How do I reconcile wedding costs with my desire to help the world?

There is not a thing wrong with thinking about yourself occasionally, especially on your wedding day. It sounds like you are already doing what you can to make the world a better place.

You will do far more to ‘help the world’ by having a regular daily policy of being kind to and respectful of others, and recognizing what is right….and what is not.

Money is nice. A continuing habit of thoughtfulness toward others is far better.

Anyway, congratulations…...and have a nice wedding…..

It’s their money.
They may see things differently than you do about how they want to spend it.
I think it is similar to gift giving.
I like shopping for gifts for people. I don’t like it when they tell me what to buy them as a gift.
I wouldn’t let it worry me.

Like they say before every airplane flight: “Attend to your own mask before assisting others.”

You are making a big life change. Do what you need to do to make it stable. Then feel free to help others.

If you feel strongly about it, have a more modest wedding and ask your family if you can donate the rest of the money to one of your causes. It is still possible to have a nice wedding but not spend a fortune. Simpler food, an outdoor venue, a local band or iPod music, homemade favors…..

Another idea would be to have the wedding paid for but put it out that instead of gifts, you’d like guests to contribute to X charity in your name. Or if you get monetary gifts, keep some and donate some.

Another idea is to skip something – like flowers on the tables – and to put a placard saying that instead of flowers, you have made a donation to Greenpeace or wherever.

I had a similar dilemma when I bought my Mini last year but was able to up my donations to assuage some guilt.

And Mazel Tov! I’ve met your groom and you will be very happy together. Keep us in the loop!

Well, maybe it’s just me but if you are getting gifts to help get your marriage off on good footing, giving the money away seems a bit unappreciative. Think of giving a sweater to your mom or anyone else and when asked if they liked it, they said they gave it to Goodwill.

Have your day and donate what you want from your savings but not from gifts. Or as @janbb said, you can ask for donations in your name. I just donated $500 to Trump’s reelection campaign in your name. Enjoy.

Charity begins at home. You can’t “save the world”, but you can do what you can while also believing YOU deserve some help and fun on occasion too. Not anything to feel guilty about. Enjoy your wedding and rest assured the world isn’t going to go belly up if you don’t contribute to any causes for a few months.

Don’t have children.

Your family is donating to you, so you can have a beautiful wedding, guilt-free.

Don’t get into the trap of thinking you have to donate yourself into destitution to do some good in the world.

Have a beautiful day, have fun, and wait until after the honeymoon to shoulder the world’s burdens again. You deserve a festival day.

It’s amazing to me that your family is helping out like that. I’d say honor their wishes. There is plenty of time in your life to donate.

@Dutchess_III Why is it surprising to you that a young woman’s parents want to help pay for her wedding?

Don’t worry, if you serve food at the reception and take enough trouble to ensure that all of the ingredients are fair-traded or locally sourced, organic, low-carb, non-allergenic, whole and holistic, catered by illegal aliens (in a sanctuary city) whom you elect to pay a living wage, there won’t be enough to provide enough to satisfy everyone, anyway.

They’ll feel like they didn’t provide enough.

@longgone Congrats!

People act like weddings are for the couple, but weddings are for families in the same way funerals are for the living. If your combined families want or need a wedding, then there is kindness is making that happen. You can focus on bringing people together rather than the extravagance you’re trying to avoid.

There are some excellent suggestions above regarding how to turn that into more good as well. Those will help put your mark on the wedding.

@longgone and congrats again!

I think @josie & @LuckyGuy are on point.

Your wedding is one of the most important events in your life. Enjoy it to the max. This is part of the recipe for happiness and a fulfilled life, as is charity. And you’re not much good to anybody if you aren’t happy and content with your own life.

Take this day, make it your very own, be happy and count your blessings.

Congratulations, @longgone

You could also take the pledge if that will assuage your conscience. Maybe you could get others to take it, too!

@janbb, it’s not the custom in my family. Nobody helps anyone with anything.

@Dutch Thanks for answering my question.

Need to correct…in my immediate family, which is me and the kids, we help each other out.

There are thousands of little ways to help in our everyday lives, doesn’t always have to be some big thing. It’s the little things that count the most anyway.

I agree with your unease about an expensive reception. Isnt it all just some capitalistic flex of familial wealth and suitability? The reception has replaced the dowry.

That said, good luck changing your family’s minds about what a “proper” wedding is.. take the offer. It’s not like it goes to charity if you don’t accept it, and it’s not like you can ask them to give it to someone else. They are offering because they have a certain idea of what weddings should be and want to contribute to that goal.

An idea: have a cash bar where profits go to a charity.

Another idea: agree beforehand that every gift you receive which you don’t like gets returned, cashed out and donated.

You can’t suggest to someone that you might not like their gift!

@Dutchess_III – you can suggest it to your soon to be spouse though

Why would a soon-to-be-spouse give a wedding present at his or her own wedding?

@Dutchess_III – not sure if serious ~

@funkdaddy – yes, that. You agree with your partner that that’s what you’ll do. Obviously you don’t announce it, or the insecurity and overthinking you’ll inflict on people will make the whole thing an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

It’s up to you how modest your reception is. You can uphold your commitment to social responsibility by keeping things simple. Also, ask guests not to give you gifts, but to make donations to charities you support.

Congratulations @longgone! While I commend your desire to avoid excess, don’t forget this is one of the most important days in your life. It should be a celebration. Don’t let your desire to avoid excess take away from the fun and wonder of this day. Your family and friends want to show their love and support for you both. Austerity has its place, but you can allow yourselves a wonderful day too. Enjoy. You will hopefully only do this once.

My view of weddings and offers of money are fairly simple. The wedding industry is a $70B+ a year industry. The wedding is all about two people wanting to hitch their fates together for their lives. It isn’t about flowers, dresses, cakes, reception halls, booze, limos or any of the other trappings that go along with it. It IS a time of celebration…time to celebrate the joy of two people and a time for wishing them happiness in this next phase of their lives together. People give gifts as a way of helping the couple start their lives together on a good foot. So my answer to you would be for you and your future spouse to figure out what you want as your celebration and make it about you. If you don’t want all the bells and whistles, don’t feel obliged to get them. You family wants to make you as happy as they can. It is all about you. You can have a simple wedding and reception and ask for people to donate to your charity as a gift instead of getting you a toaster or set of champagne glasses you will never use. It is nice your family wants to give you money to help with the cost of the wedding and I certainly wouldn’t snub that, but make it plain to them the cost you are looking at and what YOUR wishes are.

Actually, they’re offering to help with the cost of the reception, not so much the wedding itself. And that’s nice. Receptions are probably half the cost of an entire wedding, if not more.

We decided to ask for donations to charities as wedding gifts – OneTreePlanted and others like that.

For those who are curious: The reception already is fairly small (family and close friends).

Thank you, everyone! I’m getting pretty excited.

When? When?

^ Tomorrow.

Oh oh oh!!

@longgone! That’s wonderful. Have a fabulous, memorable day. If you feel able, I’m sure we’d all love to see a photo or two. I’m so happy for you both!

I want to see a hundred photos!

I laughed when I first heard this but it becomes truer every year:

“The length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding”

My wedding to Rick was ~$500. We’ve been together for 18 years now.