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Kardamom's avatar

Would you be willing to accept advice from someone who was not exactly like you?

Asked by Kardamom (33525points) October 13th, 2017

Sometimes I wonder why people bother to even ask questions at all. The only person who is exactly like you is you.

Would you be willing to accept advice from somebody who is not exactly like you? What I mean is, would you be willing to accept advice from someone who is not a parent, or who is not married, or who doesn’t have pets, or someone who doesn’t own a home, or someone who is in a different profession, or who lives in a different country?

What if the person (who is not you) is a judge, or a police officer, or has 3 step-children, or 3 adopted children, or is a teacher, or a single mother, or a gay man or woman, or a single man or woman, or is a volunteer at an animal shelter, or a woman’s shelter, or a homeless shelter, or who lives in a different country, or whose first language is not English? Would that matter to you? If so, why or why not?

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19 Answers

an_hero's avatar

Depends on the advice, and in what exact ways is the said adviser same or different than me.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Yeah. It depends on the question. But if it is politely and respectively delivered then I will thank the person. I’ll have to decide whether the advice is good for me but I appreciate that someone genuinely try to help.

Kardamom's avatar

So, if the person was_exactly_ like you, then you wouldn’t even have to say, “It depends on the question”? You would consider/accept that advice outright? The fact that the person was not exactly like you is not exactly the problematic aspect?

What I am concerned about it, is if the fact that unless the person is exactly like you, then you would literally have to make a big decision, to accept their advice, or give a precise reason for why you cannot accept their advice. Is that the case, or do you base your willingness to decide upon people’s answers if they are actually relevant to your question?

What I really want to know is if you are willing to accept advice or answers from people who might have more relevant experience, even if they are not like you, or not similar to you.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

It would completely depend on the advice needed and the individual who offered it. I can’t answer this question because it’s just not objective at all.

Zaku's avatar

Yes, though I think all advice should be taken as a suggestion worth considering, not as instructions to follow. Advice given as “you should do this” or taken as instructions rather than suggestions, can be a problem all by itself. For one thing, it can be a way of abdicating responsibility for choosing your own life.

I would also say that advice should be considered mainly based on the suggestions in the advice themselves, as they relate to you, and not so much in relation to the person giving the advice (not too much weight given to the advice of people who are supposed to have authority or knowledge, and not too little weight given to the advice of people who have negative stigmas).

jonsblond's avatar

I agree with the others who say it depends. Every question is different and every question comes from a different mind set. All questions are not equal.

There are people who ask questions out of boredom. There are people who ask questions because they have an inquisitive mind. There are also people who ask questions out of desperation. When it comes to desperation I think it is important to not question the should’ve/could’ve/would’ve. You can’t change the past. When a person is desperate they are at their lowest. At this point there needs to be some compassion. This is when a person might not accept advice from someone who doesn’t understand. Someone who is “different.”
just my opinion. I’m not here to argue.

Any other time I’m willing to hear from others who are different.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Differing opinions, are sometimes the most valid…

Unofficial_Member's avatar

It’s generally not about acceptance, it’s more about my willingness to considerate their contribution. Yes, I like to hear opinion from people that are in different position than me, one way or another it’s a food for thought, in fact, people that are in different position might give you an alternative/better answers that you never thought of, instead of just relying on people who are in the same position as yourself.

I, however, generally respect the demand of the OP if the OP insist in the title that only certain people from certain demography may answer the question. For example, one may ask: Carpenters, what is the best way to cut a tree? I won’t answer as the OP is obviously expecting people of certain criteria that I don’t possess. I actually hate it when people limit their question to only certain people, that may as well pass as discrimination.

flutherother's avatar

You ask advice to get insight into a problem. How much weight you give to their advice depends on the advisor’s background and experience and how valuable you feel the advice is. Only you can decide whether to follow the advice you are given but it is worth getting input from others before you make up your mind.

cookieman's avatar

Sure. It comes down to their credibility and sincerity.

Best parenting advice I ever got was from someone who had no kids (at the time).

And, I’ve received lots of awful parenting advice from people with kids.

NomoreY_A's avatar

Why not? As my old pappy used to say, if everyone in the world was exactly the same, it’d be a pretty dull damn world.

canidmajor's avatar

When you say “accept advice” do you mean “follow advice”? If I ask a question, I will certainly accept all well intentioned advice, but I will likely not follow such advice unless I deem both the advice and source to be credible.

It entirely depends on the person’s experience and credibility. Non-parents who haven’t raised children or even lived with children on a day to day basis don’t have credibility in parenting issues, as they don’t understand the complex emotional (or often physical) issues that arise or are continually present.
I will happily consult an expert in a field for advice, but an anonymous user on the internet, no matter how vociferously they defend their credentials, will be met with skepticism.

The “I don’t have kids/this disease/any pets myself but my neighbor who has (whatever the topic is) said…” kind of statement on an anonymous internet site carries no weight with me.

People with similar experiences to me are not exactly the same as me, but would probably have more insight into my particular circumstamnces.

Mariah's avatar

I am very skeptical of anyone who thinks they know what they would do in my shoes, or who thinks they know what I should do without having my lived experiences.

I ask for advice to get different points of view but in the end the choice of what to do next is mine, and I’m the only one who has all the facts of my situation. I trust my own judgement best.

This isn’t a matter of disrespecting other people’s experiences, especially if they’re relevant to my situation, but recognizing the limitations of people’s ability to “imagine” or empathize with situations they have not been through.

JLeslie's avatar

Absolutely. The people not like me might have a very interesting perspective on my situation. They even might have been through a similar situation, but handle it very differently than I typically do. Or, the situation might be that they aren’t similar to me, but have been on the other side of a situation like mine.

Moreover, if you want your life to move in a particular direction, you need to talk to and observe those who live that life. They know best how to get there, not the people like you who haven’t achieved it.

I have a girlfriend who just last week was “talking” about her sister in a critical way, and I said after hearing the story, “I am your sister in that story.” Meaning, I would probably do the same as her sister. I think it would help my friend with her sister if she tried to understand my thought process, and not be so judgmental or annoyed with her sister. She doesn’t need to completely agree or change who she is herself, but she could reframe the situation, and not let it wind her up so much.

As far as not having kids, well, I remember being a kid, so I still have that perspective, and I think it’s worth while. I also observe my friends with kids, so I think that’s worth while. However, I do know people without kids who are fairly unreasonable about kids.

Recently, there was a Q about having adult kids live with their parents, and one jelly who has a young child, answered the Q regarding friends of hers in that situation. For the life of me I don’t see why that’s such a big problem, but the OP didn’t want to hear any answers from anyone not in exactly that situation.

At the same time, sometimes no one can empathasize as well as the person who thinks like you and has been through the same situations, or who is in it at the same time. Especially, if they got through and have a good outcome, or are overall happy, they I think are great to listen to. I’d just warn that if you’re miserable in life, that sort of empathy can be counterproductive.

CWOTUS's avatar

There is no one who is exactly like I am. I can imagine some of you getting down on your knees in thanksgiving upon hearing that.

I only take advice from people who are “not exactly like me”. Not that I take much advice at all, but still… I’m just sayin’ here.

Strauss's avatar

I am unique, as is every other person on the planet. If I am offered advice, solicited or not, I will usually accept it in the spirit in which it was given.

Whether I follow that advice or not depends on a lot of other factors.

Darth_Algar's avatar

How would anyone be exactly like me?

Anyway, advice should be asked for, given or acted upon only with careful consideration. I think that most people, in asking for advice, aren’t really seeking advise but are ether seeking easy answers or validation of what they already think. And most people, when giving advise, aren’t truly seeking to meaningfully advise, but rather looking to demonstrate that they know what’s best for you.

jonsblond's avatar

^great answer

marinelife's avatar

Yes, if something resonates with me I don’t care who said it.

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