Can you have too many friends?

Yes, because the more friends you have, the harder it is to spend meaningful time with each one of them.

For me, I would like to have more good friends, but I want good friends that will be an overall positive boon to my life, where already I feel I struggle to have enough time and energy for the things I want and need to do. So it feels like an investment to try to develop friendships, and I don’t seem to have great access to new people to try to befriend.

I’m generally friendly and open, but if I added bunches of people as friends I don’t know that I’d have much time for any of them, and I already know and am friends with quite a few quality people whom I don’t seem to find much time to be with.

There is a huge difference between friends and acquaintances. You only have time for a handfull of active friends. If you keep a lot you’re not going to be able to give them the time they deserve. Honestly I have little more time for anyone except my wife. I have a lot of acquaintances that I can rely on. I try to be there for them when they really need it. I’m pretty introverted so I really relish alone time when I can get it.

I have no problem meeting new people and am generally viewed as friendly. But just because I meet someone and talk to them, I don’t consider them friends. Or at least no good friends. I have only a few good friends. I think the difference to me is that I meet a lot of people and consider some good acquaintances, but if I didn’t see them for 6 months and we suddenly ran into each other, we probably wouldn’t be anywhere near as close. But the good friends I may not see for years, yet if we call one another or meet up, we are just as close and comfortable with each other as if we were together every day.

I think it varies from one person to another. And it can change over time. I had friends back in the day, that I was tight with, but when they cross my mind today, it’s meh… I have run into people I barely knew and we’ll talk for several hours. Times change and people change. My experience any way, for what it’s worth.

I read somewhere that a person on average has 150 friends and members in ones social circle. 2nd edition Dungeons and Dragons have max 150 henchmen for 18 Or 25 Charisma. I forget which.

I’ve been thinking about this same deal lately. I think it comes down to how you spend time with people. I’m not sure I can figure out how to explain it clearly, but bear with.

I like to do things, and might see my friends there, or even invite them. They do the same for me, but the activity is the draw, friends are a really great bonus. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll go do something I’m ambivalent about with a great crowd, but generally there’s an activity that brings us together. The investment really is in the activity/interest/hobby.

My wife likes to hang with people. She calls them and sees what they want to do together. It’s about the people. They go have lunch, or coffee, or sit and talk. It’s a different mechanic, the investment really is in the people, the activity is secondary.

I’m of the opinion you can’t have too many friends, and maybe it’s because there really isn’t a cost. It’s just more people you like doing things with. But that’s not true if the goal is to spend time with individual people and the focus is on their company.

So if you tend to seek out people and build your “friend time” around them, I think you can have too many friends. Those relationships take time, planning, and understanding.

If instead you seek out activities, and your friends make up the people around you, then why not have more friends? You’d instead wonder if you could have too many hobbies/activities, right?

Edit was 50 henchmen for 25 charisma and 15 for 18 charisma. Maybe more charisma is linked to how many friends you can have.

I tried quantity over quality and it made my life miserable. I’m kind and helpful with strangers and acquaintances, but my list of true friends is limited.

I think at some point when you relate to a bunch of people the term friends becomes acquaintances.

Due to my introversion I only have the energy to spend a few hours a week being social. If I push myself beyond that I get very tired and my quality of life is diminished.

So for me, with my limited social resources, it’s better to have a small group of friends. That way I can be a good friend to a small number of people rather than being a shitty and distant friend to a large number of people. A handful of close friends is worth far more to me than a crowd of acquaintances.

The way you speak about friends as a means to an end is a little disturbing to me.

Making friends is easy?

Try Europe, not so easy!

I used to have tons of friends, I found that because I was a warm and friendly person I drew them to me like a magnet.

I’ve been in the UK now 5 years, I cannot say I have one friend. Here things are a little different. For e.g. at home in SA one would meet someone and you’d click then organize dinner or a meetup. Here I hear, that you have to meet people a good few times before doing that. Having said that I don’t go out much for health reasons. So it’s also me.

When I had loads of ‘friends’ I realized that some were true friends, some friends were good for a laugh, some were for more serious things, some were ‘going out’ friends, shopping friends and so on. Some friend I could tell anything to, others not so much.

I’m more choosy now too. So yes and no!

I agree with you, to some degree making friends on this site is not easy. I do know that a lot of people who choose to spend a lot of time on the net suffer from illnesses for e.g. social phobia or whatever. So, I am not sure ‘net’ friends are the way to go?

No, but the more you have, the more drama and the more you have to play catch up. Making friends for me now isn’t as easy as it was when I was a kid. I prefer to have one or two good friends and a significant other. I don’t need to have a million friends.