Atheists: would you tell the spouse of a dying friend that there is no such thing as God or Heaven, when they take comfort in "knowing" where their spouse is "going"?

I’m not an aetheist, I’m an agnostic. There is absolutely no reason to suggest to a person in your friend’s situation that there is no God or heaven, or whatever it is they believe that gives them comfort while watching a loved one die.

There either is or isn’t a God. But telling that person (because you believe one way or the other) doesn’t change whether there is a God or not.

Better to err on the side of compassion in this type if situation.

There are plenty of other venues and situations where a person can debate their beliefs about, or lack thereof, God.

Why on Earth would one choose this time to debate religion? It shows a lack of compassion and feelings. No one has the right to tell another how to believe or whether to believe.

This situation is a real good time to keep your mouth shut.

Let the person deal with death in his/her own way.

I agree 100%. I don’t think I know of someone who would be so mindlessly cruel…but I think I’ve brushed up against some.

One time, at one of my husband’s yearly reunions, before we ate, they asked us to bow our heads in prayer. We all did…except I noticed on young man who defiantly kept his head up, eyes open, and scowling some, like, “Look at all these idiots.” I wanted to slap him.

“One time, at one of my husband’s yearly reunions, before we ate, they asked us to bow our heads in prayer. We all did…except I noticed on young man who defiantly kept his head up, eyes open, and scowling some, like, “Look at all these idiots.””
Sounds like me. Except, I would have shaken my head, too. If I was in a bad mood, an audible groan, as well.
Congratulations to him for showing extreme restraint during such a farce.

Didn’t you ask this already a month or so ago?

No. I wouldn’t use phrases like “he’s in a better place” without being prompted, but if the grieving party said things like that, I would just nod and give him/her a hug.

In some cases, grief overpowers everything else. I’ve never believed in God, but when my dog died, accepting that she’s gone forever was simply too hard. I tried to force myself to believe it, but I couldn’t. I still can’t. I’ve decided to let the matter rest and revisit it at a later point, when I’m feeling better. For now, I’ll just entertain the feeling that she’s happy…whether she exists or not.

Forcing reality on someone who’s trying to protect themselves in the only way they know how is cruel.

Sorry to hear about your friend.

I still pray sometimes. It is comforting.

Thanks. It’s heartbreaking.

Only if asked.

Of course not.

Just got the call that he passed at 2:45 today. I knew we should have gone out there today. I just can’t believe how fast he crashed. The last thing he said to me just last Saturday was “Will you and Rick come see me in a couple weeks?” He could barely talk, think or function then.
This is so sad.

Thanks for listening guys…

No, I wouldn’t.

Nodding and smiling at talk of going to a better place is no more an affirmation of Christianity (or any other religion) than calling the fifth day of the week “Thursday” is an affirmation of Norse paganism. It’s part of a social ritual aimed at comforting the dying and those around them. It is no more hypocritical for an atheist to say nod and smile than it is for them to say “bless you” when someone sneezes (another social ritual, though one that is more about politeness than comfort).

If someone asks for my honest opinion about their religious beliefs, I’ll give it. If they voluntarily take part in a conversation about such topics or assert their views in a public discussion forum (like Fluther), then disputing their views is fair game. And if they use their views as justification for forcing others to think or act as they think appropriate, a public debate is the least they should expect. But comforting a dying person or their relatives fits none of those scenarios, and it costs us nothing to be kind in such moments.

From past experience I would tell you I would not. Times like these are for bringing comfort to those who need it, not causing unnecessary pain and conflict.

I’m so sorry @Dutchess_III that you missed seeing him one more time. Now go do something to honor his memory, and help his bereaved wife : )

That’s really all you can do at this point.

I’m an agnostic-atheist, which means that I don’t believe in a higher power, but I also can’t prove or disprove the existence of God.

To answer the question, there is absolutely no way I would criticize or even mention my lack of a belief in God or Heaven. It’s cruel.

I would not express my beliefs. If the person gathered from my silence on the subject that I am a believer, so be it. If I were asked point blank what my belief is, I would feel compelled to tell the truth, though I would probably try to redirect the conversation.

Wow, I’m in a busy airport and misread the question. I originally thought the question asked if Atheists would ever mention their beliefs to the person on their death bed.

Personally, I wouldn’t mention my beliefs to the spouse of the bereaved, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to mention that they’re in heaven.

However, I don’t think it would be a bad thing to mention, “He lived a good life. Now he’s at peace.”

I read a horror story (to me it was a horror story) about a woman’s boyfriend telling the woman’s mother, on her deathbed, that there was no such thing as heaven or hell. So you didn’t really misread it @rockfan. There was that underlying. After I read that horror story I think I asked a question similar to this one, as @janbb, pointed out.

But yesterday I came face to face with the same thing, only I was talking to the wife of a man who was literally on his death bed. When we bandied back and forth about what was waiting for him in heaven I thought “Maybe I’m wrong to enter into the fantasy?” But I don’t think so.

Well, he’s out on his boat, fishing now, for all eternity. I don’t know what do do about the (something) well house though. I can’ imagine they have well houses in heaven but you never know.

I have mentioned in a previous thread about attending a funeral for a friends daughter. She was a member of the evangelical church where the service was held, her parents were not and were of a different denomination.

During the service the preacher spoke of how she was with her Lord and in a better place, etc. all the platitudes designed to bring comfort to believers but then, for some reason known only to himself and his god, also decided to throw in a jab at her parents as to how, if they ever expected to see their daughter again in heaven they needed to change their ways and their religion otherwise, it wasn’t going to happen. (Not those exact words)
It brought the mother to tears.

A few months on I asked my friend about the incident, just to see if perhaps I had misinterpreted what I had heard and he confirmed that he and his wife had also gotten that same message.

To this day I still wonder why someone would do something like this.

Oh God. How cruel. I guess some people are too selfish to recognize their own cruelty.

Other than theoretical discussions of religion, I pretty much handle it like talking to people with Alzheimers. Let them believe/think what they want. Smile/nod/encourage them to be happy. Dance with them. Say pretty much nothing about my own feelings/beliefs unless pushed really hard on it.