Who cares to play TJBM game, The Jelly Below Me, #83?

I’m here!

TJBM found the new thread!

Yaaay!

TJBM has or wants a service animal.

I have two already. They just don’t service me. They spend their days showing sheep where they should go and later we all eat and hang out, like three blue collars after work. LOL.

TJBM will tell us about something that has been blown way out of proportion.

Yeah, the notorious Clinton bj from Ms. Lewinsky. The Repukes made all of the political hay they could make of that, but compared to Chump, Clinton was a Boy Scout. TJBM will slap me for talking politics in TJBM game. My bad.

<A slap to reality>
TJBM is still here.

I am indeed, and TJBM is having a great day.

I think so. I used my time so effectively these days. A lot of things are done. And I just got to slap someone :D
TJBM is drinking coffee.

Dang it Mimi. you pack a hard punch for a girl, don’t think I’m gonna tangle with you any more : ) I am drinking coffee, as a matter of fact. TJBM is having some as well, good to he last drop.

Just finished a coffee and then a Diet Coke.

TJBM has just made lunch or is making lunch.

@Tropical_Willie sounds like you’re all ‘fienned up and ready to go!

I just had lunch, then we stopped at 7-Eleven for a triple-caf.

TJBM knows that the wheels of world commerce are lubricated by coffee.

True that. From over the road truckers to airline pilots, Java makes the world go ‘round. “Engineer said before he died, there’s two more drinks I’d like to try. Conductor said, what could they be? A hot cup of coffee and a cold iced tea”. TJBM will take on a subject other than coffee.

True.
Not crazy about the stuff.
TJBM can recall what was the first name of the predecessor of Ban Ki-Moon the former Secretary-General of the United Nations.

Offhand I can’t remember the dude’s name, but he was MIT from west Africa and friend of Nelson Mandela. I liked him. Can’t remember his name.

TJBM can remember his name.

Hands-up!!! I remember – mostly because I thought he was beautiful.

Kofi Annan.

TJBM will tell us about a picnic they remember.

Sadly, ::sniff:: I’ve never actually been on a picnic.

TJBM will tell us about a standard tradition in their neck of the woods that they never participated in.

just to make me feel less like a loser

My mother-in-law used to make a homegrown version of bingo, with a Thanksgiving or Christmas theme. I hate board games anyway and these games were pure misery. I participated in till I discovered I had somebody else in the family who hated it too. He would sit in his chair and pretend to sleep, periodically putting markers on turkeys or Santa hats or whatever until his card was almost full and then he’d say Bingo.

I watched this for a few years, and then I started making my own game. I used my board as a platform to flip my markers like tiddlywinks. My goal was to flip them into his lap in such a way that they would land on his Bingo card. Sometimes they would land on his shirt and sometimes they would land on his lap and every once in a while l I’d actually hit the card in his lap. It was far more amusing than that horrible bingo game.

TJBM can visualize my adaptation to the Bingo game.

I can visualize your adaptation, but cannot imagine myself muscling up the patience to submit to such an ordeal. TJBM is bracing for Thanksgiving, now less than 2 months away. The Canadians here have even less time to prepare.

I’ve never been a fan of Thanksgiving. So as far as I’m concerned preparations are pretty minimal.

I want to go back to @cookieman‘s TJBM. The jelly below me will tell us about a standard tradition in their neck of the woods that they never participated in.

I’ve lived in Colorado for over 20 years and I have never been snow skiing, snow boarding or snowboarding shoeing

TJBM has had a busy few weeks.

Absolutely!

TJBM likes lots of activity!

I do and I’ve had more than my share lately.

TJBM will tell us what was the last song you sang along to?

I don’t sing along to songs anymore, but this is the last song I listened and felt strongly emotional to
TJBM appreciates old songs.

I do. I even appreciate old songs from before time began, which was in 1958.

TJBM knows when time began.

Time began for earth when one day God was bored and at loose ends with nothing to do. So, he invented this cosmos. Deep inside, he saw a jewel of a planet and began tweaking and tweaking it. Soon, his peeps, Mike, Raff, Gabe and Lou pulled up their recliners and became mesmerized by God’s latest thing. There wasn’t any TV or football yet, so this was the only show in town.

Soon all these weird animals appeared, there were fights, contests, celestial betting, the angels and God were having a ball. But then God made this one animal, a two legged skinny thing that was smarter than them all and it was realized the game was rigged. So, they got bored and out came the beer and they ignored the game. And God didn’t like not being the center of attention, so he made this new thing that got their focus again. God referred to her as “she” and called her Lilith.

Lilith was made even more intelligent than Adam which they all realized was a huge mistake. When god told her that her purpose was to serve Adam, she told him to fuck off. Mike and Lou thought this was hilarious and bade God to let her alone so they could watch how this noob Adam would handle it as he was told that he was going to get a servant, but now had this other attractive but uncooperative person on his hands. LOL. Odds were given and the betting started up again. Within two days she had Adam tied to a tree and was dancing around it and poking with a stick. Even this was too much for the Archangels, so they voted to nix her.

Next, God made Eve, a more cooperative model, a proper servant and the rest of the story is in the Book of Genesis. But it was a boring game and the angels began wandering away to do other things and even soon after the two humans were booted out of Eden for disobeying God, even God walked away. So, now we have this.

TJBM thinks the above mythology is as good as any other.

It is actually far superior to most. TJBM has access to snow cones.

Yes, but I’m not a fan.

TJBM will complete this sentence:

It was a dark and stormy night…

and the moon was yellow
and the leaves came tumbling down. TJBM is old enough to remember that lyric, although the original first line ran “the night was clear”

I just think of Snoopy lying on his dog house, writing another best seller.

TJBM wants to know if one day God was bored and created the world, what was there before that one day?

I have a Bible story to tell!

I’ll pass. Unless it’s a Hollywood style Bible story with sex, orgies, and lots of clashing swords. More interesting than Jehosophat begat Methuselah, who lived to be 10,000 years old. Then he died. TJBM will begin reading their script for a Biblical Blockbuster.

OK.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m going to preach to you to day on the creation of the world. YES THE CREATION OF THE WORLD!!!

The lord made the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th. He made all the fowls of the field and the beasts of the air.

Then he decided to make him a man, so he went down to the tank, mixed him up some mud and made him a man.
Then he decided it wouldn’t be good for the man, livin’ by himself, so he decided to make him a woman. YES A WOMAN!! The most beautiful and beloved creature the lord ever created!!!
He called the man Adam and he called the woman Eve and he put Adam and Eve into the garden of Eden. He said, “See them apples on that tree? Don’t eat them apples. Them’s for the lord’s winta apples.”
By n by the devil comes up and says, “What for don’t you eat them apples on that tree! Thems the best apples in the whole orchard!!
Adam says, “Noo. Thems the lord’s winta apples.”
Devil said, “The lord, he won’t know nothin’ about it!”
So Eve, she takes one. She takes a bite. She gives Adam a bite.
The devil, he pulls his freight!!
By n by the lord comes back and says, ”A WHOSE BEEN EATIN’ MY WINTA APPLES!!”
Adam says, “Well, Eve I specs.”
Lord picked him up by the nape of the neck and the slack of the britches and THROWED him over the fence. ”YOU WORK FOR YOUR HASH!!”
”YESSS THE FLEA UNDER THE MOUNTIAN AND A HEPSHEDAMMA WHERE THE WANGA DOODLE MOAN AND THE COCKADOODLE MOURN FOR HIS FIRST BORNED-UH”

Now You all be good folk anyou eat poken collards until the juice just drippin off your chin!
But if you be bad folk I’ll set ALLLL these piny woods afire till the rosin just dripping off your big flatty foot and den see sees how you comes out!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll preach to you next Sunday, if the lord’s awillin.
I’ll preach to you Sunday after next, whether or no.

TJBM is wondering what the hell that was all about! Somebody is going to kill me!

No and you will have to explain now or I’ll kill you!
TJBM makes up legends.

No need to. I am a legend!
…at least in my mind!

TJBM is a legend in their own mind.

Ok @Mimishu1995. It’s a “sermon” I grew up with my dad preaching it every few years. He learned it from an old black farmer when he was a kid in Texas. He preached it at the state fair in 1930 or 1940 something. He won first first prize and a 50 cent piece! Some consider Texas to be part of the “South” like the south that had slaves. They were never a slave state tho. Well black people are famous here for their all encompassing, rollicking, colourful Baptist church services. So it was a bit of satire based on that. And somebody is going to kill me!

I am not a legend in my own mind. I’m a legend in my grandkid’s mind.

TJBM enjoys being a legend in somebody’s mind.

There are a few I could name!

TJBM found a disturbingly large creepy-crawley bug in their bedroom. I did, and slept fitfully last night. Today I’m going to get a bunch of glue boards and place them strategically around the house.

No bugs. Just dogs. And cats. And Greek guys.

TJBM doesn’t really mind bugs so much. Depending on the bug, for course.

And depending on what they’re up to. A battalion of ants assaulting the kitchen counter is tantamount to a declaration of war.

Ants aren’t so bad. They just tell you there is a place on the counter you need to wipe down. Roaches on the other hand…Oh my god.

TJBM declares nuclear war if they see a roach in the house.

lol. We have palmetto bugs. They are so voracious, the roaches starve and go away. You can’t leave anything organic laying around, otherwise they will take over the room within an hour. So, I keep my kitchen spotless out of fear of them. They are huge roaches with wings, about three times the size of a normal roach. They don’t bite living humans, but they will clean a corpse down to the bone in about a month. Nasty mutherfuckers. I can’t do anything about the barn and stables, though. I would have to scrub them clean twice a day to keep the palmettos out.

Sometimes I’ll lay atop a stack feed bags and shoot them with an air pistol, leaving little yellow (guts) and black (carapace) splashes on the walls of the barn. I’m pretty good at it. But the real population control is the carpenter ants; huge red ants that eat leaves, mostly. And palmetto bugs—all except their wings. Everytime I see those brown palmetto bug wings scattered about, I know another has met its end. It’s very satisfying to see.

TJBM will tell us about the last time they face-palmed on Fluther.

Now I’m going to have night mares tonight. Thanks a lot, man. :/

The last time I face palmed on Fluther was today when someone said they had seen “documentaries” on alien abductions.

TJBM will tell us how they feel about the Vietnam war.

Based on lies and badly managed by careerists with huge egos. We were conned. Besides the American and Vietnamese civilian populations, the true victims of that war were those who served. Enough said.

TJBM will tell us one thing that really needs to be modernized.

I can’t think of anything. Actually there’s a lot more that is too modern, by my way of thinking. Or maybe I’m just old school.

The creepy crawley that got me going was when just before bedtime hubby announced that he saw something in the closet. It wasn’t a spider, it was big, and it moved fast. He didn’t know what it was.

So far we’ve found several scorpions in the house, and there’s a chance this was another. I dreamed all night about catching scorpions in the dark while barefoot in the master bedroom.

TJBM has a sane story to tell.

I can tell you a story about a daughter of a fisherman who is very smart, but dyslexic and so didn’t do well at all in school. She wanted to grow up to be a captain of her own boat, but women on her island don’t become sea captains, so the best she could do was become a hotel maid. But she knew more about operating and repairing boats than most men and it was a waste.

My first mate’s surname is French, from Martinique, one of those bloody names that have way too many vowels and consonants to be useful and therefore aren’t pronounced— nearly impossible for a foreigner to spell. Baliceaux. The name is plural, as in “of the Baliceaus” which, like her coffee-and-cream skin, reveals her mix of African slave blood and a lot of Caucasian crossover. In other words, Baliceaux means her people were owned by the Baliceau family, possessions like their fine horses and plows.

Baliceaux is also the name of a small island south of Martinique, named after the progenitor of the Caucasian branch of that family, a plantation owner of the French nobility. Without the machinery that didn’t arrive until the 1850’s, the labor intensive work demanded on a plantation required unpaid slaves to be economically possible and therefore, Baliceau was an owner of man slaves. So, there are many Baliceaux’s in this little patch of the Windward Islands.

I imagine that some young male in her branch of the family ran off to the larger, more populated island of Martinique searching for work after the French freed their slaves during the French Revolution. Soon came the new French government’s guillotines into the town squares, and off went the heads of former noblemen like Baliceau, and many other noble families. And Eddy’s ancestors became landowners for the first time since arriving packed tightly in slave ships from Africa.

But, about half-way through Emperor Napoleon’s reign, in his determination to conquer all of Europe with his expensive armies, he found his Caribbean island Colonies economically unfeasible and so he re-instated slavery. Back came the guillotines to enforce this new policy—and back into chains went the Baliceaux’s. Not until 1848, under Emperor Napoleon III – Napoleon I’s nephew, who had been captured young and raised among the English aristocracy, then sent back to France to run the country—did the French emancipate their slaves once and for all. And once again, the Baliceaux became town merchants and owners of land.

And that girl is now only one year from earning her 100 ton displacement captain’s license.

TJBM has another story.

Damn it @Espiritus_Corvus! I lose track of everything when I’m reading your short stories! Of course I have a story to tell but not on my phone. I’ll get back to you on the time my son got stuck in a mailbox and the house the mailbox was attached to caught on fire and we couldn’t run because he was stuck in the mailbox and we had to call 911…..I’ll get back to you.

TJBM has a story to.tell.

Give me a suggestion first.
TJBM will suggest me.

@Mimishu1995 tell us an adventure you had on a dark and stormy night. (Dark and stormy nights are a great way to begin a film noir, because noir means black in French!)

I’ll start you off.

It was a dark and stormy night.

TJBM is @Mimishu1995

I was supposed to be working but was screwing around on the web and got canned. The end. TJBM will continue

Yeah. I’m here.

…Yes, it was dark and stormy. The moon came and went behind the fast-moving clouds which were hastily pushed by the strong wind. I could feel the wind passing my body and the rain dropping on my face. The weather was getting cold fast, so fast, even for a stormy night.

I noticed that I was paying too much attention to the sky. But then again, what should I expect from lying on my back motionlessly while my blood slowly dripped away from my body?

For some reason (maybe I got bored), she appeared in my mind. She was as beautiful as ever, with her bright blonde hair, glamorous lips and sweet breath. The three things that drew me into her now appeared vividly in my mind like a photograph. She was so beautiful when she came close to me, when she kissed me.

She was so beautiful, even after she cheated me.

It might sound absurb, but as I thought about it, there was really a reason why such a doll got hooked up to a hideous heap of meat. The heap of meat had the most powerful weapon, something every man strived for: a fat bank account. To make up for your mess of a face, you had to employ as much green notes you could get as possible. And the heap of meat got an upper hand for being the first and the richer. But at least their life was not too bad. The heap of meat was disgusting to look at, but he treated his wife like a queen, literally. I could not find anything to complain about their life. I even felt a bit sorry for the heap of meat at several points. Yeah, they could have been just another run-on-the-mill happy couple if you just left them alone.

But some fool just could not leave them alone. I still did not know why I hooked up to her in the first place. I could have quitted at any time too. We met in a bar, chatted around like two friendly stranger, then she left early. This story could have ended happily here, but somehow a fool decided to follow her in secret just to find out where she lived. She saw the fool, she knew the fool was stalking her, but she played along. The fool and her started seeing each other more often, coincidentally. She told the fool her sob story, about how the heap of meat she called husband was a stinky fart, how he made her cry so frequently, how he left his mark on her body, how he was horrible in bed… Among the sob stories were their kisses. When they kissed, where they kissed, I just could not remember.

And then the couple had their plan, straight out of a cheap soap opera. The heap of meat would disappear somehow, and the romantic couple would go away together, to somewhere far away. We would meet at a shed only she knew, then planned our runaway. Everything would be done in a stormy night because accident happened more often in a storm.

It was indeed stormy when I entered the heap of meat’s house through the window. It stayed that way while I disabled the electric system and entered his room. I waited for hours while listening to the strong wind. The idea was that the wind would “accidentally” knock things over his crippled old body. “Crippled old body”? I could not have been so wrong. Some fool was stupid enough to lift the fallen shelf to check if the heap of meat was dead instead of leaving quietly. And his “crippled old body” was somehow crippled enough to withstand the large shelf fallen onto his body. And unfortunate for the fool, he also had a gun. In the dark he could not see anything, but he could already sense that someone wanted him dead. Two shots were fired in the storm, one entered the heap of meat’s head, and the other went to the fool’s stomach.

I did not know how I got to the shed with the wound bleeding all over. I only knew that I was so exhausted when I came there that I could not open the shed’s door. I was hoping she was there, waiting anxiously for her knight, and would quickly drag his sorry ass into the shed and talk about how brave he was. No one came out. No princess in distress. No sign of a human being. Nothing. Only a fool bleeding and waiting.

I was forced to use the last of my strength to open the door. Everything was so neatly arranged. So organized to the point of being inhuman. There was no one there, nor even a sign of anyone ever being there.

The princess in distress had never existed, at all.

The wound in my stomach was the only thing that reminded me that this was not an illusion, that the princess, the monster and the storm were not just another forgettable wet dream. Now I could only imagine what happened to her while I slayed her dragon. Maybe she forgot our meeting. Maybe some strange accident held her back. Maybe she met another richer, more handsome and less stupid white knight. Maybe the princess I knew was actually a witch in disguise, and she just wanted me to take care of the heap of meat so that she could get her hand on the fortune he left…

I realized that my mind was going down the gutter and shook it off. Even in this darkest night, I still wanted to find some light. After all, such a beautiful princess would never turn into a witch right? There had never been any story with a princess turning into a witch right?

I got too tired to think. Now only two things mattered to me.

It was a dark and stormy night.

And she was beautiful.

TJBM knows that @snowberry wanted me to write a film noir story.

LOL! I do know! And it was a great story!

TJBM wants me to tell my story of My Son and the Mailbox. Or doesn’t because they’ve heard it before.

TJBM should tell the story of “My Son and the Mailbox”

Funny you should ask.

When Chris was about four I took him, and his six year old sister, to visit my friend, Jane. Jane had two girls about the same ages. The kids were great friends.
Jane had a slot mailbox that you had to walk by to get to the front door. The mailbox just dropped mail right into the house.
When Chris walked by he stuck his arm into the mail slot to wave “Hi!” inside the house. He stuck it in clear past the elbow yelling “Hi! Hi!”……… Way to go, Slick. He couldn’t pull his arm back out.
Jane answered the door just as Chris was starting to panic. Jane said, “Hi ya!”
I said, “Chris is stuck in your mailbox!”
She said, “Seriously?”
I said, “Serious as a train wreck!”
She looked at him in amazement and said, “How does he manage to keep doing things like this??”
“I don’t know!”
So she fetched some cooking oil and we greased him up. No luck.
She fetched some soap and we soaped him up. No luck.
She fetched some Crisco and we Criscoed him up. Not sure how Crisco would do something that the oil wouldn’t, but still no luck. We tried butter, Pam, everything. I’m thinking about when Pooh got stuck in Rabbit’s hole and starting to wonder how long we might have to starve him.

Chris was quietly whimpering until about half way through this odyssey when he suddenly cried out, “Nooo! I don’t wanna play!!!”
Jane and I said, “What??” at the same time.
“Th…th..they’re pl..pl..playing Adams Family and they said I…I…I’m the Thing and they k…k…keep trying to make me ho…ho….hold mail AND I DON’T WANNA PLAY!” he wailed, his voice rising to a crescendo. Yeah, the children who were free were playing Adam’s Family in the house and Chris was the star. They kept trying to shove mail in his hand and getting mad when he wouldn’t hold it!
“KNOCK IT OFF YOU GUYS! LEAVE ‘EM ALONE!!!”
So the girls went somewhere else to wreak heaky and we went back to work.

After 10 minutes Jane looked at me with big eyes and said, “Um….I…. think we need to call 911…?...”
I just nodded mutely. I mean, there was nothing we could do!
So Jane went into the house. I wasn’t about to leave Chris alone, so I stayed on the porch with him.
Well, when we had shown up Jane was frying potatoes on the stove, and, for some reason, had completely forgotten about them. Just as she connected to dispatch, the potatoes started burning and smoking, and the smoke detectors started screaming. The girls grabbed dish towels and were running around, flapping them, screaming, “FIRE! FIRE!” So here’s Jane, balanced on a chair, stretching the phone cord as far as it would go, trying to knock the smoke detector off the wall with a broom handle, telling dispatch “No! There is no fire! There’s a kid stuck in my mailbox! NO, THERE IS NO FIRE YOU GIRLS SHUT UP!!”

I learned all of that later. All I heard from out on the porch were the fire alarms going off, people screaming “FIRE! FIRE!” in the house….and here’s my kid, stuck in the freaking WALL OF THE HOUSE! Chris was old enough to know what smoke detectors screaming meant and he looked at me with terrified eyes.
Up to that point it had been just another day in the life with this kid who I wound up with on a hot July day in 1987. He’d been getting into weird spots since the early months of his life. But at this point I started to seriously panic. I looked around wildly for a chainsaw, a sledgehammer ANYTHING that I could use on the wall! I was gonna tear that shit DOWN, with my bare hands, if I had to! I was frantically looking for a spot to get started, when Jane rushed out to assure me the house wasn’t on fire. So her wall was spared and we just waited.

Within seconds we heard the sound of the sirens approaching. They sent paramedics and TWO fire trucks! The fire trucks soon left though, because there was no fire. Just a kid in a mailbox.
As the paramedics approached I heard one say, “Hey..isn’t that the same kid who got his head stuck in a stair railing?”
“Yeah. And got stuck in a VCR once.”
They said that his sister looked like the kid who got her tongue stuck in a fridge once.
Just shut up, guys, and get my kid out of there!
All the commotion and lights and sirens distracted Chris so he was quietly staring in awe at the flashing mess in the street, but when the fire trucks left he started crying again.
The paramedics soon realized they really COULDN’T just pull his arm back out, but they had the tools to remove the flap, which gave him about an extra 1/8 inch of clearance, which was just enough.

As they were working I asked Jane for a camera. She looked at me like I’d gone mad! She went and got one and quietly handed it to me. You should have seen the paramedics face when the flash went off! Crazy people in this neighborhood.

Suddenly, it was done. Trucks were gone. Jane and the kids were in the house. Chris and I were standing alone, on the porch. The silence was deafening. Slowly the birds got the nerve to come back out and start singing a little. I walked to Jane’s door and timidly rang the doorbell again. She opened the door, saw me and screamed, “NO!!!”
She started to slam the door closed, but then realized she still had my other kid and would have to raise her and feed her and cloth her if she didn’t let me back in, so she did.

That was many moons ago. There were many more Stupid Chris Stories to come in the following years, mostly involving blood, but eventually he developed into a wonderful young man who grew some brains along the way. He finally figured what was, and was not OK, to stick body parts in, so now he has 4 lovely children.

The End.

TJBM has a kid who was forever getting himself into really outrageous scrapes and binds.

I don’t have a kid like that, I was a kid like that!

TJBM was a kid like that.

I was pretty good at slipping loose of most scrapes and binds.
TJBM has been shafted by someone close to them recently.

No. Not recently, anyway.

TJBM should take a shower but probably won’t until tomorrow.

Ew! Wroooooong.
TJBM wants to hose down TJAM.

Cleanliness is very important… Yeah sure
TJBM Is always clean.

What’s clean to one person is filthy to another. If you’re going to shower and wash your hair, but use shampoo and soap that reeks of fragrance, I’d rather you had stayed dirty. Fragrances these days are nothing more than a cocktail of noxious chemicals!

I’ve had to look for a whole new set of friends because my old friends smelled so bad they made me sick.

TJBM loves to smell like themselves.

Yes. I stear from those loaded cleansers.
My first husband was highly suspicious of overly perfumy women. He would say it made him wonder what kind of nasty were they trying to cover. LOL
TJBM is stunned by the awful shooting in Vegas.
May the survivors and loved ones of victims find peace and comfort.

Wha… what is it all about?
TJBM wakes up to bad news.

Yes – carnage so far is 50 dead, over 400 injured. And they can’t blame this one on some “Muslim terrorist”, it was a home grown American maniac this time. Haven’t had time to glean all the details yet.
TJBM has more details. You know, when wake up I to news like that, I almost wish I could believe in God. Who would send this planet and everyone on it to perdition. It is all our cretin humanity deserves.

I do not have more details. A person who is on my friend’s list was in Vegas at the time, celebrating her daughter’s wedding. She described the terror they experienced getting out. People running down the street trying to get into other people’s cars. She said a lady in a van stopped and picked them up and took them to saftey. She gave her all the money she had on her, about $500. Horrible.

TJBM thinks there should be no gun regulations so the madness will stop.

That sounds impulsive and outrageous. Still, I would look/feel wicked AF wearing a gunbelt and six shooter!

TJBM would wear a gunbelt if it were legal.

No, I would not. And it IS legal here, I think.

TJBM does not own a gun.

Correct. I’m neither hunter or gun enthusiast, and those are the only conditions for which I could morally justify my ownership of a firearm.

TJBM owns firearms.

Nope.
TJBM fears hearing the confirmation of Vegas deaths, and seeing the pics and ages of the victims.

It’s just sad. So sad.

TJBM is seeing conspiracy theories popping up already. TJBM wonders what satisfaction people get from pretending there are facts that are hidden from us.

Hey, I’m a parrot. If I heard it from Rush, it has to be true.

And for the jelly below you?

TJBM done did listen to Mr. Limpballs too.

I can’t stand him. Even as a practicing Christian I couldn’t stand him, although many of them were enthusiastic followers of his.

TJBM thinks for them self.

Yes, but I haven’t seen much good come of it.
TJBM will do a random kindness on my behalf, within the next twenty four hours.

it’s a deal. TJBM will follow suit

Done and done, if I might inquire as to what sort of kindness? Don’t intend that query in a risqué sense, just asking how I can be helpful? And I do realize that no good deed goes unpunished. TJBM will make more inquiries.

I will answer.
It depends on where you are, and what opportunity you have available.
Maybe you see a kid staring wistfully at one of those 25 cent prize in a bubble machines. Lots of times I have seen this and just pop in a quarter on my way by.
Or maybe you eat frequently at some little place where they all know you now. When you go in present your waitress with a flower. There are many small things which can uplift one person’s day.
I am stuck at home, so if somebody does a kindness on my behalf, you are cheering two with one effort.
TJBM will join the pledge of a random act on my behalf.

Ok, if I see that homeless guy on the street on my way to work this weekend, I will give him a few bucks. Good enough? On your behalf.

TJBM knows that as soon as I stop to help this guy, I will probably be rear ended by a Mack Truck, The Fates are funny that way.

My fates will protect you, since you are acting on my behalf.
TJBM wants a sweet snack.

GIVE ME SNACK! ANYTHING!
TJBM has a sweet tooth.

I just ate two small chocolate bars. 3 Musketeers. Here Mimi, have one!
TJBM will have chocolate with me.

Sure… I’ll always eat chocolate!
TJBM doesnt liek chocolate

Are you mad, child??!! I LOEV chocolate!

TJBM is glad to see a new user up there! ^^^

Sure. Welcome to the weirdness that is TJBM, Adam.
TJBM isn’t new…
to anything.

True.

TJBM finally got some good news.

Yeah – after withholding my SS checks for two months, because I had supposedly made more money than I am supposed to for the last two years, I made arrangements to pay back by letting them withhold 100 bux a month for 28 months, and they agreed, and paid me back my last two payments all at once. It was good to get 2200 dollars all a once. Wanted to go party, but wife told me nay. Paying bills with that windfall was a freakin’ drag. TJBM as gotten good news as well.

You sound like my husband. He thinks paying bills is a waste of perfectly good money.
Yes. We also found some money.

TJBM is in charge of the finances in their household.

Well, such that it is.
TJBM is involved in a confrontational situation.

I AM NOT! YOU TAKE THAT BACK @Patty_Melt!

TJBM Is not in a confrontational mood, but can be if confronted.

Lol. True. I’d rather have cake, hold hands with a friend, and feel the melody that is the day slide by, but if somebody comes at me with their back fur up, look out.
TJBM will get their own box. (Having cheez its right now)

No. Don’t snack. But I’m going to get a ham, egg and cheese croissant from Casey’s in a moment!

TJBM is listening to the gentle rain, wishing they were camping.

TJBY is about to go to work, wishing the hell I could win the lottery. Now I’m depressed. TJBM is semi-retired.

I’m mostly retired. Opportunities keep falling into my path!

TJBM is doing something completely different from what they envisioned five years ago.

Yeah, I guess so.
TJBM smells smoke.

no smoke, but the flashing lights of an ambulance in front of my house got my attention

TJBM would like less drama all round

Yeah. That’s why I’m hiding here :D
TJBM will have a party with me while waiting for the heat to cool down.

Sounds good.
Somebody else will have to bring music. I am in no frame of mind tonight for copying down all those letters to type into my phone.
TJBM is somebody else, and will bring music.

I am somebody else, and I bring music with me wherever I go!

TJBM has rings on their fingers, bells on their toes.

Rings, yes, bells, no.
TJBM is a good jelly.

I don’t think I taste good.
TJBM knows how they taste.

No? How would anyone know that? if the question was PG I don’t eat my own flesh.
TJBM is a vegetarian.

No way. I tear through flesh like a t-rex. Then I have cake.
TJBM can sit down and eat chili peppers like candy.

Not me, set me on fire. TJBM will devour the chili peppers for me.

For sure! give me all the peppers!

TJBM will have their Thanksgiving meal on Sunday instead of Monday.

No, I’m having mine on Thursday, November 23; although in some ways, I celebrate a thanksgiving of sorts every day. But just the same, HAPPY THANKSGIVING, CANADA!

TJBM will join me in wishing our Canadian jellies a happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving, eh?
Enjoy the festivities cousins of the north!
TJBM feels like a nut.

True. And a walking bomb. I don’t remember how many times I’m on the verge of exploding.
TJBM will party with me to cool me down.

Put a cd on the stereo and pop a top on a few beers. When I go belly up under a pile of beer cans you can still party on. TJBM will party with Mimi while I have delirium tremens.

And in the immortal words of john wayne, I also wish a happy Thanksgiving to them thar Caynadian Pilgrims and good turkey chow down, uh huh!

Calm down, miss Mimi, I can feel my phone vibrating, you are shaking so hard.
You need to do some deep breathing, and let the fishies nibble around your toes awhile.
TJBM has more ideas to help Mimi chill.

Dance, swim, walk, sing and then dance and swim some more. So relaxing. I just got home from an hour and a half at the neighbourhood pool. So glad it’s open again for the season.

TJBM has been for a walk recently and will describe something they saw.

I was walking the pup the other day. We took a familiar route, until I heard some music. Live music. It was from a garage a couple doors down. A couple guitars, a keyboard, badd, and the drummer had a stripped down kit, bass, snare, high-hat and crash cymbal. They finished the number, a Mexi-pop piece. I complimented them, and introduced myself. We talked for a few seconds, but i didn’t want to take up their rehearsal time. They started again.

First the bass. That got the puppy nervous. By the time the drums started pup pulled a Houdini and was out of her harness before I could react. She bolted down the street and around the corner towards home!

She must have run the total six blocks. By that time I got to the corner she was out of sight. When I came around the corner of my block, she was sitting at the door panting!

TJBM can laugh with pity.

I laugh with pity because of a certain irony…
And yeah, Patty, I was shaking so hard even EC who was miles away could feel it.
TJBM is still shaking.

No.

TJBM is wondering what happened to @Mimishu1995?

I am wondering – TJBM will enlighten us.

Sorry, no Prometheus here!

TJBM Is enlightened.

Yes, but I am not light.
TJBM is a lightweight.

Well, I never. TJBM will not refer to anyone as a light weight.

No. I just refer to people as thin.
TJBM is happy that the game is revived!

I am, even though I didn’t know it needed reviving.

TJBM has revived an old thread.

M. No. I haven’t revived any. But I’m active on a really ancient one.

TJBM misses those who have gone from their lives.

Yes. A good friend I haven’t talked to or seen in about 15 years said it best when he wrote:

…It makes me think of all the friends I’ve had in this short time/I don’t know where they are tonight, but they’re still good friends of mine!...

TJBM feels the same way about some jellies.

I do. A bunch of them.

TJBM has SSA headaches.

You called? I was having SS A headaches but they are straightened out now. I hate dealing with beaurocrat aholes. TJBM will say nothing to get my blood boiling.

That avatar makes your butt look big. :)~

TJBM is eating a candy bar for dinner.

Look at me from the side- do my tentacles look fat to you? TJBM will not awnser that. And a candy bar for dinner would be jam up about now.

Lol!

TJBM has a tummy ache now.

I really wish I had a tummy ache for eating chocolate!
TJBM knows a true story of someone dying from overfeeding.

Nope – but a certain jelly above me made me sneak away from my job and buy a musketeer bar. TJBM will not mention candy.

Yeah and I told you to get a Payday!

TJBM will ignore @NomoreY_A‘s command and tell us their favorite candy. You’re not the boss of.me @NomoreY_A!

Goes away in shame and disgrace. TJBM will console me. At least I have my candy bar. Sniff

You have to tell me your favorite! Time out @NomoreY_A!

TJBM would welcome some time out.

Milkey way. Actually. but the corner store doesn’t carry them. I will vacate the room for TJBM.

That’s disgusting @NomoreY_A!

TJBM vacates in the bathroom like normal.people.

What is- a Milkey Way bar, or vacating the room? Perhaps I should have said exit the stage rather than vacate the room. Sounds less like a bodily function. TJBM will tell me to choose my words more carefully.

Yeah! Watch your f***in’ mouth!~~~

You asked for it!

TJBM will usually choose their words carefully

I’ll let it for you to decide. Damn.
TJBM doesn’t censor themselves

Not bleep true. I bleep myself all the bleep time, always on my bleep toes. TJBM will bleep and if they got a problem with that they can bleep off and bleep themselves.

You are too late. I bleeped a couple of hours ago. I am good for a couple of days now.
TJBM is nervous about an upcoming appointment, or two.

I was, but the house got sold BLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TJBM is feeling a little relaxed about money for the first time in ages and ages. Bleep.

I am, no thanks to bleeping SSA, those bleepers. TJBM has no money woes.

I have no money.
Woes!
TJBM plays video games.

Not since the 70s.

TJBM doesn’t do a lot of the things thst are popular today.

Nope, just an old fogey. Just now learning my way around a smart phone. My grand daughters told me, “Welcome to the 21st Century”. TJBM is a high tech marvel.

I am but I spend as little as possible on it. Wait. I’M not a marvel but technology is, to me.

TJBM buys every new phone and gadget that comes out.

I got my toys, but not all that high tech. Model railroading, stamp collecting, and watching my favorite old movies on dvd/blue ray, are my pastimes. When the Cowboys aren’t playing, that is. TJBM is an NFL fan as well.

Not really. But I do like the cowboys.

TJBM is having a passel of kids for the night.

No, no kids. Our youngest (age 17), and her older sister (30) are with us tonight, as usual.

TJBM is spending Friday the 13th in the usual way.

I don’t even notice it until it passed.
TJBM doesn’t believe in Friday the 13th.

I believe in it, because it happens, usually two or three times a year, sometimes more. I don’t believe in the bad luck part of it.

TJBM observes some superstitions out of habit, whether they believe in them or not.

Nope!

TJBM likes kimchi.

I can’t say. I don’t even know what it is. TJBM will tell me what that is.

Here. TLDR: Korean spicy cabbage.
TJBM knows about a foreign dish.

Foreign to whom? Since the U.S. is such a cultural melting pot, one can see restaurants serving such items as pho (Vietnamese), kielbasa (Polish), feijoada (Brazilian), pradesh (Indian), gyros (Greek), and many others, all within walking distance of each other.

TJBM appreciates food from different cultures.

I have to limit my spicey foods. They are mean to me. I am glad the options from various cultures are so easily available in most cities though.
I eat pizza, and I need to cut back on that. My other spicey treat is general’s chicken.
TJBM knows a general.

This one! https://www.thegeneral.com Sorry, it’s the best I could do.

TJBM knows about trovants- living stones.
http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/the-trovants-of-costesti-romanias-unique-growing-rocks.html
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OB8Jq26dw6k

Ha ha. Somehow I knew somebody was going to do that.
I want one of those in my front yard!
TJBM is having rain now, and lots of thunder.

Nope, it’s clear and sunny!

TJBM has something they forgot to do.

Yeah, sleep in this morning. (Yawn!)

TJBM likes to sleep in when given the chance

I doo dah do. TJBM is an early riser

Only when I have to work.
TJBM is a night owl.

In my natural state yes. But it doesn’t work in the real world.

TJBM feels they’ve been hit by a truck.

Well, having been hit by a van years ago, and still living with the results, yeah, you could say that.
TJBM has not seen an age limit rule for trick or treating, and will go get some damn candy from a good neighborhood.

In fact, I can see that the majority of people who are actually interested in Halloween in my place are teenagers and young adults. It’s just another occasion to fool around and party.
TJBM notices that they use Halloween as another occasion to market their things like in my place

Capitalism at its finest!

TJBM has an eye for irony.

Absolutely!

TJBM has to work soon.

I have to go to bed soon.
TJBM is a good poker player.

Dont gamble anymore and haven’t played poker in years. TJBM has been to an outdoor movie recently.

No. I almost set up the TV on the back deck this weekend for the kids, but I was not up to it.

TJBM used to watch TV outside sometimes. One time, when the kids were little, I hauled the TV out to the back patio so they could watch movies outside. It was pre-flat screen says so “hauled” is an understatement. About 2 days later my then-five-year-old daughter said, “Remember when the bugs came and watched The Jungle Book with us?!

Lol… TJBM likes movies with rhe bugs.

It depends on the bugs! Mosquitoes, definitely not. Grasshoppers are fine.

TJBM has played with grasshoppers before.

I did when I was a kid, then my granpa told me they spit tobacco juice at you. TJBM has heard old tales like that.

Sure enough.

TJBM Kay’s chewed tobacco before.

Still don’t know what a tobacco tastes like…
TJBM thinks I’m a good child for not smoking :D

Whoops, I dictated that and it didn’t print like I thought it would.

I meant HAS chewed tobacco before.

Absolutely, please don’t start with the tobacco!

TJBM hasn’t slept enough lately.

I have the last two weeks.
TJBM is wearing a dress with flowers on it.

Oh hell. I haven’t worn a dress since the 90s.

TJBM would still wear panty hose if they still wore dresses.

Never! If I were ever to wear a dress I’d probably go commando.

TJBM has gone commando.

Only for brief periods of time. That’s just so gross, especially for women.

TJBM has gone commando.

In a dress, but that was a special occasion, with my husband.
TJBM has flown over the cuckoo’s nest.

I am the cuckoos nest, Chief. And you are Nurse Wratchet, I assume? Or TJBM is.

Not me, sorry.
TJBM understands the reference.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. It is a movie which launched a handful of acting careers. I just watched it today, for the first time in over thirty years. Damn. It is still a good movie.
No, I am nothing like nurse Ratched. I am more like Chief, but real little.
TJBM watched a movie recently that they haven’t seen in a long time.

Yeah, a couple of months ago I watched Viva Las Vegas, starring Elvis Presley and Ann Margaret. I saw it at a friend’s home theater. He has a theater-quality film projector (now generally obsolete in most commercial theaters) and a large collection of films.

TJBM likes older films.

Some of them. I have a copy of Breakfast At Tiffany’s. I love Audrey. Cup cup cup of of of tea tea tea. AAAAHHHOHHH Guvnuh!
She reminds me of a wren.

TJBM is wishing EC would come back.

He isn’t going anywhere. He just doesn’t appear on Fluther anymore.
TJBM would like to meet EC here and here.

Don’t know about the first one, but he definitely needs to come to the second on because that’s where I am.

TJBM knows what “Me too,” means.

Means me also, myself as well, etc. TJBM has to pick up kiddos from school.

Nope. My kiddo’s bf drives her home.
TJBM knows how it feels to let an offspring ride in a car driven by some thick headed lunk.

Yeah, but my daughter married her thick headed lunk, and after 20 years together, I own myself wrong. He turned out to be a great hubby to her, and a great dad to his kids. No complaints. TJBM knows you can never tell how things will work out.

Facing chemo and surgery.
Yeah, you never can tell.

TJBM wants to see me glow in the dark.
My CT scans are so cool. Doc shows them to me on big flat screen.

Nope, wishing you the best, actually. My sis went thru that, now she seems to be in continuous remission. Things often work out for the best. Stay positive. TJBM wishes her the best outcome, as well.

More than you know, Patty.

TJBM likes hot out of the oven chocolate chip cookies. Who doesn’t?

Dammit, more food posts. Et Tu, Bruteberry?

I’m gonna do my mimi imitation now.
GIMMEE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES NOW!

TJBM is watching Frozen now…
AGAIN.

I have never had a chance to watch it in cinema. And I was confused at first by the “trend” it set out. Years passed and I did research and I… still don’t understand how that song becomes a meme.
TJBM doesn’t understand trends.

Sometimes trends elude me, yes.
The song is popular for one reason because it is very easy for little kids to learn. Mostly it is appealing because it is about basking in the freedom of accepting one’s own individuality. She shed the shackels of hiding what made her different. She let it go, dropping the imprisonment of hiding. Of course, eventually she learned she didn’t have to hide from the world to be happy being herself.
TJBM is content with who they really are.

Yes.

TJBM will tell us a story. Please?

As usual, give me an idea.
TJBM will give me an idea.

Pink elephants

TJBM is waiting with baited breath for this pink elephant story.

Pink elephants with an appetite for danger.

Hehe he hehe!

I’m waiting for Mimi’s story…with bated breath.

TJBM is also waiting “with bated breath.”

Waiting with bated breath for the solving of this mystery – @Mimi – what is up with EC? You said he wont post here anymore, what’s up with that? TJBM knows the answer to this mystery.

I’m not waiting.

Sorry for keeping you waiting guys.

Pink elephants…

They ran, danced, jumped around like crazy…

It was funny, how you kept seeing pink elephants once someone told you not to think of them.

I thought I knew about this from Dorothy.

“What it means is that you just stop running away from your problem. The more you repress it, the more it will come to haunt you”. That was what she said.

And now there were 5 elephants, if I still took time to count them.

I looked at the elephants again. One of them had eyes and a mouth resemble Dorothy. It smiled at me. The bright smile of the Dorothy I knew. Somehow the smile annoyed me. I turned away, just to see another elephant with the same face. I turned away again, and realized that all the elephants now all looked the same.

They said the more you repressed your feeling, the more they would come to haunt you… I guess I was paying a price.

My problem was that I knew it was bad, but I just could not stop doing it. Lack of willpower, that was what the doctor said. So were some of my visitors who were pitiful enough to go to visit me in the clinic. I did not disagree with them. In fact I thought that was what brought me to this clinic in the first place. What did anyone expect from me anyway? A 30-year-old with no job, no money, no will to pursuit or to live. It was a feast that I was considered the most functional patient of the entire clinic.

“Come now, Alan. Are you thinking about your philosophy again?” The elephants suddenly spoke. Somehow I was expecting it to happen. I was not surprised by anything anyway. I was just letting things flow and moved along.

“Like I said many times,” they continued, “you need to get out of your bubble. What rules are you following anyway? The rules you made for yourself and the world, they don’t serve anyone in the long run. You set up rules, and get disappointed when things don’t go your way. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Accept it and every of our problems will be solved.”

“I can’t, Dorothy. I can’t.” I said like a recording machine. I just did not have any will to explain anything anymore. I did it too many times with her. She just could not understand. I could not go against myself. I wanted more from the world. I could not stand hypocricy and mecrodity. I even talked about Duborg with her. He was stuck with his mecrodity: his wife, his books, his boring life. What she wanted me to be was to become like him, to become a conformist, a robot and not a human.

Somehow, in my indifference, I still wanted to stay human.

The elephants started running and stomping. I watched them run around me. No feeling whatsoever. I expected it to happen. They would run around until they became tired and bored with me, then floated away. Then I would be left in the dark. No more pink elephants, no more Dorothy…

No more Dorothy. I guessed it had been that way since she pushed me into this clinic. We hardly saw each other since. The doctor kept telling me to write to her often. I did, just to please him. I did not expect any reply. She was too tired of me, just like the elephants when they were done running. She was tired of having to talk to me too.

A sharp noise startled me. Suddenly I was in my room again. I was standing near the big mirror. There were no more elephants with human faces here. I realized that I had been walking around for 5 minutes, according to the clock on the desk.

It was just another hallucinating trip I had. “Hallucinating trip” was a word made up by the doctor when I started seeing things. He said the alcohol messed up with my brain and I needed to stop drinking to stop it.

I did not think it was hallucination, because I kept seeing the same elephants again and again. Hallucination did not repeat itself like that.

It was my problem of ruminating through things that should be forgotten. Pink elephants and Dorothy.

And that mystery: EC said he needs a break from Fluther for a while. But if you follow my link you can meet him. He is always there :)
TJBM is tired.

What link @Mimishu1995 ?

TJBM wonders what link @Mimishu1995 is talking about because they want to stalk EC.

No, I just wonder why EC blew the scene. I’ll get you the link, but good luck with it. I can’t seem to get in there. TJBM wonders why I cant get in there. Tried my lap top and smart phone both, no banana.

No mystery. Sometimes EC needs the noise of Fluther to dull a bit in his brain before he comes back.
TJBM is a forgiving person.

We all leave at one time or another.

^^???!!

SORRY!!

TJBM has left Fluther at one time or another vowing never to return.

Jonesy did. Reincarnated as…
ME! Crowd cheers
TJBM knows EC will be back, when he darn well feels like it.

Yep.

TJBM has been here for….a long time.

Yes!

TJBM is watching a nature documentary.

No. I’m fooling around in chat.
TJBM will go to chat too! Hey Nomore, if you are tired with the registering, you can go there to chill while waiting.

Might do that but not tonight. About to hit the hay. TJ BM will join Mimi in chat

I did. I’m back.
TJBM has a hairy back.

Chest, not back. Hairy backs are gross, I have been told. TJBM is about to hunker down for the night.

I only hunker down for tornades and sometimes storms.

TJBM is thinking of going to bed like a normal person who isn’t in a bomb shelter. poke @NomoreY_A!

LOL Well, TJBM can go to bed any which way they want, I plan to hunker down under a wool blanket, Old Man Winter is here.

In the words of @Strauss
^^???!!.

HA! I have heated, king size waterbed! And now I await your required TJBM statement.

It is there. Where is yours?

Oh. I was expecting a seperate sentence. My bad.

Old Man Winter is not here for TJBM.

Old man winter is not attracted to me. Anyway, the leaves are only just beginning to turn. Winter can’t come before Halloween.
TJBM will tell us what song they last listened to, chosen music, not random radio selection, or store music.

This one! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L4G4G_udnrE

TJBM Will show us another favorite competition on YouTube

Yawn…too early to compete on youtube or watch the boob tube TJBM will bring coffee for all hands.

I only have two hands, hence two cups of coffee!

cU cU

TJBM isn’t into coffee.

FALSE!
I usually drink 3–4 large mugs a day.

TJBM has a habit they consider a borderline addiction.

Dew.
TJBM Dew you?

Nope, but my oldest is definitely on the Dew.

TJBM prefers to live in the country.

I have before but property taxes qgot too high and we had to relocate. TJBM has lived in the country.

Just visited. Never lived.
TJBM has good experience with the country.

Yes.
TJBM has milked a cow.

Yes!

TJBM isn’t a feared of bugs and creepy crawlies.

Afeared of some, love others.
Not a spider fan like TJAM. I will soon be watching that famous spider movie soon though. As Halloween draws near, Arachnophobia is a must see.
TJBM has a spooky sounds recording to enchant the tricker treaters.

No I don’t, but not a bad idea. The TJBM is getting into the holiday spirit. Another holiday season upon us, where does the time go?

No holiday for me this month unfortunately :(
TJBM has no holiday.

I wish I were true, I’m already in Bah, Humbug mode. Halloween, Thanksgiving, (relatives) and Christmas / New Years. Can I give them all a pass this year? TJBM is in Scrooge mode as well.

I’m not a fan of holidays anymore. Fragrances are everywhere, and we have been duped into believing the FDA has our backs regarding what’s in them. Do your own research folks. Search for “toxins in fragrances”, and search for how fragrances are full of hormone disrupters that affect your and your kids’ health.

Glad I don’t wear after shave any more. My wife doesn’t care if I smell good when I go to work. By the way, TJAM forgot to add TJBM. Blasphemy!

It sure is, and I sure did! I’m a baaaad snowberry! I just got on my soapbox, and lost sight of TJBM.

TJBM will find out why fragrances are the new second hand smoke.

I’m not ready for research, but most of them make me sneeze, so I avoid them.
TJBM will pour smell on themselves that was made in a lab, just because some guy says it is worth a hundred bucks an ounce.

So…if I wear 2 ounces he’ll give me two hundred bucks?

TJBM doesn’t do perfumes.

No. Perfume is just to expensive to be wasteful. I only do perfumes on very special occasions.
TJBM knows why adults don’t want holiday.

Because they feel so much pressure to buy, decorate, comply with traditions, they no longer can find the joy.
TJBM has found the joy.

Try to. Most of it is in my grandkids.

TJBM worked hard today.

Yep. Cross off one more honey-do!

TJBM has a honey-do list.

Nope. No honey.
TJBM has a honey, but they won’t “do”.

Mine does do a lot of “honey dos”. Last night he fixed the garage door! And he he loves me and is kind and funny too!

Not again…TJBM will not forget “TJBM”

Wish someone would pop in and play. Bored silly at work. Uh, I mean I need something to do. TJBM is having morning coffee.

Aw, I’m here. Sorry about the forgetting part! Yes on the coffee.

TJBM isn’t allowed to play on his phone at work.

Lol. Er, wouldn’t think of it. Hey look, an owl! Cough. TJBM has a busy weekend planned.

My weekend is always my work time so…
TJBM works on the weekend :(

Yup- but I only work 36 hours a week so I can’t complain. TJBM has independent means.

Not really.

TJBM has tasted dog food before. When I was very small I used to eat it!

Ew! No, unless you count breathing through my mouth when dumping a can of it for the family dog.
TJBM has tasted suff made for babies, to find out what they are subjecting their offspring to.

Oh sure. Loved the peaches. Loved the peaches in baby cereal. My youngest daughter was forever prone to eye infections and eye problems. My pediatrician suggested I was her eyes with baby shampoo when I gave her a bath. I tried it on myself first. Amazing powers to dry them up with no sting.

TJBM gets annoyed when Jellies visit randomly and rarely, and started posting on threads they haven’t read, pontificating wisdom that, surely, no one else on the thread, has thought of.

Lol. Or, visits rarely, only to ask the same, or similar questions already asked in the past.
Yeahright has a history of “unruly students” and claims to fear being backed down by the student to the principal.
TJBM looks back at question histories when a jelly shows up infrequently, then gets a trollish attitude.

Only if it jogs my memory. Who was that one chick who was convinced all the men were looking at her at work? I thought those were never going to end.

TJBM did some pretty hard labor today.

Not yet. Later this evening.

I looked back. Either he’s staring at me has multiple incarnations, or some guy is making lots of girls uneasy. LOL
I got pretty tired of that too.
I got modded real fast for my last comment to the teacher.
Good grief he/she whines about students take control of the class, afraid to talk to student, parent, or administration. That’s no teacher. That’s a fucktard, with a certificate.
TJBM thinks I should come back to Fluther when I’m not wound so tight.

Methinks I agree @Patty_Melt!

TJBM shouldn’t Fluther when they are in a bad mood. They will get their ass kicked! I should know!

Hmmm… I went deeper back on teacher, who used to be a college prof, and had much better English than now.
Somebody is playing games.

TJBM likes board games.

Is this the thread to talk about other users? just curious.

Are you?
Yes, it is. It is for playing, and griping, and comparing. We learn things on this thread, and get things off our chest on this thread, and explore new ideas on this thread, and if you are not following the rules of TJBM and posting in proper form, then go to another thread.

Everybody is in a snarly mood tonight, methinks…TJBM will be happy and cheerful at all times, like moi. Most of the time.

Yes, I have been said to be optimistic, even though I write dark fiction.
TJBM is very optimistic.

Yes, I am. Fluther is a drag. Bye.
TJBM is TJBM

Yeah, I’m below you.
TJBM hopes @Patty_Melt will stay around.

Absolutely!

T
J
B
M

w
R
I
T
E
S

V
E
R
T
I
C
A
L
L
Y
!

N
W
O
D

E
D
I
S
P
U

Y
L
N
O

N
E
H
T

D
N
A

Y
L
L
A
N
O
I
S
A
C
C
O

Y
L
N
O

T
U
B

,
S
E
Y

TJBM can make sense of the answer.

Never an Egyptologist around when you need one. TJBM will post in English.

What is this anyway?
TJBM understands what I say.

Tôi hiểu.

Hint: Read read the post above my last post from top down and my last post from bottom up.

TJBM likes word puzzles.

elihw a ni ecno niarb ym ecitcarp ot ekil I, sey.
TJBM knows that human can read anything as long as the first and last words are in the right order.

I know. And I read @Strauss’ answer. It said, “YES BUT ONLY OCCASIONALLY AND THEN ONLY UPSIDE DOWN.”

TJBM read @Strauss’ answer.

I did and chalked it up to a dead language. Thats why I was looking for someone to decipher hieroglyphics.TJBM is older than I am. And when I was born, the Dead Sea was still alive.

I Was Born About 10,000 Years Ago.

TJBM is older than I am.

I was born at the same time as an ancient comet called Spermic hit the giant yellow star called Eggolate and caused a massive chain reaction in the star’s core.
TJBM is bored and will tell us about their star sign.

My favorite star is the sun.

TJBM uses lots of sunscreen.

Never touch the stuff. TJBM doesn’t tan, they burn.

I do tan but I avoid both too much sun and sunscreen. I’ve had bad experiences with sunscreen that I don’t ever want to duplicate.

Oops, forgot this was TJBM

TJBM will tell us their favorite foods. Yes, food! Lots of it!

A a heart attack special from MickeyDs can’ t be beat. TJBM likes fast food as well.

In small dose it’s actually good :)
TJBM will tell us about something they enjoy in small dose.

Cheese cake!

TJBM does not feel fast food joints are to blame for obesity.

Lack of self control and poor lifestyle choices are to blame for obesity. Anyone who insists otherwise is fooling themselves.

TJBM has miles to go before they sleep.

Yeah. Gotta get something to eat before I faint! And I gotta pick cotton. I have cousins in the North West who are just going apeshit over the fact that I can just go to a field and pick some cotton and ship it to them! Apparently cotton stalks, for arts and crafts, are expensive. I’ll probably send them some barley, too. SMH.

TJBM knows whether or not shipping that kind of stuff across state lines is illegal or not.

I imagine the biggest concern is about accidentally introducing new agricultural pests to that area.

Here is a link to the agriculture department of Arizona.
https://agriculture.az.gov/plants/what-we-grow/cotton

Look up the department of agriculture for the state you’re shipping to, find a phone number, and ask them.

TJBM will tell us how it is going with the cotton pickin’ Govmint and its regulations!

It’s going. Go a bunch more today because now my crazy cousins are putting in custom orders! I also threw in some milo stalks for good measure.
They owe me.

TJBM hopes it freezes hard the next couple of nights to kill off any pests that might be in the cotton.

Sure! And failing that, stick ‘em in the freezer overnight before you ship.

TJBM likes food from the Middle East.

How do they taste like anyway?
TJBM likes Asian food.

I do like Asian. TJBM likes oatmeal for breakfast.

It’s good! Especially with fruit and/or nuts in it!

TJBM likes fruit or nuts for breakfast.

No.

TJBM eats 3 meals a day + snacks inbetween.

I average 2 a day pass on lunch at times. Pig out in between. Can’t go wrong with a milkey way and Dr. Pepper. TJBM will second that.

Eating that on an empty stomach would make me sick! Dr. Pepper is SO GROSS!!

TJBM is mad that McDs quit serving bagels.

Yes but not surprised. MickyD is a flakey outfit at any rate. TJBM says Dr. Pepper is NOT gross! A fine beverage.

DOCTOR PEPPER IS GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TJBM thinks Doctor Pepper is only good for a Beatles song title. They ARE lonely hearts for a reason, you know.

I’m not a fan of carbonated beverages. They’re ALL gross! So there!

TJBM is a sugar fiend.

I don’t care what anyone says. I like my sugar!
TJBM is passing Halloween.

Nope got 3 young grandkids who still trick or treat
They had fun so all good. TJBM had fun as well.

@Dutchess. It was Sgt Pepper girl. Not Dr. Pepper ; ) TJBM wants to buy the world a Coke.

A Diet Coke.

TJBM just shipped a million tons of cotton to relatives who were stunned that I could just go out in a field and pick some!

TJAM is a regular cotton picker what says TJBM?

I am NOT a “regular” cotton picker. I will never pick and ship cotton ever again!

TJBM knows that one stalk of cotton from Hobby Lobby is $7.00!! And it’s not even a real stalk! It’s wrapped brown paper!

in my state; if you get caught with crop items (cotton bolls etc.) from a field, they can and do fire first one and then the other barrel of the shot gun.

TJBM is waiting for the echo from the shotgun.

I am holding the gun!
TJBM can shoot.

I can, but I usually don’t, unless I’m hungry.

TJBM has eaten something they hunted.

Vegetables, because they’re easier to sneak up on!

TJBM isn’t going to bed anytime soon.

I’m still here.
TJBM is still here.

Barely here, just got up. My son came by and made coffee for me and his mom and told us to face the land of the living. TJBM is dragging today as well.

With a cold.

TJBM tells-or used to tell- their kids funny saying to wake them up.

@Tropical_Willie I sneaked!

No. I am anything but funny in the morning.

TJBM hates waking up in the morning.

I don’t mind the morning, it’s just the waking up part. I sometimes have some good dreams.

TJBM has Dreams To Remember.

I do remember some of my crazy dreams.

TJBM remembers bad dreams more vividly than good dreams.

I have more goofy dreams than good or bad ones and I’ll wake up like wtf was that about? Like wearing a tux to work. TJBM has silly dreams.

I rarely remember my dreams. The ones I do remember can be pretty strange.

TJBM was extremely flexible as a child.

I think all children are.

TJBM has been in top shape for much of their life. Until recently. :(

Ussd to be back I when jogged and worked out. Then I got old and lazy. TJBM is or was also in good condition.

I’m still doing good.
TJBM is up.

For a few minutes. My puppy doesn’t understand the concept of Daylight Saving Time.

TJBM is still up.

Been up since 5 AM. Had to work today but that extra hour of sleep was nice. TJBM slept late.

Which time; 3AM, 6AM or 8AM.

TJBM doesn’t live where DST is used.

I wish I didn’t. The only time it affected me was when I went to bars to hang out.

One of my favorite things to do as a bartender was turn the clock back one hour, ring the happy hour bell and have the band play one more set!

The two TJAMs Forgot something.

TJBM will tell me what it was !

TJBM.
TJBM is the God here!

OK, if you say so!

TJBM thinks that TJAM is right; I am the God here.

Seize that knave. He will be tried for blasphemy and put in the pillory. TJBM likes the Puritans.They miss the days of witch trials and stealing corn from Indians.

No. The Puritans were totally impure. All hail @Strauss! Can I have a pony? Praying…

TJBM thinks they may finally be on the mend.

I was never broken in the first place. TJBM says it is freezing cold outside.

Not freezing, but it got into the low 40’s (F) last night.

TJBM has good news. Please share!

It’s snowing! It’s officially Christmas time!
TJBM loves Christmas.

Bah and humbug. Too expensive when you have 7 grandkids to buy for. TJBM says you can keep the snow as well.

No. Snow would be OK right now. If it’s a LOT of snow. Not that dusting thing.

TJBM loves Scentsy warmers.

Never heard tell of such. Hope my Long John’s aren’t sentsy. TJBM knows what a smelley warmer is.

Man! They’re pretty cool! It’s just a lamp, basically, with a metal tray on top. You buy wax cubes to put in the tray, and the light melts the wax. You can get a thousand different scents. Right now I’m running Pumpkin/Apple or Fir (Christmas tree.) You can get crap like “cinnamon roll,” but it will mess up your diet! Scentsy.

TJBM feels like a spammer, though they are not.

It’s hard not to feel like one when so many of my fellow countrymen sign in just to spam to the point that many sites have to ban my IP.
TJBM is glad they live in a spam-free country.

And what country would that be? The whole damn world is out to make a buck. TJBM is looking for The Land That Time Forgot.

Well, I have The Land Before Time>
Cooper is 2½, but still not talking much. Except when it comes to Sharptooth, from the Land Before Time.
A couple of weeks ago we were there. We were just hanging out of the couch when Cooper started screaming and screaming in the basement. I evaluated the scream and knew it wasn’t serious.
I said, “What’s that all about??”
Chris said, “Sharptooth showed up.”
Then I heard the screaming start up the stairs and Cooper scrambled to the top of the stairs and took off for his room, screaming the whole way. When he got in his room he stopped screaming.
I followed him to his room, and watched as he started looking under things. He looked under the beds, he looked under a shirt that was on the floor, he looked under a book….
I said, “You lookin’ for Sharptooth?
He looked at me and just screamed a short, sqwaking scream.
Then he was done.
Later in the day Chris yelled, “Look out for Sharptooth, Cooper!”
Cooper screamed.
Today we were there and the kids were bouncing around on the couch beside me. Chris said something about “Sharptooth,” and Cooper yelled, “SHARPTOOTH!!!!!!!!”
That’s almost the only word he knows!
For a brief time we were in the basement. Land Before Time was on. Kids were all bouncing around. Cooper suddenly slammed on his breaks and ran over to the TV and stared intently at it.
I said, “When does Sharptooth show up, Chris?”
Chris said, “Right about now…..”
SMH. Crazy, crazy children!

TJBM thinks little kids are freaking hilarous!

Indeed. My youngest grandaughter knows all the songs in Muwana by heart and sings them constantly. TJBM remembers a song or movie from childhood.

^^Awesome, @Dutchess_III!
Yes. I had a record of children’s songs. “... and they swam and they swam all over the dam!”

TJBM Will share some children’s songs from their childhood.

Davy, Davy Crocket King of the Wild Frontier, seeing his duty clear. TJBM will also date themself with a kiiddie song they remember.

It’s Howdy Doody Time, it’s Howdy Doody Time . . . .

TJBM Remembers Grampy’s House Song from Betty Boop.

No, I’m not familiar with that one. But I do remember thr Howdy Doody Show.

TJBM remembers the Howdy Doody Theme Song.

I remember hearing it, don’t remember all the words.
I saw a commercial today for something which made me confused about whether to laugh or cry.
Anybody ever heard of something called a Wonder Bible?
TJBM has a product in mind which they think is insanely ridiculous.

Yes, Museum of the Bible which kinda smells like Hobby Lobby

TJBM knows about that connection.

Nope, and I’m a Christian too!

TJBM is turning in for the night. I am.

It’s not night yet.
TJBM is glad the game has been revived!

It keeps running.

TJBM was afraid of the dark as a child (and at times still is).

No. Not me. I always liked it really really really dark for good sleeping. I really loved sleeping as a kid and it’s still a bit of a talent.

TJBM will tell us what their superpower is.

Immortality.
TJBM has defeated a monster foe. (Who/what?)

Oops, I gave the wrong answer here so I’m correcting now.

The biggest scariest monsters I ever had were the ones in my head.

They are all gone now and the pain from my past no longer hurts. It has been replaced by an incredible peace.

TJBM is not a swimmer.

Liked swimming when i was a teen but burned out long ago. Still enjoy taking the grand kiids to the pool in the summer. TJBM likes the pool.

Only when it’s shallow enough :P
TJBM knows of a movie only about a pool I know this

Sunset Boulevard
Scroll down for the plot summary.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunset_Boulevard_(film) The beginning of the movie starts like this:

“At a Sunset Boulevard mansion in early 1949, the body of Joe Gillis floats in the swimming pool. In a flashback, Joe relates the events leading to his death.”

TJBM has seen Sunset Boulevard.

Yup didn’t care for it. TJBM is a fan of that film.

Haven’t watched it, but since it’s a film noir I’m planning to see it :)
TJBM cares too much.

About what?!?

TJBM knows about what?

Like, do you have anything that you care a lot for?
TJBM cares too much about something and will tell us about it.

Caring too much isn’t the right term, but it’s close. When I care so much about somebody that my love for them clouds my vision so that I stop doing what’s right for them and/or myself.

TJBM has great night vision.

Not really. Almost backed my Hyundai into a beer truck the other night. TJBM ate too much on Thanksgiving.

Nope. I’m still alive.
There is still some pie. Anybody for punkin or dutch apple?
TJBM saw the dog show and rooted for the ewok.

Yes! He is soooo cute!

TJBM has an interesting/funny/strange Thanksgiving or Christmas story from the past. Please share.

Well, we went camping ALLL last week at a neat little park just a few blocks from my son’s house. They had camper hook ups. The weather was astounding…in the 60’s and 70’s. We broke a record on Thanksgiving day of 79.
Lots of time with the 4 kids!
The playground was right outside the door. Kids pretty much lived on that playground.
There was a pavilion with a fire place not far from the swings. Friday we lit a fire and had a night time, winter time weiny roast! S’mores, the works.

Kids were running around in the dark, playing on the playground in the dark. It was really super, super great. It was the highlight of the trip, IMO.

These are just a few of the million pictures I took! My son caught this one though.

Pavilion out our picture window.

Camper from the pavilion.

TJBM feels holidays are always better with family, especially kids!

Yuppers holiday are for family.TJBM thinks so too.

Yes. Single people get left out a lot.
TJBM is a nose picker.

Only when there’s something worth picking up there.

For some reason that reminds me of an guy I once knew who was in his late twenties. He began having headaches, and found out it was because of a penny he put up his nose when he was a child!

TJBM agrees that you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you probably wouldn’t want to pick your friend’s nose!

@Strauss I’ll pass on that lol. @Dutchess_II great pics thanks for posting! TJBM is ready to break out the camping gear.

Thanks @NomoreY_A. I kinda like the pictures myself!

Yeah. This weather is totally camping weather! Breaking all kinds of records, but still gets cold at night.

TJBM loves to camp.

I used to.
TJBM is wondering not only how does a child get a penny in their nose, but also how the heck do they forget to take it back out??

I am now.
TJBM is fluthering from work.

I wish.

TJBM knows what their sodium level is. Mine is 133 W00T!!

How to measure it anyway?
TJBM knows about sodium level.

Yes done with a blood test, Na and K (sodium and potassium) are common minerals ion checked for general health.

TJBM is waiting for a package to be delivered from Iowa.

Nope, Kansas.
TJBM is sedated.

Nope just had my second cup of coffee.

TJBM has more than one clock in the room where they are sitting. (Wristwatches or watches on fob don’t count)

One alarm clock and the clock on my phone if you count that. TJBM is having ham and eggs for breakfast.

Bacon and toast.

TJBM knows about that connection.

What connection?

TJBM knows about that connection.

I guess I missed something.
TJBM has a new pet,

Dad sometimes gets new fish, but not now.
TJBM has an unusual pet.

No. Have had several possums that wanted to be my pet but I said “No.”

TJBM is cleaning house today.

Chilling today. Got to work all weekend. TJBM is planning a holiday road trip.

No. Did that for Thanksgiving.

TJBM has really scaled back on Christmas over the last few years.

Yep.
TJBM wants pudding.
Think I’ll be having minions banana.

Egg custard or chocolate is my favorite pudding. TJBM is making pies for Christmas.

My mum and I actually are! The fruit mince filling is busy doing it’s stuff with the Pimms at the moment. (Pimms is being used because we still have an excess after my Dad bought the mother load for his 50th birthday because they were on sale, it goes great in Christmas pudding when you have neither orange juice or the alcohol)

TJBM Has their Christmas tree up already if they celebrate Christmas

Not yet putting it up Friday night. Have to adjust for family work schedules. TJBM is thru Christmas shopping.

No Christmas. No shopping here. Only me and an exam :(
TJBM has a sad Christmas ~

I did last year. I am hoping for better tbis year.
TJBM enjoys learning science.

Not so much more of a history guy. Had to give up on science when me and a bud tried to emulate the atom bomb in10th grade and burned a hole in the teachers desk. TJBM is a science buff.

I wouldn’t say science buff, but I do love me some quality discovery channel science documentaries. I probably know about a lot of different areas in very little (to non existent) detail. Biology is probably my strongest suit because I’m actually studying that in school!

TJBM Has conducted a catastrophic experiment before (or knows someone who has) and will tell us about it

Not sure if it was an experiment, but it certainly was catastrophic! Someone took what smells like a lot of vanilla cookies, mashed them up and mixed them up in a bucket of water, then used the mess to mop the floor in the boys restroom of a school with an old T-shirt. The janitors have been scrubbing on it for a week and it’s finally starting to look like a restroom again instead of a disaster scene. This took a tremendous amount of effort to accomplish and it certainly took a lot of time to make the mess. Why they thought it was a good idea I will never understand. Teen age boys. I guess that’s the only answer I’ll ever have.

TJBM will explain what was behind that crazy behavior.

Brain dead teenagers. That rather reminds me of a story my BIL told us once. Some kids had been going around my sister’s and BIL neighborhood bashing in car windows with a bat. My BIL was enraged! He said, “I didn’t realize how PISSED OFF people got when I did it!”

TJBM did brainless stuff as a teenager and they will share some.

We used to break beer bottles in peoples driveway. Or lurk outside of covenience stores waiting for some some dummy to agreee to buy us beer. Then we would haull ass with the beer without giving them one like we promised. TJBM alsondid dumb shit as a teen.

Did donuts in the school parking lot on weekends sometimes, in my mom’s Valiant. Once, a boy in the car grabbed the steering wheel. I gave it a jerk and plowed out to the middle of the soft, wet lawn. It sunk a good ten inches, and I couldn’t budge it. I sent one of the kids with me down the street to fetch a boy with a great big 4×4 to pull us out. He did, but I got busted anyway. The principal sentenced me to bring a shovel and fill in the trench tracks I left.

TJBM will observe a moment of silence in honor of our friend, Espiritus Corvus.
May he sail the Milkyway forever content, with his loyal but aloof cat.

Amen

;(

Fare thee well my musical friend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6-mo4jS8VI

I think we should start a new TJBM, and leave EC the last word here.