What would you do if you found out that a friend, who was cheating on his wife (also your friend) had gotten another woman pregnant?

Rotten situation, no doubt about it. But my advice is just stay out of it. I don’t consider myself a tower of morality by any means, but if I was aware of something like that, and I found it to be, in my opinion, questionable or distasteful, I’d just distance myself from both parties.

I would not do any the above either. I would not send a gift or acknowledgement of the happy family, since he had been dishonest to me as a friend. It isn’t a matter of “siding with the ex wife” as much as it a statement on his contempt for a friendship.

My relationship with the ex wife would depend on how it was before I became aware of the truth of the situation; I would neither increase or decrease interaction with her.

I would not acknowledge it in any way, shape or form. I think it’s pretty nervy of them to send out birth announcements to people that knew him as half of a different couple that he cheated on.

It’s none of my business. So I would stay out of it.

To me, these birth announcements (sent to certain people, anyway) are kind of a trial balloon to determine who may or may not still be riding on ‘The Friendship Train’ with him.

Sounds to me like you aren’t.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive, or maybe I should say conceive. haha
I’d just ignore the jackass and be there for your friend. What he did was really shitty, no doubt about it, but I doubt any explanation on his part would make much difference.

I would disassociate myself from that “friend.”

I told a lot of my friends over the years that if they ever thought about cheating don’t share it with me as I will not be a cover for your lying, cheating, duplicity. Nope. Do not EVER say you are with me when you are out cheating, I will not keep your dirty little secrets.

I wouldn’t even acknowledge it.

People rarely like having their mistakes or poor decisions rubbed in their face.

(Even if they do kind of deserve it.)

So far, I have not acknowledged him, or his deeds. I prefer to be disgusted in private.

It’s the right things to do @Kardamom. IMO. in the interests of manners and politeness. IMO

Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
Every man has his price.
Everything is for sale, even friendship.
The answer is ‘blackmail’.

I have no obligation to do anything pertaining to their personal matter. I also wouldn’t rush to judge other people so quickly just by relying on the meager information I have from just one party.

If she’s my best friend (and we usually have no problem being blantantly honest with each others) I would say that she’s a fool, a foolish fool, how come she’s still wallowing in self-pity, it’s useless to cry and whine and it’s time to take legal actions against her soon-to-be ex-husband. Make sure she gets her assets in full and any sort of marriage termination or spousal supports. Think from different perspective, she should be happy that her husband finally show his true color, just imagine living another 30 to 40 years with someone that cheat behind you and you must endure living with constant anxiety and pretend you actually enjoy your blissful inertia. The divorce happen so soon that she still have chance to start her live from scratch all over again with other different, better person.

And if the cheater is my friend too, I won’t say a word to him but I will listen to his explanation. Who knows he actually had a ‘valid’ reason to betray her wife (such as the relationship isn’t working anymore and he has asked for divorce but the wife keep on refusing). It wouldn’t hurt to congratulate the baby. The baby doesn’t do anything wrong just because of what his/her parents do.

I’d be curious to see if the male reaches out to you personally to say hi and possibly explain what happened. What you heard is from one side and his side seems to be unknown.

If it were me in your position, I’d not take a firm stance on “I’m not atttending any celebrations” or anything like that. I’d leave it open to seeing how I felt if he should invite you to something.

What it seems like happens when a couple divorces is that some friends go with one spouse and some friends go with the other. Maybe you’d remain close with the ex-wife and less close with the cheating husband. Only time will tell. It’s a difficult situation but probably not an uncommon one.

I disagree with @Unofficial_Member when they say “your friend is a fool, a foolish fool and they should stop crying and whining and wallowing in self pity.” It’s easy to say how someone else “should” feel, but feelings are always valid adn not always driven by logic. She is going through mourning for her relationship and for what she felt her family would conssit of, and unless she’s still crying over it years down the road, I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to imply she should just snap out of it.

@jca It’s not wrong to relish in such feelings but it’s also not wrong to encourage someone to start making smart moves soon as time is of essence here. The relation has ended. Period. There’s nothing to salvage from it. I would love her to take the time to calm her feelings, yes it’s important, but if she keeps on imagining and hoping that her husband will come back to her and everything will be like it used to be instead of fixing this mess well, I will make her snap the heck out of it (especially if she’s a drama queen).

@Unofficial_Member: I’m not saying she should spend time hoping the hubby will come back and everything will be like it used to be, but her feelings of upsetness, anger and mourning are valid and may take time to get over. It’s easy for us to play armchair quarterback and say she should get over it quickly but her feelings are her feelings. She can definitely seek legal help while going through the mourning process.

@Unofficial_Member I don’t think you read the whole thing. OP said the new happy couple with the baby are now married, so the divorce has already happened. Also, I didn’t read anywhere that the woman is crying and whining and wallowing in self pity or is a drama queen. The OP said the wife “tearfully” confessed her husband was cheating on her six months ago.
The question is “should the OP acknowledge the cheaters new baby.”

Stay out of it. We are not in a position to become moral judges of what other people does, even if we think it’s horribly wrong, that the person is as fake as three dollar bill, even if we know the people involved, we just let it be and let life take its course.

I remember my best friend confided in me that he was cheating on his girlfriend (now wife) with his ex (whom I liked so very much). I profoundly dislike the woman he married, however, I will take his confession to my grave.

She’s not trying to “get into” anything @flameboi. She’s trying to decide whether to acknowledge a birth announcement she received recently, from the ex husband and his new girlfriend (the one he cheated with.)

I forgot to ask, were you closer to the wife than to the husband?

I was equally close to both of them. The husband used to go out of town a lot for work. Our other female friend (who the wife ultimately confided in) her husband also travels a lot for work, so we all took care of each other, babysitting, shopping, and keeping company with each other, when the hubbies (who work in completely different industries and are gone at different times) were out of town.

The husband seemed to be a beacon of respectablity in our neighborhood.

I initially found out that he was cheating about 6 months before the nuclear family abruptly moved half way across the country. Although at the time, I didn’t realize what I was seeing.

The cheating “girlfriend” who I knew as a mutual friend of the couple, tagged the cheating husband a few times with pictures of the 2 of them and a whole bunch of other people on a trip. When you tag someone, all their friends get to see it. I don’t think everyone realizes that. At the time, I didn’t realize that what I was seeing. They were off, away from town, having an affair.

Around the same time, my friend (the wife) started seeming to be sad and depressed. She chalked it up to her husband working many more days out of town. She knew then that he was having an affair. I didn’t know anything about it. She later confided to our mutual friend, well after the fact, that she was ashamed and saddened that her husband was cheating on her, but she knew how much we cared for him, and didn’t want to sully his reputation. I feel sick about it now.

The husband, also my friend, was always kind and helpful to us and our neighbors. We spent tons of time with both of them and their little girl over tje 10 years we knew them.

Then one day they abruptly moved away. It was very confusing and seemed really weird at the time. She left ahead of him with their child to attend a family event. It was while she was away that the husband told us they were moving for his job. She never came back. And she never contacted us until 8 months later.

He told us that they’d been having problems and were seeing a counselor. When they moved away, he said she was getting her own place. He did not provide her address. She did not contact us until 8 months after they moved away.

It was all very shady and murky. The wife finally confided in our mutual friend that the husband had been cheating on her, when she found out, she had become depressed, and ashamed, and didn’t want to say anything against him. I got the feeling that he had kind of gaslighted her.

Then yesterday we got the birth notice. He mentioned his “new” wife, so obviously, he divorced his first wife. Doing the math shows that he got her pregnant while he was still married to my friend.

So basically, both the husband and the wife were dear friends, until they abruptly left town. We found out the truth in drips and drabs.

The child is at least 2 months old, because the “new wife” again tagged the husband, probably not realizing that everyone could see the baby pictures, and our smiling friend at this woman’s side in the hospital. You get the picture.

It’s all just sickening.

It is heartbreaking. And I bet my bottom dollar she does know who can see those pictures. It’s possible she’s rubbing it in to the exwife’s face.

I can’t imagine sending a cheerful “Congratulations!” card under those circumstances.

Let us know what you decide.

I’m guessing what @Dutchess_III is guessing: that the cheater girlfriend/now wife is tagging on purpose so all his friends can see it all.

I probably would have texted the friend when she moved away and said “Hey, Bob said you moved. I didn’t know you were planning to move. I hope you’re ok.” and then see what she said.

I have my FB settings so that people I tag can see the photos but their friends can’t. Nothing more annoying than a million notifications and then when I look to see who commented, it’s people I don’t know.

I’d do nothing. I don’t concern myself with other people affairs. Nor do I congratulate or celebrate people having babies.

@jca, I did text the wife, but I didn’t hear anything from her for 8 months. I think she was completely devastated. I’m pretty sure she was gaslighted by her husband.

It’s so sad, because they were the nicest people when they were here, or so it seemed, but I guess it shows you that you can never know what is really going on with people.

Oh, by the way, just before I logged on, “the new wife” just tagged the cheating husband with a bunch of pictures of them with their baby, looking like they are a happy newlywed couple, not mentioning the fact that their situation is the result of screwing someone over.

My friend, the original wife, deleted her Facebook account shortly before the departure. I’m sure she witnessed the whole ugly affair being “tagged” out in front of her. It’s sickening.

That is so horrific to me. I wouldn’t have a thing to do with such low lifes.

People do let us down, are not what they always seem or say they are. I’m afraid that is life. If you feel sickened by their issues then stay away. Friendship in my book should be honest and inspiring, if it’s not it’s time to say goodbye.