General Question
Are gut feelings always accurate?
So long story short, there’s a guy who I have been talking to, and seeing off & on for almost a year in a half from work. There’s a lot of drama/history that happened between me, and this guy, just some problems with him using one time for money, pestering for it, until he got the answer he wanted, and me threatening cops to get it back right after I gave in & he got it, I freaked out. I don’t want to go into every detail about our history because I don’t want anyone commenting on the money situation, and it wasn’t all his fault. I could have handled the pressure differently. I shouldn’t have gave in, there’s TWO sides to every story. It was a MISTAKE. And not to mention, I told people at work behind his back, and word got out, so that’s what I did wrong.
But there is something I really need a good opinion on because it’s a serious subject, and I don’t wanna put myself in any more bad situations with this guy because honestly, I do still feel something for him, and I know I will still want to talk. Often times there’s always some reason girls stick around a guy, but they can’t seem to know the mystery to why, or they feel some type of happiness with them, or they could be just, “stuck.” And we put ourselves into these kinds of situations. And I know this subject is also complicated too sometimes, when people tell their story. It’s the subject of rape. I know it’s extreme. So i’m going to tell you why i’m bringing this subject up. I always ask close friends for opinions, just to kind of get a different prospective/outlook. From what ever I told my friends about this guy, they ALL have said they got a rapy vibe (which i’ve never heard anyone say they get that type of vibe), and they deacribed him as creepy, weird, and flakey (creepy & weird can go hand in hand with rape). Even one of our co works named Mike, has said he seems like a creep and weird. Mike has also said one time he seems f****** in the head becaue he got mad at Mike one time, then completly flipped the scripped, and acted all nice. A girl friend of mine i’ve known since second grade who doesn’t have dating expience because of religion has said she got that vibe too, she told me, “Well, if were all saying it, don’t you think we could be on point here.” A guy friend of mine told me, “What if he did the same thing he did with the money with sex (i.e pester/take advantage of). I did a research paper in English last spring on sexual assault in college, just because this topic kept coincidentally coming up this year & last year (in fall), and I read a book that stated, “If someone is pushy about other things, that’s a sign they are most likely pushy when it comes to sex,” I intsantly thought of him being pushy about the money. Another thing is mom’s ALWAYS know when something is up, it’s called mothers intuition, but they don’t really know, unless you give them a reason to. And I do know every mom worries, but my mom has EVEN brought up the subject of rape like 3 times!! I’m not sure, if i’ve heard her bring up that subject so much in one year. And the thing is, she doesn’t know i’ve been to his place, or our whole history, or that he gives my friends that vibe. Of course every mom brings up topic like these to her daughter at least once or three times, she has in my life time, the last 2 times were 5 years ago, but she’s never brought it up so much in a year. I won’t go into details, but I believe in warnings because my family is religious, so we believe in GOD, and put him into our life problems, so I do think it’s some type of warning. I have to point out me, and him have had sex in the past once because I asked, and he said, “Don’t you want it to happen a different way,” I told him no there has to be consent, and after sex he gave me a glass of water and said, “I put the date rape drug in there, so in a few seconds your gonna start to feel dizzy and pass out…........I’m kidding…, Jessica. ................ Ya know, when cops show up at a rape scene and a girl has marks on her leg, that’s usually rug burn from falling on the floor.” That’s the only part that made me feel unconfoetable, but other then that, it was just a joke, and he doesn’t do anything weird when we hang out. Sometimes he acts more distant at his place, then he did at work. Another thing is my mom had me watch a show, 13 Reasons why, with rape in it, at the end credits the cast talks about the show and one of the charecters Justin Fulley, stated that, “Ya know, most of the time guys ask all these sex questions and they think their gonna find out all the details and just go for it and it’s like, no. ... Begin it with, “She needs to say YES first.” (Which is something he did, he wanted to find out all the details when we first talked, and then he told me it was his brother texting me). Also, he seems like he wants to just go for it, eapecially since he told me in the past, “Don’t you want it to happen a different way?”
Sometimes people see things from an outside prespective that you don’t see, like friends. And I am REALLY struggling to see this, but I question it. The fact I question it, means it’s a gut. Sometimes your mind has a way of telling you things. So I know something’s up and connects to the warnings I get, and I know something is off, and doesn’t feel right, but I REALLY DON’T know, and mostly because he hasn’t asked for sex again yet, but you don’t know the future, and I know not to put it past him. I even asked my two friends from my new job, one who has met him, “Do you think he’ll even ask?” they said, “YES! You’ll find out eventually, you REALLY wanna know. Go to his place.” I told him I can’t just show up there. My mom has even warned me this year not to ever go to a guys place, but that we all have our free will, and sometimes God allows a situation, in order for you to learn, but sometimes he sends an angel to stop you from making a mistake, and how everyone has common sence. Which I find another coincedence. Also 1) This guy would kind of sneak up behind me and stand too close at work (trying to feel that a** lol) – which is a sign of a sexual predator & he flirted with a lot of girls (often times they will find victim after victim) 2) Sometimes he seems controlling, and like he has anger issues – which is another sign of abuse. Also rape is about power and control, it can be someone using violence. No one knows what he can do in the moment, or anyone for that matter, if they get mad (and if he is really f***** in the head like Mike said, that’s another thing to watch out for). I could be wrong.
Reason being I don’t underatand it is because we are on good terms again, and have talked about sex happening again, and I don’t get it because if my gut feeling, and my friends feeling is on point, then I don’t get how it’s rape because I want it to happen. He has said he wants it just to happen, if it happens (which again isn’t valid consent), but if I want it, then I don’t get how it’s rape. Then again I know giving money to a guy can manipulate your emotions, and is a bad idea, so I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes I feel like I wouldn’t have sex with him again (mainly because I don’t want to get hurt). But maybe emotionally, I want to still talk to him and see him, and mentally I wouldn’t have sex with him again. So maybe that’s how it wouldn’t be valid.
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