Is there a key to loving someone instantly? A reason?

Maybe you(r behaviorisms) remind them of their mothers?

Maybe they’re just trying to get in your pants.

@rebbel I wonder if thats true… is it mostly about the mothers? Was Freud right?

@darth haha no, it continues on if they do. Regardless wow, nice technique. Crying in someones arm to get them in bed!

A couple of things: first, what you are describing is not ”...loving someone instantly”. It may be they feel a connection with you, but that is not love, nor is it them feeling love from you.

Secondly, in a lot of dating situations, there is not apparent listening with empathy/understanding without judgment. You may have a skill that i snot common, where people feel they can trust you early on.

How to recreate it? Continue to listen with empathy and without judgment.

Also, people sometimes will tell incredibly personal shit to complete strangers.

As @zenvelo wrote, I don’t see opening up and being vulnerable as the same thing as loving someone instantly. Although, I do think there is a natural state of interpersonal love between people that shines through when we feel intimate connections.

When you ask about “to loving someone instantly? A reason? [...] how, I can recreate it…”, are you asking how to fall in love quickly and/or open up and be vulnerable yourself? Or are you asking why you are having this effect, and how to do it intentionally?

One thing about guys in particular, especially in the modern US culture, is that we do not have many outlets for open intimate expression, and the lack of anyone we feel we can really open up to, even ourselves, typically leads to a lot of accumulated feelings that we often don’t even show to ourselves. So when there is someone who gives good listening, attention, acceptance, affection, allowing… sometimes guys will erupt into that, and also possibly find you extremely attractive and like they need/want/love you.

What you describe s not love, it is desperate neediness akin to drowning in insecurities. I agree with @zenvelo. Really, this is nothing to be flattered about, it is, in reality, pretty terrifying to know you are dealing with someone that latches onto to you so quickly like a leech in a swamp, ready to suck the life force right out of you.

I’m more inclined to agree with @Coloma on this. It may not be a factor so much of how open you are to cause men (I’m presuming) to open up to you like this as much as a description of a certain pathology in you to be attracted to men (or to attract men) who use this particular tactic.

Because it’s one thing to be candid and frank in our dealings with one another, to be open to experience and communication – and love, yes, certainly. But it is another whole kettle of fish to dramatically and tearfully “unburden” oneself on a relative stranger… and probably, to be blunt about it, as part of the type of dating and mating strategy that @Darth_Algar has described. Because some men sometimes use that ploy.

But if that’s the particular kind of man that you’re drawn to yourself, or the kind that you tend to attract – which might be even worse, because it’s more difficult for you to avoid attracting such shallow men, whereas if you determine that you have a defect or fault, then it’s something that you can own up to and work on – then that’s not a happy scenario. Because let’s face it, men who act in this way are not deep thinkers, calm, reflective and placid (as a rule), and they certainly aren’t the “strong, silent type” (unless that’s also just another affectation that they assume for purposes of bedding another type of woman). They’re players, trying to play you.

If that’s your “type”, then heaven help you. Seriously.

If a guy is moving really fast and getting really emotional days into knowing you, you should see that as a potential red flag. Both of my abusive relationships started that way. They want the fast intensity to hook you in. Be cautious.