald eagles.

Nah, you girls can walk, I’ll rent me an ATV. What’s wrong with them eagles, any way? I mean, why not just invest in a toupee? Almost forgot TJBM. TJBM is getting obsessed with TJBM game.

Well since I’ve been on since the original TJBM question a hunnert years ago, and have participated in all if them, I guess that would be a yes.

TJBM watches their life pass on the internet.

LOL. My, what do you do mean?

TJIM would like to trade versus of a song with all the following TJsBM:

Virgil Caine is mah name, and I served on the Danville train

huh?

@Patty_Melt That’s the opening line from the song “The Night they drove Old Dixie Down” by ” The Band.” You know…you’re in our age bracket. LOL

‘Till Stonemans Calvary came and tore up the tracks again…in the winter of ‘65,we were hungry, just barely alive….by May the 10th Richmond had fell, it;s a time I remember oh so wellllllll…....the night they drove old dixie down and the bells were ringin’.....

TJBM will sing the next verse.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jREUrbGGrgM

The niiiiiiiiight they drove old Dixie down, [and the people were singin’!]

they went

Laaaaa lala lalala

Lala lala lalalalala

TJBM will sing the next verse.

Back with my wife in Tennessee when one day she called to me.
Virgil quick come see, there goes Robert E. Lee.
Now I don’t mind choppin’ wood and I don’t care if the moneys no good
ya take what you need and ya leave the rest but they should never have taken the very best

( chorus )

TJBM would like @Strauss to sing and strum a little.

《Strum, strum, strum-strum, strum,》
《Strum, strum, strum-strum, strum,》

(Sings)
Like my father before me, I’m a workin’ man
Like my brother above me, I took a rebel stand
He was just eighteen, proud and brave, but a Yankee laid him in his grave
I swear by the blood below my feet, you can’t raise a Cain back up when he’s in defeat.

TJBM (And everyone else) will join me on the chorus! It’s a first-time Fluther sing-along!)

You have to teach me first.
TJBM will teach me.

See the link above for the song Mimi. It’s about the Americn Civil war 1862–65 or thereabouts.

Chorus..the night they drove old dixie down and the bells were ringin’ the night they drove old dixie down and the people were singin’ lalalalalalalalalala…lots of lalas. The End. haha

TJBM wants to know what @Mimishu1995 had for dinner.

I think we have driven old fluther down with our singing frenzy. LOL

EC edited. When I said huh?, his post was confusing to say the least. All I could make oyt was he said something about a song. It is plain and clear now. Unfortunately I was gone long enough to miss the whole darn thing. I haven’t heard that song in quite a while.

What did you eat, Mimi?
The civil war started sooner than that. President Lincoln started the air force in 1861 when he learned spies could fly quietly over the enemy forces at night to get intel from a hot air balloon.
I got that bit of trivia watching Antiques Roadshow.
TJBM would like to buy something at a yard sale and find out it is like one on the Roadshow, and the owner on the Roadshow takes a deep breath before saying, “Are you kidding me??!!?!”

someone should start a fake account with the name TJBM, so we could highlight it in red each time, making it easier to spot that part of posts.

Sorry to disappoint you but my lunch is nothing special really. Rice, fried egg mixed with sausage, some clams and vegetable soup. Dessert is some fruit juice. Just a normal day at home.
And sorry everyone, I have to go to work shortly so I need to rest now. No singing today :(
TJBM will help me sleep. I would be very grateful :)

Would you like a bedtime back rub?

TJBM loves getting back rubs.

I don’t know, I never get back rubs…
TJBM is a massage therapist

No, but during my hitch in the Navy, I dated a physical therapist for a while. OMG! AND he was very good looking.
He gave great body massages, taught me how wonderful a good hand massage is, taught me some exercizes good for tightening abs, not that I needed anything tightened back then.
I was in great shape, and solid enough I didn’t need a bra.

TJBM has all their shit in one sock… and can also tell me where the heck a saying like that came from.

Honestly my room is a complete mess… so no. The saying originates in the US Navy, it originally meant ‘get all your belonging ready in one bag for deployment’
TJBM knows another strange saying and its origin

“If at first you don’t succeed, keep on suckin’ till you do suck a seed.” Not sure of the origin but my grandmother used to say it to my Dad. He was raised in Texas. Also, if he said “fur,” like, “What fur?” she’d say “Cat fur for to make kitten britches out of.”

TJBM knows this song ♫ Yeah they ran through the briers and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn’t go. They ran so fast that the hounds couldn’t catch ‘em….On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico-OOO YIP!! ♪

Can’t say that I do but sounds catchy. haha

TJBM knows the origin of the saying “stir crazy.” Guess first then I will share.

Yes you do @Coloma!

@Dutchess_III

The Battle of New Orleans

Recorded by Johnny Horton
Written by James Morris

In 1814 we took a little trip
Along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip
We took a little bacon and we took a little beans
And we fought the bloody British in the town of New Orleans

(Chorus)
We fired our guns and the British kept a-comin’
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago
We fired once more and they began to runnin’
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

We looked down the river and we seed the British come
And there must have been a hundred of ‘em beatin’ on the drum
They stepped so high and they made their bugles ring
We stood behind our cotton bales and didn’t say a thing.
We fired our guns and the British kept a-comin’

(Chorus)

Old Hickory said we could take ‘em by surprise
If we didn’t fire our muskets ‘till we looked ‘em in the eyes
We held our fire ‘till we seed their faces well
Then we opened up our squirrel guns and gave ‘em
Well…

(Chorus)

Yeah they ran through the briers and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn’t go
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn’t catch ‘em
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

We fired our cannon ‘till the barrel melted down
So we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round
We filled his head with cannonballs ‘n’ powdered his behind
And when we touched the powder off, the gator lost his mind

(Chorus)

Yeah they ran through the briers and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn’t go
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn’t catch ‘em
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

Stir crazy is from an older meaning for “stir”, which is “to move about”. Therefore, one who was anxious because their ability to move about can be called “stir-crazy ”.

TJBM is trying to finish before I do!

Naw, I saw you so I let you be. I just had to poke @Coloma first! I think your version is the more famous one. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band version didn’t sound right.

TJBM will click on @Strauss link to the Battle of New Orleans and then wack themselves in the forehead!
Uh oh. You Tube is cycling thorogh Nitty Gritty Dirt Band songs…memories.

Aaaah…okay, yeah, I remember now. @Dutchess_III I think your version sounds like a rappy rendition.haha

Sooo..whose going to answer the origin of “stir crazy” now?
Step up folks.

Um, I guess it came about by some woman who was sick of cooking? But it means bored, so I don’t know off the top of my head.

TJBM knows the song “The City of New Orleans.”

The origin of “stir crazy” came from Medieval times when prisoners were in charge of making the Ale and stirring giant cauldrons of hops for hours. The fumes from the hops made them high and woozy hence the term, “stir crazy.”

Yes, love that song..OMG…not another sing along. haha

TJBM will now have have that song in their head all day.

I was close!
Now that you’ve said it, I will. Thanks a LOT.

TJBM knows “A wing a wet, a wing a wet, a wing a wet….” and that shall be stuck in their head all day.

Up yours Dutichie! LOL ;-p

TJBM knows that the lion sleeps tonight.

LOL! Yes, she does. In the village, the peaceful village…wait.

TJBM wonders how could a village be peaceful if there is a lion sleeping in it?

I’d run for my life, they can have he lion, and the lion can have the village. TJBM will bring up no more musical memories, I was accosted by he Mental Health people fro walking thru my town singing old songs, and saying something about “They’re all in my head, they’re al in my head!”

Okay…you got it.

TJBM has lost the cremains of a friend and do not know where they are. LOL

Oh, no! But at least it’s the cremains and not the remains! LOL!

I heard an “origin” story of City of New Orleans, written by Chicago songwriter Steve Goodman.

It seems Goodman went to a bar in Chicago where Arlo Guthrie was playing. After the last set, he approached Arlo, and asked if he could pitch his song. Arlo said, “I’ll tell you what. Buy me a beer, and play your song. I’ll listen as long as the beer lasts, longer if I like the song.”

The rest, as they say, is history.

TJBM will share another music/celebrity story

Don’t have any first hand celebrity experiences, but I like to read stories about famous people who are assholes in real life. I’ve read several such stories about Frank Sinatra. Some guy was at a Sinatra show in Vegas once, and a lady at a table near him yelled out,
“I love you Frank!” Sinatra replied, “Shut up you dumb bitch”. Real class act there. TJBM has met, or knows stories pertaining to, asshole celebrities.

I tend to veer away from assholism the best I can.
TJBM wants a cracker.
Polly, Polly, where’s my pretty birdie?

Arrrghh… that be pirate talk, matey. My parrot does need a cracker. Or a sock in his mouth. Blighted bird won’t shut up. arrrrgh… TJBM has actually owned a parrot.

I was a Cockatiel sitter for a friend for six months

TJBM knows International Talk Like a Pirate day is September 19, 2017

ARRGH ! ! !

Aye.

TJBM knows that today is fight procrastination day. Fuck it, I will procrastinate a little longer.

Remind me tomorrow.

TJBM will name the first childhood song that comes to mind.

Twinkle twinkle little staaaar….

TJBM must go out now.

Nope. I’m done going out tonight. All is well in the Windwards and it is time now to enjoy this brief moment of nocturnal calm.

LOL. The first song I remember singing was How Much is That Doggie in the Window, by Perry Como. My mom bought the 45rpm and we would sing it together next to the phonograph.

LOL. Oh, well.

TJBM is taking it real easy tonight.

Yup. Tomorrow is errands day.
TJBM goes well with peanut butter.

Mixed with honey, yes.

TJBM knows who Nat Turner was.

Your imaginary friend?
TJBM has an imaginary friend.

I did, but she got to behaving like a total bitch. I told her to frick off.
TJBM likes to collect pretty buttons.

No? Do people collect buttons. I did use to collect rocks when I was younger… I was (and still am) pretty weird! I’ve been watching this show called Atypical- it’s about this Autistic guy who is trying to get a girlfriend. It’s soooo good wow.
TJBM will recommend another good TV show

I’m not a good source for that. I don’t watch a lot of TV shows. You see, I kind of live in one. It’s called The Last Resort. LOL. People come down here to live in order to get away from various things, mostly. Enemies, Debts, Family, the Law, modern society in general. Even if the creative minds of the entertainment industry could write half the shit that goes on down here, they wouldn’t be able to show it on TV. Not yet, anyway.

But I used to watch TV. I liked Yes, Prime MInister. Things like that. But that’s probably pretty outdated now.

TJBM will recommend another good TV show for AmIMoreThan… uh, AmIMoreThanYouBargai,,, Man, you gotta shorten that name.

My grandmother collected buttons. She was one thrifty gal, saving buttons, zippers, and other parts of worn old clothing for when she made something new, or for repairs. She was a farmer’s wife, and mother of two wild spirited boys. There were always repairs.
She did like pretty buttons though, and liked to have lots on hand so if she made something fancy she had a batch to choose from.

EC, now you have me intrigued. Just what DOES go on down there? That is the tv show I want. You MUST write some of it out for us.
TJBM will be EC with a great story from his niche, or a jelly who will join me in prompting him.

When I first got down here, I met another American about my age down at the harbor. I just by chance drew the slip next to his in a really small, really fine, little known live-in marina on Dominica. I pulled in about sunset and this guy comes out on the dock, stands there, scans my pretty 42-foot sloop carefully, then watches as I tie onto the cleats. “Not bad,” he says in a deep southern drawl. “But if you wanna see a real sailboat, all ya gotta do is look about ten feet over there.” He points to his boat, a beautiful, 55-foot, long -distance Pierson, altered as a gaff-rigged yawl. “A vodka tonic and curried goat come with the free tour.”

I had been out all week, sailing down from the Virgins and living off fish risotto, fish head soup and filet of any fish I could snag with a line. The idea of red meat—any kind of red meat—made the fire sprinklers in my mouth activate. And I was beat. There was no way I was going to make any effort toward a meal. that night. It was either this guy’s vodka tonic and goat, or risotto and the sack. It wasn’t a difficult decision at all.

“And put on a nice shirt with a collar, so’s ya don’t scare mah girlfriend.”

I looked up at him for the first time. LOL. This guy was dressed just like some Thurston Howell the Third, complete with big, fringy, reed sombrero and a bloody umbrella sticking out of his Tom Collins glass.

*

I’m beat guys. I’ll continue this tomorrow. It’s about one of the most fascinating guys I’ve ever met who introduced me to a crowd of fascinating people, mostly Americans and Europeans, who have found ways of living and making money off the grid and live the gypsy life on the water.

TJBM will please excuse me until tomorrow.

<Pulling out my hair>
Okay. I’ll wait, but not patiently.
TJBM wants the rest of the story, and soon.

Sorry. I was making way too many typos and misspellings to keep the flow of the story going. It will be better if I save it for when I’m better rested. .

Damn the typos, full speed ahead with the story. TJBM will tell us how the weather is in their neck of the boon docks.

This morning is absolutely splendid, overcast and around 70 something, maybe T-storms later but heating up again over the weekend. A nice respite from the grueling heat but now, we are n major red flag alert for lightening strike induced forest fires. Almost 300 strikes in one afternoon on Tues. Just can’t win.

TJBM slept in this morning.

Well damn, you’re lagging @Espiritus_Corvus . your audience awaits the continuation of your story. Nothing like story interruptus to leave one frustrated. Pffft! LOL

Yes I slept in. The weather is dreamy. And we have an attic fan. Guaranteed to keep you in bed!

TJBM feels guilty when they sleep in, even if it’s the attic fan’s fault.

No but it kinda messes u my day because it takes me longer to get moving. haha

TJBM is okay with Leslie Van Houtens parole approval.

I don’t know what I feel about that.
I know how I feel about being made to wait ALL DAY for a story I am very anxious to finish reading.
TJBM can crush a hurricane in the palm of their hand.

I kind of don’t think so.

TJBM has experienced a hurricane, or at least the aftermath.

If you have a few hurricanes you’re likely to experience the aftermath.

TJBM has experienced the aftermath.

I have. When I was a kid in Florida.

I have experienced hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes and floods.

TJBM will list the stuff they’ve experienced.

Okay – - Tsunami, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, wildfire, derecho winds, landslide, lava flow, ice storm, floods, haboob and blizzard.

TJBM has been in a place that had over 5 inches of rain in 24 hours or 36 inches of snow.

Yep, that’s common here in the Sierras.

TJBM knows a dog named Lenny. I just had a visit from Lenny the end of the road ranch dog. He is 15 years old and jogs 2 miles a day still.LOL

I only know Milo, Sam and Dave
TJBM is wondering what happened to @Espiritus_Corvus.

It’s a mystery when the mystery man will return. haha

TJBM knows that Giraffes only need 1.9 hours of sleep a day.

Well but like 12 times a day right? They can’t lay down. Well they can but they’re too vulnerable.

TJBM knows I want 12 hours of sleep a day.

My medication forces me into twelve hours sometimes. It is a heavy sleep too. I have no concept of time when I wake up. It could have been two hours or four days.
TJBM can hear sirens outside right now.

LOL. I think I’m about to break the TJBM record. for the longest post ever.

*

When I first got down here, I met another American about my age down at the harbor. I just by chance drew the slip next to his in a really small, really fine, little known live-in marina on Dominica. I pulled in about sunset and this guy comes out on the dock, stands there, scans my pretty 42-foot sloop carefully, and then watches as I tied onto the cleats.

“Not bad,” he says in a deep southern drawl. “But if you wanna see a real sailboat, all ya gotta do is look about ten feet over there.” He pointsed to his boat, a beautiful, 55-foot, long-distance Pierson, altered as a gaff-rigged yawl.

“A vodka tonic and curried goat come with the free tour.”

I had been out all week, sailing down from the Virgins and living off fish risotto, fish head soup and filet of any fish I could snag with a line. The idea of red meat—any kind of red meat—made the fire sprinklers in my mouth activate. And I was beat. There was no way I was going to make any effort toward a meal that night. It was either this guy’s vodka tonic and goat, or risotto and the sack. It wasn’t a difficult decision at all.

“And put on a nice shirt with a collar, so’s ya don’t scare mah girlfriend.”

I looked up at him for the first time. LOL. This guy was dressed just like some Thurston Howell the Third, complete with big, fringy, reed sombrero and a bloody umbrella sticking out of his Tom Collins glass.

*

It turned out that he’d seen my Florida ensign on the flagstaff at my stern as I was coming in. We had a lot in common; we’d both lived in the Miami area, we’d both worked in medicine and we’d both been around a bit; he in Southeast Asia and Central America, me in Western Europe and the East Bloc.

That night after dinner, over black rum and cohibas, he told me about being a Special Forces medic in Vietnam. Tiger Stripes, long-range reconnaissance patrols, the “Lerps”. LOL. I’d spent the war on a 2-S as a liberal arts major. But I’d heard about these guys from my brother who did two tours as an Army combat medic. They called them “snake eaters” because they spent the war on recon assignments, deep behind enemy lines, living in trees and eating whatever crawled past them. It was a term of respect. I was interested in his field-expedient medical skills and I wasn’t disappointed. When I told him about my 2-S, he chuckled, poured me another drink and said, “Well, you got a lot better pussy in those years than I ever did.”

I came to find out that he wasn’t much of a sailor. He’d somehow bought this boat in Florida, had some kid sail it to this dock on Dominica, then he flew down and handed the kid his ticket back home. I spent the next few months showing him, and a long train of his girlfriends, how to sail his vessel on short hops to nearby islands. Turns out he was one helluva standup guy, as were most of his friends from back home, a few of whom had bought sailboats and were already here when he arrived. It was pretty obvious to me that he’d been in some scrapes and very possibly was hiding from something back home like half the guys down here. The first clue was that he insisted on going by the hokey nick-name of “Tennessee.” Sounded like he’d been watching too many Daniel Boone re-runs. But you don’t ever ask about shit like that. You take a person at face value down here.

One night, off of a small island between Guadeloupe and Dominica, we were shooting the shit over some black rum and coffee. We were catching quite a buzz. Somehow we got to talking about robbing banks. LOL. He seemed to know way too much about robbing banks. “Well, the first thing ya gotta do is, ya gotta determine if it’s a commercial bank, or a regular savings bank.” I asked him why. “Wall, first of all, a commercial bank keeps a lot more money up front, ‘cuz that’s whar businesses deposit their receipts at the end of the day. Fridays are best, cuz some o’ them deposit a whole week’s receipts on Friday. But ya gotta pick one in the downtown area of a small town, cuz ya want a lotta foot traffic.”

“Why is that?” I asked. I just wanted to keep him talking. This was getting interesting.

“Wall, that’s cuz ya wanna be able ta blend in real good when ya leave the bank.” He was enjoying talking about this. It was pretty obvious that he’d been giving bank robbing a lot of thought.

“See what you do is, ya dress like a regular guy like ya see on the news. Jeans, plaid shirt, baseball cap, shit like that.”

“Yeah, but I always had a problem with the gun thing,” I said. “Would you pack a gun?”

“Sure. But I never had ta use it.”

Whoa. I looked at him and laughed. “How many fuckin’ banks did you rob, man?”

“Fifty-two. But they only got me for one.”

When he came back from Nam, he went to sit station in Panama, then when the Sandinista thing in Nicaragua blew up, they sent him to San Salvador to train mercenaries to supplement the Samosa government troops to fight the Sandinista rebels. The highlight of all this for him was the week he and his men built a bridge across a stream between two villages. It was supposed to be a humanitarian project, but really it was about gaining trust in order to recruit young men of an anti-communist bent into the counter-revolutionary army. His platoon worked closely with civilian CIA advisors, the feared “La Cia.”

When a snake eater has so much experience and is getting too old to work the field, they are often offered a slot as field operatives for the CIA. After Nicaragua and the whole Hassenfuss thing, Tennessee had just about had it with black ops, and besides, his knees were blown. He refused the CIA, bought his ticket home to Tennessee, took over his father’s Optometry business, married, had two kids and a nice house in the burbs. But that life damn near drove him crazy. He said it was like going on set everyday playing a character he couldn’t quite understand. His wife died of ovarian cancer in the mid 90’s. His oldest, a daughter, got her master’s in art history at UT and married a pediatritian. His youngest, a son, was still in high school when Tennessee found himself research bank robberies late at night on the net.

This was the deal. He’d find a commercial bank in the right town, research it’s holdings, its average daily receipts, look into its employee policies, job descriptions, etc. It was all on the net. Then he’d fly in, rob the bank and go to Vegas for a week. Then he’s catch a plane back home to the optometry business. Usually the take was between $20k to $50. The largest was $180,000. He bought a new car every once in awhile, upgraded his home and office, but always dealt in cash. He never deposited his loot into a bank, he never bought stocks. He never left a paper trail. He never bought anything too far outside the income of a successful optometrist. As far as anybody knew, including his kids and secretary, he was just another widowed professional blowing off steam in Vegas a few times a year. But he did contribute to his own defense fund which totaled more than a million dollars by the time he got caught.

An army buddy of his, a member of his LRRP platoon in Vietnam, had left the service after ten years, used his GI-Bill to get a law degree and became a successful defense lawyer in Memphis. They had kept in touch over the years and it was this guy Tennessee planned to use as a defense lawyer if and when he got caught. Brothers in arms. You can’t get much tighter than that. The army pal didn’t know anything about Tennessee’s extra curricular activities, of course.

So, he flies into Tampa, Florida one day, rents a car with fake IDs and drives up to the small town of Brooksville. He cases out the bank he had chosen a week before. It’s perfect. Lots of foot traffic. And right across the street is a café with a big window looking out onto the bank. He goes to his motel and about an hour before closing puts on a mustache, wig, cap, plaid shirt, jeans and Reboks. All his clothes are velcro’d on like stage clothes. He grabs a gym bag and a large briefcase, goes to an alley beside the bank and drops off one of the gym bags. He goes into the bank, hands spots the teller most likely not to freak out, hands them a note threatening to come back and shoot everybody in sight if there is a dye pack in the bills, discretely brandishes his gun, scrapes the money into his gym bag, walks calmly out of the bank, into the alley. There, he opens the briefcase, pulls out a pair of nice khaki slacks with a built-in belt, a collared shirt already buttoned, a clip-on tie, a pair loafers, tears off the clothes he’s wearing, gets dressed, switches the money to the briefcase along with the gym bag and calmly walks to the café, takes a seat at the window, and orders a sandwich and coffee.

Robbing an FDIC insured bank is a federal crime, so he knows that the feds will show up and pretty much take the crime scene, including the tapes, out of the hands of the local cops. At that moment there is often confusion and the search for the robber in the immediate vicinity is usually called off. It can take up to an hour and a half for the feds to get their shit together and make the trip from Tampa to Brooksville. Plenty of time to watch the brouhaha across the street over a meal and coffee. When the feds show up, they are usually shown around the outside of the bank and then go inside. At this point, Tennessee walks to his car a block away, drives back to the airport in Tampa and catches a plane for Vegas. Has a good time for a few days, then flies home to Tennessee.

By this time, his son was living in a dormitory as a freshman at UT. One night he and his buddies are going out on a pub crawl, but they are short of cash. So, they get the bright idea to photograph both sides of twenty dollar bill and print some out on a laser printer. They get busted at the first pub they go to. To their surprise, the feds are called in and they all end up being interrogated down at the city jail. They ratted each other out in seconds.

The conversation with Tennessee’s son went something like this:

“But, I swear to God, it was just a joke. We had real money on us. The bartender is just being a prick. I’m an honors student at UT, for chrissakes. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

“You tried to pass bad money. That’s all that counts in the real world, kid. And that can get you a few years at USP. Real years, for bad money. No college, no football games, no girls, no nothing. It’s over. You fucked up.

“No. I’m not. I need to call my dad’s friend. He’s a lawyer.”

“OK. No problem. Call him. By the way, how is your old man? Has he made any trips to Vegas lately?”

TJBM actually read all of this.

Coooooooooo ull.
TJBM will admit it was worth the wait.

I read the whole tale, and it was worth it. Now it’s time for shower and bedtime for this bozo.

TJBM will say goodnight for me.

Goodnight!
It’s 7 am here
TJBM lives in a different timezone

Atlantic Standard Time (AST), which is the same as Eastern Daylight Time until they switch back to Eastern Standard Time on Nov. 5th.

TJBM already knew that.

Proof that we are that close.
And I read the whole thing EC. But hey, so the feds knew who robbed that bank? And what happened to the guy then?
TJBM is dying of suspense.

You answers will be answered in the next chapter. I’ll have it for you tonight. That thing got way too long for TJBM and I didn’t want to labor guys and have you groan the next time I threaten to tell a story, so I broke it up into another chapter and hopefully kept you hanging a bit.

TJBM will tell me if they’ve ever in their life heard of an 8.4 earthquake before?

I’m not sure. My brain mixes numbers up since my accident. I can remember my own phone number and address now, but I have to stop a moment, so I don’t invert any digits. LA had one in the late 90’s which was stunning, but I don’t recall just what it rated. I am thinking 8.1 or 8.4, but that could be wrong.
TJBM knows when Yellostone will blow, or, how they can take measures to prevent or delay it. Pressure runoff valve?

I know it could blow again pretty much at any time and I don;t think there is any way to prevent it. I also know it could claim 90,000 lives and that a huge, secondary chamber deep underground was discovered that holds enough molten lava to fill the Grand Canyon 11 times over! It would be a wild event.

TJBM is looking forward to the Crows next chapter in the novel called ” The Truth is Stranger Than Fiction.”

I AM! And spoiler alert: I have some top-secret information about the story. I won’t disclose here but the story will be really bittersweet, a story that will make you unable to know what to feel and question the very concept of morality. EC is in need of your support to finish this saga.
TJBM will send support to EC.

LOL. Shut up, Mimi

Of course, but it might come in the form of whips and spurs if he doesn’t fulfill his audiences craving for the next installment soon. My whips and spurs and @Mimishu1995 ‘s machine gun. LOL

TJBM will take part in the great Crow hostage taking caper.

Absolutely!
Vee haff vays off meckink you write!
Hey, anybody willing to give my new game a try? I just posted Jelly Jeopardy. I am counting on you guys to make it fun.
TJBM will check it out.

I will, right now.

TJBM likes Jeopardy.

LOL. Man, you broke THE ONLY RULE. You have to respond in the form of a question, and you didn’t post a clue for the next person.
But, I applaud your eagerness.
TJBM knows these games sometimes take a little getting used to.
LOL, feathers please. My dear Coloma.

Well shit..I am not fully brain awake yet, okay, that’s what I figured, back to the board. LOL

TJBM will come to the game room too.

Hey, you got right back on that horse. Good one! It will get rolling when we work out the bugs.
I tried to post links for those unfamiliar with Jeopardy, but it won’t let them be shared.
I left it with the assumption that the category is potpourri, but if players want to try throwing in categories, we could see if that marches. I think it would be best to wait for that though.
@Mimishu1995, I will PM you with better details.
TJBM will have lunch with me now. I am heating a sloppy joe. What are you having?

Mmm..haven’t had a sloppy Joe in years. I just had PB on toast with a bananer.
Late breakfast, not sure what I will have later for a late lunch or dinner.

TJBM is observant and notices small details.

Sometimes. Once I was driving the kids to school and I said, “Look at the Morning Glories growing through that fence!”
My daughter said, “Mom, how do you always see those things? You just notice all this little cool stuff.”
I thought about that and finally concluded that at that point in my life looking for beauty anywhere, no matter how small, is part of what kept me sane. That and laughing whenever I got the chance.

TJBM knows that the right attitude can carry them through when nothing else is available to do it.

Absolutely. Just remember, that person drIving like an assholes is probably having a real bad day.

TJBM has faced the brunt of someone else’s bad day.

Oh, man. The Title of that chapter in my life was Doctors Behaving Badly.

TJBM has had to patiently put up with superiors’ bad behavour.

Yeah, well, “patiently” is a problem for me.
Story, for those in the mood. Others skip down to tjbm.
Whilst in the Navy, I crewed aboard a YP, known to some as yippees.
I was a seaman, shared my YP with a Craftmaster (petty officer) and a snipe (engineman, petty officer)
My particular craftmaster was a fiercly competetive sibling of two or three other petty officers of the USN. They all tried to best each other in awards, quickest advancement, etc.
My snipe was a laid back southern boy who found my craftmaster’s creases and attitude amusing. He told a fib about me one day to piss of said craftmaster just so he could derive amusement from me getting chewed out. Well, when that man (feisty, but short, eye to eye with me) approached me, I was on deck, in full view and earshot of the entire division.
He screamed at me, his eyes and neck veins bulging to startling degree.
He finished with, “Get to work, Patty, and not ine word out of you, OR I WILL FLATTEN YOU RIGHT HERE.”
Music to my ears. In the military, if a superior physically attacks you, you have the right to pretty much do anything but kill them, and sometimes that is okay. I smiled. His face was narrow centimeters from mine. I said, “Please”, with a smile on my face.
He suddenly looked like a steam roller parked on his jewel case.
He sputtered, “I mean it Patty, one more word!” Then he stomped away.
I found out how the snipe had instigated the assault, and got him to admit it to the boss.
I never got an apology.
TJBM has apologized to an inanimate object.

No. I only shouted at objects for displeasing me like a spoilt boss.
TJBM has seen superiors’ stupidity but chose to ignore it.

Oh yes, bite my tongue, hard enough to make it bleed. LOL

TJBM sometimes sits in traffic and wishes everyone would just disappear, like a Twilight Zone episode.

Augh! All those empty cars! Lol.
TJBM likes to make faces at their mirror.

Not any more, don’t like looking at my old face. TJBM is watching the radar developments on hurricane closely.

No. I am watching some new stand up comedy, keep it light. LOL

TJBM has been to a comedy store.

Yes. I bought two jokes and a pratfall. Bah dump!
TJBM is ready for cake.

I don’t want cakes! I want ice-cream! <Whining>
TJBM is a spoilt boss.

No. Fine, have ice cream, or both.
TJBM wants both.

Always, but neither likes me.

The Jelly Below Me does not own a car.

False, I own a car, my old reliable ‘Silver.” haha

TJBM names their cars.

We keep talking about it, but never come up with a name that fits.

TJBM lives in a hurricane zone.

No. I just live in the burning bed of the west. Not to make light of all the Hurricane action but I wish we would get a Hurricane to douse all the fires out west here.

TJBM has blue suede shoes.

Once, long ago, I had a pair of blue suede sneakers!

TJBM will not step on them.

Step on your toes Strauss? Never! :-)

TJBM is a hot mess.

More like damp and cool after my swim on a day with a high of 64 F.

TJBM enjoys reading this thread more than posting in it.

__

(I just got new blue suede hush puppies – suhhhweeet)

One for the money…
Two for the show..
Three to get ready, now
Go, cat, go!

Sometimes

TJBM is sometimes at a loss for words.

Rarely but yes, sometimes.

TJBM has a secret.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL87sHjXlVU

TJBM sometimes wishes life was like a Doris Day movie.

Haha…well, maybe, as long as I didn’t have to burst into song every 12 minutes. LOL

TJBM wishes they had magical powers , like being able to make traffic disappear with a twitch of their nose. haha

How about the ability to copy-paste every image in my head? That would be useful for lots of things.
TJBM wonders where @Espiritus_Corvus went…

EC is here. I’ve been on lamb nursing duty for the past 36 hours and taking down and storing all the hurricane prep stuff. It’s kinda like Candlemas around here, when they traditionally take down the Christmas decorations, only not as much fun and a lot more serious. And some of this stuff is pretty heavy.

Getting ready once again to sail to Montserrat as soon as the coasties take down the storm warning flags. But now we have yet another potential tropical storm building at 6°N off the African coast. I should have time to cover the 225mi/360km before the flags come out again if I leave on Monday. It’s OK to get caught at sea by one of these storms, but if you set under those flags, you might have problems getting the insurance companies to pay for damages. This time of year, storms pop out of Africa like cars on an assembly line. So…

I’ll finish the story tomorrow night, if you guys are still interested.

TJBM is beat after a long week.

Dog tired and bone weary. But I get that way even after a slow week. TJBM will have pancakes for breakfast in the morning.