Could you give me some advice concerning one of our own?

I think I want to respond something like this:

I appreciate your request but I don’t really know who you are and what your motivation is. Above all I don’t know if Winston / Baron would want me to share his stories. I’m sorry. It’s just not my decision to make.

Wow, that’s a toughie. I think what you have in mind to write is a good start. If it is his brother, maybe he will let you know. If it’s him (which I seriously doubt) I don’t think he’d ask for his own writing, he already knows what he said.

If it turns out that it’s someone else (besides one of his family members) like a curious, disgruntled Fluther member, or another curious disgruntled person who feels like EC was less than honest with them, and they want to use his writings against his memory, I would feel very less inclined to share anything with them.

I’m not sure how you would be able to verify who the person is.

I think your idea is good, @Dutchess_III, if his brother has access to his accounts, then he probably has access to whatever he wrote. I doubt it would be anyone “disgruntled”, it’s unlikely that they would be able to access the private messaging system of his account.
If it is EC himself, unless he sent you the only hard copies of his stuff, he would also have access to the accounts…

Hmmm, the “hello again” seems like the person has talked to you before. I don’t think it’s EC either. I think what you are thinking of saying is perfectly fine.
I also don’t see it as someone trying to get stuff on EC.

Just the writing style suggests it’s not EC….but good writers can write badly.
I had sent Winston an email after I got the word, and this person responded, telling me had had died. I asked him to tell me a little about Winston but he never replied after that, until now.
Maybe they’re have some sort of legal battle and think the stories could help their case? Although I don’t think he had anything to battle over…but I don’t really know.

I just don’t have a comfortable feeling about it.

@Dutchess_III If you don’t feel comfortable, then don’t respond. If you feel like you’d like to but need more info, ask for it. I wouldn’t send anything that a friend wrote of a personal nature to someone I don’t know.

Most Jellies who knew him got plenty of their own writings from him so I would highly doubt it is one of us.

Well, it must be someone who knows him well enough to have access to his account info….

True. In that case, I’d be kind of curious and try to find out more about them. It’s quite odd because who would have his password?

Well, if he left his browser open. Even if he closed it, if he has it set to automatically log him in, you don’t need a password.

Some Jellies write that it probably isn’t EC himself.
Could that be questioned then even?
Did he not pass away, or is that not sure?

Word has it he did.

@rebbel, there is a theory that he might have simply “killed” his persona after it was outed as false. The evidence of his death is vague. He may, or may not, still be alive.

Well, I wish he’d be alive and come back here and tell us more stories.

You could be up front. Tell them you don’t feel comfortable with the interaction. Tell them to leave you alone, or you will pursue legal help.

Do we even know if EC actually had a brother? With the level of catfishery employed by EC, he may have known some other dishonest characters. It would be wise to cut off all ties from him. Remember him, as we did, and move on. If he comes back alive, that’s a different story…

I think he’s legit. I’m actually going to try and get some info out of him before I decide.

And you guys…he really did die.

Seek here – I’ve spoken with this person as well and confirmed his existence and relation with public records. You’d be amazed at how easy it is to find a paper trail on people in certain states.

My recommendation to Dutchess was to refer him to a page on my site where EC had posted some unfinished work for peer critique. Since those items were posted publicly with his knowledge and consent, it’s reasonable to assume he is OK with it being read.

I wouldn’t give him anything sent through email or anything else that required a password to access. If he has access already, then he doesn’t need our help to dig it up.

@MrGrimm888 this person contacted several people of us to announce EC’s passing. And like Seek said, he is a real person. So @Dutchess_III doesn’t have to worry about being catfished again.

But I never felt catfished.

Catfishing wasn’t my concern. My concern is that we do not know this person, or their intentions. This person could be using our trust of EC, to manipulate us for their own gain…

@MrGrimm888 I have my concern too. So we should just do like Seek, giving him access to EC’s public posts and end there.

As far as Fluther posts are concerned: do we know if EC’s family knew about his account here? If not, we usually like to keep that private. If he didn’t want his family to know about it during his life and didn’t tell them before he died, then it’s not really our place to say “here’s a bunch of stuff he wrote under a pseudonym and never told you about!” If they do know about his Fluther account, then it might be appropriate to link this person to a few of your favorite EC answers (presumably, some of the longer ones containing the type of story the person is asking about). You definitely should not share private messages.

Other sites might not have the same policies or concerns, but it does seem like a pretty good guideline to follow across the board if you’re looking for general advice in how to deal with this sort of situation.

Interesting.
I communicated with EC frequently, but never through facebook.
Nobody has attempted to contact me.
If someone had his various accounts information, they would know more.
If all they have is a single fb acount, something stinks.

I only found him on FB a few weeks before he died.

I suspect he only joined after leaving Fluther. He hadn’t been on it long.

It’s his old account from 2012. He didn’t use it until 2017 when he needed it to connect with his friend.

So how did you handle this @Dutchess_III ?

Well, I just sent a message asking “Who is this?” I was hoping to open a dialog to talk about EC, just to learn a little more and to get a feel for why they wanted that information. But they haven’t responded.
I just feel like it’s not my place to make that decision for EC. Yes, the information may be available on public forums, but I think all of us post here, and on the Tide Pool, with some feeling of privacy.

@Dutchess_III Sounds like good thinking!

Just trying to consider what I would want others to do on my behalf.

Well just my two cents worth on this bizzare incident- I’d tell the person as politely and diplomatically as possible that you dont feel comfortable giving them any info, sans a VERIFIABLE I.D. If the person is a relative of the deceased they should be ok with that. If it’s just some flake trying to stir up trouble you likely won’t hear anymore from them anyway.

This mystery is giving me a headache. That’s what I get for trying to play Perry Mason.

Problem is, relatives can also be our worst enemies. I know that in the past my sister gleefully spread misinformation about me in a desperate attempt to make me appear stupid, and herself appear to be smart.

I don’t imagine that there’s any way you can verify anything about this person.

No, not really @canidmajor. But you can try to get a feel for what they are like. That’s about all we can get from anyone. But he hasn’t responded so that tells me a little something something.

I think its some jerkweed trying to cause issues for whatever reason. I just think a relative might be more open and above board, you know? Like hey EC was my brother my name is blah blah, I understand he was a member of your site, the family would appreciiate more info on his activities, blah blah.. I mean if one of my siblings passed away and I wanted to know more about her online activity, I wouldn’t be playing stupid mystery man games on Face Space or whatever y’all call that thing. Fuk the games just give me the brass tacks on my sis. Something about this stinks to me. More so because of all the controversy. I know I’m a Johnny Come Lately to all of this, but I didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday. Proceed with caution Dutch.

He did say in his original message that EC was his brother and gave me his name. It all checked out OK.
He just doesn’t strike me as being any where near as smart or creative as EC.
I wouldn’t want my sister to have information on me that I never meant for her to see.

Agreed. If you think it’s cool I’ll trust your judgement, you’re an intelligent lady. I still think you should use a little discretion until you’re 99% sure this guy is on the level. Kay?

How does it “check out”? I could easily impersonate a number of people I know if it was to strangers. The same sources you look at are available to everybody on the internet.

All good I guess then. Except the Republican part. My bad.

But my point is that anybody could trace those facts and pretend that they are EC’s brother. You yourself pointed out that if he left his browser open anybody could have access to his accounts.
But hey, believe what you want, do what you want.

And why are you so sure that EC, who fabricated so much for so long so well didn’t simply appropriate someone else’s identity to start with? Some on the internet, he finds the same information that seek did and used that as an identity base?

But really, this has been done to death. The stories are fiction, release them or not, it’s your call.

Don’t worry about it @canidmajor. It’s water under the bridge.

I found it disconcerting how much personal information one can find, just by googling the e-mail address.
Full name, age, address, previous addresses, phone number, previously used phone numbers, AND a list of possible relatives.

Google sells that info to everyone who comes down the pike.

You know who the worst offender is? The IRS! I started receiving all kinds of telemarketing calls a few years ago. It was annoying so I tracked it down…the IRS, of all people, gave out my number. I had to call the IRS and tell them to STAPH! And they did. And so did the calls.

Now that surprises me. Probably shouldn’t but it does.

It surprised the hell out of me.

@Dutchess_III
From the site I linked you to:
“Cubib is transforming the world of public data because we have a simple purpose: to make United States public data available to everyone, free of charge. Our public information search includes people search, marketing data, property records, vehicle records, court records, patents, business registration, domain name registration, and white house visitation records. We collect, collate, and search through the data, to find the information relevant to you. Run a search for yourself, a friend, or celebrity today!”
Insane that they are granted access to all of that.

What site did you link me to? I did a search and I don’t see where you posted a site.

The PM I sent you a few days ago.

I’m a bit late to this party, but if it were me I’d “unfriend” the individual, block them, and ignore the text.

In the “just in case” category, if anybody asks anything about me after I die, and say they’re family, give them nothing but a finger.

EC knew where family members were, and how to reach his online friends. If he wanted anyone to have any specific thoughts, writings, or property, he would have seen to it.

^That’s plausible…

Dutch. You should ghost this person. And stop eating Crisco…

Lol @ MrGrimm888. Yea don’t know about the Crisco thing she worries me sometimes ; )

Yeah. A Crisco dipper! Just when you think you know somebody…

LOL! Guys! I haven’t eaten Crisco in, like, 27….days! But now I’m getting a craving so stop!!

I appreciate the input. I’ll just let it sit where it is.

Oh wow, I wouldn’t tell anyone I don’t know anything. Good luck.

But after viewing that pic, she was a cutie pie of a little girl. Her can eat crisco her want to. And why am I talking baby talk about an adult woman?

Because you’re a jelly @NomoreY_A! We jellies are rather odd and unpredictable. Would you like some Crisco, instead of butter, on your pancakes? (Turn out the lights ‘cause I don’t wanna see.)

When I pass away please don’t post my siblings entire names, city, state and political affiliation. M’kay? Thanks. They didn’t sign up for Fluther.

Tough call. About 12 years ago a young online friend died . A couple of us had met him and his wife – gone out for a meal or two. Two of us visited him in the hospital in the days before he died.

We were asked to go to the temple and the gravesite as well as to sit shiva with the family. Our mutual friend printed pages and pages and pages of C’s online postings. I was asked to read one of his poems from a poetry development thread at the gravesite.

Friends and family who did not know C’s online life thanked us for coming and sharing. They sat down and read his work. It was a true celebration of all sides of C’s life.

We participated in the unveiling of the tombstone and read there as well.

Other online friends sent stones for us to place on the tombstone.

I was honoured to be part of all of it – C’s life, death and the mourning process.

__

If I thought it would help EC’s family in any way to learn about his life at Fluther, I would help them with that process.

I’m not suggesting I know what any of you would/should use to determine that, but it’s how I’d be looking at it.

^Good points. In this case, the jelly in question created a false persona. To what degree he misled us, from his real life we may never know. I know that I will simply remember him as who he portrayed himself as.

For his real family, the distribution of EC’s work here could be throwing out EC’s dirty laundry. If we brought shame on him, that’d make me feel pretty shitty. As far as I know, he never intended any of us harm, and his compassion was real.

Such things are subjective, and are probably best handled case by case. Until we get a Fluther will section…

In the case I describe, his friends/family didn’t know the person his online community did. Everyone got a fuller picture of a wonderful man when the two sides were put together.

As is often said – ymmv.

^I wasn’t disagreeing with you.

@MrGrimm888 I love the fluther will option, great idea!!

^Maybe there should be a “right to share” option. Like with medical documents. I know that seems like a bit much, but it clearly is an issue. I don’t think I’ve said anything I wouldn’t have elsewhere here. I haven’t misrepresented myself. So. I guess I wouldn’t care if I passed away, if people had access to my posts here.

I would be upset, if say a potential employer could view my posts. I don’t want my opinions to be a variable in my hiring. And they shouldn’t be.

@MrGrimm888 One of the reasons people come here is to get answers anonymously. If we create friendships that’s great, but not really the purpose. For me, I’ve been honest enough that I wouldn’t want friends and family to see my answers, so I would be a definate no on sharing anything except ‘she was a nice gal, I enjoyed her friendship’....that kind of thing. I do have to say that several people on here are my fb friends so if I end up dead, I’d appreciate someone deleting my profile instead of leaving it up, like some who are still on here but have passed away.

Maybe anyone who has preferences should post it on their profile page.
Social media being the youngster it is, some of these things are new turf.

EC seemed paranoid about privacy. It surprises me that he did fb.

Man, next fad wave…
Cyberprobate.

Do mods have any say on this from site rules point of view?

When I die, feel free to post any private information about my relatives you like.
I will be too dead to care.

I’ll second ragingloli on that. Once I’m gone I don’t care what people say or do. If I’m still cognizant on the other side lf the vale and find it offensive I’ll just come back and haunt you a spell.

@imrainmaker [Mod says] Our policy is to remove all references to the deceased user’s real persona (such as full names), unless the user has stated other wishes fairly recently. We’re pretty cautious about this.

Thanks @longgone for making it clear.!

^ Sure thing.

That is written in very poor English which also may be a clue that it is not really Crow’s brother.

Yep. It sounded foreign.

I got the same message.

I’m bit surprised by this. If they can get into his phone / computer how hard would it be for them to know about his Fluther account? I’m not sure what’s he up to? I would suggest you to stop interacting with them any further.

I think it’s worded odd as well. You can Google the phone number. It may give you some info. I maintain my original position, that this is something nefarious…

@Mama_Cakes Hi! That’s interesting. 727 is a Florida area code but I didn’t have the impression he lived near any relatives.

Since we really don’t have any actual facts about Crow’s life, if you wanted you could write and tell him that we only knew his online persona and don’t have anything to pass on about his real life.

Although I tend to think that not engaging makes the most sense.

Some people on Fluther told me that they have phoned the number. They said the number is legit and that person is really a sibling of EC. They confirmed all the information EC gave us on Fluther. He was honest about his early life, his early career, his family… But about some years ago he lost his job and money and had to live in that ugly appartment in horrible condition with an abusive landlord. That was when the island story began.

He chose to lead a reclusive life after falling into poverty and he didn’t keep in touch with his siblings. No one knew he was dead until a brother found his orbituary and contacted the rest of the family. This is the reason why his siblings are in the dark of his activities.

Sad situation. But maybe the dust will settle on the speculation now.

So many friends, so much family.
Damn. Still died alone. Damn.

I know. Really ironic in a tragic sense.

[Mod Says] Please do not share the personal information of people who have not given you permission to do so (and in this case, who have never even signed up for Fluther). Thanks!

I hear and I obey! I’m trying to get more information out of him though.

He posted a formal death notice on Facebook using Winston’s account.