How do I pretend to be happy, when I just want to break down and cry?

Why is it necessary to be “happy.” Not that I want you to be depressed and an emotional wreck, but I think you certainly can be sad about how you know you will miss him, and I’m sure it won’t be any surprise to anyone that you’ll worry about him, he is your son after all, and he’ll be far away. Try try not to be overly paranoid about the whole NK thing. I like to think Kim Jong-un is doing a lot of posturing, much like what our own president has done. He has to know his country would be pummeled if he did anything really crazy.

I guess you can be happy about seeing him in the present, in the moment, and do something you know he will enjoy, even if it’s just a favorite meal or playing a board game. You’re a mom. You’ll be able to put on a smile for his benefit so he doesn’t have to worry too much about you. He doesn’t need that burden.

If you believe in drug therapy you could get a Xanax to calm you down. From a doctor, I’m not recommending trying to get one from a friend.

Remind yourself that a show of fear increases risk to him.
He needs his own mind to be clear of worry for you.

Trust him, that he is skilled, and will always make the right move.

Remember that even if activity gets rough, it doesn’t necessarily mean he would see any of it up close.

I remember the first day of kindergarten, and stressing all day how my child would do. It isn’t the same, I know, but mommies can’t help but worry. We have to be strong enough to step back and let our offspring venture to what awaits them.

@JLeslie, your right. For now I don’t have to suck it in. Maybe if I let it all out before he comes, I’ll be better able to handle his hello and good bye.
@Patty_Melt It’s not that I don’t think he isn’t well prepared but rather he will be in a target area for any nuclear weapons if both NK and the US get stupid. Neither inspire confidence. And no one is ready for a nuclear bomb. There is no such thing.
I trust him to take care of himself. I just don’t trust the fools with weapons of mass destruction. There isn’t a thing he can do about that.
I just wish he was going to be stationed somewhere like Australia or nearby me. So if he gets blown up, I will be going right with him because I happen to be in the radius of the blast.

I agree with @JLeslie that perhaps it’s best not to pretend to be happy, and with you that you’ll likely be best off and best behaved if you let yourself have and express your reaction, at least to yourself or with friends who are supportive, to get that out. Pretending and suppressing feelings tends not to be for the best unless there’s a really good reason.

I have read that the people in South Korea are currently not particularly alarmed and are sure that the NK posturing and testing is just the same sort of thing they have done for decades and not an indication of an impending attack.

Yes, good advice and, don’t be so hard on yourself, you are his mother, any mother would be worried and allow her fears to come up. Showing your son your concern, shedding a few tears, fussing a bit like a mother hen, well that’s what moms DO! I am sure it will be okay. maybe focus on the great, amazing, homecoming party you will throw when he returns. :-D

My first thought was exactly @JL’s first sentence. You’re his mum. Your fears and feelings seem perfectly normal to me. I’m also pretty sure he knows you well enough to know you’ll be worried.

In saying all that, I’m sure you want him to leave without feeling worried about you. So let him know you’re worried, that you love him, but let him know you are also proud of him and that you respect him as a professional.

That’s about all you can do @Pandora. Let’s hope all of this unrest settles down soon.

Try to look at some of the positive sides.
First, for all the rhetoric, everyone knows it is bluster. Our tweeter-in-chief will not toss a nuke and their nut-in-shining-armor won’t do anything to provoke a real attack. Both want to live.
That out of the way, think of this as a wonderful adventure for your son.
Ask every person who has been over there in the past 20 years and they will tell you they enjoyed the visit. Walking in places like Itaewon and Namdaemun markets will feel like being on another planet. Tell your son to take lots of pictures and Skype/facetime/etc.regularly, Send him care packages. They are appreciated more than you realize.

This deployment will be over in a short time. All of you should try to get the most out of it.
Have you considered visiting as a tourist? That will help you understand the situation a little better.

I’m sure you are happy that your son is coming for a visit so you don’t have to pretend. His visit is much more real and much more likely than anything that might happen to him in Korea. Enjoy your son’s visit and don’t worry too much. Even about breaking down in tears.

I would add that fruit doesn’t normally fall far from the tree. With such a good Mom, he’s probably smart, and resourceful. Combine that with the fact that he will have the strongest military that the world has ever known watching his back. In addition, South Korea has been preparing for any conflict for decades. They won’t be invading North Korea. If anything they’ll be on defense. In studies of warfare, the attacker always has the disadvantage. South Korean strategy is currently to remove the Un regime with special operations units, if war becomes imminent. That would probably prevent all out war, if successful. And I believe that could work. It would create lots of non war related issues, but that’s for another thread.

He could be in far worse shape.

Chances are good, he has a good time, makes new friends, gets new experiences, and comes home to grow old and make babies.

FYI. While I might sound strong with my answer, for the record, I cried when I left my son at his college dorm, well aware it was the beginning of a wonderful experience.

Korea will be great for him. Really.

And… They probably have great Asian food there…

I empathize with you. It is hard to face. Sending a hug.

Gosh. Get it all out. Just breakdown and let it go. I do when I need to but I do it privately. It’s a purging that allows you to realize that you can go on.
I don’t see any reason to pretend you’re happy tho. I mean don’t dump on him with your fears or obsess, but no need to pretend.
I am sad that you feel this way. I like you SO much. You can off load on me if you want.