I'm really upset about something right now and I need a little cheering up. Anybody got a weird or funny story?
I’m upset about one of my best friends. She is going through a really tough time and I’m sad about it. I’m trying to help her as best as I can. Right now I just need a good laugh.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”
@josie Lol it took me a sec to get it but it’s funny
When I was fourteenish, my younger brother answered the bell from the front door (we lived on the first floor, so we had to look down the stairs to see who was at the door).
There was an old guy, unbeknownst to us, cupping his hands in front of him asking “Is this your frog?”
Years ago, before we met, my husband was a bouncer at a strip club. His roommate was a dancer there. So they’d have people over, and order a couple of pizzas.
Ding-dong! Pizza delivery!
She’d jump up, “I got it!”—then strip down naked and answer the door.
They never paid for pizza.
HA HA HA @Muad_Dib!
A dyslexic man walked into a bra…..
A guy goes to see his doctor for a routine checkup. The doctor looks more and more worried as the examination progresses. Finally he looks up at the guy and says “I’m sorry I don’t know how to break this news to you but you are terminally ill. I give you ten”.
“What”, says the guy “Ten? Is that ten years, ten months or ….. ten weeks?”
The doctor looks up into his eyes and says, “nine “.
A homeless man was jumping on a man hole cover saying 28, 28 , 28 and a man walks up and asks what he was doing and he says ok you try. The man jumps on the man hole cover and falls though to the bottom. The homeless man shouts on the cover, 29, 29, 29.
Two scientists walk into a bar. First scientist says, “I’d like some H2O.
The second scientist says, “I’d like some H2O too.”
The second scientist dies.
(This joke is probably better as a verbal joke!)
@Zachary_Mendes123 Sorry Here is the original joke.
A drunk man is walking through the streets in the early hours of the morning and hears someone shouting down a alley. As he gets closer he hears what is being shouted.
“13…13…13…13”
just over and over again, so he follows the sound and finds a rather strange man jumping up and down on a manhole.
“Excuse me, What are you doing exactly?” The drunk asked the Strange man.
“I am experiencing the most amazing high at the moment.” he replies
“have you taken drugs or something?” The drunk asks
“Nope just getting high on what I am doing.” The strange man laughs.
“How?” the drunk is curious but a little dubious too.
“Come stand on the manhole and jump as high as you can and then at the peak of your jump shout 13” The strange man explains.
“Why 13?”
“Why not?” The strange man replies.
So the drunk stands on the manhole and jumps up as high as he can and shouts 13.
“No, no, no, no. Higher and louder” the strange man shouts
Again the drunk jumps but higher and shouts even louder, after a couple of jumps he starts to feel good.
“Oh shit, you’re right. I’m starting to feel good” the drunk shouts happily and begins to jump again.
Just as the drunk reaches the peak of his jump the strange man yanks the manhole cover off and lets the drunk fall to his death. He places the cover back on and continues to do what he did before the drunk arrived.
“14…14…14…14…14…14…14”
Blind man walks by the fish market, tips his hat, says,“ladies”, and continues on his way.
I just got home from the hospital. I was there over a week.
Nurse came on duty, she had already spent three or four shifts with me.
Cheerfully she announced she was there to take my vitals.
I told her she couldn’t because I ran out. She stared a full five seconds before she got it.
In a related story, the same woman turned down Jose Canseco. He used to come by the apartment and wait for her. Totally creeped her out. Hubby’s all, “You know he’s a millionaire, right?” And she’s like, “I don’t care, he’s weird.”
Cool chick.
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