Do you have any friends or relatives who make the same bad choices over and over again?

Yes I do. Helping them taught me a very important lesson.

They’re just like me.

Nope. I used to get sucked into relationships with people like that when I was in my twenties. They are the definition of toxic. There is not a damn thing you can do for them. Now, I ghost people like that. Nothing but trouble. There are fine people out there who shit just happens to through no fault of their own and those are ones I spend energy trying to help if I can. The others are on their own.

We do. We have. I have relatives who have helped me too. We’re all human. As irritating as it can be to see someone repeatedly making the same mistake, I don’t live in a glass house so I’m reluctant to throw too many stones.

Yes. My nephew and his father, my brother-in-law. Two peas in a pod and yet they can’t stand each other. Familiarity breeds contempt I suppose.

They’ve both asked me for advice over the years, but my frank opinions only get more cranky if you keep asking — so they’ve stopped.

My wife says they’re afraid of me.

Yes. Trying to help usually backfires. I’ve tried here and there. Once in a while it’s a appreciated. I also often think we need to know that we are not in the other person’s shoes, and some assumptions we make from the outside aren’t valid or fair sometimes.

In the last few weeks I’ve tried to give a little nudge to a friend of mine, but she just thinks so differently than me that just yesterday I thought to myself I’m going to give up on it. Not that I was specifically bringing up a topic and trying to manipulate her, she keeps bringing it up, and I have been very honest in my thoughts when she asks my opinion, and I guess I’ve also offered my perspective when not necessarily directly asked. Yesterday, I decided I’ll probably just switch to listening and agreeing.

I wouldn’t be surprised if some of my friends or family members think I do the same mistakes or bad choices over and over again.

Yes. My brother is bipolar, and goes through cycles of hyper-activity where it seems like he’s going to do ALL THE THINGS… and then eventually crashes and ends up spiralling into depression and suicide attempts and stints in the mental hospital.

And once he’s out of the mental hospital he almost invariably shows up on my doorstep with the few items he still owns and whatever he stole from the hospital. He then spends a few weeks playing video games on my WiFi for free and promising to throw us some money once he gets a job again, and then once he finds someone else to put him up he disappears without a word and we don’t hear from him until the next crash. Last time we were lucky – he bought a gallon of milk before he left.

After the most recent time – last summer he showed up literally the day I found out I was having a miscarriage – Hubby says he’s not welcome anymore. I’m not going to put much effort into arguing that point.

Yes and now I try to avoid people like that. I try to avoid getting sucked into people’s drama and issues. I also don’t claim to be perfect and life (my life) is a constant learning experience.

Yes, and I try to help occasionally, but not often.